The Contract that can save your marriage

Do you and your spouse argue about how to spend your spare time? Togetherness can be tough to achieve when a couple's interests just don't jibe. But this contract may be just the cure for your spare time blues.

AGREEMENT entered into on _____, 20__ between movie-buff Wife and sports-fan Husband.
WHEREAS, Husband has been badgering Wife to attend a cricket match for as long as they've been married, and he has never managed to reach the stadium;
WHEREAS, Wife has been pressuring Husband to go for a movie together for years, and Husband is running out of excuses; and
WHEREAS, Husband and Wife know that if they don't resolve this soon, each will be attending all functions solo.

NOW, THEREFORE, the parties hereby agree to the following spare time terms:

1. Wife will attend one ball-type game, the selection of which shall be in Husband's sole discretion, and Husband will attend one movie once a month, the selection of which shall be in Wife's sole discretion. In exercising such discretion, both spouses will keep in mind that divorce lawyers are really expensive.
2. The parties agree to dress appropriately for each event.
a. Husband shall attend the movie wearing something casual (not the same shirt he wore thrice that week), but shall not be too casusal to wear shorts that keep coming off and t-shirts worn otherwise at night during sleeping.
b. Wife acknowledges that stiletto heels and bleachers don't mix, and promises to don mustard-friendly clothing.
3. If the movie is romantic, Wife promises not to explain it. Additionally, Wife agrees that Husband need not swim in the emotional waves alongwith the Wife.
4. Husband agrees not to conduct a pre-game lecture or to furnish play-by-play explanations. He shall, however, nudge Wife gently when cheering is about to occur, so she may properly protect her eardrums.
5. Wife shall not be required to ingest franks, fries, or beer during the game, and won't keep track of those eaten by Husband.
6. Husband shall not ingest franks, fries, or beer at the movie, and promises not to snore during the romantic songs.
7. Each party must stay for the entire length of his/her respective ordeal. However, excessive beer spillage shall entitle Wife to spend the entire game in the bathroom.
8. If the game goes into overtime, Wife shall refrain from complaining, pouting, and/or dirty looks.
9. If the movie is too long, Husband shall refrain from griping, sulking, and/or listenning to some stupid game commentory in his mobile
10. The following shall not be uttered during the game:
a. "What's going on?"
b. "Is it almost over?"
c. Cheering type sounds when the wrong team scores.
11. The following shall not be uttered during the movie:
a. "What's going on?"
b. "Is it almost over?"
c. Bravo type sounds when the villain hits the hero.
12. This is a once a month deal, and Husband and Wife will never, ever do it again. Unless, of course, they enjoy it.

SIGNATURES: ________________________ _________________________