Root Canal... the name itself is scary!

God created man (and woman too). Then he created teeth. Then he created dentists and told them, "Go and wreck havoc on Earth. Create imaginary gum diseases, endorse tar-tasting toothpastes". The dentists obliged. They were happy for some time, then they got greedy. They all went back to God and said, "Dude, we cant seem to find enough problems. People are eating healthy, living a healthy lifestyle and their teeth are in perfect health n shape. Help us out!" Then God created... chocolates...and indulged people into bad eating habits... result?... Tooth decay...followed by... Root Canal treatment.

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Scene I : Nov'2009

The dentist began talking even before he saw my x-ray.

Dentist: Your quadrilateral third molar is impacted. We need to extract it.

It took me sometime to realize that I HAD NOT accidentally walked into a car body shop.

Me: What does it mean?

Dentist: We need to remove one tooth of yours that is "in the process of decaying".

Me: If it hasn't decayed now, then why NOW?

Dentist: Because my wife is nagging for a cruise vacation for a long time now.

Me: Huh???

Dentist: I mean *medical mumbo-jumbo*...followed by more *medical mumbo-jumbo*... followed by Ramsay brothers' movies' scary dialogues...ultimately this "may decay in the next 25 years" tooth is doing obscene things to the next tooth in line.

Me: But, I dont feel any pain or am not uncomfortable at all.

Dentist: Thats why we need to remove this immediately (otherwise it may never cause a problem...and I would never be able to go on a cruise trip)

Me: But why extract?

Dentist: Because then I can charge you for tooth extraction, and further charge you more for tooth replacement. Am sure at 34 you would not want to have 31 teeth in place of 32?

Me: Huh???!!! :-((((((( Well, Mr. Dentist, please tell me if there is any other way to deal with this problem, otherwise let me take a second opinion and I shall come back to you later.

Dentist: (Oh no! If not cruise, I have to take my wife to Puri during the next Durga Puja. In anycase I am having burnt toast every morning for breakfast for the last 9 months!) Ok, what we can do is, we can go in for a Root Canal Treatment. We will not extract the entire tooth, but will fill it in with some un-used cement that I have from building that huge wall around my house to stop people from throwing brickts at me. And then we will cover it up with a crowning that will keep that tooth immortal till the day you die.

Me: Fine. How long will it take?

Dentist: (Calculating in his pocket calculator)...Not more than 5-6 sittings.

Me: Ok, fine.

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Scene II : 27th July'2010

The rest they say is history. That 5-6 sittings ran almost 10 months long. Today I sit with half my face swollen like a football Messi kicked atleast 500 times!. My mouth 1 tooth lighter(technically yes, as Mr. Dentist dug out all my God given tooth and in its place now sits a cement lump) and my pocket, many thousands. The emotional turmoil I went through in the last 10 months is not worth mentioning in blogs...I can write an epic on that and will keep that task for retirement days. My friends ask me, whay am I not doing this root canal treatment for othet "in the process of decaying" teeth as well. Well to answer them... I dont know. My doctor didnt tell me to. May be the doctor is using my mouth like a little savings account. Other teeth will come in handy when his wife demands the next cruise, or a diamond necklace. He didnt give up though. Last night when I ssaid "Good bye Doctor"...all he replied was... no no, no Good bye...you are coming here next week as I need to drill some more teeth to save you from pain 20 years later.

Once beaten, twice shy. Once robbed of a tooth, twice as clever... I jus smiled and said to myslef...I wish your wife all the cruises she ever dreams of...but not at MY EXPENSE!!!