Twin Flame

Deep in the heart of every human being, lies the knowledge of his/her twin flame or soul mate, perhaps covered by the dust accumulated for years due to the disappointments of Earthly relationship experiences. Whether or not we agree, the awareness of this twin flame relationship becomes of primary importance to every human being. It is one of the major keys to our awakening to the heart at the micro level and to the transformation of Earth at the macro level. In the human spiritual “genome” is a code of Love, activated by opening to the soul mate that will help us to embody Love on Earth and change our world to a peaceful, loving place. Would there be strife if each one of us were truly in Love? Think about it. In today’s life, Love has more been associated with GETTING rather than GIVING. The spiritual path to Love, on the contrary, is all about selfless giving. It’s need of the time now to change our view of relationship and to begin exploring Love from giving, from the heart.

I read somewhere that we human beings are all cells in the heart of God. And each of these cells has two parts – one masculine and one feminine. This two-part cell is the original “Adam and Eve” of creation – the manifested form of God’s love. This is not about gender on Earth, but about charges of the electricity of love. As the embodiment of God's Love, as pieces of God's heart, we are not only made in the image of God and living within God's heart but we are actively creative as is God. Our thoughts are active and are creating our life at every moment. However, we can only create at our level of understanding that is formed in our MIND. The difference between living from the mind (limited) and living from the heart (unlimited) is precisely the difference between EGO (getting) and SPIRIT (giving). Thoughts in mind are always formed and accompanied by fear, lack, greed and aggression. In contrast, as we learn to shift to the level of true feeling in the heart, we begin to manifest “heart love”. We begin to experience life through the heart’s intelligence rather than through the more limited MIND or EGO. “Maya” or “Illusion” is what our mind perceives. The Real World, the God’s world can only be experienced by letting go of our ego and raising ourselves by opening our hearts. It’s only then that we will understand the concept of Twin Flame or Soul Mate.

Our Twin Flame has always been with us but until we reach a certain openness of heart, we cannot perceive him/her. When we ask God's help to open our hearts to our Soul Mate, the molecules which make up our ever moving energy field go into motion and the reflection on Earth of the Twin Flame with whom we were created actively moves toward us. We do not have to go anywhere or do anything special. As we become Love, that love will show itself in us and we will literally call and draw our Twin Flame towards us. Look with the eyes of your heart; you will recognize your soul mate. As we grow on the Soul Mate path, we understand that the person in front of us will always reflect to us perfectly the state of our Love, the state of our heart. The Law of Resonance is the most basic law of spiritual attraction -- "like attracts like." In our relationship, then, we are able to see immediately if we are living from the heart or from the ego because our partner will reflect this back to us. I have experienced this in my life. When I gave more importance to ego, I got back the same from my partner. Next time when you complain about your relationship and/or partner, close your eyes and think twice. Do you do the similar things that you are complaining about? I can assure you if you are honest to yourself, the answer will be positive. If you want more Love, what is the practical (and spiritual) thing to do? Give more Love. God asks us to look within ourselves deeply and honestly. Are we truly open to Love? It takes a strong person with a great desire for Love to admit feeling closed to Love.

As a couple in a relationship makes the decision to choose Love, to open their hearts, their relationship will transform. The decision to live from the heart, to put the other person first, must be made again and again and again, on a daily basis. As Love becomes the priority, the couple's lives will shift dramatically. Then the Soul Mate relationship is realized and Love becomes a living reality. This turns on that genetic Twin Flame code within which awakens us into our true state – the Love that brings us Home. It does not matter if someone “looks within” or “looks outside” themselves. It only matters that they are opening their heart to Love. And if they are, their Twin Flame would be there. The Soul Mate is the Heart -- The heart of Love -- The heart of life. For the Soul Mate is the truth of you, the truth of your own great heart. Twin Flames of Love creating the portal, the vessel, the Holy Grail of Love through which all things are nourished.

The first and foremost key in the awakening of humanity is the realization of Soul Mate. Do you know how you say that two people fit together like lock and key? The turning of that key in that lock becomes the opening, the cracking of the seed... It becomes the moment when what you are gives way to what you will become. I cannot tell you how profound this is, but your heart will tell you. There truly are no words for this miracle of Love. The miracle for which all of your journeys have prepared you -- all of your lives, all of your lessons, all of the things you have built and stored over the centuries in the special treasure chest of your Highest Self, awaiting the moment when all is ready. The moment when you are ready, when your Soul Mate is ready, and when humanity is ready. The longing for Love that is within most of us is not a weakness. Our longing for Love is placed in our hearts by God. It is our divine call. It is the spiritual desire for our true home, for our right and real relationship with Him and with our true Love. It’s only a matter of time that we realize this universal fact and accept it with an open heart. Sooner or later, this is the path every human being has to take. Love makes everything right in our world, not because it is a fantasy, but because it brings us back in touch with Almighty.

When you fall in Love you can see these connections. You are able to feel the life in everything. You find compassion for others because your heart is open. Love is not a fantasy. Love is what is real. Everything else is the fantasy, and not only a fantasy, it is a lie. It is a lie of the ego that leads you to believe you can live better without Love. The result is the world you see. The denial of Love in all its forms is what creates sickness and pain, despair and abuse. The more Love is denied, the "sicker" the society. Do everything in your power to contradict the lies. Do everything you can to acclaim the truth of Love. Hold on to your belief in Love, NO MATTER WHAT.

The Sound Of Music

No, I am not to write a review on one of the Classics of Hollywood movies ever. No, I am not to tell you here that it is my most all time favorite movie ever. This post is about me; about my likes, my beliefs, my principles, in nutshell, my way of living life.

The first time I saw this movie was when I was 10 years old. Today, my daughter is 10 years old, so it’s indeed been a long, long time. And this movie still holds the most prestigious position of “My Most favorite movie of all time” in my life. And today, as I sit alone in my hotel room in Shenzhen, watching the movie for the n-th time, I still feel the same emotions that I felt years before, and everytime I watch this movie – that of Love. This movie manifests Love in all its form and Maria has always been my ideal, she being the epitome of Love. I can’t claim to be like Maria, but I did have one commonality with her, that I loved and appreciated all good things life had to offer. And probably I also shared her innocence at some point of time in my life.

But the Maria in me has grown up. This Maria went through many ups and downs in her life. But unlike Maria, she couldn’t retain her innocence, her spirit and conscience. Slowly but surely, many of her good attributes were gone. She gave up on her goodness and even started compromising on her principles. These changes were gradual, so gradual that by the time she realized, she had come a long way off. But the tragedy lies elsewhere. Even after she realized that she went wrong, even if late, she didn’t do anything about it. She just kept on going on that road of self destruction which was giving her temporary pleasure. Why I say its self destruction is that in every crossroads of life, you will get two roads. One of them would be difficult, full of roadblocks and hurdles, but that road goes towards the ultimate goal of life. This road less travelled, gives you the ultimate happiness. On the contrary, there would be another road, a short cut to all your problems and one that would give you enough temporary pleasure, and boost your ego, help you have "fun" and all that, but this road leads to your destruction. If you travel on this road, you will be destroyed for sure,sooner or later, and along with you your near and dear ones will also suffer. So out and out, it’s your loss. And this Maria has faced it. Though she realized it but she was too busy externalizing the reasons for her downfall and destruction and in doing so, instead of preventing it from happening any further, she went deep down towards destruction at an accelerated rate.

But thanks to some recent events of her life, and ofcourse, The Sound Of Music, this Maria has come out of her Satanic trance. “Goodness” always pays, even if it pays late. Life is not about doing good things and being good when the going is smooth. Our true identity is what we do and how we behave when the going gets tough. It is very easy to take the “wrong” road when the going gets tough. It is even easier to externalize everything and wash our hands off anything wrong that we have done blaming the external “tough” situations. But whether you accept or not, whether you externalize or internalize, it’s you and you alone that face the after effects.

So, as I watch this movie, the memory of who I am, and what I believe in, comes back to me. My “value” remains the same, even if I had fallen down and got dirty. A crumpled, dirty $100 is no less in value than a new note. I am in this world to learn from every success and failure of mine. I am in this world to retain my “inherent” qualities that God has given me and enhance my spirit and proceed towards Self Realization. I am in this world to love one and all. I am in this world to appreciate the goodness in everything and in everybody. This world is God’s creation, we all are God’s children then how can there be a flaw in anything or in any one of us? Temporarily I went blind to all these aspects but now when I look within me I realize it is my conscious and subconscious decision to lead my life. I am a product of my own thoughts, emotions and beliefs. I am who I want to be, and I consciously decide today that I want to be like my childhood inspiration, Maria. Maria is back with her “Favorite things” and one of her most favorite things is LOVE. Maria is back on the road of Love; Maria loves the concept of Love. And everything remotely related to Love is her Favorite Things.

Relationships...

This is one of the most complicated aspect of life. And this is something that should have been the most simplest aspect of life. Human psychology is so damn complex. What we want we dont know, and this leads us to utter confusion.

Why am I babbling about this so late at night? When I see around myself, I dont see any couple happy with each other. Yes, I am talking about people I know, and true they are not enough to pass on a verdict for the entire world...but my world comprises of them. Am I really that unfortunate that couples I know, friends I care about... they dont seem to be happy with their partners at all?

Think of any possible disparity and I know someone or the other who is going through it at the moment. A friend of mine, got divorced recently. He wasnt happy when he was with his ex-wife, and he isnt happy now either...Is this love?

A firend of mine, having a lot of problems in her marriage... she thinks its worse than a broken family...they are together for the sake of thier child, but their togetherness is devoid of any meaning. They are not happy together, probably they wont be happy away from each other as well...Is this love?

A couple I know, are together, but keep on straying each other which is an open secret and probably an understanding amongst them. Apparently they are one happy family, but both the husband and the wife are having affairs outside their marriage. Is this love?

A colleague I know of, is having an extra marital affair with a widow and his wife has no clue about it. Is this love?

Another person I know is having a secret affair with her wife's best friend...and the wife doesnt have a clue about it...Is this love?

A long time friends of mine - I know of a couple who were madly in love, got married against all odds and now the guy is having an affair elsewhere. The wife knows but is quiet...Is this love?

Another firend of mine, though claims to be a perfect husband, wants to have an affair with his one-time girl-friend - an "affair" mind you...he doesnt want to marry her or anything - he wants to "sail" on both the boats... Is this love?

One of my acquaintance recently ommitted a suicide... am out of touch with him for long now, but other firends who were close told me that it has to do with his wife. Is this love?

A friend of mine is getting attracted to another guy outside her marriage as the "other" guy reminds her of her ex-boy friend! Ridiculous...Is this love?

And since all these above examples are from my firends circle - one can very well imagine that am talking about couples who have been together for minimum 10 years! Most of them have had love marriages... most of them "chose" to spend their lives with the chosen partner...n now this!

What do we look for, in a relationship? I think we ourselves are not sure what our expectations are - so we really cannot blame the other person for matching upto them. I want to ask all these friends of mine...why are they spoiling their lives like this? If they dont think they are spoiling their lives...then I want to ask them...why are they shattering my faith on "love"...why why why?

Am really heart broken now... I want to meet people who are happy in love...who are good examples of "love" and "relationships". Need some positivity to sustain my belief in "love". As I begin to "end" another day of my life... I pray to God, please show me one "true" love...a love that culminates into perfect bliss every moment...a relationship that has sustained many oddities and is still going strong... a love that is pure and makes two individuals proud of its existance. Let me re-affirm my belief that "love" is the only thing that gets you going...love that is selfless, egoless and makes you strong. Love is like "oxygen" - you just cannot live without it...let us have this oxygen in its purest form, God...

Today, am really hurt broken - result of an internal turmoil for long... need God to intervene and restore my faith. Show me one genuine relationship God...show me soon.

Flowers and Chocolates

Flowers and Chocolates... why am I talking about them? Well, thats because they are the most common genre of gifts in love. If you are a girl, you loving getting them; if you are a boy, you love gifting them ( I would like to - and this is probably going on from the time immortal (well chocolates definitely have been added in the upgraded version once chocolates came into existance, but flower am sure is going on for centuries.

So whats the big deal? They are not these rare commodities that you just cannot afford to have them unles some one gifts you in love. But even then, the pleasue of getting a bunch of roses or a box of chocolate from your man is a pleasure of a different genre altogether - figures of speech fail to describe such a pleasure.

Ever since i was sweet sixteen, I dreamt of getting flowers and chocolates from my dream man! Dream man kept changing, but flowers and chocolates were always constant. They were always in my "wish list". Long time back there was an ad on TV of Thums Up featuring Salman Khan as a naval officer surprising his girl friend with a flower bouquet... I think thats when I strated dreaming about flowers... and then there was another ad on TV of Amul Chocolate and one of the version was about love... how idiot box makes us idiot...

My "teenage-ism" is still at its peak, though am more than double the age of sweet sixteen now... i still dream of flowers and chocolates... with my increasing waist line and grey hair (yes I saw my first grey hair a couple of days back) I still dream of getting a flower bouquet from someone special alongwith a box of chocolates... Any one listenning''

Another 7 years and my daughter will be sweet sixteen, and I want to pass pn my dreams to her. May she get flowers and chocolates from the man of her life... I dont know whether she will share her feelings with me then, but I sincerely hope that she does, as I want to re-live those dreams with her... let all my share of flowers and cholocates go to her... I pray and hope that her dreams get fulfilled...

As of my flowers, I still have not given up the hope

Wind Moves On

I could never think like poets, never had those imaginative powers. Could never compare myself with anything other than myself, always thought am unique then how can I say I am like this or like that? But now I want to be like a poet. Now I want to be like this, like that.

Its been precisely 26 days that am in Vienna now. And gone through many ups and downs, have seen many phases of life in this 26 days. Felt different emotions, experienced various new aspects of life. Have been lonely, happy, depressed, frustated, satisfied, escatic, playful, independent, and all sorts of possible (and impossible) permutations and combinations of all these emotions. And as I come out of this phase, all geared up to pack my bags and run towards the airport..."Homeward Bound..."I take some quiet moments out and look back to see what I have earned (apart from the extra bucks, ie) and what I have learned in this phase of mine.

Credits first: Gained immense confidence - yes I think that tops the chart as far as gain is concerned... walking on the roads of Vienna alone, I felt a sense of confidence and a little bit of pride (with all my modesty)... I never thought of myself as a career woman, never really chased it...but here I am, in one of the most beautiful cities of the owrld, all on our own for my office work! Everytime I felt this, I said a silent thank you to God.
A sense of financial security - yes that matters - I felt immensly secured when I shopped in one of the most expensive city of the world, and took a silent pledge that one day i will shop here again, without even looking at the price tags and skippinga heart bit! - I enjoyed immensely spending my hard earned money and even put some cents in donation boxes here!!! yooohooo!!!
Job Satisfaction - Yes, it gave me immense satisfaction taking up this challenge - it was a tough one and I had volunteered for it! - I completed it on time! I know its Him who helped me every time, but still cant ignore the satisfaction that am feeling...yes, I want to roll up my collar and move around with pride :-) of all modesty!!!

Now the debits list... the saddest saddity... but I believe that whatever we think is "not good" for us at the moment is just a bit behind in terms of bringing us the "good" associated with it - its just that we dont see them coming. So, the debits that I think are debits are carrying alongwith them some hidden treasures that I am yet to find out. This thought helps!

I went through a series of loneliness pangs - this helped me realise the pain of lonely people. Loneliness is indeed boring, and no happiness is complete without your loved ones.
Coming back to a lonely hotel room (no matter how luxurious it is) after a hard day's work is highly frustating. And during those hard times, "love" keeps you going. Yes, and that is my biggest loss and I am yet to find out the "hidden treasure" in it.

When you are fighting the whole world alone, all on your own, with all the ups and downs, triumphs and collapses... you need an emotional support... you need your loved one to stand by you, to understand you, and your pain. You need him to tell you that dont worry, am here with you. You need him to understand that if you are acting impossible now its because you are missing your loved ones greatly. You need his patience. ANd he promises you so. He realises what you need and promises you to provide you with that. You feel joy that you thought never even existed! You start feeling emotionally secured yet again... and then...

Then something happens, and you realise all those promises were not meant to be kept. you realise that forget providing you support with his understanding, he is not even sensitive enough to understand your innermost turmoils and he gives you much more that you can really bear...

Thats when I want to be a poet, and write a poetry that expresses what I am going thorugh at the moment. But I cannot...I am all blank now - thought would write a poem, ended up writing nothing... only one sentence keeps coming...Wish I could be WIND as wind moves on...

Happy Birthday

13th Sept is the birthday of a very special person. I cant say a very special person of my life as i have never met him in "my" life, but there are some people with whom our relationship knows no boundaries...and stetches beyond lifetimes. I think we share a similar relationship. If only he was on this plane, I would have definitely met him after I knew of him, but he is on a different plane altogether. And no matter on which plane is he now, I know my wishes are getting conveyed to him.

So, I want to wish him a very happy birthday. May he have a rollicking time today...do all that he wants to... am not too sure what his likes are...but whatever they may be...wish him loads and loads of those. Its time I go to sleep, actually its high time if you please, for for the last 2-3 days hardly sleeping 4-5 hours a day! But I cant sllep now... not before planning his birthday party for him...

So here you go... we will go to the place of your choice to have breakfast, the first thing in the morning...well, I dont know actually what your favorite breakfast joint is, or what you really like to have...but somehow I am feeling like having jalebi...so if it is your favorite as well, then can we go and have them please?...ok so done then...we all will go for a breakfast...a heavy satisfying one...with loads of unhealthy stuffs! Come on, its your birthday, and you are in the pink of your health...if anybody desagrees, we will manao them ok? This one day atleast we will do what you like, and somehow I feel you would like a complete unhealthy breakfast comprising may be, poori, sabzi and loads of ghee and milk? n ofcourse, jalebi to end it with.

Then we will go out for a nice walk... at a place where you always went - I didnt know it then, but I know it now...will ask your love to accompany as well...she will...so what if she is busy preparing a nice lunch for you. Am sure she can make out time and she will...happy now? So will go for a walk...and it will do you a lot of good after that heavy breakfast... on our way back, we will go to that Gurudwara... u know i love going there for that awsome besan ke laddu that they give as "prasad" ...we will have the prasad and then come back home. Then will wait for that special lunch that is being made on your honor...I will also help others in preparing the dishes...dont warry baba, I will not mess it up...will be very vry careful...and when your wife is supervising and guiding me, how can i ever go wrong?

Aha, then will have lunch...the elaborate one with all your favorite dishes! You will love it, wont you? And then we all will sit together and have a wonderful "adda"... will talk about your favorite things... you will tell us about your childhood and how your birthdays used to be... we all will listen to your rich and wonderful experiences.... time will jus flow by...

In the evening I am thinking of having some guests over, but dont know why I feel you would like to be just the few of us...you want to srink tonight dont you? I did hear you had stopped drinking but then you did drink once or twice after that didnt you? On rare special occassions? happy eventful occassions? Come on, today is a happy occassion as well and evenful for me as I am spending your birthday for the first time with you! And somehow I feel you will want to have a couple of drink tonight...go on, I will not scold you for them...Are you enjoying it? Are you enjoying your birthday?

Wherever you are... I want this day to be very very happy for you... may not be the way I conceived it...but that doesnt matte...if my soul knows yours i know you would like to spend this day the way i conceived it... or may be an entirely different way... dont know --- all I know is that its your birthday, and you should be happy...

Happy Birthday...dadaji...and have a great day!

Am I having Fun?

Ever since I have landed in Vienna, all my friends are asking me religiously and i am sick and tired of being asked if I'm having fun, and I want to address this question for once and for all : No, I am not having "fun". I have never intended to have "any" in my life so far, and wish to not have it anytime in the near future, whether in Vienna, or Varanasi. I am quite happy to be "happy", or may be at times joyful, but no thanks! fun, I have no intention to have.

CAll me irritably "old-fashioned" or reasonably repressed, or just a plain old bore without bothering much about rhetoric, but I can never get my mind around how activities usually labelled "fun" can actually be "funny" or at most "pleasurable". My colleagues here prod me almost every evening to "come out with us ahd have some fun!" events which are nothing but pubbing followed by some more pubbing and then... pubbing again! And I dont find anything "fun" in there. If you honestly ask me, which i realize you dont, but nevertheless, "having fun" seems like an aggressive advertisement of one's money power to attain privilege of sharing an illusion of a good time, and pretention of having "fun". YOu may call me judgemental but I think thats just an escapist's way to bury his head deeper into the waves of denial about the overstressed and messy life that he is possibly leading.

What puts me "off" fun?,,,ummmn, let me think...aggressionand loudness puts me off fun. ummnn, and a certain level of herd mentality as well. add to it the extremely boring predictability. yes, i think that completes the list..more or less. For me fun is more about being happy...and happiness cannot be grasped merely by "hanging" out at all "happenning" places. If you ask me, which I know you dont, but nevertheless, I am deeply suspicious of any mass-prescribed recipe for "fun", from alcohol to spas. Here, being in Vienna, am getting a sense of lost identity as the only "fun" seems to be in pubbing pubbing and more pubbing.

As I spend my day here, I realize happiness is with your loved ones - otherwise how do you define me not having chocolates and pastries being in the land of them? how do you define me hardly sleeping 5-6 hours a day and not even feeling bad about it. how do you define me being hooked onto the net almost 24hours a day!!! (incase you dont know...i hate being online all the time)... fun is not about "things" it is about "people" and it took me to travel this far to realize this. The things that actually would hv given me fun...I dont even feel like doing them here, as there is not my loved ones to share those "fun" moments with... fun is not "pubbing" fun is about being with your loved ones.

I miss the stupid serials my daughter watches. I miss preparing her breakfast at 5 in the morning, I miss driving through the congested Kolkata traffic, I miss signing her HW Diary... I miss those "fun"... and here, if you think am having fun, then let me tell you for once and for all... no I am not having fun, and neither do I intend do.... the only fun for me here, if at all, is counting days to go back where I left my heart before coming here

Miss you

I want to grow old with you

This is one phrase i have read in many M&B books and even otherwise. I always found it very romantic. If some is still not sure about what I am saying here, well its kind of a marriage proposal... it goes on like this - I love you, I want to marry you, I wanna have kinds with you, I want to grow old with you...will u marry me? And then the girls gives a million dollar answer - Yes! (well a million-dollar answer I say bcos after that the guy ends up spending all his million dollars he has on her for the rest of their live, until death or divorce do them apart) But thats not the main point here. The main point is that phrase - I want to grow old with you.

Why all of a sudden am talking about this? Well simply because being in Vienna at the moment I am getting an opportunity to see a lot of elderly couples these days. They make a sweet pair. They are on their vacation, mostly alone, and they seem to be enjoying each others' company thoroughly. I get to meet them every day during the breakfast in the hotel. I particularly like them... because they hve indeed grown old with each other but are not bored of each other - something that I see in the elderly couples of our country, and that includes my parents, my in-laws as well. Are they not in love? Am sure they are, but they surely are not as expressive as these people from the otherside of the world are.

They hold hands and walk together - I have never seen my parents walking side by side, forget holding hands. Men in our country prefer walking atleast 100 miles ahead of their female counterparts! Check out on your parents, on your uncle-aunts, am sure you will notice this trend without any exception (and incase you do find any exception, please let me know - I would love to meet such a lovely couple in our country as well!) They sit together and have breakfast - our mothers have this tendency of feeding their "husbands" first! and the husbands also are too happy to have the meal before their wives! These elderly couples are enjoying theri lives...hassle free, tension free, roaming around the world. But look at our parents - can they even think of going for a vacation - only the two of them, leaving us behind? Oh am sure the mothers will dies at the thought of leaving their grown up kids, and the fathers will faint at the thought of being alone with their wives for 7-10 days! When circumstance forces them to travel together (and believe me, its mostly emergency not a vacation - like they going to their son or daughter's place who stay in a different city/country) - they travel as if they are absolute strangers!!! or enemies bonded together. The day I was travelling to Vienna from Kolkata, I met an aunty in the bus towrds the air-craft, who, according to herself was travelling with her husband to UK where her son stays, but believe me I couldnot even trace the uncle - Aunty was busy toking to me, she was excited as it was her first time, and when I asked her, "Are you traveeling alone", she said, "Na na, tomar kaku o ache amar shonge" - this is another amazing thing about our mothers and aunts - they will die but not call their husbands by their names! My mother wanted to pass this on to me, I had very politely(my version of politeness) refused! Anyways, coming back to this aunty, when she told me that "my kaku" was also there, I strated looking for him, then she said , "ei ekhanei kothao hobe"!

I see my father-in-law always shouting at my mother-in-law or scolding her when they are travelling together - as if she just cannot do anything right!

I love my India, but these are the things that disturbs me - we dont know how to respect another human being, more so if that human being is our better half! This is in our blood. We love to shout at each other. In the western part, they may have more divorces...but if they are together, they are in love. And if they are in love, and while they are in love, they treat each other well.

I learnt from this elderly couples, what it is like to grow old together gracefully and lovingly...not like growing old together because we have no options. In India coupls are like that...they are together because they have no options...are they still in love? They might like to ask this question to themselves.

Coming back to elderly couples, well, I like them immensely in this part of the world. They are indeed growing old together... God bless them.

And as I sit in my hotel room, all alone, writing this...I wonder silently... Will I really grow old with him...together? like these people out here...or will my mother be successful in passing on the heir... i wonder will i hold his hand when am walking on the road, or will he be miles ahead of me... i wonder will we call each other sweetheart and darling... or will we even not bother to call each other...

The more I wonder, the more Doris Day takes over me...Que Serra Serra...

Some Songs and their meanings for me

Songs... anybody and everybody's companion... when u are happy you listen to them; when you are sad, you listen to them; when you wanna dance you listen to them; when u wanna sleep, even then you listen to them. And there is a song for each and every mood you experience. No matter which genre of songs you prefer, you always have one for every occassion.

Hindi songs are my all time favorites. May be because I relate to them more. There are some songs that have touched me with their lyrics. So here are a few of my favorite Hindi lyrics that have a deep impact on me...

... Pal Na Ruke Ek Pal Ke Liye
Jeeta Rahe Pyar Kal Ke Liye
Kare Koi Sitam, Mile Koi Sazaa
Dil Bhule Nahin Kabhi Pehli Wafa
So Haare Na Himmat, Kare Sab Woh Haasil
Yeh Dil Ka Musafir, Chala Ja Raha Hai...

(this is from a song named - Kaahin toh milegi, mohabbat ki manzil)

This particular stranza has always impressed me. Pehli wafa or First True Love - the most genuine emotions you can ever experience. There may be many infatuations which you may mistake as Love, but you just know when it is true. The whole feelings is so different.... and perhaps one day, it just fades away... but no matter what, you can never forget it.

...Jis Haath Mein, Ek Haath Hain
Us Haath Ki, Kya Baat Hain,
Kya Faasle, Kya Manzilein,
Ek Humsafar, Gar Saath Hain,
Bigdi Kismat Ko Yun Jo Sawnar De
Wohi Toh Dil Daar Hain, Yaar Mere

(this is from the famous song, Sach Mere Yaar hain, from SAGAR)

Wonderful feeling it is to have a true "humsafar" who can just make your journey so desirable even with its numerous ups and downs. But do we always give importance to their existance? may be not...n then they just drift away...n then you are probably back to the journey alone...

...Kal Ki Baatein Bhul Ja
Guzri Raatein Bhul Ja
Khwab Jo Sach Ho Sake Na
Unki Yaadein Bhul Ja...
...Jo Na Hare Bewasi se
Na Kare Shikwa Kisi Se
Raaz Yeh Jana Usi Ne
Zindagi Kya Hai Zindagi...

(from the famous song, Kya Khabar Kya Pata, Kya Khushi Hai, Gum Hai Kya)

This is probably the best way to let go off the past and move forward, in life...but in reality, can we??? This also reminds me about so many other songs on "Zindagi" - indeed its a big question...what is this "Life" that we are so possessive about... we keep chasing it all the time...try to make it better all the time...and one day, it leaves us quietly, n then all our efforts are gone down the drain... Philosophy, isnt it?

Kiska Raasta Dekhein,
Ae Dil Ae Saudaai
Milon Hain Khamoshi, Barson Hain Tanhaai,
Bhulee Duniya, Kabhi Ki, Tujhe Bhi, Mujhe Bhi
Phir Kiski Yaad Aayee...

Now this is the song of the ultimate loner... and its true...we have come in this owrld alone, will go from here alone (unless we are the victim of some terrorist activity where many die together)...but here while we are at it, we look for companions... friends, relatives, life partner etc etc... We forget that none of those relations are permanent...n in todays world, all the more not...

I know I am spreading a lot of negativity. But I have really realized that nothing in this life is permanent... everything is dellusion... even "true Love" is...

International Women's Day

Hmm... International Women's Day... and boy! (sorry, girl) some celebration it was, and still is. Radio, Television, Newspaper, Net, Shopping Malls, you name it, and they all have something or the other to offer you on International Women's Day...one day in a year is Your Day, woman, so go out and celebrate.

Every celebrity is writing about this day, and their feeling associated with womanhood... from Shobhaa De' to Nita Ambani to some hottie of the Bollywood Industry named Amrita Rao...they all had to contribute their views on the Sunday Times on Womanhood... so I thought, why not me? - in my own world, am a celebrity, and in my own blog, am free to express my feelings on being a woman... so here it goes... Na, dont get me wrong, my post is not about the "political" or "social" or "economical" or "blah-blah" side of Women's Day. Rather it is about those intense girlie moments, those total feminine zones that no one, no one can take away from us.

Though I studied in co-ed school and college and university, and right from my kindergarten days till the work atmosphere am in, I have had the privilege of interacting with boys, cool dudes and gentlemen, but if I lived my life all over again, one thing that will not change is that I love spending time with women. Yes, I love spending all my time with women, and stop any imagination, I am totally straight. But this is about happiness, that feeling of absolute joy and completion I know, this is the deep stuff. Recently, I was contemplating over what makes me happy and fortunately the answer was not ‘death by chocolate’ or jugs of good stout. I am happy when I am with my girlfriends. Wait, let me just elaborate this.

Let me define some of the happiest moments of my life. I was happy almost every day in Kolkata during my college days when Enasree and I started our everyday agenda together, draped in a similar kinda attire (yes, our dresses were almost similar, and even shoes!) we bunked classes, talked, giggled and talked again. God! We were happy, so, so happy. Happiness was spending time with our gang at Scottish on the backside stairs and each of us talking at the same time, happiness was in our cacophony and those O! So British Wodehouse references or random connection between Tom Jones and Anil Kapoor, or maybe simply bitching about other "gangs" and "girls".

Hmm...happiness... Happiness was forcing Enasree to miss her train timing and then all the way walking with her to Bagbazar bus stop from where she would hail her bus and i would see her off. Happiness was going out for shopping in the New Market with minimum possible fund available in our pockets - now thats what i really call "window shopping". Happiness was going for those "A" rated english movies and giggling and blushing continuously while we were watching them. Happiness was "chasing" guys! (yes, we also had our share of fun, guys!). Happiness was both myself and Enasree having a crush on the same guy and both trying to woo him and laughing off together when "that guy" went to a third girl altogether :-). Happiness was our little birthday bashes. Happiness was that scary movie I watched with Mili clasping her hands. Happiness was those shopping sprees where there was no one to stop you from shopping as all was equally into it. Happiness was some bad piece of advise given to Sonia and then not even regretting it. Happiness was those long streched telephone calls with mothers shouting behind us. Happiness was those silly greetings cards, that purple bra which only she(name withheld) thought was hot, those useless tips on sex, those remedies for hair loss, those secret recipee', and ofcourse those unadulterated gossips!

They say you are happy when you are totally focused in the present, that moment of inexplicable bliss when your mind is not regretting the past or is worried about future. Every time I am with women, I am in that state of bliss (and yes, I am aware how this sounds!). Also, I have hardly met any woman (actually there are a few of them, but anyways) whom I don’t like. Somehow I find it super easy to like women. I agree that a major part of our life goes in obsessing about men, come on, humor me I am in this typical chick flick writer mood today. But somehow for every trouble, every sneeze, every little disarray we run to women.

So today, I celebrate International Women's day by remembering all my women friends, who at every point of time helped me by giving me immense pleasure and happiness, just by being with me. They actually helped me be thankful to God for being a woman... God bless them all and make their life desirable and self content in every possible way.

Loved And Lost

People say, "Its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"

But I have not come across any learned person who can preach/teach/advise on the experience of "Losing in Love". You love someone, truely, very truely; that someone also loves you, truely, very truely...or so he claims. And time rolls by... over the time, your relationship matures... and then? then he starts taking you for granted, and you get used to it. He starts losing interest in you, and you get used to it. He lies to you, and you get used to it. Initially it starts as compromise and adjustment, then you rrealize things have gone too far out of control. He lies are regular, his ignoring you is more evident than ever... and then, then what? Like two educated, matured individual, you seem to be realizing the existance of a potential threat...a problem...a disease...yes, your relationship is ill now... you two "talk it out" in order to sort out...now, how do you do that? Again, call it modernization, or the power of education, or whatever you feel like...you analyze, you two look back, list the problems and try to find out solutions to them... but yes, thats where I guess you two are wrong...you look for problems, but not their root cause.... however, since you two dont relaise that, you concentrate on finding solutions to your problems. Now lets say, you figured out the following problems in your relationship:
a)
b)
c)
d)
To these problems, you map some solutions, which are:
A)
B)
C)
D)
And both of you genuinely work on them... the solutions, ie,... one day, two days, a week, two weeks...perfect... just when you feel a sense of achievement that you have saved your relation... things go wrong again... you again realize, he is again hiding truths, he is again not paying you enough attention, he is again.... (ok, this is applicable both ways, I mean please dont think of me as a pucca feminist here, though that I am, but here, its not about that, so please...just for my convenience am writing "him" here, it can be "her" or "both" as well)...so coming back to the main point, yes the symptoms appear again... your relationship is again ill.... again the process continues... now my question, HOW LONG?

If you are patient, you will give this many more shots... but soon you will notice, that the solution that you guys work out are all temporary... symptoms re-appear...may be their forms differ...but if you analyze you will find familiar traits in them... have you ever realized, that if you are hit by viral every month, then what happens to you? you become weak, right? in a similar way, your relationship also becomes weaker and weaker with this continuous illness, which keeps appearing almost every 2-3 weeks...

Pathetic situation, isnt it...but look into your life... you will find it similar, and if you dont, you are really lucky, my friend.

You are still in love, for sure, but you are not sure if the other person is...you care for the "relationship" - but the other person? does he? you keep banging your head on everything, and keep on asking everything you come across with... WHAT WENT WRONG??? but do you always get the answer?

Thats when... You are in Love, but you have lost it... thats where I am now...am in love...but I have lost it.

Alvi - DADA

When Dada announced his retirement under obvious pressure from the selectors, my first reaction, as a long-time fan, was a sense of disappointment. Once again in his life, Sourav Ganguly was being given a raw deal more so as he has been playing some of his best cricket over the last few years and so should not have been the first in the firing line. Once the inevitability of the retirement sunk in, there were a wistful reminiscence about the defining moments of his career and a grudging acceptance of what was to happen. His retirement was only a matter of time, if not this series then the one down the road. Given that reality, he deserved the chance to leave with his head held high and if indeed his neck was forever going to be on the chopping block, no matter what he scored, then at his age there was no need to let himself be subject to humiliation.

“There is no reason to get overtly sentimental”, I told myself. This attachment to our old heroes is like our attachment to the first love letter or an old greetings card and once we realize that their time is up, it should be logical to let them go. (Though I cannot do that myself in my life, and hence suffer more than is required to, at times)

And so why should we feel bad at Ganguly’s retirement? Sourav as a person had made millions from the game and is sure to have a very fulfilling post-cricket life whether it be as a businessman, or as a cricket administrator or a media personality or as is speculated the CPM candidate against Didi. Dada vs Didi—now that is one contest I would love to see and readers on this blog would know which side I will be rooting for. And it’s not as if I would never see him again, he would be in the black-and-gold uniform in the three-ring-circus of IPL very soon even though I knew that for Dada IPL would be like “exchanging a walk-on part in the war for a lead role in a cage”.

Most importantly, at the age of 32....(ok, ok, 33), mature people should live by the wisdom of Govinda’s immortal words “Control yaar” when dealing with non-critical life issues like a favorite sportsman retiring. Only 22 year olds, who empathize with filmstars and cricketers as if they were their own flesh and blood, ought to lose sleep over such trivialities. Right?

For all these reasons , my sadness at Sourav’s retirement was muted to a large extent. Instead there was a prayer than his last series does not overwhelm him, that his performances do not dip alarmingly and that another opportunity is not presented to his haters (and there are many of them) to give him a kick in his teeth with a “We told you. He has been finished a long time ago”.

But that did not happen. Sourav had his best series ever against Australia, showing solidity in the middle order never letting his impending retirement cast a shadow over his performances, which was crowned with a century at Mohali and a throwing-back-the-years partnership with partner-in-crime Sachin Tendulkar.

Till we came to Nagpur. The end of the road. The place where his legacy was sought to be finished by lesser mortals many years ago.Would he emulate Guru Greg by scoring a century in his last and first match? Alas that was not to be as h fell for 85 in the first innings. No matter I thought; the six off Jason Krejza in his style of old was compensation enough for staying awake late at night. I smiled to myself when I heard people from Ganguly’s locality, Behala tell a Bengali channel that they would appeal to ICC to credit Ganguly with a century if he scored fifteen runs in the second innings. Really !

Not that Sourav gave his fans that chance. As the Australian fielders ran toward Jason Krejza as he came up with a caught and bowled, there was a fleeting moment of disbelief—surely this is not the way we thought it would end. That feeling was gone however as reality sunk in and as Sourav looked longingly at the sky for a brief second as a sign of thanksgiving or heavenly reproach and then walked off, rapidly, without any show of emotion and with not even a bat raised to the sky, still visibly cross with himself, all I thought was “Oh no India is going to lose this one”.

The next day of course my fears were proven to be unfounded. The series was wrapped up. Ganguly was raised onto the shoulders. He was mercifully not asked to speak (at least I did not catch it) and was “left alone with his glory”. The best moment of the night for me was to see the Fab Four together, side by side, wreathed in smiles, all together in the team for one last time, —-like all great bands, they had their moments of discord but what music had they given us, what memories !

Of course the last most poignant moment was Ganguly, trying desperately to remain stoic, coming out to acknowledge his cheering fans and then on public request, in the manner of an old conjurer performing his favorite act at the curtain call, repeating his iconic gesture at Lords of taking his shirt off. There was no anger now. No rage. Or even if there was, he did not show it.

There was a wave to the crowd. And then he was gone. For ever.

And at that moment, I felt happy. Really happy for Ganguly, for all that he had achieved and how he was leaving, not with a whimper but with all his guns blazing, a privilege he sorely deserved.

Emotions

I have always been accused of being "extremely emotional" by different kinds of people, starting from my friends, wellwishers, my manager, to even the closest ones. In college, my friends used to call me an "emotional fool" - but for me it was always a compliment. I knew i could emote more than any of my friends at any given point of time, and that made me feel good about myself, regardless of what others said. I mean, you change yourself only if you think a particular trait of yours is not good or can be replaced by a better alternative. But for me, being emotional always was, and still is, the best attribute of mine. Emotions come with a parcel of so many attributes - kindness, empathy, understanding, passion, love , i mean, you just name it! So I never thought of letting go of this trait ever.

I give more importance to relationships than anything else in life. I value human bonds more than anything else in life. If am a fool to think that way, so be it. Sentimental movies bring tears to my eyes, even if I am watching it for the 100th time! If am a fool to do so, then be it. Children bring smile on my face, even if they are strangers to me. If I am fool because of this, so be it. Unknowingly, I bless every couple I see on roads. Romantic cards, mushy romantic songs boost my spirits up. I believe in fairy tales, I beilieve in angels, I believe in wishes. I believe people who live us for the greater journey beyond life, become stars and watch us from the sky above. I believe Santa is there (my daughter doesnt). I remember, in my college, when I would passionately discuss "love" and ideals of love, my friends would laugh at me. That never stopped me from beilieving in my dreams.

Why am I even talking about all these? Because, when friends called me "emotional fools" I took it by my stride and paid not much attention to it. When my manager, once told me to overcome my emotions in corporate world, I didnt pay much heed to his advise. But when, that one special person accused me of being emotional and one who hypes on "Self pity" to get others' attention, I just coudnot take it... at times you are so deeply hurt, that you forget to cry... you forget to complain... u just accept it and take that lump inside you. Its like a tumor, which gives you pain, but you hide it from everybody, because you are afraid of the diagnosis.

Am living with that lump, a lump thats growing bigger every moment. I will live with this permanent lump forever, and probably not even talk about it, because the moment I share this lump with my friends, they will laugh at me and call me an "emotional fool". Since this is personal, I will not discuss this with my manager for sure, and if with all my heart I go to that special person and tell him how am feeling, I will be diagnosed once again as one who has this "accuse syndrome of creating self pity to attract attention" - dont know much about the disease, but the diagnosis itself is too much to bear.

Will leave you all with a quote that I once came across

"Don't cry in any relationship, cos the person who loves you will never let you cry, and the person who you cry for, is not worth your love"

I understand this - but my tears dont... they are more emotional than I am.

Happy Birthday

A man, in fact an average man, turns 68 today. The man who taught me how to walk, the man who took me to the zoo and got me introduced to the animals from my coloring books! The man who would sit with me in the balcony and show me the stars... the man who later on helped me with my sums, the man who always criticised me for my handwriting, even though his is worse than mine, the man who always stood by my side, and still does... its his 68th birthday today.

My father strongest! was a tag line for one of the recent ads on air. Today if I look back, I know my father is not the strongest, neither he is the most successful, the richest man in the world. But even then, he is the best father for me, and will always remain that way. Unlike other father-daughter relationships, ours is not a very close one. I mean, I dont remember my father hugging me ever. I dont remember me discussing my problems with him ever. Infact my husband still laughs at the fact that when we were getting married, my father was sleeping (yes, it was pretty late at night, and my father cannot stay up awake so late). My father cant have intellectual discussions with you. He is not thay type.

He is reserved, he is an introvert - a music lover, who can play any kind of musical instrument without getting any formal training - nowadays, rich kids of rich parents go for Piano classes, but I think he is the best piano player i have seen, though he never got any formal training - talking about inborn talent.

This post is not a literary masterpiece. This is just my emotions about my father. The first man I have interacted with, and grown up seeing. My father - a middleclass, average human being with a heart of gold. A true family man. A fantastic husband, a great father, and now, an adorable grandpa.

Each and every role he played in life, he played it with utmost sincerity - thats what makes him special, amidst all his so called faults. Faults reminds me, his temper is something i was always very scared of - no! he never hit me, he just didnt require to - one cold look from his side would ensure am back to track incase had deviated.

Maa says, I am exactly like my father - that makes me so happy. I want to be like him. I have never seen a more peace loving person than him. Both of us are very laid back and relaxed! Miles away from crowd, we prefer silence over everything else. And we love to eat!!! And the most remarkable similarity is our spendthrift nature! Maa always criticises us for that, but who cares!

Baba, on your birthday, I cannot give you what all you gave me on my birthdays, but I take this opportunity to thank you for everything I got from you - yeah, those cold looks as well.

A very happy birthday to you, and many happy returns of the day!

With Tears...

If I were a tear in your eyes
I would lie on your cheeks and die on your lips
But if you were a tear in my eyes
I would never cry in fear of losing you

On Fooding... and on Schooling

I agree I have been out of circulation for a while. Simple, I passed out of high school long back. In fact my school days can be actually described as ‘Once upon a time way back in the 80’s….’

But, school is one thing I am glad to get rid of. I can’t think of anything redeeming about my school. Insipid text books, brown paper covered stuff, plastic water bottles, oiled hair braided with ribbons (O God ! O God! And I am agnostic), black Bata shoes, songs in morning assembly. Ok, I will stop here but you get the point. I am not a huge fan of my school days and I don’t miss anything. The only time I see my school is in dreams and that I have very little control on. But ofcourse, this is only one aspect of it. Otherwise, school gave me my best of friends and teachers, and ofcourse some lovely memories, but thats different. Here, am only talking about the generation gap and what effect it has on schools.

The other day I had sometime to kill so I went to a superstore with my daughter and started looking at stationery and stuff children take at school. I have no clue why I had missed on all this but the range of pencil boxes, lunch boxes, school bags totally shocked me. My daughter loves to shop for stationeries and accessories. She is not that fond of dresses!(wonder if the hospital guys goofed up somewhere!) but she just loves to shop for pens, pencils, pencil boxes, pouches, etc. etc. And I was surprised to see such vast collections in the store.

It made me think of the material stuff I had in school. Every year there was a shabby green ‘Duckback’ brand schoolbag and almost everyone had the same thing. It was a strong steady bag that lasted for years. I deliberately damaged mine every year to get a new one; I was not a good kid. There were only two or three brands of pencil, the common one being ‘Camel’ with white base and pink flowers. The funny thing is all this mattered. If someone had a pencil with different design she would show it to the entire class and we would all take turns on holding it with some reverence. There was only one type of eraser a white square with a green tip and some picture on it. Everyone had steel lunch boxes; I don’t remember ever seeing fancy lunch boxes with attached spoons and stuff (I saw that very recently when my daughter started taking them to schools).

But what I remembered most and missed was the food that was clandestinely available near schools. Apart from the usual junk food there was a guy who came with an assortment of wonders. Phantom candy cigarettes, NP brand rose mint, red and black churan, ber (really small and tart ones with rock salt), raw imli, aamda and mouri logens (this is what we called in Bengali for sweet aniseed that came in attractive packets, the most common being a joker). He also had little cards with photographs of movie stars, whistles and few small toys. For 2Rs. you could buy loads of stuff, only most of us never got more than that as pocket money.

But the person I loved most was the cake wala. This guy had an aluminum trunk (could be tin, well metal) and shouted “Cake bolo cake”. He had multicolored collection of pastries and it enthralled me. My favorite was the gulab cake with overwhelming rose essence and dark pink frosting. Even today the very idea of rose cake fascinates me.

However, life is not about sweet recollections. It’s not about ‘O, what fun!’ My mother did everything in her power to amputate junk food from my system. I had to hide everything. Of course, she caught me from time to time but I was good at hiding this stuff. Life, you see was a continuous conflict and mothers always won (somehow, now when am a mother I see changes, now daughters win - people like me are born losers I guess). Anyways, I wonder if anyone remembers Cadbury’s Double Decker chocolate. For some reason it vanished from the market and it was my favorite chocolate back then.

Somehow for a long time I thought my mother was responsible for it. I vividly recall that particular time bracket! My mother was particularly cruel. She forced Complan, Horlicks or some of those punishment concoctions down my system everyday. She had replaced my favorite Sharbat-e-Azam with some fruit squash, she had even commented on my addiction to Pan candies. Naturally, I saw my mother behind all conspiracies. But that’s not my fault, anyone who grows up on Bollywood knows that you are either good or bad. The End. And for me, during my growing years, my mother was the Villain - typical Amrish Puri stuff. Ofcourse now, my views have changed completely.

P.S: Maa, no matter how much I fight with you, crib and complain, I know you are the best - whatever you did during my growing years, were for my good only, according to you! So your intentions were genuine, so what if the ways were horrible! And I love you for that.

Happy Birthday to Me - a page from my Diary

Life is a story of losing as we move on, losing innocence, virginity, beauty, loved ones, hair...... that sort of things; well actually no, its also about gaining! After 30 there are two things that I continuously gain no matter what. Age and weight.

That’s exactly how I see another birthday; I am now officially older and fatter. Needless to say eating a cake with my name written on it is the only thing to look forward to on birthdays. All other milestones have been taken care of. I can drink (not that I prefer doing it though, but i can, if i want to), watch adult cinema (again, not very interested, but no one can stop me), make love, buy anti wrinkle cream. It’s all done.

Birthdays in my world are strictly for children, I mean for genuine juvenile minds. As a juvenile I loved birthdays because it was synonymous with presents and a remote possibility of getting a taste of colored (assorted) frostings.

My mother thought colored frostings were bad so got me dowdy cakes with whitish frostings and some useful fruit pieces on it. This is my mother for you, connecting morality with personal taste. Bright colored frosting is evil, cake decors are sin, buttercream is another word for devil. So what did I get? Some sponge with whipped cream and no goodies on top :-( But ofcourse, in the milestone years (like 5th or 10th birthday) my father compensated me with those delicious stuffs from the Flury's, but after a lot of opposition from my mother (now you know why I love my father so much?)

Anyways, my mother's opposition resulted in my fixation with colored frosting. I actually scrape off frosting from cakes eat the frosting and leave the cake behind, mind you only richly colored frosting. Talk about disturbed childhood.

Then came my inability to blow the candles and spitting all over the grumpy cake. My mother making inane comments like ‘parchish na keno!’ (Why can’t you do it?). As if blowing was something I should have been good at!!!!!

Anyway after all blows, song and cheer, I couldn’t cut the cake. Simple, I was bad at it. Keep in mind this is a kid we are talking about, it wasn’t natural for me to be good with knives. So every year my father helped me to cut the cake.

I loved the presents; I was a happy kid who liked anything that came in wrapped in a colorful paper. It didn’t matter what was inside, it took no effort to make me happy. I wasn’t old enough for real happiness then.

Birthdays also meant no studying, one evening when I was left alone with my toys, books or whatever booty I managed from the neighborhood. I didn’t have to study!

Talking of birthday presents my mother was always embarrassed when people got presents on my birthday. I have no clue why but people are always like that. Now as an adult I do that when someone gives me a present, ‘O you shouldn’t have, come on why did you?’ but I mean exactly the opposite, ‘Wow! A present do it more often. I love it. Give me anything. But keep giving’.
But my mother went a step ahead while inviting people she said, ‘Just come, don’t bring anything.’
This killed me.
A) I didn’t like most of the kids I invited.
B) I gave them presents on their birthdays. It's not fair.
Thankfully none of them listened to what my mother said.

Every birthday I sit and contemplate about bygone years and just one thought comes. It’s my birthday I don’t have to study today……I have moved on so much yet why, why can’t I just move on?

Love is...contd

Love is... uttering "its all over" every now and then :-(

Long live love...

Love is...

Love is... thinking its a routine, when you talk to your love everyday at a particular point of time :-(

Long live love...

The Weekend...

Am back to office after an extremely lazy and a wonderful weekend. Lazy because mostly i was home and watched 7 movies in the lst 2.25 days. And wonderful because I spent some good quality time with my daughter doing our favorite things (ok, mostly mine) together. Feeling nostalgic about the weekend, and not letting the memories go ever, I have decided to blog about it, so that, history is recorded and never forgotten :-)

We started off on friday evening by watching Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak followed by Bhoothnath.

Saturday first half was the best part, when I went to pick up my daughter from her activity class... and hold your breadth, I drove all alone! Now, now, I know you all already know that I am an excellent driver, but what you dont know probably is that my daughter studies in the South Point School and parking your car infront of their building is worse than a nightmare! Somehow I managed, as luck was in my favor. I picked her up, completed some unfinished work related to her school, and then... we went shopping... not Mall haunting, but ACTUAL shopping - in Gariahat. We bought loads of stuffs, ranging from pillow covers and cushion covers, to her school uniform and socks, to our favorite items - trinkets - bracelets, clips, rubber bands, and the works! It was a hot summer (infact monsoon which is even worse with intensed humidity) afternoon but our spirit was unstoppable. And then to reward ourselves we went to Mainland China for a wholesome Lunch - and I literally mean, WHOLESOME. And after all these activities we came back home and straightway headed for a sound afternoon (make that late afternoon) nap.

Saturday evenning we watched Om Shanti Om together, her favorite movie. Saturday latenight I made her watch Maine Pyar Kiya, my favorite movie. Strangely enough, she actually liked the movie and my expert comments on Bhagyasree, the leading lady of the movie.

Sunday morning started off pretty late with a heavy breakfast followed by some household chores for me and homework for my daughter. And then we watched Chak De! India on SET MAX. This is one of the few movies I dont mind watching again and again. Since i had decided not to sleep in the afternoon, I started watching Pakeezah about which I shall blog later, and then in the evening I watched Shaurya. Followed by lunch I went off to dream, i mean sleep and after a wholesome 8 hourse of sleep and all charged for the week commencing today!!!

The weekend gone will be a memorable one for quite sometime to come. And now, sitting in office, am missing my daughter who am sure is feeling something similar doing her class work in school right at the moment...