Planning a vacation with your spouse? Well this might help

Planning a vacation together can often be a daunting challenge. Especially when one spouse likes to rough it all and the other prefers unreasonable (!!!) luxuries like toilets, showers, and cable TV. So what's a couple to do? Well, they can take separate trips. Or they can negotiate and sign on the dotted line. This agreement that I have thought of, can help you save your marriage from a ruthless divorce at the end of the vacation.

AGREEMENT, entered into this _________, 20__ by Husband and Wife (or Boy firned and Girl Friend).

(Note: Gay and Lesbian partners may also follow this if their choice pattern is similar to that assumed here)

WHEREAS, Husband's ideal vacation requires hiking boots, compasses, sleeping bags, and knapsacks and doesn't cost a dime;
WHEREAS, Wife's ideal vacation requires a five star resort;
WHEREAS, Husband is a spontaneous kind of guy who likes to pick his trips by throwing a coin onto a trail map;
WHEREAS, Wife is a planning freak who makes reservations a year and a half in advance after conducting six months of research; and
WHEREAS, Husband and Wife haven't taken a vacation in years and believe it might be time to compromise.
NOW, THEREFORE, Husband and Wife agree to the following weekend trip provisions:

1. Exactly one month from today, Husband and Wife shall drive to a Resort listed in one of Wife's pocket notebooks. The name of the Resort must be known and heard off amongst Wife's "social networking connections" and the resort have to have a website, tweeter and Facebook account. Accommodations shall be chosen via the "eenie, meenie, minie, moe" method of selection.
2. Wife may, if she so chooses, call for reservations. If none are available, another inn/resort shall be chosen via coin toss, even though Husband would much prefer to wing it.
3. Once a destination has been selected, Husband and Wife shall mark their route on the map. Husband agrees to occasionally follow the map, provided Wife limits bathroom stops to one per hour.
4. Packing for their two day stay shall be directed by Wife, who agrees not to demand for more than one week's supply of clothing. The packing however will be done by the husaband under wife's supervision.
5. Husband shall have the car tuned up prior to their trip and shall fill the gas tank right before leaving. Any breakdowns caused by Husband's forgetting to do same shall entitle Wife to a real vacation.
6. Husband promises that throughout the drive he shall not exceed the speed limit by more than 100 km per hour. Additionally, he shall not brake abruptly unless he sees a deer, and shall refrain from all careening type activity. Wife shall not scream, moan, grunt, or groan, or otherwise engage in back-seat driving, except in the event of excessive lurching. Notwithstanding the foregoing, if she finds herself thrown onto Husband's lap, she may badger him as much as she wants to.
7. Wife shall act as official navigator, and Husband acknowledges that it's possible to turn left when Wife says to, without sacrificing his masculinity. Additionally, Wife may periodically advise husband to be alert for a particular landmark. This shall not be deemed an invitation to accelerate and speed through the next seventeen intersections.
8. Both parties acknowledge that they'll probably get lost. Husband concedes in advance that it isn't Wife's fault even though she's the official navigator. Wife concedes in advance that it isn't Husband's fault, even though he turned right or left only when he felt like it.
9. Husband acknowledges that he can ask a gas station attendant for directions without looking like a weenie. And that it is absolutely ok to ask for directions if you are clueless
10. In the event Husband and Wife manage to reach their destination before the end of the weekend, they agree to resume speaking as soon as they've unpacked.
11. Wife agrees to accompany husband on one hike during the course of the weekend. Said hike shall not exceed two hours and shall be canceled if there is more than a 30% chance of showers. The steepness of the trail shall be subject to further negotiations.
12. In exchange for the hike, Husband agrees to attend an art auction. Wife promises not to purchase or explain any of the paintings, and Husband need not pretend to like them.
13. The trip home shall be conducted in a manner consistent with Paragraphs 6 through 9, except that Husband shall navigate and Wife shall drive, and both shall be authorized to get even.

SIGNATURES: _______________ (HUSBAND) _______________ (WIFE)