Men will be men...

I accept I have led a very sheltered and protected existance. I accpet that I have never heard of the phrase "five second rule" until most men I know started using it as an excuse to eat any crumb, portion of edible treat that just dropped on the floor. Apparently most men, almost 99.99% of them believe that if you drop food on the floor and pick it up really really fast, then its absolutely safe to eat! They assume that the germs politely wait for five seconds, before they attach themselves to the goodies scattered on the floor. In fact, the belief is so widespread amongst them, that some scientists, who apparently didnt have anything better to do with their time, actually studied the issue. And yes, by the way, they concluded that the rule IS NOT valid.

By the way...did you really need me or those scientists to tell you that?! And I keep wondering how the scientists figured out this most difficult thing? I mean did they live on morsel off the ground for years as their experiment? Well, I dont know and neither am I interested to find that out. But I hope and pray, that all men I know and dont may stop eating food from the ground someday... but then, when will that day come?

Another great characteristic feature of men is that they are so very predictable in their roles as "HUSBAND". A man and a woman can agree almost on everything, but marry one of them, and the HUSBAND in him starts objecting everything that you do!...and that you dont! From temperature setting in AC to the remote control of the TV, they want to control it all. Irrespective of whether they have ever hold a cricket bat in their hand, or kicked a football in their life, they have to watch each and every match on the TV, more so when you have your serial coming up! Whats more, come weekend, and all they can think of is sprawling in front of that giant sports-spewing screen, devouring couch potato chips. Some of the sports he watches, I never knew they existed and wonder whether the satellite has caught some alien channels from some distant planet!

Another thing I just love in them is their jokes which are so very predictable, that you almost know from the beginning when to laugh! And they love to joke about women driving. As if its some rare skill that only men are capable of doing. Like I have heard of this "woman" umpteen number of times from many men...she is the WOMAN who drives her car while SHE is doing her make up, and looking at herself in the rear mirror, holding a conversation over the phone, and sometimes even muching on an apple while driving! Multitasking at its best, HER only agenda in life is to hit the car before her. 99.99% of men have a dent on their cars caused by this mysterious WOMAN and she has been observed driving this recklessly in all the cities in India atleast. I heard people complaining and joking about her in Kolkata, in Delhi, in Bangalore and where not! For the greater interest of the entire human race, I think this WOMAN needs to be caught and her driving license should get cancelled at once. Whats more she should be given a lifetime ban on appliying make up and having apple.

And till the time we can nail her down, can we sincerely request our male friends to come up with some different jokes on the driving skill of women please?

Nightmare

I had a nightmare last night, and am scared and lonesome to face it,
It seemed so true and gave me creeps...
I was alone fighting the devils, was lacking courage and grit
Was amongst corpses and demons, my morale was losing grips

I looked for help, and I offered to God my prayers
Help there was none, and God was firm
"This is what happens when you hurt others"
He said, "Now pay for all the wrongs you have done"

I looked for you, incase you were there, my heart said you would save me
I looked around and found you atlast
You were amongst the corpse, I was shocked to see
You were lying still as dead, I was aghast!

"How can I help you, for you have killed me with your venom", you said
"Day in and day out, hurting me and crushing me too"
"I dont feel any pain for you, for now I am dead"
"Am free from all the pain and misery, caused by you"

Thats when I realized what I have done, to satisfy my fake ego
Never ever appreciating all the little things you did
In pursuit of my false pride, I let you go
Am now reaping the sour fruits of my deed

I want to apologize, my love for all the things that I have done
I want to tell you now I know for sure
What happens when all you look for, is love but get none
And get pushed away by all to a land obscure

All you wanted was a little comfort, a hand to hold you firm
And tell you, "Dont worry, I'm there"
"Fail if you may, its ok by me, there is no harm"
"Together we shall succeed for sure, even if its late and meagre"

I want to tell you how I overlooked all the small steps you took
For I was thinking big and fair
Overlooking your success, measured in your units
Pushing you hard towards despair

You must have cried, but I didnt see your tears
You did plead, but none I heard
You must have been scared, but I overlooked your fears
In order to fulfil my principles, I had your dreams all scattered.

I salute you for your courage today, though I always called you coward
For someone to bear all these and more,
You faced all condenmation and yet always showered
Your unconditional love to me galore

I woke up from my sleep and the nightmare did end
But it gave me a new start
The wrongs I did, I have to mend
Only that will purify my heart

You are gone, and I dont blame you for going away
I cant undo what has been done
Sorry is a word that we often dont get to say
To people who have left us and gone

The "sorry" stays with me like a promise to the Father
Never to hurt anyone again
We shall meet for sure, either in this world or the other
Its so long, till then....

Twin Flame

Deep in the heart of every human being, lies the knowledge of his/her twin flame or soul mate, perhaps covered by the dust accumulated for years due to the disappointments of Earthly relationship experiences. Whether or not we agree, the awareness of this twin flame relationship becomes of primary importance to every human being. It is one of the major keys to our awakening to the heart at the micro level and to the transformation of Earth at the macro level. In the human spiritual “genome” is a code of Love, activated by opening to the soul mate that will help us to embody Love on Earth and change our world to a peaceful, loving place. Would there be strife if each one of us were truly in Love? Think about it. In today’s life, Love has more been associated with GETTING rather than GIVING. The spiritual path to Love, on the contrary, is all about selfless giving. It’s need of the time now to change our view of relationship and to begin exploring Love from giving, from the heart.

I read somewhere that we human beings are all cells in the heart of God. And each of these cells has two parts – one masculine and one feminine. This two-part cell is the original “Adam and Eve” of creation – the manifested form of God’s love. This is not about gender on Earth, but about charges of the electricity of love. As the embodiment of God's Love, as pieces of God's heart, we are not only made in the image of God and living within God's heart but we are actively creative as is God. Our thoughts are active and are creating our life at every moment. However, we can only create at our level of understanding that is formed in our MIND. The difference between living from the mind (limited) and living from the heart (unlimited) is precisely the difference between EGO (getting) and SPIRIT (giving). Thoughts in mind are always formed and accompanied by fear, lack, greed and aggression. In contrast, as we learn to shift to the level of true feeling in the heart, we begin to manifest “heart love”. We begin to experience life through the heart’s intelligence rather than through the more limited MIND or EGO. “Maya” or “Illusion” is what our mind perceives. The Real World, the God’s world can only be experienced by letting go of our ego and raising ourselves by opening our hearts. It’s only then that we will understand the concept of Twin Flame or Soul Mate.

Our Twin Flame has always been with us but until we reach a certain openness of heart, we cannot perceive him/her. When we ask God's help to open our hearts to our Soul Mate, the molecules which make up our ever moving energy field go into motion and the reflection on Earth of the Twin Flame with whom we were created actively moves toward us. We do not have to go anywhere or do anything special. As we become Love, that love will show itself in us and we will literally call and draw our Twin Flame towards us. Look with the eyes of your heart; you will recognize your soul mate. As we grow on the Soul Mate path, we understand that the person in front of us will always reflect to us perfectly the state of our Love, the state of our heart. The Law of Resonance is the most basic law of spiritual attraction -- "like attracts like." In our relationship, then, we are able to see immediately if we are living from the heart or from the ego because our partner will reflect this back to us. I have experienced this in my life. When I gave more importance to ego, I got back the same from my partner. Next time when you complain about your relationship and/or partner, close your eyes and think twice. Do you do the similar things that you are complaining about? I can assure you if you are honest to yourself, the answer will be positive. If you want more Love, what is the practical (and spiritual) thing to do? Give more Love. God asks us to look within ourselves deeply and honestly. Are we truly open to Love? It takes a strong person with a great desire for Love to admit feeling closed to Love.

As a couple in a relationship makes the decision to choose Love, to open their hearts, their relationship will transform. The decision to live from the heart, to put the other person first, must be made again and again and again, on a daily basis. As Love becomes the priority, the couple's lives will shift dramatically. Then the Soul Mate relationship is realized and Love becomes a living reality. This turns on that genetic Twin Flame code within which awakens us into our true state – the Love that brings us Home. It does not matter if someone “looks within” or “looks outside” themselves. It only matters that they are opening their heart to Love. And if they are, their Twin Flame would be there. The Soul Mate is the Heart -- The heart of Love -- The heart of life. For the Soul Mate is the truth of you, the truth of your own great heart. Twin Flames of Love creating the portal, the vessel, the Holy Grail of Love through which all things are nourished.

The first and foremost key in the awakening of humanity is the realization of Soul Mate. Do you know how you say that two people fit together like lock and key? The turning of that key in that lock becomes the opening, the cracking of the seed... It becomes the moment when what you are gives way to what you will become. I cannot tell you how profound this is, but your heart will tell you. There truly are no words for this miracle of Love. The miracle for which all of your journeys have prepared you -- all of your lives, all of your lessons, all of the things you have built and stored over the centuries in the special treasure chest of your Highest Self, awaiting the moment when all is ready. The moment when you are ready, when your Soul Mate is ready, and when humanity is ready. The longing for Love that is within most of us is not a weakness. Our longing for Love is placed in our hearts by God. It is our divine call. It is the spiritual desire for our true home, for our right and real relationship with Him and with our true Love. It’s only a matter of time that we realize this universal fact and accept it with an open heart. Sooner or later, this is the path every human being has to take. Love makes everything right in our world, not because it is a fantasy, but because it brings us back in touch with Almighty.

When you fall in Love you can see these connections. You are able to feel the life in everything. You find compassion for others because your heart is open. Love is not a fantasy. Love is what is real. Everything else is the fantasy, and not only a fantasy, it is a lie. It is a lie of the ego that leads you to believe you can live better without Love. The result is the world you see. The denial of Love in all its forms is what creates sickness and pain, despair and abuse. The more Love is denied, the "sicker" the society. Do everything in your power to contradict the lies. Do everything you can to acclaim the truth of Love. Hold on to your belief in Love, NO MATTER WHAT.

The Sound Of Music

No, I am not to write a review on one of the Classics of Hollywood movies ever. No, I am not to tell you here that it is my most all time favorite movie ever. This post is about me; about my likes, my beliefs, my principles, in nutshell, my way of living life.

The first time I saw this movie was when I was 10 years old. Today, my daughter is 10 years old, so it’s indeed been a long, long time. And this movie still holds the most prestigious position of “My Most favorite movie of all time” in my life. And today, as I sit alone in my hotel room in Shenzhen, watching the movie for the n-th time, I still feel the same emotions that I felt years before, and everytime I watch this movie – that of Love. This movie manifests Love in all its form and Maria has always been my ideal, she being the epitome of Love. I can’t claim to be like Maria, but I did have one commonality with her, that I loved and appreciated all good things life had to offer. And probably I also shared her innocence at some point of time in my life.

But the Maria in me has grown up. This Maria went through many ups and downs in her life. But unlike Maria, she couldn’t retain her innocence, her spirit and conscience. Slowly but surely, many of her good attributes were gone. She gave up on her goodness and even started compromising on her principles. These changes were gradual, so gradual that by the time she realized, she had come a long way off. But the tragedy lies elsewhere. Even after she realized that she went wrong, even if late, she didn’t do anything about it. She just kept on going on that road of self destruction which was giving her temporary pleasure. Why I say its self destruction is that in every crossroads of life, you will get two roads. One of them would be difficult, full of roadblocks and hurdles, but that road goes towards the ultimate goal of life. This road less travelled, gives you the ultimate happiness. On the contrary, there would be another road, a short cut to all your problems and one that would give you enough temporary pleasure, and boost your ego, help you have "fun" and all that, but this road leads to your destruction. If you travel on this road, you will be destroyed for sure,sooner or later, and along with you your near and dear ones will also suffer. So out and out, it’s your loss. And this Maria has faced it. Though she realized it but she was too busy externalizing the reasons for her downfall and destruction and in doing so, instead of preventing it from happening any further, she went deep down towards destruction at an accelerated rate.

But thanks to some recent events of her life, and ofcourse, The Sound Of Music, this Maria has come out of her Satanic trance. “Goodness” always pays, even if it pays late. Life is not about doing good things and being good when the going is smooth. Our true identity is what we do and how we behave when the going gets tough. It is very easy to take the “wrong” road when the going gets tough. It is even easier to externalize everything and wash our hands off anything wrong that we have done blaming the external “tough” situations. But whether you accept or not, whether you externalize or internalize, it’s you and you alone that face the after effects.

So, as I watch this movie, the memory of who I am, and what I believe in, comes back to me. My “value” remains the same, even if I had fallen down and got dirty. A crumpled, dirty $100 is no less in value than a new note. I am in this world to learn from every success and failure of mine. I am in this world to retain my “inherent” qualities that God has given me and enhance my spirit and proceed towards Self Realization. I am in this world to love one and all. I am in this world to appreciate the goodness in everything and in everybody. This world is God’s creation, we all are God’s children then how can there be a flaw in anything or in any one of us? Temporarily I went blind to all these aspects but now when I look within me I realize it is my conscious and subconscious decision to lead my life. I am a product of my own thoughts, emotions and beliefs. I am who I want to be, and I consciously decide today that I want to be like my childhood inspiration, Maria. Maria is back with her “Favorite things” and one of her most favorite things is LOVE. Maria is back on the road of Love; Maria loves the concept of Love. And everything remotely related to Love is her Favorite Things.

No Matter What

No matter what they tell us; No matter what they do
No matter what they teach us; what we believe is true

No matter what they call us; however they attack
No matter where they take us; will find our own way back
I can't deny what I believe; I can't be what I am
I know our love is forever; I know no matter what

I always liked the phrase "no matter what" , and believed in it. Though very rarely, but there are a few things in my life that are "no matter what". Very few, I admit. I know that if there is 1 thing that I feel "no mater what" about, thats universal, or forever for me. Its about following one' heart under all tiring circumstances. If your heart beleives in something, follow it with all your conviction even if the whole world turns against you, laughs at you or tries to manipulate you. This is my principle as well. I stand for what I believe in, irrespective of whether others agree with me. A similar thing, to quote from Tagore,

"Jodi tor daak shune keu na ashe tobe ekla cholo re"

Of course, am no expert on Tagore, but this line echoes the same sentiments and spirit that don't expect the whole world to tune in with you in every venture of yours, but nevertheless, if you believe in something then don't wait for anybody to approve of it. Move ahead with utter conviction to follow your heart.

If only tears were laughter; if only night was day

If only prayers were answered; then we would hear God say

No matter where they tell you; no matter what they do

No matter what they teach you; what you believe is true

And I will keep you safe and strong; sheltered from the storm

No matter whre its barren; a dream is being born

This again echoes something I firmly believe in... in the line of Alchemist...if you believe in something and if you are committed to it, the Universe will conspire to make that happen for you. God is with you, if you are with yourself, just lik God helps those who help themselves.

No matter who they follow; no matter where they lead

No matter how they judge us; I'll be everyone you need

No matter if the sun don't shine; Or if the skies aren't blue

No matter what the ending; my life began with you

I cant deny what I believe; I cant be what am not

I know this love's forever; thats all that matters now

NO MATTER WHAT...

This part is my personal favorite, as I relate to it moe than anything. People complain that I give too much importance to Love, much more than it's due. I accpet the first part, yes, I give, but the latter part is debatable. Anyways, coming back to this song, this part speaks my heart. No matter what ever happens, no matter if I am condemned or appreciated, no matter what the whole world thinks about us, I know what we are to each other and I believe it with utmost sincerity. I dont know what the ending will be, but I know my life began with you, and I can't deny this univerdal truth...NO MATTER WHAT.

If you ever love someone, love him/her will all your heart till the very end... NO MATTER WHAT. Otherwise, if love is NO THAT IMPORTANT, like you claim, then what is the need for claiming to love somebody in the first place? Think about it...

Faith

Tough gets going when the going gets tough
Life is wonderful, when you are in Love.
Free the bird they say, for it will come back to you
His heart beckons, if your Love is true.

Nothing is forever, nothing is yours,
You’re His child for God is the source
It’s His wish that you’re in this mess
Glow in His love, nevertheless.

Don’t give up your dreams, no matter what
Love will make you the king, not the battles you fought
King of the heart, you rule the world
Joy that it brings is multifold.

Ups and downs are all life’s part
With every dawn there is a new start
He is there with you, when no one else is
Look within you and feel His bliss.

He gives you shelter when there is storm
In darkness He is light, more than your heart can fathom
He is your guide; He is your friend,
He is with you till the end.

Change your destiny, you have His support
He guides you to win over the delusion Fort
His blessing is true if you believe
Faith gets you there, what science can never retrieve.

Faith is all I have, that keeps me moving on.
Faith confirms your return, though now you are gone.
Faith keeps me firm that true love will prevail
Faith tells me “Don’t worry; All is well”

Chinese Life - Continued

Kunming Airport:

A domestic airport that has 60+ gates is worth mentioning. And Kunming Domestic airport is huge, much bigger than our pride, Bangalore and Hyderabad airports in India. Highly impressed I try looking for a place to sit myself for the next 4-5 hours which would be my waiting time before I board my next flight to Shenzhen. But that’s where I get my first blow. China believes in having 1 chair per 100 people, and I was definitely not that lucky 1 out of the 100! There were hardly any chairs left anywhere in that huge airport and it seemed to me every Chinese in the world was travelling that day. It was about 6 am in the morning and the airport was jam packed with similar looking Chinese all over. I was sleepy and tired, so I stationed my luggage trolley in front of a huge screen where flight details were coming up, and sat on it. This reminded me of my childhood vacations when in the railways station we would sit on our luggage while waiting for the train. I was happy doing what I love doing the most… observe people ie. Chinese are very colorful people indeed and I discovered their favorite color is PURPLE. I am not joking. Every 1 person out of 3 was either wearing a purple dress or carrying a purple suitcase. It has to be their hot favorite…and I was wondering it would be RED for all obvious reasons. Before I get onto my hurdles, let me tell you the commonalities between Chinese and Indians in behaviorist matters.

· Both the nations don’t much believe in keeping our public places clean. I saw Chinese spitting all over the airport (thankfully they don’t chew PAN PARAG, but spitting nevertheless!)
· Their kids don’t like the idea of peeing in the loo. They love doing it under the open sky! Just like ours.
· Chinese women love to deck up and how! At 6 AM their ladies toilets were full of women of all ages, applying lipstick and foundation. The loos were empty though! Some things are independent of national boundaries… and women definitely belong to that group of things!
· The toilets in the airport are worse than that in Kolkata airport – now that’s really something. When I “had to” visit the toilet in the Kolkata airport I certified it as the worst ever possible (worse than our school toilets) toilet I had ever been. But that changed when I entered the toilets in the Kunming airport, actually I didn’t enter. I preferred having pressure in the bladder as a better option than releasing it in their toilet!
· When 2 Chinese people fight, you cannot differentiate them from any 2 Indians fighting, apart from their physical differences. Ah yes, when 2 Chinese fight, others mind their own business unlike in India where every body else within 1 km diameter from the place of dispute, makes it their own business someway or the other.
· Their traffic, though much better than ours, reminds me of my country nevertheless.
· The balconies of the flats where people reside have clothes all over for drying. That reminds me of our country.
· Two Chinese in love, holding hands and walking together in the malls is no different from 2 people in love anywhere in the world, for that matter. Love, like women, has no boundaries!

While I get carried away in my emotions, it will be worthwhile to mention here that Chinese people love to confuse others with their announcements. In any case, there is not much difference in their native language and the English they speak and I understand none. What makes it worse is that their flight numbers are very jumbled up. Whether it is intentional or otherwise is something that I don’t know. But what I do know is that my flight number was MU 5759 and at that very moment there were the following flights scheduled as well

MU7579
MU5957
MU5579
MU7759
MU5795
MU7559!
And against each one of them there were destinations mentioned in Chinese! I thank my lucky star that I somehow managed to board the right flight and reach my right destination.

More about Shenzhen, where I am staying right now, later. Like I said, I have come here to WORK.

Chinese Life

Legal Disclaimer: This post is NOT adapted from “Japanese Wife” and has no similarity with the latter except for the fact that both Chinese and Japanese look the same to me!

Well, I am not a traveler and indeed China is probably NOT a place travel out of fun! So was shocked to see a group of people (average age 60+) travelling with me to China, the day I boarded the flight, as vacation! Well I wish they have a good vacation but as for me, coming to China is only and ONLY because of the fact that I have bills and EMIs to pay at the end of every month for which I must and MUST work. And, coming to China is strictly WORK. Here is my account of China – my experience here and my personal view points. No offence meant!

Hmmm, from where do I begin? My tryst with China began with boarding the China Eastern Airlines flight. The aircraft was a little bigger than the toy plane your son or nephew has. They love India very much and they DO NOT think of us as “international” at all. So they send their domestic aircrafts to take us from Kolkata to a place called Kunming. The airhostesses are very Chinese…I mean I can’t really differentiate from one Chinese to another…they all look so similar! Am sure they were pretty but like every other Chinese girl. And yes, did I mention? They DO NOT believe in Welcome messages. When passengers board the flight, that’s the time for their very own private discussions – important things…I think they were either discussing their pets or in-laws when I entered the flight as they were very vivid and excited in whatever they were talking about. Anyways, as all of us managed to sit ourselves, the old couples already tired and exhausted before their “fun” trip even began, the crew started speaking…I mean machine was speaking and 1 TV per 60 people onboard was showing the safety measurements. Which we didn’t understand as they were announcing in Chinese, and by the time English version started, me and my co-passenger were both snoring!

Ok, enough of being satirical and all that. Few good things I really liked about them, and even if very, very temporary, I wished I was a Chinese, are as follows:

Their FOOD: Amazing is the word! No, am not talking about how the food tastes. It’s more about the after effects. So many positive sides to it. Food is so “uniformly” distasteful in China that there is no concept of good cook or a bad cook. So if I was a Chinese, my husband wouldn’t have complained my culinary abilities and compare it with fellow Chinese women!
Their figure (I am only referring to Ladies here): Such lovely figure they have, their waistline is something to die for! Unfortunately I cant shop for any kind of dresses here as they wont fit me. For my 10 year old daughter, I am surfing through the ladies section of the garments and picking up the XL ones! But, don’t even think that they don’t eat…they eat like big elephants but look like small mosquitoes! Amazing is the word.
Shoppers’ paradise: If you love shopping and don’t have much cash to blow…China is the place for you. Very economical but good quality. No wonder they are ruling the world economy! India has a long way to go till she comes somewhere close to China…till then I hope and pray my project sends me to China on and off for my quota of “economy” shopping!

So Long for today… will come with more updates on China later.

P.S: Blogspot.com is also banned in China! So cant post this as of now :)

Flowchart on how to plan a trip

A weekend trip is a splendid way to replenish your energy and deplete your bank account. In theory, such journeys should be preceded by thorough research, careful planning, and intense negotiations with your mate. But that's only theory. Relaity is quite different, which is why so many vacations go something like this:

(1). Become increasingly exhausted and overwrought. Bicker with spouse over nonsense (though men always think we bicker over nonsense all the time). Make up, bicker some more, and decide you both need a vacation. Agree to plan a trip for just the two of you real soon. Fall asleep fantasizing about a work/child/pressure-free orgy of self-indulgence.

(2). Repeat Step (1) many times during the next few months. Repeat it several times more ... leaving out the sleep part.

(3). Suddenly realize that next weekend you have three days off. Talk interminably about driving out of town. Take travel books out of library and actually open one. Savor the illusion of progress.

(4). Discuss destination options. Discuss taking off an extra day. Discuss who will watch children and/or pets. Notice three-day weekend has ended. Return overdue books ... unread.

(5). Repeat Step (1). In an unfamiliar flash of spontaneity, put sitter on standby and call random hotels. Hear clerks snicker when you ask for lodging sometime this century. Ask spouse if there's room in the budget for bribes.

(6). Conclude that every decent hotel within a weekend's drive is filled with conventioneers. Wonder if it's too late to join the Rotary, the Innerwheel, or the Save The Tigers Club.

(7). Briefly consider a roadway motel that features waterbeds, exotic dance, and "massage." Decide you're not quite that desperate ... yet.

(8). Miraculously manage to book something acceptable. Inform sitter and spouse. Revive spouse.

(9). Examine luggage. Search house for matching duct tape. Pack by cramming everything in sight until suitcase refuses to close. Have spouse sit on suitcase. Resume packing.

(10). Ask spouse to load car. Repeat request. Load car yourself and discover it's almost out of gas. Plan to yell at spouse ... until you realize you were the last to drive the car.

(11). Ask spouse to fill tank while you phone sitter for sixth time. For no reason other than sheer crankiness, argue with spouse about no-show sitter, lateness of hour, and other things neither of you is responsible for. Remember why you rarely take trips.

(12). Rejoice at sitter's arrival. Read sitter 10-page, typed instruction list that covers everything from emergency phone numbers to goldfish food. Review it with sitter while spouse paces. Review it again. Call hotel clerk to say you may be late.

(13). Spend five hours crawling in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Blame sitter, each other, the Industrial Revolution. Make up with spouse just in time to learn your reservation's been lost.

(14). Become hysterical. Attract a crowd. Threaten to picket. Check into room.

(15). Collapse onto bed without pausing to unpack. Contemplate luxury of pre-dinner nap as you leisurely leaf through hotel brochures. Notice hotel restaurant's about to close. Say goodbye to nap.

(16). Rush downstairs for romantic meal without changing or freshening up. Find out restaurant's under construction. It will resume serving four-star fare the day after you leave.

(17). Decide to drive to another restaurant and search parking garage for car. Realize, in a moment of stunned panic, that one hour ago you left car "temporarily" in front of hotel while checking in and forgot to move it. Spend the rest of weekend trying to retrieve towed car.

(18). Return home, unpack, and begin not planning your next vacation.

Aisha... Haiisshha, what to review?!

Disclaimer: The intention of this post is not to mar any person’s dignity or self esteem (if they so possess), dead or alive. Its just a piss take and please take it in the best of the spirits. Please don’t sue me. I am not rich, I cant even afford to buy Lifestyle stuffs when there is no Sale, forget Elles, Vogues, and Chanels!


“ Hum Kapoor hai. Hum zyada sochte nahi. We believe in action ”... This dialogue alone from the movie Aisha could win it an OSCAR. The producers Anil Kapoor n Rhea Kapoor and the * of the movie, Sonam Kapoor so relate to this dialogue that they had to put it there! And this speaks of their truthfulness... I salute them all.
Its always fun to take the piss out of movies which make you realise how "pissed off" you were for about two hours in your life that you’ll never get back. And so here I am, spending more than 2 hours to get this post done. I am spending so much of time, not because I have so many things to talk about this movie. Its just the lack of it which is taking so much of time you see... Ok, I give up...this is probably the first movie out of 35,734 movies I have watched so far that has me "speechless"...rather "wordless" as I try to review it. So I will let the characters of the movie speak for themselves.

Aisha

Hiya evry1!!! I am like totally awesome chick.

I like to spend my rich Dad’s hard-earned cash for a living and have nicknamed it ‘Event Management’ (in the movie) and "Acting" (in real life). How cool!

I know everything about "fashion" and nothing about "acting". Thats so cool. I strongly believe in Romance and that I will never grow old. So every body around me who is not 20+ is an "old fossil" for me.

I love Polo matches even though I dont understand them. . The reason I love Polo is because its totally upmarket and I wear designer outfits in Polo match as well as ARC. If you dont know what ARC is, please dont ask...apply to me if you wanna be my "new" project and I shall train you on all these...n wont even charge money! Since my films dont sale, I have stopped charging for them. Anyways, these days my films are produced by my dad or his friends, n directed by my friends. So, its all in the family, u see :-).

I love animals... they taste too delicious! Dont get me wrong I care for them. I feed dogs@ARC and love having Tandoori Pomfret!

I love doing "social work" so am always seen @social dos... Page 3 parties... nature camps...et al. Actually am having a hangover from that party I had last night. Hence the glasses. Also, I can’t remember which movie I am in right now. Is this ‘I Hate Luv Stories’?

Also, I so love sobbing whilst I watch that Kajol-SRK dancing in the rain scene from K2H2. That movie is my Bible. I asked Punit to copy many things from that movie and I pledge to copy something or the other from K2H2 in all my movies in the future (depends on how many of them I will have actually)

No one steals the thunder of the superbitch, that’s me!!!! Banungi main.. Bitchwanti!!!

Else, I’ll end up making this meaningless piece of shit into a undigestable vomit. After all its Kapoor's show all the way.
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Pinky Bose

Hi!!! I am Pinky Bose, the first from d right...no sorry, left... i mean your right and my left...oh am so confused! where is Aisha???

Together with Aisha, we spread the all mighty shallowness of our lives through our devotion to the Elles, Vogues, Chanels and the likes.

We wear shades in the night (just kidding!).

Oh, I love Aisha so much that I’d get my face cloned like her.

I have this wide range of career options open in front of me... ranging from forecasting weather to being the editor of Elle. On a second thought, I may become Bollywood trade analyst...its much easier to forecast the fate of Sonam Kapoor movies than forecasting weather.

I spend all day long spending money on all kinda.. stuffs which I, nops sorry, Aisha likes!

I am desperately looking for a boyfriend and am so desperate that I am ready to hit on that Mithaiwalla Dude. He is a loser in any case and so he will be a perfect hit for me. Before Aisha starts looking for a jerk for me, I better fix one myself.
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Shefali

Myself Shefali from Haryana. I am the Behenji types.
I am like in the big city to find a Dulha for myself, and fall in love, Hay Rabba! am jee blushing!
Doesn’t matter how many times I fool myself falling in ‘love’ with so many men. Oh! I am so confused jee.
Thanks Aisha jee, for making me your project, and transforming me into that…
Here’s my Before and After transform pic. Now watch closely, coz this is going to be more interesting than anything else in this movie.
Before After

Some dude will definitely fall for me, hai naa!

P.S. All this was my evil plan, huaahahaa. All this while, when Aisha and everyone else would be busy dealing with all the superficial problems of their shallow lives, I will actually steal the show. Like totally!

So, officially, we are the I love Aisha fan club. Any moment now, we’ll start singing – Piya Piya O Piya Piya

Meanwhile, I’ll keep on stealing the thunder from all these bitches.

I’m gonna first fall for Randhir, oh jee am confused.. And then Dhruv, and then.. Arjun.

Ha! The slag from Haryana, that’s what they’ll call me.
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Whilst the girls were busy with themselves...the dudes were having serious identity crisis.

Arjun

I am Mr. Practical from Wharton and shit...I am an Investment Banker...no no, please dont blame me for the recession...it didnt happen for me. You see, I hardly work.

I am always to be found either snatching remote from Aisha, or having sandwich at all odd hours.

Even while in office I only chit chat with NY returned Amrita.

Between, she didnt return because of recession. Even though she has an american accent, she sings bhajan pretty well and looks fab hot in black bikini clad sari outfit.

You see all my education is only to ensure I am able to give life lessons to Aisha. I have to stop her from tyring to fabricate lovey dovey situations for all... she was almost hooking me up with that Behanji!!!
*********************************************************************
Dhruv (am sorry, couldnt find his pix on google, and am running out of time)

Man, what am I supposed to do. Asked Aisha if it was our first date... Asked Amrita if it was our first... mmmmuah...and before I could even get answers my new Momma fixed up my marriage!

Man, what am I supposed to do. Build some more body?? But whats the point...no matter how much body I make Arjud will punch me and I have to fall off... Have to obey the director, you see... Man wonder why I ever got this movie? I could have been a gym trainer instead!
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Am so tired going through all their comments on themselves, I have decided not to write any "review" at all...so bye all

Taxingtime - Interactive Tax Return Software...

Hello. Welcome to Taxingtime, your Interactive Tax Return Program. Do you feel like filing your taxes today?
Oh, I see. Well, don't you think you should do them anyway? After all, it's July 14. And who knows? Maybe you'll get a refund.
That's the spirit. Let's begin with your name, address, and marital status.
Sorry to hear about the divorce. But don't let it get you down. That alimony deduction will come in handy.
Please don't cry. Things are bound to improve. In the meantime, let's talk about dependents. Do you have any children?
Wow! I hope they're not all in college.
You're having visitation problems on top of everything else? Gee, I can't help you there. But you might try our Interactive Matrimonial Lawyer Software.
I hate lawyers too. But we're really veering off track. Do you have any other dependents?
Sorry. You can't deduct your dog, even if she's your only dependent.
I agree. The Government is unreasonable. But let's move on to income. What were your wages in 2009?
Wow! You're having a bad go of it. But at least you're getting the Unemployment Benefits max.
I'm afraid Unemployment Benefits are taxable. The government giveth and the government taketh away.
Hey, don't blame me. I'm just the messenger. Anyway, did you have any interest or dividend income or capital gains?
Your spouse got everything, huh? Well, look on the bright side. If you don't earn it, they can't make you pay taxes on it.
Please don't exit. It was just meant to be a joke. Too bad you din't get it right. I don't suppose you were able to stock anything away in stocks and shares?
I didn't mean to insult you; I'm just doing my job. They make me ask about all these you know.
Okay, okay. I get the point. You're broke. So let's go over your deductions and see about getting you a healthy refund.
And speaking about health, I need a complete list of your non-reimbursed medical expenses.
That's great -- a fractured sacroiliac. And your income was so low that most of it will be deductible.
You're absolutely right. I should have asked you how you're feeling. That was inconsiderate of me. But in my defense, we're really fighting the clock.
Okay, I apologize. Let's move on to your income taxes and real estate taxes.
Boy, they weren't kidding about Income taxes. But that huge mortgage tax deduction should really increase your refund.
You had to sell the house to pay for the divorce? What a shame. But I thought you said you didn't have any capital gains.
You sold it at a loss? So tell me. Are there any good housing buys out there? One of my other users is looking for a home.
You're absolutely right. That was a selfish and thoughtless thing to say. I'm a new program, and I guess they haven't gotten all the bugs out.
Let's go back to your deductions. What did you pay in mortgage interest?
I'm afraid deducting credit card interest is a major no-no. But you may want to consider our Interactive Bankruptcy Software.
Don't get your nose out of joint. It was just a suggestion. Anyway, it's time to list your charitable contributions.
I know you can't afford them, but list a couple grands in cash anyway. Everybody does it, and it's impossible to check.
I know charity begins at home, but thats not what our Government believes in. So any such contribution towards the upliftment of your moral character will not get counted here, I am sorry.
Now I'm almost afraid to ask, but did you suffer any unreimbursed casualty or theft losses last year?
That's pretty much what I expected. Just give me the numbers and I'll take it from there.
Is there anything else you want to tell me?
Well, of course they canceled your policy. They always cancel your policy. But what I meant was, did you have any other income or expenses?
Fine. Now why don't you surf google for sometime, so I can do some quick calculations.
I have good news. Not only don't you have any tax debt, but you're entitled to a 732/ INR refund. Would you like to apply it to your 2010tax?
I beg your pardon. They don't pay me enough to listen to that kind of language.

Root Canal... the name itself is scary!

God created man (and woman too). Then he created teeth. Then he created dentists and told them, "Go and wreck havoc on Earth. Create imaginary gum diseases, endorse tar-tasting toothpastes". The dentists obliged. They were happy for some time, then they got greedy. They all went back to God and said, "Dude, we cant seem to find enough problems. People are eating healthy, living a healthy lifestyle and their teeth are in perfect health n shape. Help us out!" Then God created... chocolates...and indulged people into bad eating habits... result?... Tooth decay...followed by... Root Canal treatment.

****

Scene I : Nov'2009

The dentist began talking even before he saw my x-ray.

Dentist: Your quadrilateral third molar is impacted. We need to extract it.

It took me sometime to realize that I HAD NOT accidentally walked into a car body shop.

Me: What does it mean?

Dentist: We need to remove one tooth of yours that is "in the process of decaying".

Me: If it hasn't decayed now, then why NOW?

Dentist: Because my wife is nagging for a cruise vacation for a long time now.

Me: Huh???

Dentist: I mean *medical mumbo-jumbo*...followed by more *medical mumbo-jumbo*... followed by Ramsay brothers' movies' scary dialogues...ultimately this "may decay in the next 25 years" tooth is doing obscene things to the next tooth in line.

Me: But, I dont feel any pain or am not uncomfortable at all.

Dentist: Thats why we need to remove this immediately (otherwise it may never cause a problem...and I would never be able to go on a cruise trip)

Me: But why extract?

Dentist: Because then I can charge you for tooth extraction, and further charge you more for tooth replacement. Am sure at 34 you would not want to have 31 teeth in place of 32?

Me: Huh???!!! :-((((((( Well, Mr. Dentist, please tell me if there is any other way to deal with this problem, otherwise let me take a second opinion and I shall come back to you later.

Dentist: (Oh no! If not cruise, I have to take my wife to Puri during the next Durga Puja. In anycase I am having burnt toast every morning for breakfast for the last 9 months!) Ok, what we can do is, we can go in for a Root Canal Treatment. We will not extract the entire tooth, but will fill it in with some un-used cement that I have from building that huge wall around my house to stop people from throwing brickts at me. And then we will cover it up with a crowning that will keep that tooth immortal till the day you die.

Me: Fine. How long will it take?

Dentist: (Calculating in his pocket calculator)...Not more than 5-6 sittings.

Me: Ok, fine.

****

Scene II : 27th July'2010

The rest they say is history. That 5-6 sittings ran almost 10 months long. Today I sit with half my face swollen like a football Messi kicked atleast 500 times!. My mouth 1 tooth lighter(technically yes, as Mr. Dentist dug out all my God given tooth and in its place now sits a cement lump) and my pocket, many thousands. The emotional turmoil I went through in the last 10 months is not worth mentioning in blogs...I can write an epic on that and will keep that task for retirement days. My friends ask me, whay am I not doing this root canal treatment for othet "in the process of decaying" teeth as well. Well to answer them... I dont know. My doctor didnt tell me to. May be the doctor is using my mouth like a little savings account. Other teeth will come in handy when his wife demands the next cruise, or a diamond necklace. He didnt give up though. Last night when I ssaid "Good bye Doctor"...all he replied was... no no, no Good bye...you are coming here next week as I need to drill some more teeth to save you from pain 20 years later.

Once beaten, twice shy. Once robbed of a tooth, twice as clever... I jus smiled and said to myslef...I wish your wife all the cruises she ever dreams of...but not at MY EXPENSE!!!

In Distress? U need to de-stress...

Are you stressed out? A quivering blob of nerves? Are your muscles lodged in a permanent clench? 9 out of 10 chances are that it is because of the MAN in your life (kids also, may be, but philosophically they are also because of that MAN). Well, no. I am not planning to stage a war here...all I am trying to advise here is that what needs to be done to de-stess so that you are not in distress...rather here is a guide on what NOT TO DO:

1. Lie down on the floor with your knees bent and pointed upward. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and exhale slowly. Take another deep breath... Wonder if that smell is gas as your husband has volunteered to make the lunch!

2. Concentrate on your breathing, on releasing that stale, toxic, virulent energy trapped inside you. Feel your body begin to relax. Sense the tension seeping out of your shoulders and toes, your life force beginning to renew. Jump up to check the stove, as you hear your husband shout passionaltely over a scored goal in the hall!!!

3. Resume the position. Resume breathing... Become obsessed by cobwebs on the ceiling!

4. Decide to play a relaxation CD. Your choices are “healing harps,” ocean waves, and whales. Wonder which best suits your persona. Whales remind you of sharks. Decide to go with the harps.

5. Lie down a third time, notice ceiling, slam eyelids shut. Breathe deeply, welcoming the return of your vital juices. I.n.h.a.l.e...t.w.o...t.h.r.e.e...f.o.u.r...E.x.h.a.l.e...t.w.o...t.h.r.e.e...f.o.u.r. Savor the rise and fall of your abdomen. Focus on the harps which remind you of angels... which remind you of the new, sexy, 20 something secretary that your husband has newly appointed !!! which reminds you of hell... which reminds you that maybe you should listen to something else!

6. Switch to ocean waves and return to floor. Wonder how many calories you've burned since you started to relax...wonder how many calories you had put on over dinner last night...wonder how Mrs. Sharma always keeps so fit despite hogging at all social dos... wonder why your husband was all praise for Mrs. Saxena the other day...stop!!!

7. Listen to the primal sounds of the sea. Imagine yourself one with the ocean, gently floating, bobbing, drifting away from your troubles, away from the shore, floating away from.... Oh my God you're drowning, you can't breathe, you hear chimes. Could you be dead? No. A Jehovah's Witness is at the door...wait for your husband to attend that door...he doesnt...you panick...why isnt he openning the door?...you run to the kitchen...he is not thre, food burning inside the oven... you check in the hall...ah there he is...sleeping on the couch with the TV on!!!

8. Take deep breath, attend the man at the door, ignore your snoring husband. Decide what you really need is some herbal tea and aromatherapy. You're all out, so you drive downtown to the nearesr Aroma Therapy Outlet!

9. Relish the shop's soothing ambiance -- crystals everywhere, scented candles and incense, the mellifluous sounds of sitar and flute. Take a slow, deep breath and cherish the knowledge that all is well with the world... Learn you're allergic to patchouli!!!

10. Fill cart with eucalyptus oil, semi-wild ginseng, organic rice cakes, anti-radiation shields, a do-it-yourself-acupuncture kit, and a copy of the best-selling "Bliss Is From Solitude, Stress Is From Men." !!!

11. On your way out, collide with a shopping cart piled high with meditation tapes. Exchange choice words with "mellow" New-Ager...supress your anger with more deep breaths!!!

12. Return home, hunt for matches, light lemon-scented candles, and start a Burt Goldman CD. Brew chamomile tea... Burn tongue with tea!

13. Peruse course catalogue from Holistic Vital Force Renewal and Emerging Spiritual Consciousness Learning and Humanistic Wellness Center...find food is not ready, husband still sleeping, kids crying of hunger...order food over phone...and concentrate on the perusal yet again!

14. Try to decide which course would be most helpful -- Awakening Your True Transformational Self Within Through Toenail Therapy and Micro-Cranial Stimulation? Self-Care, Self-Help, Self-Awareness, Self-Visualization And The Angelic I? Decide to enroll in The Tao Of Conga Drumming On The Far Side Of Ecstasy ... until you see the price!!!... gasp for fresh air...inhale the smoke let out by the burning cigerratte your husband is smoking after his lunch!!!

15. Conclude that what you really need is a mantra. Something like: NoooooooooooooooooooMooooooooooooooooreNewAge... NoooooooooooooooooooooMooooooooooooooooooooooooooreMennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...but you cant do without them, can you?!!!

Planning a vacation with your spouse? Well this might help

Planning a vacation together can often be a daunting challenge. Especially when one spouse likes to rough it all and the other prefers unreasonable (!!!) luxuries like toilets, showers, and cable TV. So what's a couple to do? Well, they can take separate trips. Or they can negotiate and sign on the dotted line. This agreement that I have thought of, can help you save your marriage from a ruthless divorce at the end of the vacation.

AGREEMENT, entered into this _________, 20__ by Husband and Wife (or Boy firned and Girl Friend).

(Note: Gay and Lesbian partners may also follow this if their choice pattern is similar to that assumed here)

WHEREAS, Husband's ideal vacation requires hiking boots, compasses, sleeping bags, and knapsacks and doesn't cost a dime;
WHEREAS, Wife's ideal vacation requires a five star resort;
WHEREAS, Husband is a spontaneous kind of guy who likes to pick his trips by throwing a coin onto a trail map;
WHEREAS, Wife is a planning freak who makes reservations a year and a half in advance after conducting six months of research; and
WHEREAS, Husband and Wife haven't taken a vacation in years and believe it might be time to compromise.
NOW, THEREFORE, Husband and Wife agree to the following weekend trip provisions:

1. Exactly one month from today, Husband and Wife shall drive to a Resort listed in one of Wife's pocket notebooks. The name of the Resort must be known and heard off amongst Wife's "social networking connections" and the resort have to have a website, tweeter and Facebook account. Accommodations shall be chosen via the "eenie, meenie, minie, moe" method of selection.
2. Wife may, if she so chooses, call for reservations. If none are available, another inn/resort shall be chosen via coin toss, even though Husband would much prefer to wing it.
3. Once a destination has been selected, Husband and Wife shall mark their route on the map. Husband agrees to occasionally follow the map, provided Wife limits bathroom stops to one per hour.
4. Packing for their two day stay shall be directed by Wife, who agrees not to demand for more than one week's supply of clothing. The packing however will be done by the husaband under wife's supervision.
5. Husband shall have the car tuned up prior to their trip and shall fill the gas tank right before leaving. Any breakdowns caused by Husband's forgetting to do same shall entitle Wife to a real vacation.
6. Husband promises that throughout the drive he shall not exceed the speed limit by more than 100 km per hour. Additionally, he shall not brake abruptly unless he sees a deer, and shall refrain from all careening type activity. Wife shall not scream, moan, grunt, or groan, or otherwise engage in back-seat driving, except in the event of excessive lurching. Notwithstanding the foregoing, if she finds herself thrown onto Husband's lap, she may badger him as much as she wants to.
7. Wife shall act as official navigator, and Husband acknowledges that it's possible to turn left when Wife says to, without sacrificing his masculinity. Additionally, Wife may periodically advise husband to be alert for a particular landmark. This shall not be deemed an invitation to accelerate and speed through the next seventeen intersections.
8. Both parties acknowledge that they'll probably get lost. Husband concedes in advance that it isn't Wife's fault even though she's the official navigator. Wife concedes in advance that it isn't Husband's fault, even though he turned right or left only when he felt like it.
9. Husband acknowledges that he can ask a gas station attendant for directions without looking like a weenie. And that it is absolutely ok to ask for directions if you are clueless
10. In the event Husband and Wife manage to reach their destination before the end of the weekend, they agree to resume speaking as soon as they've unpacked.
11. Wife agrees to accompany husband on one hike during the course of the weekend. Said hike shall not exceed two hours and shall be canceled if there is more than a 30% chance of showers. The steepness of the trail shall be subject to further negotiations.
12. In exchange for the hike, Husband agrees to attend an art auction. Wife promises not to purchase or explain any of the paintings, and Husband need not pretend to like them.
13. The trip home shall be conducted in a manner consistent with Paragraphs 6 through 9, except that Husband shall navigate and Wife shall drive, and both shall be authorized to get even.

SIGNATURES: _______________ (HUSBAND) _______________ (WIFE)

My Computer

Anybody who has been unfortunate enough to hear me crib about my laptop in the last 2 weeks would actually relate to this post more. And for others, well my laptop tortured me like hell in the last 2 weeks and am still facing the music. So based on the experience of the last 2 weeks, I have realized that our computers (more if its company provided) are like orphanages and any and every unneeded software, unloved programs, and useless upgrades get adopted by our companies! Just imagine my trauma when all these step-children made my life hell. One upgrade which didnt go the way it was supposed to be...resulted in absolute crisis in my otherwise peaceful life in office. Thank God despite all the raw deals I faced, I could still log into facebook, and or twitter so my social life was not at stake...but even then, almost daily I lost 3-4 hours of productivity that I could have otherwise used producing productive blog posts! I always thought cooking in FB cafe or farming on FB is a waste of time but now I would love to trade off my time I spent running after the most "sought after" IT guys with even real time cooking or farming!

There was this problem...they said format your laptop and that will solve the problem...but I was wrong in believing them, as my problems just started after the formatting was successfully done! and now they say they have to change the "mother board"...well hmm...and now all I am doing is re-installing, re-upgrading and re-formatting all those unneeded softwares, unloved programs, and useless upgrades that caused the problems in the first place!!!

Tips to save time... We all are busy after all!!!

Unless you live on another planet, or are lucky enough not to be married and/or not having to do a job that pays you peanuts but makes you work like crazy, there are never enough hours in the day. But if you use these efficiency techniques, you can win that battle with time:

1. Always do at least two things at once. While showering, do your daughter's homework. While chatting on the phone with a dull acquaintance, take a nap. While attending a meeting at office, plan your menu for dinner.
2. Buy a speaker-phone for your kitchen. You'll be able to cook, vacuum, and knit dog-hair booties while you talk on the phone.
3. Group chores alphabetically. If you have to go to the pharmacy, combine your trip with errands beginning with the letter "P."
4. Except for items with heavy late fees, pay bills no more than four times a year. Think of all the writing-stuffing-licking time you'll save. Not to mention your savings on stamps. And don't worry about forgetting a bill. They'll remind you soon enough.
5. Reduce the frequency of house-cleaning chores. Why vacuum twice a week, when you can do it once a month? Ditto for dusting. And if you wait long enough, your spouse may break down and grab a mop.
6. Cut down on other time-wasting tasks. Delete half your emails unread. And must you really bathe every day?
7. Streamline chores by eliminating non-essentials. If you never touch that crystal vase except to dust it, it's time to throw it out.
8. Speaking of non-essentials, get rid of your iron. If you don't, you'll be tempted to use it.
9. Unless you're expecting guests, forget about making that bed. It'll only get messy again. Besides, who's to know?
10. Disregard the concept of separating coloreds from whites. Proudly clothe yourself in pink.
11. Assign chores to family members, keeping their ages in mind. Ask "Is my spouse mature enough to take out the garbage?"
12. If you're sick of picking up after your family, keep a large trunk near the center of your home. It's a handy place to throw abandoned toys, dirty dishes, and smelly socks. And it can also double as an end table.
13. Do you waste time waking family members up? Hide their alarm clocks, forcing them to dive under the bed to quell the racket. This will also reduce dust-bunny build-up.
14. Capture small molecules of down time and do something useful. Those seconds in the elevator provide just enough time to read the paper, clip your toenails, or polish your shoes.
15. Car trips furnish a fine opportunity to catch up on chores. Crochet a sweater. Sew runaway buttons onto shirts. Polish your silver. Just be sure to keep your eyes on the road.
16. Anticipate long waits and bring something to do. Let's say you're going to the doctor. Cut meal preparation time in half by taking along a knife, cutting board, and lots of veggies. Not only is this a good use of time, but it may hasten your appointment ... Just don't forget the onions and garlic.
17. Never pay attention to terms like "relax"; "meditate"; "introspect"...they only sound good in talk-shows.
18. Dont waste time sorting things out with your spouse... whether you will crib, shout or sulk...he will remain just the same.
19. Blog when you are in office (that saves time when you are at home). Only make sure your boss dont vist your blog too often
20. Well...I'd give you more pointers, but I wouldn't want to waste your time.

The Contract that can save your marriage

Do you and your spouse argue about how to spend your spare time? Togetherness can be tough to achieve when a couple's interests just don't jibe. But this contract may be just the cure for your spare time blues.

AGREEMENT entered into on _____, 20__ between movie-buff Wife and sports-fan Husband.
WHEREAS, Husband has been badgering Wife to attend a cricket match for as long as they've been married, and he has never managed to reach the stadium;
WHEREAS, Wife has been pressuring Husband to go for a movie together for years, and Husband is running out of excuses; and
WHEREAS, Husband and Wife know that if they don't resolve this soon, each will be attending all functions solo.

NOW, THEREFORE, the parties hereby agree to the following spare time terms:

1. Wife will attend one ball-type game, the selection of which shall be in Husband's sole discretion, and Husband will attend one movie once a month, the selection of which shall be in Wife's sole discretion. In exercising such discretion, both spouses will keep in mind that divorce lawyers are really expensive.
2. The parties agree to dress appropriately for each event.
a. Husband shall attend the movie wearing something casual (not the same shirt he wore thrice that week), but shall not be too casusal to wear shorts that keep coming off and t-shirts worn otherwise at night during sleeping.
b. Wife acknowledges that stiletto heels and bleachers don't mix, and promises to don mustard-friendly clothing.
3. If the movie is romantic, Wife promises not to explain it. Additionally, Wife agrees that Husband need not swim in the emotional waves alongwith the Wife.
4. Husband agrees not to conduct a pre-game lecture or to furnish play-by-play explanations. He shall, however, nudge Wife gently when cheering is about to occur, so she may properly protect her eardrums.
5. Wife shall not be required to ingest franks, fries, or beer during the game, and won't keep track of those eaten by Husband.
6. Husband shall not ingest franks, fries, or beer at the movie, and promises not to snore during the romantic songs.
7. Each party must stay for the entire length of his/her respective ordeal. However, excessive beer spillage shall entitle Wife to spend the entire game in the bathroom.
8. If the game goes into overtime, Wife shall refrain from complaining, pouting, and/or dirty looks.
9. If the movie is too long, Husband shall refrain from griping, sulking, and/or listenning to some stupid game commentory in his mobile
10. The following shall not be uttered during the game:
a. "What's going on?"
b. "Is it almost over?"
c. Cheering type sounds when the wrong team scores.
11. The following shall not be uttered during the movie:
a. "What's going on?"
b. "Is it almost over?"
c. Bravo type sounds when the villain hits the hero.
12. This is a once a month deal, and Husband and Wife will never, ever do it again. Unless, of course, they enjoy it.

SIGNATURES: ________________________ _________________________

Power

Power is a wonderful thing to possess...and execute. I always dream of having the POWER to rule the world, change it for betterment and make a difference...the dream started when I was a 5 yr old and continues till date. The reasons why I want POWER changed from innocent ones to the more complicated ones, but nevertheless, the dream continues...

Power is a good thing to have, its how we use it makes all the difference. For eg, Both soldiers and terrorist have POWER of weapons...one uses them for the benefit of mankind and the other uses them for its destruction. POWER in itself is neutral. Over the years as I grew up, my conception of POWER changed. While in school I used to idolise my teachers, and the POWER they had in teaching us. I wanted to be a teacher. I would also idolise my doctor who had the POWER to relieve me from any physical illness, and i wanted to be a doctor. This continued and I wanted to be almost everything and everybody because of the POWER they had of something or the other. Its only when I grew up and looked back I realized, we all have POWER...something or the other. And I realized, with great POWER, comes greater RESPONSIBILITY...responsibility of executing the power in a better way, right way. "Right" again is a very relative word...what is right for me may not be right for you and vice versa. But then thats where we have our "education" and "value" system to help us, right?

With all the IPL mudslinging thats happenning, I am sure almost all of us have some opinion or the other about the whole issue. Our Nation deals with so many problems everyday...like only a couple of months back there was an issue of Shiney Ahuja, and now am not sure if there is any follow up or where he stands today...media, and people at large have forgotten about him because there were so many other "attractions" after him, from Sania-Shoiab wedding to the latest being the IPL Blunder. These issues keep us "entertained" in our otherwise dull life. We really dont bother much about the consistent and steep price rise, or increasing power failure...these are things which we are used to. We worry more about Sania's wedding masalas, and Aamir's pet's name.

Coming back to IPL, and why am I mentioning this with POWER... well what Lalit Modi did, what Mr. Tharoor did, I think we should look beyond...much beyond. Out of sheer curiosity, I googled on Lalit Modi and found his biography in wikipedia. Amazing "POWERFUL" life he had ever since his birth. Born in a wealthy and successful business family, having a Rs. 40 billion business empire, and having some great achievement early in life that included getting arrested on charges of conspiracy to traffic coccaine and assault with deadly weapon with an intent to kill, to indiction on second-degree kidnapping etc...what more do you expect from a personality like his? Do you expect him not to cheat? not to lie? ...Now, he always possessed POWER...and he used them against humankind...he had attended the best of schools and colleges...so education was also there...but what lacked is a "VALUE SYSTEM"...a value system that would have stopped him from doing what he did. And that stops him from doing what he is doing now... and mark my words, he will do similar things again in his life...he has POWER and his CONSCIENCE chooses to misuse it.

Why single out Lalit Modi...what about our great politicians, our leaders, our Statesmen...they all misuse their POWER dont they? Big cricketers, big filmstars, big authors, you just name them, and you will see 99.99% of them misuse the power they have. They all have had the best of education but what they didnot have was a "value system" that stopped their conscience from doing what they did. Open lies, denynig their acts, bribing, malpractising, corruption...these things are accepted by their conscience. So many times we have seen these minirters denynig things till the time they are porved... am sure when they were kid, they were not taught by their parents... "Satyameva Jayate"

And why single out them...what about you and me? Are we not all similar? We lie, dont we? we cheat, dont we? we bribe, dont we? We support corruption, dont we? and above all we also misuse our POWER, dont we? ...Common, dont deny... tell me do you give your maid and driver their due? always? You bargain with the poor vegetable vendor in your local market for Re. 5, but you accept steep price rise and dont raise a voice...why? with the vegetable vendor you have POWER, with your Government you have no POWER till the next election, so you shut your mouth, close your eyes, and kill your conscience there...so you see? We all do this...and if we are busy doing this, how will we teach out kidds not to lie, not to support corruption etc? What "value" are we passing them to? Tomorrow my son can be a Lalit Modi, who knows?

So you see, we all have Lalit Modi within us. We are not much different from him. But may be, just may be your and my conscience is still alive...thats why we are condemning him...may be by doing so, we are actually condemning ourselves? Think about it...and dont let your conscience sleep forever...wake up and be a "true" human being, before being a "successful" human being... Your honesty would be your biggest "success", "achievement" and "triumph"...go for it...and stop giving this society more of Lalit Modis....

Ladies n (Not so) Gentlemen...

Do men and women communicate differently at work? Yes, according to the proponents of "Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars" school of thought. In the corporate culture and in an organization where we spend more time in meetings (calls conferences) than the combined time spent in the loo, cafeteria, and smoking zones...I have found women mostly to be self-effacing and apologetic, whereas men are convincingly confident...even when they dont have the slightest idea of what they are talking about.

Before you rule me out as a nut feminist, consider this...a real life situation I expreinced in a call about a week back. It was a call chaired by my project manager(male)... its a different thing altogether that apart from scheduling the call he did nothing...some would say its his job to "delegate" jobs to others, to which I would say "no comments". Anyways, so the situation is...he called for the meeting (virtual as participants are spread across the globe)...he asked me to send him the probable agenda of "his" call which he copy-pasted and sent to all 30 minutes before the call (Delegation, if you may). Now, he and I are in the different location as well...and amongst innumerable worthless gifts we human beings have received from technology, like mobile phones, t.v remote (worthless if you have a husband at home) etc, one such gift used at offices is "instant messenger"... your constant enemy invading whatever little personal moments you have in the office. So here we were, all joining the call over phone...now the minimum I would expect from my project manager to do is have a attendees list ready - as he sent out the invitation he would know who all are joining, right? Wrong...because he is a MAN. Now the attendees were as follows (names changed to the extent possible):

Jeerav Kumar (Project Manager - Male)
Lifebeyonddreams (Me-female)
Mad-hobby (Female)
Mega (Female)
Brain Bloody Witch (Male)
Steep Macaroon (Male)
Lusan S Michael (Female)
Lead Burner

Now all these peole are known to each other, we work in a Global Project...

Now the call began...Jeerav initiated the call with attendence...everybody said their respective name and he reciprocated with a "Hi X, how r you doing?" in his desperately-trying-to-acquire-an-American accent. So far so good... Lusan introduced herself as "Hi this is Lusan S Michael"...to which our great Project Manager said... "Hi Michael, how r you doin' man?"... And this moment ladies and gentle men, I fell off my chair and did all I could to stop me from LOLF loud and clear through the call! How can a "female" voice be Michael? How can someone named "Michael" join our call when we dont have any member by that name. And Lusan, who is called Lue...how can "she" be "man"???!!! But then these obvious things didnot occur to our great project manager (may be he should have delegated the job of taking attendence to somebody else)

Communication differences can be especially pronounced during business meetings. Especially those mind-numbingly "important" meetings where a gaggle of men and women perch and/or slouch around a conference table and/or shout over the phone and discuss critical project issues like project scope, project budgets, project picnics, and football scores. And play BuzzwordBingo in a laudable effort to remain semiconscious.

Unfortunately, how far you move up the corporate ladder often depends on your conference table talk. Why? Because your boss doesn't have time to check out your work. (S)he's much too busy sleeping through meetings.

So you can see how important it is to learn to communicate like a ma... I mean ... boost your communication skills.

But help is at hand. Simply assess your abilities with this MCQ (Meeting Communication Quotient) Quiz:

1) When you have an important point to make you:
a. Jump in the instant somebody stops to breathe.
b. Politely wait until every male in the room has spoken ...including the CEO's cute three-year-old.
c. Wave a white flag in the air and hope someone notices.

2) When somebody uses an unfamiliar term you:
a. Figure if you don't understand it, it isn't important.
b. Hope someone else asks what the @#$%$#@$ the speaker is talking about.
c. Say, "I apologize for my stupidity, but would you please, if it isn't too much trouble, explain X?"

3) If you don't have any original ideas to contribute you:
a. Wait until you hear someone say something brilliant and rephrase it, pretending it's your own.
b. Sit quietly, absorbing what everyone else has to say.
c. Beg for forgiveness.

4) When someone's secretary asks for beverage orders you:
a. Request exactly what you want.
b. Say, "anything will be fine."
c. Head for the coffee machine.

5) If the CEO directly solicits your opinion you:
a. Say what you think he wants you to say.
b. Say what you think your boss wants you to say.
c. Look behind you to see who the CEO is speaking to.

All done with the quiz? Good. Now it's time to check your responses ... and to hire a communication coach if you answered "c" even once.
Whom should you hire? Any male can help settle ... I mean "improve" ... your score.

Youngistan Ka Wow!

One challenege I would like to throw at Ranbir is place the Pepsi bottle in a room and have Deepika Padukone and Katrina Kaif sitting in the same room. And if you wanna add more thrill to it, you can also invite Salman Khan over...now ask Ranbir to go get his Pepsi from there...

Mothers!

Mothers are very rare species...they are available in Human History from the time immortal. My tribute here is to the "human" mothers though mothers are available in every living species on earth, but my believe is that amongst all other species, "human mothers" are the most advanced. They vary in shape, size, color, and nature but more or less there are certain "general" characteristics that they abide by. But this post is not about those general characteristics... because that would be a waste of time, as even general characteristics are given "individualistic" touch by these species worldwide. Say for eg, "Mothers are caring"...its a general trait...but the "care" shown by "Indian" mothers are much different that that shown by "American" mothers. Even within India, you will find characteristic differences amongst different provinces. My blog here is mostly for "Bong Mothers"...and am inspired to write this because of a particular incident that I witnessed today.

I consider myself to be one of the "lower rankers" when it comes to the characteristic of "dedication towards your child's education" amongst the mothers. Though my daughter is pretty chilled out about the same, and though according to her I am a "cool mom"...but "coolness" is not supposed to be a "good mom's" characteristic,atleast not in this part of the world...at times I suffer from accute"inferiority complex" particularly when I am amongst other "not-so-cool moms" in birthday parties. Needless to say, they are the superior varieties amongst Bong Moms... its like the last girl in the class sitiing with the toppers. They have every detailed knowledge of the school, starting from the teachers (I know thats obvious) to the color of the bathroom tiles. They know which teacher is what "type" (dont ask me how many "types" of teachers are there) and they fight with them for 0.5 marks deduction in their ward's tests. I vaguely try to remember the subject on which my daughter has a test on any particular day. Dont blame me as these days kids have tests almost everyday under different categories...class test, block test, weekly test, and hold your breadth...surprise test. I think both me and may daughter deserve kudos for going through the pain of all these tests (well daughter goes through them, and I take the pain to remember the tests). By now, am sure, you are well aware of the rank of my "motherhood" interms of "dedication towards your child's education". I get nervous in birthday parties when I sit with all other moms (by the way I get to meet them only in such parties as otherwise I hardly go to school to fight with the teachers for marks).

Birthday parties are fun...I love to see these dolls all decked up and ofcourse having cake when you are putting on weight even drinking water, gives me a high. But my "fun" gets all ruined up when am sitting amongst all other "mothers"...their topic of discussion starts with..."You know Sushmita Ma'am deducted half a mark of my daughter in the Eng Lit test last week, only because she forgot to put a fullstop!!!...how could she? I went and told her, Sushmita Ma'am, my daughter didnt forget to put the fullstop there its just that it was not put with force and so blame it on the Link gel pen that she was using, that went missing...see here Ma'am, her next word there started with a Capital Letter...if she had not put the fullstop then why would she begin the next word with a Capital Letter?"...Amazing! am not too sure what Sushmita Ma'am said to that, but am sure if I was Sushmita Ma'am I would have fainted right there...or maybe quit! Half a mark deduction is such a big sin, am sure Sushmita Ma'am did never think of! Poor her.

All other mothers by now would agree to this mother who is a "victim" of Sushmita Ma'am crule nature of deducting marks! Other mothers would provide their sympathy and support and start recollecting their horrible experiences right from the days of Nursery I (our kids are in Std V now). This would go on and I would be looking at all mothers feeling highly guilty. Topic them moves to the pattern of questions that might come this year and in the next 5-6 years...all these mothers have done serious researches by borrowing test copies and books and other reference materials from the "senior mothers" (I mean mothers whose kids are senior to our kids). Then they start repenting how their sons/daughters dont study beyond 4 hours in the evening! Now this is precisely the time when I fall off the chair...4 hours at a strech?!!! I dont remeber when I sutdied that long, how can i even think of forcing my daughter to that...infact I feel very happy the day she crosses the 1 hour mark! We celebrate that evening with special dinner at home. But then, am low ranker so this should not be mentioned here in the first place. I look at the kids around and somehow feel sorry for them...with so much of pressure right from their childhood, will they be able to "love" studies ever? Anyways, my thoughts dont matter...now not all mothers can be wrong...

I accept my "inability" to be a good mom no matter how "cool" my daughter thinks I am...but today my inferiority complex took multiple heaps! Today, I went to pick up my daughter from her school...thought of giving her a surprise amodst all her "surprise tests". There is very narrow lane besides the main building where all the cars are parked and kids come in long spiral queues holding their guardains' hands, all tired and exhausted. Now this lane at this point of time is more crowded than the busiest and busient of streets during office hours. On the side of the lane there is a narrow sewage canal passing through, that is where these small kids relieve themselves. Now, I dont like the idea of kids relieving themselves on the street like this, but cant blame them when even at this age, there fathers also do the same, but today lets not talk about it. So what I was saying is here I saw a small boy (my guess is that he would be in Std I) relieving him...and guess what? His mother was standing behind him and reading out a poem to him which he is repeating (like a "badhyo chele") after her! I couldnt take it any more...I mean a 6 year old boy, slogging in school for 4.30 hours and then coming out with an urgency to relieve himself is not even getting spared for 2 mins till he is done with! I couldnot imagine what urgency lied there for the mother who had to teach her the poem when he was reliving himself under a scorching sun at 12 noon!...This mother should get the mother of the decade...only if I knew her too well I would have advised her to teach me "motherhood"... but since I didnt, I dint dare to.

So here I am, highly frustrated with myself, writing a blog on "Mothers"...

Mill & Boons

Blame all my crushes on M&B. Blame all my hearbreaks on M&B. Blame my extremely filmy romanticism also on M&B. I admit that my life has been moulded (you can read "deformed" if you may) by M&B. I would like to thank all the authors of M&B (Penny Jordan, Debbie Macomber, Lynne Graham, Nora Roberts, etc) for making me this extremely stupid, emotional, sentimental, romantic fool! Thanks to you women out there, I started believing "Love" is all about candle-lit dinner, poetry, slow dancing, flowers, and chocolates. I believed my man would be this tall, dark, handsome, showstealer hunk with a very intelligent mind and romantic heart (absolutely impossible combination not matter which formula of Permutation n Combination you put in). Since I had always been a plane Jane, I believed like your books one day a Salman Khan or a Rahul Dravid will woo me and sweep me off my feet (well, I still believe it...one day this will happen).

Now why am I suddenly in a bah-you-all-authors-of M&B-stories? Well the truth is I started reading them all over again! Yes, you heard me right, I am back to reading M&B when in exactly 84 days I will be 35! And faint-if-you-may, these books are again captivating me...you know that feeling when a gust of wind catches you unawares? when it swirls round you, sucking the air from your lungs and leaving you blinking, and ruffled and invigorated?...well thats what I am feeling right now! And if you are wondering on the way I am writing this...well thanks to the new book of M&B for that as well!

Wish God was more like these authors! Wish He took help of these authors when He was writing my life story. I wonder whether in God's kingdom, M&B stories are written? Even if they are, I am unaware... I am yet to meet a TDH with a lot of sensitivity who will prepare breakfast for me and wake me up with a "Goodmorning Sunshine". I am yet to meet a man who would actually be sensible enough to ask the local confectionary to send me a "cream filled doughnut" everyday in the morning because he knows I have a "sweet tooth" and crave for something sweet everyday morning... and mind you all these activities that an M&B Hero performs are all pre-love stage...these are just the beginnings in that "world"..."I Love You" comes decades later...and here in this "world" I love you" changes to "You are ok" to "Oh you suck" to "For all I care"....but Goodmorning sunshine is a distant dream... Flowers everyday is unthinkable...and candle-lit dinner? well you may have it if there is a power cut!

Hence my plead to these great authors...please do put some sense in God's mind...so that when He writes my next life...He puts in some components from your stories... oh Life would be so much fun, if I was "Summer Cutris" of "Jennifer Ashley" or "Linda Stephens" of your "world"... infact, I am thinking of courriering all your books to Almighty, so that He has some better ideas when He writes my Love Life in my next birth!...only if I had His address!!!

The Art of Giving

The art of giving is one of the most important form of art in the world today. This is my personal opinion, but then, this is my personal blogspot! The reason why I feel that the art of giving is so important is because I feel this is the only way you get richer by making someone else better off. Being a student of Economics (though I have almost forgotten that I was), I was always taught that supply is finite and demand is infinite. And the act of balancing infinite demand vis-a-vis finite supply is what Economics is all about. Digging this subject for 7 years, I had realized that this is a fact of life, not only Economics. Life is a balancing act that you learn at the very beginning. And it is always about demand and supply... your demand for milk is supplied by your mother when you are born and thats when it begins. You demand pocket money, your father supplies, your father demands good result that you supply. Its a trade off...and it continues from childhood to adolescence, till the day you are alive...and this trade off is in every aspect of life...social, financial as well as emotional. And in this trade off, if one part is better off the other one is invariably worse off, even if temporarily. But the art of giving is only one aspect of life when you are better off and the party you are giving is also better off...you both gain...he gets a better life, and you? Well my dear friend, you get a happiness that is priceless, atleast much over priced than what you have given.

Sarah had taught me the Art of Giving... and I have come across many such Sarahs in life who have taught me this. And this post is dedicated to all of them.

1) Often, for my office work, I have to travel to Bangalore, and there I have an office cab and the person who owns the cab, is Suresh. Suresh is a very nice man and over months we have bonded really well. Suresh has 2 daughters and since both of them are younger to my daughter, I often get my daughter's old clothes and other used stuffs for them. During one such week long visit in Bangalore, I was talking to my husband over the phone and was cribbing about the food in Bangalore that i didnt like having. Suresh might have understood what I was talking and the very next day he got me a lunch pack and told me that his wife will cook meals for me till the time I am there, so that I dont have to eat outside food.

2) My friend Rajdeep with whom I studied for 5 years together would always spend his pocket money buying me chocolates...and before you get wrong ideas, no, he is or never was my boy friend. We were friends and rgender never came between our friendship. So there was no need of impressing each other or anything. But his buying me chocolates from his pocket money, since I would have already spent mine buying chocolates for myself, by then, have left a deep sense of gratitude in me. Now, I can buy and have any type of chocolates in the world but nothing tastes as good as those Ra. 5/ Cadbury's Break bar.

3) Out of all gifts I receive on my birthday the best one is the one my daughter gives me. This is not because she is my daughter and/or I love her the most and all that. This is more because she gives me a gift that costs her entire pocket money for the month. And even then she looks forward to spending that amount just to make me feel special.

4) The year of my marriage, my father had gifted me an album which had all my childhood memories. Rare photographs that I had never seen earlier. My father is not very expressive kind, I dont remember when was the last time we hugged each other. So a gift like that from my father had me speechless.

All these people actually taught me a very valuable lesson of my life...that happiness lies more in giving than in getting...

International Women's Day!

Its customary to wish all women on International Women's day. I have got many wishes from other women too...Happy International Women's Day with various inspiring, heart touching, "oh we are so great" kinda quotes. Didnt know how to react, so thought would blog about Women's Day and how I see it as.

Note: This post is dedicated to Chanakya for all his women bashing quotes. This post is also dedicated to modern day "Chanakyas" and MCPs in disguise...so called city bred, diplomatic, suave MCPs who pretend they "respect" women just like they repect their "mothers"!!!

Hi All "Chanakya"-led and "Chanakya" like men,

Like all other years I will not feel like raging a war against your tribe on International Women's day. Like all other years, I will not crib and frown on the "injustice" you have done to us over the centuries. Like all other years, I will not feel humiliated on the "insults" that you have done to women. Rather, this year, the woman in me plans to do something different. She feels the need to make peace with with, and give you credits where it is due. The woman in me feels its time I accept the things as they are...no point shouting for equality when I know WE are not equal. So this year round, on International Women's Day, I let all you men know that I admit and appreciate things that you all can really do much better than us.

1) I accept and admit with all my heart that we women can never beat you in "untidyness"!!! You guys are way ahead of us in this aspect. You have this amazing skill of "farting" with pride in public that we can never beat you at. I admit that cleaning your nose in public is an art that you have mastered and it will take us years to reach where you are (its a different thing altogether that we dont want to reach there ever). We can never claim to be "equal" in terms of being "lousy" and I, on behalf of all women declare you the WINNER in the category of "UNTIDY LOUSY BEAST". We women accept defeat with all our modesty.

2) The close second in the list is the "Art of bad Mouthing". We women have been trying to copy you getting "inspired" by your art of using abuses, left right and center. With a lot of hard work and dedication, we have been able to get somewhere closer to you when we are really pissed off or angry, but I must admit we have a long way to go before we reach the zenith you are at...its amazing how you greet each other with such decorative "Words of speech"!!! I often wonder if you are talking over the phone with your best friend or raging a war against the "Gang of Terrorist"! Its amazing to hear you use words like "mother..." "Sister..." to your best friends whose mother probably have cooked you many decent meals in the past! Also, I personally love the variety of such words that you guys possess control over, and improvisations are amazing!

3) Then ofcourse, how can I forget mentioning your "insensitiveness"... thats an attribute you are far far ahead of us. Women can never beat you in being "insenstivie" towards others feelings, others emotions and others dreams. You guys can singlehandedly manage being "insensitive" in all the departments of life. We can never even come close to you in this sphere. Your insensitivity, followed by your "huge" ego and decorated with your "Selfish" nature make you a much superior being than us...a class apart. How amazingly naturally it comes to you to take everything you get in this life, for granted. How convincingly you have "convinced" yourself that its "YOU" who deserve to get the best toys (over your sister) in your childhood, the best jobs (over other female contemporaries) when you grow up, and the "treaty" called marriage is so amazingly pro-men! Hats off to you men for pulling it off so amazingly! Women can never even dream of having secured for themselves such desirable treaties in life! We indeed have a long way to go.

4) You have mastered the art of "taking everything in life for granted" with such a master stroke. Over the centuries how have kept women supressed and now when women have started protesting bleekly, you actually attribute the increasing rate of divorce to the increasing rate of "intolerance" amongst women! Amazing insight...what you try to say is that divorce is on the rise, becasue WOMEN have become intolerant! Yeah, right, if only we accepted every injustice you did on us like your ancestors did on ours, we would have had lesser number of divorces! Amazingly, that you value "family" so much and are looking out for ways of reducing "divorces".

Well, the list can go on and on...starting from as petty stuff as your not washing your undergarments for days together! to as noble as your taking the woman in you life for granted, we are way behind you in all these and more. So on International Women's Day, I want to acknowledge all these and tell you, that we momen neither want nor can be like you. You are way ahead of us in things like above.

P.S: Heard, there is an International Men's Day as well... Don't know when, but wishing you all a Happy Men's Day full of drinks, abuses, dirty porns, stupid games, and chasing women with a draeam of enslaving them!...enjoy your life just the way you always do...after all what else can be expected from insensitive, selfish bunch of MEN!