I am not a fairy princess, I am not what you call fantastic.
I am not gonna wait for my prince, to come and rescue me from the ol' attic
The fairytale life isnt the life for me, just waiting and waiting for someone special
I am not any Cinderella, and for me there is no glass sandal.
I can chase my own monsters, I can dream my own dreams
May be i dont accomplish them, may be monsters make me scream
My knight in shinning armour, I will find one day for sure
Who loves me, who needs me, who wants me for my heart and soul.
Who makes me realize I am special, who makes me his life's goal
He who tells me I am unique, and isnt scared to SHOW that he loves me
He is the one who makes me a fairy princess, without him FAIRY PRINCESS, I could never be...
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Wind Moves On
I could never think like poets, never had those imaginative powers. Could never compare myself with anything other than myself, always thought am unique then how can I say I am like this or like that? But now I want to be like a poet. Now I want to be like this, like that.
Its been precisely 26 days that am in Vienna now. And gone through many ups and downs, have seen many phases of life in this 26 days. Felt different emotions, experienced various new aspects of life. Have been lonely, happy, depressed, frustated, satisfied, escatic, playful, independent, and all sorts of possible (and impossible) permutations and combinations of all these emotions. And as I come out of this phase, all geared up to pack my bags and run towards the airport..."Homeward Bound..."I take some quiet moments out and look back to see what I have earned (apart from the extra bucks, ie) and what I have learned in this phase of mine.
Credits first: Gained immense confidence - yes I think that tops the chart as far as gain is concerned... walking on the roads of Vienna alone, I felt a sense of confidence and a little bit of pride (with all my modesty)... I never thought of myself as a career woman, never really chased it...but here I am, in one of the most beautiful cities of the owrld, all on our own for my office work! Everytime I felt this, I said a silent thank you to God.
A sense of financial security - yes that matters - I felt immensly secured when I shopped in one of the most expensive city of the world, and took a silent pledge that one day i will shop here again, without even looking at the price tags and skippinga heart bit! - I enjoyed immensely spending my hard earned money and even put some cents in donation boxes here!!! yooohooo!!!
Job Satisfaction - Yes, it gave me immense satisfaction taking up this challenge - it was a tough one and I had volunteered for it! - I completed it on time! I know its Him who helped me every time, but still cant ignore the satisfaction that am feeling...yes, I want to roll up my collar and move around with pride :-) of all modesty!!!
Now the debits list... the saddest saddity... but I believe that whatever we think is "not good" for us at the moment is just a bit behind in terms of bringing us the "good" associated with it - its just that we dont see them coming. So, the debits that I think are debits are carrying alongwith them some hidden treasures that I am yet to find out. This thought helps!
I went through a series of loneliness pangs - this helped me realise the pain of lonely people. Loneliness is indeed boring, and no happiness is complete without your loved ones.
Coming back to a lonely hotel room (no matter how luxurious it is) after a hard day's work is highly frustating. And during those hard times, "love" keeps you going. Yes, and that is my biggest loss and I am yet to find out the "hidden treasure" in it.
When you are fighting the whole world alone, all on your own, with all the ups and downs, triumphs and collapses... you need an emotional support... you need your loved one to stand by you, to understand you, and your pain. You need him to tell you that dont worry, am here with you. You need him to understand that if you are acting impossible now its because you are missing your loved ones greatly. You need his patience. ANd he promises you so. He realises what you need and promises you to provide you with that. You feel joy that you thought never even existed! You start feeling emotionally secured yet again... and then...
Then something happens, and you realise all those promises were not meant to be kept. you realise that forget providing you support with his understanding, he is not even sensitive enough to understand your innermost turmoils and he gives you much more that you can really bear...
Thats when I want to be a poet, and write a poetry that expresses what I am going thorugh at the moment. But I cannot...I am all blank now - thought would write a poem, ended up writing nothing... only one sentence keeps coming...Wish I could be WIND as wind moves on...
Its been precisely 26 days that am in Vienna now. And gone through many ups and downs, have seen many phases of life in this 26 days. Felt different emotions, experienced various new aspects of life. Have been lonely, happy, depressed, frustated, satisfied, escatic, playful, independent, and all sorts of possible (and impossible) permutations and combinations of all these emotions. And as I come out of this phase, all geared up to pack my bags and run towards the airport..."Homeward Bound..."I take some quiet moments out and look back to see what I have earned (apart from the extra bucks, ie) and what I have learned in this phase of mine.
Credits first: Gained immense confidence - yes I think that tops the chart as far as gain is concerned... walking on the roads of Vienna alone, I felt a sense of confidence and a little bit of pride (with all my modesty)... I never thought of myself as a career woman, never really chased it...but here I am, in one of the most beautiful cities of the owrld, all on our own for my office work! Everytime I felt this, I said a silent thank you to God.
A sense of financial security - yes that matters - I felt immensly secured when I shopped in one of the most expensive city of the world, and took a silent pledge that one day i will shop here again, without even looking at the price tags and skippinga heart bit! - I enjoyed immensely spending my hard earned money and even put some cents in donation boxes here!!! yooohooo!!!
Job Satisfaction - Yes, it gave me immense satisfaction taking up this challenge - it was a tough one and I had volunteered for it! - I completed it on time! I know its Him who helped me every time, but still cant ignore the satisfaction that am feeling...yes, I want to roll up my collar and move around with pride :-) of all modesty!!!
Now the debits list... the saddest saddity... but I believe that whatever we think is "not good" for us at the moment is just a bit behind in terms of bringing us the "good" associated with it - its just that we dont see them coming. So, the debits that I think are debits are carrying alongwith them some hidden treasures that I am yet to find out. This thought helps!
I went through a series of loneliness pangs - this helped me realise the pain of lonely people. Loneliness is indeed boring, and no happiness is complete without your loved ones.
Coming back to a lonely hotel room (no matter how luxurious it is) after a hard day's work is highly frustating. And during those hard times, "love" keeps you going. Yes, and that is my biggest loss and I am yet to find out the "hidden treasure" in it.
When you are fighting the whole world alone, all on your own, with all the ups and downs, triumphs and collapses... you need an emotional support... you need your loved one to stand by you, to understand you, and your pain. You need him to tell you that dont worry, am here with you. You need him to understand that if you are acting impossible now its because you are missing your loved ones greatly. You need his patience. ANd he promises you so. He realises what you need and promises you to provide you with that. You feel joy that you thought never even existed! You start feeling emotionally secured yet again... and then...
Then something happens, and you realise all those promises were not meant to be kept. you realise that forget providing you support with his understanding, he is not even sensitive enough to understand your innermost turmoils and he gives you much more that you can really bear...
Thats when I want to be a poet, and write a poetry that expresses what I am going thorugh at the moment. But I cannot...I am all blank now - thought would write a poem, ended up writing nothing... only one sentence keeps coming...Wish I could be WIND as wind moves on...
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Awakenning of a Soul
Life, they say, is a school where we come to learn and grow. Over the last couple of years am readig quite a few interesting sutffs that suggest that we are immortal. We keep coming on this earth again and again to learn...learn form our mistakes and experiences in this world and grow richer and richer till we reach a stage where we can easily cross the karmic cycle. And then we reach a higher plane.
Hmmm, interesting thought...whether to believe or not to believe in this can be an interesting subject of debate and discussion. But that concept is interesting no doubt. I have live before and i will live after... Aditi Mitra, nee Sinha will die one day but I will be born again! Just as prior to Aditi Sinha, I have lived as X, or Y, or Z.
Aditi Sinha has a set of likes and dislikes. Aditi Sinha has her own set of opinions. But what if I had been something before that I hate now? Say, for eg, am a staunch Hindu and I hate Muslims... but what if I was a Muslim in my last birth? May be I hated Hindus then? Suppose a white today who follows racial discrimination will be bork as a dark skinned person in his next life... Interesting, isnt it? This concept lets us see a bigger picture...a picture much bigger than our narrow likes and dislikes. I am born and brought up in a particular way and so have my opinions formed - they are opinions of Aditi Sinha...not the soul in me - the soul in me loves all and hates none. Because it is very rich in experience which I am not even aware of. My ego doesnt affect it...it is above all this. It loves all... it has no hatred, no jealousy, no negative feelings at all - its knows these things are immortal. What is mortal and stay forever is Love...and only Love... by love you can conquer all...and by love you can reach Him...He, the superpower - I call him super dude at times, knows and teaches only Love...
All our souls follow similar knowledge pattern though the depth varies. I think of it as a structured syllabus. If you are in Std IV you have a certain depth of knowledge. Once you rise up the ladder your knowledge base increases. Our souls are at different stages of those knowledge base... now this knowledge has nothing to do with the earthly knowledge we acquire - I think this is more about Love, Compassion and all the good things we read about in books... any person close to God can never differentiate between a Muslim and a Hindu, a Maharastrian and a Punjabi, an European and an American. Yes, as an Indian we should love India, but that doesnot mean we should hate or dislike any other country. These boundaries are man-made...when we are born, we are born as a child of the God...in the process we become a child of a Hindu or a Muslim or a Christian God... In Vienna, I saw a crow, and thought how different it is from a crow in India? I could see no difference there - but an European is definitely "different" from an Indian... intelligence of Human beings have many adversities...no wonder, we say, ignorance is bliss.
I know i jump from one topic to another, but hey! thats ok...am not writing an essay here! Its what my heart feels and like me my heart also does not follow rules. So coming back to the original concept - that our soul is the same whether we are born as a Hindu or a Muslim, as a rich or a poor...we have lied it all over the years, and experienced it all... then why as Aditi I have a preference over A to B...I may have been both A and B and may have experienced both? If only we realize this...if only I can realize that if I dont like A because he irritates me, its just a personal opinion of Aditi...the bigger picture is that "I" am much more than Aditi and "I" should realize that A is just a fellow being of mine...he is also learing and growing just the same way as I am... This makes it so easy to overcome anger, hatred, jealousy and all such negativites! yahhhhooo! my soul is indeed awakenning.
So all my dear and "not so dear" fellow students who am not so very fond of... please forgive me for all the harsh words I might have told you and for all the things i might have done to hurt you. That was Aditi you see, she hates you for you have done x,y,z to her and she didnt like it. She is jealous of you for you have a,b,c and she doesnt... but thats her...I realize that i have nothing against you. So what if you have tried to harm me or hurt me...I forgive you. So what if you have cheated on me and taken me for a ride, I forgive you. So what if you have done all the things that you shouldnt have done to me, I forgive you. For, you are also learning in this process as much as I am. And when you have hurmed me and hurt me you didnt meet your soul til then...so I pray, and wish that you meet your soul soon...so that you also realize hurting me is not the "real" purpose of your life...you have a much bigger cause to overcome, so all the best buddy...
Ah! am feeling nice now...positivity helps you see...so as I bid good night to myslef, I wish all those for whom I had negative feelings in me, and very happy life with full of learning experiences... Sweet Dreams!
P.S : My soul needs to sleep and take rest as well, so tomorrow I may come back to hating you from the core of my heart for trying to mess up with me, atleast till the time my soul awakens again. Till then, enjoy my wishes!
Hmmm, interesting thought...whether to believe or not to believe in this can be an interesting subject of debate and discussion. But that concept is interesting no doubt. I have live before and i will live after... Aditi Mitra, nee Sinha will die one day but I will be born again! Just as prior to Aditi Sinha, I have lived as X, or Y, or Z.
Aditi Sinha has a set of likes and dislikes. Aditi Sinha has her own set of opinions. But what if I had been something before that I hate now? Say, for eg, am a staunch Hindu and I hate Muslims... but what if I was a Muslim in my last birth? May be I hated Hindus then? Suppose a white today who follows racial discrimination will be bork as a dark skinned person in his next life... Interesting, isnt it? This concept lets us see a bigger picture...a picture much bigger than our narrow likes and dislikes. I am born and brought up in a particular way and so have my opinions formed - they are opinions of Aditi Sinha...not the soul in me - the soul in me loves all and hates none. Because it is very rich in experience which I am not even aware of. My ego doesnt affect it...it is above all this. It loves all... it has no hatred, no jealousy, no negative feelings at all - its knows these things are immortal. What is mortal and stay forever is Love...and only Love... by love you can conquer all...and by love you can reach Him...He, the superpower - I call him super dude at times, knows and teaches only Love...
All our souls follow similar knowledge pattern though the depth varies. I think of it as a structured syllabus. If you are in Std IV you have a certain depth of knowledge. Once you rise up the ladder your knowledge base increases. Our souls are at different stages of those knowledge base... now this knowledge has nothing to do with the earthly knowledge we acquire - I think this is more about Love, Compassion and all the good things we read about in books... any person close to God can never differentiate between a Muslim and a Hindu, a Maharastrian and a Punjabi, an European and an American. Yes, as an Indian we should love India, but that doesnot mean we should hate or dislike any other country. These boundaries are man-made...when we are born, we are born as a child of the God...in the process we become a child of a Hindu or a Muslim or a Christian God... In Vienna, I saw a crow, and thought how different it is from a crow in India? I could see no difference there - but an European is definitely "different" from an Indian... intelligence of Human beings have many adversities...no wonder, we say, ignorance is bliss.
I know i jump from one topic to another, but hey! thats ok...am not writing an essay here! Its what my heart feels and like me my heart also does not follow rules. So coming back to the original concept - that our soul is the same whether we are born as a Hindu or a Muslim, as a rich or a poor...we have lied it all over the years, and experienced it all... then why as Aditi I have a preference over A to B...I may have been both A and B and may have experienced both? If only we realize this...if only I can realize that if I dont like A because he irritates me, its just a personal opinion of Aditi...the bigger picture is that "I" am much more than Aditi and "I" should realize that A is just a fellow being of mine...he is also learing and growing just the same way as I am... This makes it so easy to overcome anger, hatred, jealousy and all such negativites! yahhhhooo! my soul is indeed awakenning.
So all my dear and "not so dear" fellow students who am not so very fond of... please forgive me for all the harsh words I might have told you and for all the things i might have done to hurt you. That was Aditi you see, she hates you for you have done x,y,z to her and she didnt like it. She is jealous of you for you have a,b,c and she doesnt... but thats her...I realize that i have nothing against you. So what if you have tried to harm me or hurt me...I forgive you. So what if you have cheated on me and taken me for a ride, I forgive you. So what if you have done all the things that you shouldnt have done to me, I forgive you. For, you are also learning in this process as much as I am. And when you have hurmed me and hurt me you didnt meet your soul til then...so I pray, and wish that you meet your soul soon...so that you also realize hurting me is not the "real" purpose of your life...you have a much bigger cause to overcome, so all the best buddy...
Ah! am feeling nice now...positivity helps you see...so as I bid good night to myslef, I wish all those for whom I had negative feelings in me, and very happy life with full of learning experiences... Sweet Dreams!
P.S : My soul needs to sleep and take rest as well, so tomorrow I may come back to hating you from the core of my heart for trying to mess up with me, atleast till the time my soul awakens again. Till then, enjoy my wishes!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Hypocricy!
I am a hypocrit! Yes I am. otherwise how do you explain my blog on this topic? The fact that am writing about it so late proves that i am a hypocrite...
Or may be am not. May be I was just trying to run away from the idea of facing it. When I was a kid, i used to play a very stupid game. I would close one eye and with my hand up i would blot the sun...n I used to think that I could cover up the sun with my hands! This i think, has remained with me. Things I dont want to face, I cover them by actually deciding not to think about them at all - but they exist dont they? I just choose to ignore...
I hate shallow people, people without depth, meaning and purpose in life. I feel their heart is nothing more than a pumping machine and they prefer it that way. Their superficiality amazes me...stupid cliched' talks, unimaginative and predictable approach towards life... they are like these species whose only aim in this life is to exist...not live, but exist...these are the people without feelings and humanity, without love and care.
But they know all about "putting up a show". Thats precisely why you will see them show a completely different picture of themselves to the whole world, which is why it is very difficult to recognise them in the first place. Like they may be having a 101 affairs outside their marriage, but behave so abnomally perfectly with thier spouse that probably that poor soul will never be able to even make out whats going on behind his/her back! Like they may be having a world war scene at home every day, but while out in their "society" they would behave like this perfect "couple" you would wish to be like!
They are everywhere around us - fake people...in your office, in your neighbourhood, everywhere, whether you know them or not, they exist. They exist in every form and shape. Now they are not at all the stereotype villains! Oh no they are not...they are the so called good examples of our society... successful, polish, well mannered and to top it all well-educated. The degrees that they are porud of, the achievements they can boast of --- and underneath all those socially admirable layers?... a shallow person!
He can be your boss whom there are so many people admiring or looking upto. He is successful no doubt, he is efficient no doubt...but he may be faking his emotions or cheating on his wife - you wouldnt just get the slightest hint of it. He can be your husband whom you just adore...think he loves you so much as he never forgets to get you flowers on your birthday and never does anything wrong to offend you. But you will prbably never get to know that all those flowers were brought to you to divert your attention from something that he doesnt want you to know.
Just remembered a story which you all know - we have heard it so many times when we were kids and tld this to all kids we ever interacted with who kept on demanding stories from us--- it goes on like this -
A king once met a monkey who wanted to be the king's body guard. The king agreed and gave him a sword. One day when the king was sleeping and the monkey was sitting besides him protecting him, he saw a bee on the king's nose. The monkey put the sword right though, and cut off the king's nose...and there was the king without a nose.
The moral of the story is --- a monkey will always remain a monkey, a betrayer will always reamin a betrayer. A monkey cannot be a savior with a sword and a betrayer cannot be your "well-wisher" with your love.
Its on us to realize this and not expect a monkey to protect us or a betrayer to love us, right?...So we all are hypocrites...we know this story, we know the lesson, but we block ourselves from the truth...just as a kid I would block the sun by closing eyes... so then who is a hypocrite? I... I am the biggest ever hypocrite who thinks a monkey can be a savior, only if you give him 1 last chance...
Or may be am not. May be I was just trying to run away from the idea of facing it. When I was a kid, i used to play a very stupid game. I would close one eye and with my hand up i would blot the sun...n I used to think that I could cover up the sun with my hands! This i think, has remained with me. Things I dont want to face, I cover them by actually deciding not to think about them at all - but they exist dont they? I just choose to ignore...
I hate shallow people, people without depth, meaning and purpose in life. I feel their heart is nothing more than a pumping machine and they prefer it that way. Their superficiality amazes me...stupid cliched' talks, unimaginative and predictable approach towards life... they are like these species whose only aim in this life is to exist...not live, but exist...these are the people without feelings and humanity, without love and care.
But they know all about "putting up a show". Thats precisely why you will see them show a completely different picture of themselves to the whole world, which is why it is very difficult to recognise them in the first place. Like they may be having a 101 affairs outside their marriage, but behave so abnomally perfectly with thier spouse that probably that poor soul will never be able to even make out whats going on behind his/her back! Like they may be having a world war scene at home every day, but while out in their "society" they would behave like this perfect "couple" you would wish to be like!
They are everywhere around us - fake people...in your office, in your neighbourhood, everywhere, whether you know them or not, they exist. They exist in every form and shape. Now they are not at all the stereotype villains! Oh no they are not...they are the so called good examples of our society... successful, polish, well mannered and to top it all well-educated. The degrees that they are porud of, the achievements they can boast of --- and underneath all those socially admirable layers?... a shallow person!
He can be your boss whom there are so many people admiring or looking upto. He is successful no doubt, he is efficient no doubt...but he may be faking his emotions or cheating on his wife - you wouldnt just get the slightest hint of it. He can be your husband whom you just adore...think he loves you so much as he never forgets to get you flowers on your birthday and never does anything wrong to offend you. But you will prbably never get to know that all those flowers were brought to you to divert your attention from something that he doesnt want you to know.
Just remembered a story which you all know - we have heard it so many times when we were kids and tld this to all kids we ever interacted with who kept on demanding stories from us--- it goes on like this -
A king once met a monkey who wanted to be the king's body guard. The king agreed and gave him a sword. One day when the king was sleeping and the monkey was sitting besides him protecting him, he saw a bee on the king's nose. The monkey put the sword right though, and cut off the king's nose...and there was the king without a nose.
The moral of the story is --- a monkey will always remain a monkey, a betrayer will always reamin a betrayer. A monkey cannot be a savior with a sword and a betrayer cannot be your "well-wisher" with your love.
Its on us to realize this and not expect a monkey to protect us or a betrayer to love us, right?...So we all are hypocrites...we know this story, we know the lesson, but we block ourselves from the truth...just as a kid I would block the sun by closing eyes... so then who is a hypocrite? I... I am the biggest ever hypocrite who thinks a monkey can be a savior, only if you give him 1 last chance...
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Happy Birthday
13th Sept is the birthday of a very special person. I cant say a very special person of my life as i have never met him in "my" life, but there are some people with whom our relationship knows no boundaries...and stetches beyond lifetimes. I think we share a similar relationship. If only he was on this plane, I would have definitely met him after I knew of him, but he is on a different plane altogether. And no matter on which plane is he now, I know my wishes are getting conveyed to him.
So, I want to wish him a very happy birthday. May he have a rollicking time today...do all that he wants to... am not too sure what his likes are...but whatever they may be...wish him loads and loads of those. Its time I go to sleep, actually its high time if you please, for for the last 2-3 days hardly sleeping 4-5 hours a day! But I cant sllep now... not before planning his birthday party for him...
So here you go... we will go to the place of your choice to have breakfast, the first thing in the morning...well, I dont know actually what your favorite breakfast joint is, or what you really like to have...but somehow I am feeling like having jalebi...so if it is your favorite as well, then can we go and have them please?...ok so done then...we all will go for a breakfast...a heavy satisfying one...with loads of unhealthy stuffs! Come on, its your birthday, and you are in the pink of your health...if anybody desagrees, we will manao them ok? This one day atleast we will do what you like, and somehow I feel you would like a complete unhealthy breakfast comprising may be, poori, sabzi and loads of ghee and milk? n ofcourse, jalebi to end it with.
Then we will go out for a nice walk... at a place where you always went - I didnt know it then, but I know it now...will ask your love to accompany as well...she will...so what if she is busy preparing a nice lunch for you. Am sure she can make out time and she will...happy now? So will go for a walk...and it will do you a lot of good after that heavy breakfast... on our way back, we will go to that Gurudwara... u know i love going there for that awsome besan ke laddu that they give as "prasad" ...we will have the prasad and then come back home. Then will wait for that special lunch that is being made on your honor...I will also help others in preparing the dishes...dont warry baba, I will not mess it up...will be very vry careful...and when your wife is supervising and guiding me, how can i ever go wrong?
Aha, then will have lunch...the elaborate one with all your favorite dishes! You will love it, wont you? And then we all will sit together and have a wonderful "adda"... will talk about your favorite things... you will tell us about your childhood and how your birthdays used to be... we all will listen to your rich and wonderful experiences.... time will jus flow by...
In the evening I am thinking of having some guests over, but dont know why I feel you would like to be just the few of us...you want to srink tonight dont you? I did hear you had stopped drinking but then you did drink once or twice after that didnt you? On rare special occassions? happy eventful occassions? Come on, today is a happy occassion as well and evenful for me as I am spending your birthday for the first time with you! And somehow I feel you will want to have a couple of drink tonight...go on, I will not scold you for them...Are you enjoying it? Are you enjoying your birthday?
Wherever you are... I want this day to be very very happy for you... may not be the way I conceived it...but that doesnt matte...if my soul knows yours i know you would like to spend this day the way i conceived it... or may be an entirely different way... dont know --- all I know is that its your birthday, and you should be happy...
Happy Birthday...dadaji...and have a great day!
So, I want to wish him a very happy birthday. May he have a rollicking time today...do all that he wants to... am not too sure what his likes are...but whatever they may be...wish him loads and loads of those. Its time I go to sleep, actually its high time if you please, for for the last 2-3 days hardly sleeping 4-5 hours a day! But I cant sllep now... not before planning his birthday party for him...
So here you go... we will go to the place of your choice to have breakfast, the first thing in the morning...well, I dont know actually what your favorite breakfast joint is, or what you really like to have...but somehow I am feeling like having jalebi...so if it is your favorite as well, then can we go and have them please?...ok so done then...we all will go for a breakfast...a heavy satisfying one...with loads of unhealthy stuffs! Come on, its your birthday, and you are in the pink of your health...if anybody desagrees, we will manao them ok? This one day atleast we will do what you like, and somehow I feel you would like a complete unhealthy breakfast comprising may be, poori, sabzi and loads of ghee and milk? n ofcourse, jalebi to end it with.
Then we will go out for a nice walk... at a place where you always went - I didnt know it then, but I know it now...will ask your love to accompany as well...she will...so what if she is busy preparing a nice lunch for you. Am sure she can make out time and she will...happy now? So will go for a walk...and it will do you a lot of good after that heavy breakfast... on our way back, we will go to that Gurudwara... u know i love going there for that awsome besan ke laddu that they give as "prasad" ...we will have the prasad and then come back home. Then will wait for that special lunch that is being made on your honor...I will also help others in preparing the dishes...dont warry baba, I will not mess it up...will be very vry careful...and when your wife is supervising and guiding me, how can i ever go wrong?
Aha, then will have lunch...the elaborate one with all your favorite dishes! You will love it, wont you? And then we all will sit together and have a wonderful "adda"... will talk about your favorite things... you will tell us about your childhood and how your birthdays used to be... we all will listen to your rich and wonderful experiences.... time will jus flow by...
In the evening I am thinking of having some guests over, but dont know why I feel you would like to be just the few of us...you want to srink tonight dont you? I did hear you had stopped drinking but then you did drink once or twice after that didnt you? On rare special occassions? happy eventful occassions? Come on, today is a happy occassion as well and evenful for me as I am spending your birthday for the first time with you! And somehow I feel you will want to have a couple of drink tonight...go on, I will not scold you for them...Are you enjoying it? Are you enjoying your birthday?
Wherever you are... I want this day to be very very happy for you... may not be the way I conceived it...but that doesnt matte...if my soul knows yours i know you would like to spend this day the way i conceived it... or may be an entirely different way... dont know --- all I know is that its your birthday, and you should be happy...
Happy Birthday...dadaji...and have a great day!
Friday, September 11, 2009
Am I having Fun?
Ever since I have landed in Vienna, all my friends are asking me religiously and i am sick and tired of being asked if I'm having fun, and I want to address this question for once and for all : No, I am not having "fun". I have never intended to have "any" in my life so far, and wish to not have it anytime in the near future, whether in Vienna, or Varanasi. I am quite happy to be "happy", or may be at times joyful, but no thanks! fun, I have no intention to have.
CAll me irritably "old-fashioned" or reasonably repressed, or just a plain old bore without bothering much about rhetoric, but I can never get my mind around how activities usually labelled "fun" can actually be "funny" or at most "pleasurable". My colleagues here prod me almost every evening to "come out with us ahd have some fun!" events which are nothing but pubbing followed by some more pubbing and then... pubbing again! And I dont find anything "fun" in there. If you honestly ask me, which i realize you dont, but nevertheless, "having fun" seems like an aggressive advertisement of one's money power to attain privilege of sharing an illusion of a good time, and pretention of having "fun". YOu may call me judgemental but I think thats just an escapist's way to bury his head deeper into the waves of denial about the overstressed and messy life that he is possibly leading.
What puts me "off" fun?,,,ummmn, let me think...aggressionand loudness puts me off fun. ummnn, and a certain level of herd mentality as well. add to it the extremely boring predictability. yes, i think that completes the list..more or less. For me fun is more about being happy...and happiness cannot be grasped merely by "hanging" out at all "happenning" places. If you ask me, which I know you dont, but nevertheless, I am deeply suspicious of any mass-prescribed recipe for "fun", from alcohol to spas. Here, being in Vienna, am getting a sense of lost identity as the only "fun" seems to be in pubbing pubbing and more pubbing.
As I spend my day here, I realize happiness is with your loved ones - otherwise how do you define me not having chocolates and pastries being in the land of them? how do you define me hardly sleeping 5-6 hours a day and not even feeling bad about it. how do you define me being hooked onto the net almost 24hours a day!!! (incase you dont know...i hate being online all the time)... fun is not about "things" it is about "people" and it took me to travel this far to realize this. The things that actually would hv given me fun...I dont even feel like doing them here, as there is not my loved ones to share those "fun" moments with... fun is not "pubbing" fun is about being with your loved ones.
I miss the stupid serials my daughter watches. I miss preparing her breakfast at 5 in the morning, I miss driving through the congested Kolkata traffic, I miss signing her HW Diary... I miss those "fun"... and here, if you think am having fun, then let me tell you for once and for all... no I am not having fun, and neither do I intend do.... the only fun for me here, if at all, is counting days to go back where I left my heart before coming here
Miss you
CAll me irritably "old-fashioned" or reasonably repressed, or just a plain old bore without bothering much about rhetoric, but I can never get my mind around how activities usually labelled "fun" can actually be "funny" or at most "pleasurable". My colleagues here prod me almost every evening to "come out with us ahd have some fun!" events which are nothing but pubbing followed by some more pubbing and then... pubbing again! And I dont find anything "fun" in there. If you honestly ask me, which i realize you dont, but nevertheless, "having fun" seems like an aggressive advertisement of one's money power to attain privilege of sharing an illusion of a good time, and pretention of having "fun". YOu may call me judgemental but I think thats just an escapist's way to bury his head deeper into the waves of denial about the overstressed and messy life that he is possibly leading.
What puts me "off" fun?,,,ummmn, let me think...aggressionand loudness puts me off fun. ummnn, and a certain level of herd mentality as well. add to it the extremely boring predictability. yes, i think that completes the list..more or less. For me fun is more about being happy...and happiness cannot be grasped merely by "hanging" out at all "happenning" places. If you ask me, which I know you dont, but nevertheless, I am deeply suspicious of any mass-prescribed recipe for "fun", from alcohol to spas. Here, being in Vienna, am getting a sense of lost identity as the only "fun" seems to be in pubbing pubbing and more pubbing.
As I spend my day here, I realize happiness is with your loved ones - otherwise how do you define me not having chocolates and pastries being in the land of them? how do you define me hardly sleeping 5-6 hours a day and not even feeling bad about it. how do you define me being hooked onto the net almost 24hours a day!!! (incase you dont know...i hate being online all the time)... fun is not about "things" it is about "people" and it took me to travel this far to realize this. The things that actually would hv given me fun...I dont even feel like doing them here, as there is not my loved ones to share those "fun" moments with... fun is not "pubbing" fun is about being with your loved ones.
I miss the stupid serials my daughter watches. I miss preparing her breakfast at 5 in the morning, I miss driving through the congested Kolkata traffic, I miss signing her HW Diary... I miss those "fun"... and here, if you think am having fun, then let me tell you for once and for all... no I am not having fun, and neither do I intend do.... the only fun for me here, if at all, is counting days to go back where I left my heart before coming here
Miss you
What a day it was!!!
Some days openly throw a challenge on you at times! When nothing goes right in your day from the time you brush your teeth till the time you put on your night robe and off to sleep - sometimes it continues even in your dreams! yesterday was one such day for me! Absolute craziness. I woke up and after sometime saw the network connection not working. With pressure mounting at workplace, like a dedicated soldier of my organization was trying to wr=ork from the hotel as early as 6 in the morning, but no! the network didnt just let me! A victim of technology, got ready early, grabbed a breakfast and ran to the office to resume work. it took me atleast 25 mins to find a meeting room to sit (about this will blog some other time) and other 13 minutes to get connected to network! Network problem yet again... in the heart of Vienna, in the office of THE IBM!!! i just couldnot get a wifi connection to start working! - Such was the beginning of the day.
THe middle of the day was worse...there was escalations to be taken care of, further escalations of escalation to be made, cardds to be played well... in short a crazy circus was going on where i felt trapped like the pigeons they have in the cage! waiting for my turn to put up my act...
Just to make matters worse, we started encountering defects which we never thought existed. We are testing a project which is to go live in November...we are trying to close some interfaces by 18th beyond which partners are not available and to extend their availability we have to pay them $20K per week! And it seemed some horrible force was making it its business that we pay that money as nothing seemed to go right... in short, we were getting screwed and i was getting more and more stressed up. By evening 5pm, I lost my cool and realized I just could take this no further!
And as if God heard me say that, he sent an angel... over the next 2-3 hours things started falling into the right places...atleast miraculously solutions were getting provided by some unknown force through someone or the other. First was my project manager, Kathy...now she is one woman I started respecting immensely...she came up to my rescue - arranged help, and what i liked the most is that she was continuously with me, guiding me as if I was her only concern that moment, and she had nothing else to do! God bless her. Yes, i slogged, i missed a party at 7 with all my colleagues that was pre-planned, I was tired, exhausted, hungry and everything you can imagine. But when I left office at half past 8, I felt an immense satisfaction... i felt protected, I felt secured, i felt pampered as well! I realized He up there really cares for me. As if it was His business to see my problems are resolved - and not through a miracle - but through my sheer determination and hardwork. I know He did it, but He made it look like I have done it! He made it look so special for me, so satisfying for me. he gave me a problem, psyched me up about it, then silently provided me with a handy solution and helping me through people like Kathey and kerry and made me a heroine in the eyes of others and my own self! He organized the whole show, and proudly watched me from above, giving me cues and ensuring that i successfully play my role and emerge a winner!
After coming back to hotel, relaxing for a moment when I opened my inbox - I saw solutions to the still remaining problem in there! can you believe it! And it was not readymade solutions mind you, that would not have given me half the satisfaction I am having now - it was cues - cues that i had to take forward to, and i did! I solved the remaining problms and at around 11pm, when I swtiched of my comp after a gruelling 15 hrs work! I felt a sense of satisfaction which I could never have felt if I had a very good day without any challenge.
Thank You God, for giving me this opportunity to feel special in my eyes and others. Every appreciation mail that was pouring in...reminded me of you. Thank you for showing the humane side in a cut throat competitive corporate world. Thank you for Kathie. And thank you for restrengthening by belief that You never give anything that we cannot handle! And you ensure that we handle days like these well!
Today as i write this, I am all charged up to face another day at office and anxious to see the results of my hard work last night... Thank You once again.
THe middle of the day was worse...there was escalations to be taken care of, further escalations of escalation to be made, cardds to be played well... in short a crazy circus was going on where i felt trapped like the pigeons they have in the cage! waiting for my turn to put up my act...
Just to make matters worse, we started encountering defects which we never thought existed. We are testing a project which is to go live in November...we are trying to close some interfaces by 18th beyond which partners are not available and to extend their availability we have to pay them $20K per week! And it seemed some horrible force was making it its business that we pay that money as nothing seemed to go right... in short, we were getting screwed and i was getting more and more stressed up. By evening 5pm, I lost my cool and realized I just could take this no further!
And as if God heard me say that, he sent an angel... over the next 2-3 hours things started falling into the right places...atleast miraculously solutions were getting provided by some unknown force through someone or the other. First was my project manager, Kathy...now she is one woman I started respecting immensely...she came up to my rescue - arranged help, and what i liked the most is that she was continuously with me, guiding me as if I was her only concern that moment, and she had nothing else to do! God bless her. Yes, i slogged, i missed a party at 7 with all my colleagues that was pre-planned, I was tired, exhausted, hungry and everything you can imagine. But when I left office at half past 8, I felt an immense satisfaction... i felt protected, I felt secured, i felt pampered as well! I realized He up there really cares for me. As if it was His business to see my problems are resolved - and not through a miracle - but through my sheer determination and hardwork. I know He did it, but He made it look like I have done it! He made it look so special for me, so satisfying for me. he gave me a problem, psyched me up about it, then silently provided me with a handy solution and helping me through people like Kathey and kerry and made me a heroine in the eyes of others and my own self! He organized the whole show, and proudly watched me from above, giving me cues and ensuring that i successfully play my role and emerge a winner!
After coming back to hotel, relaxing for a moment when I opened my inbox - I saw solutions to the still remaining problem in there! can you believe it! And it was not readymade solutions mind you, that would not have given me half the satisfaction I am having now - it was cues - cues that i had to take forward to, and i did! I solved the remaining problms and at around 11pm, when I swtiched of my comp after a gruelling 15 hrs work! I felt a sense of satisfaction which I could never have felt if I had a very good day without any challenge.
Thank You God, for giving me this opportunity to feel special in my eyes and others. Every appreciation mail that was pouring in...reminded me of you. Thank you for showing the humane side in a cut throat competitive corporate world. Thank you for Kathie. And thank you for restrengthening by belief that You never give anything that we cannot handle! And you ensure that we handle days like these well!
Today as i write this, I am all charged up to face another day at office and anxious to see the results of my hard work last night... Thank You once again.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Knowledge Management
Knowledge Management seems to be the hottest subject now a days. I am reading too many articles on this and the more I read, the more I get confused. But since this IS the most important topic these days, I thought of gaining some insight into this. My first attempt was to develop some perspective regarding this stuff called KNOWLEDGE which certainly has become a desirable object to be managed. I had read somewhere, though knowing me you would simply accept the fact that I dont remember where, that
- A collection of data is not information
- A collection of information is not knowledge
- A collection of knowledge is not wisdom
- A collection of wisdom is not truth.
What I could understand with my challenged IQ is that information, knowledge, wisdom and truth are more than simply collections of data. Collection of data is important, but not the most important activity in the making up of information, knowledge, wisdom and/or truth.
Now moving onto Knowledge management, I realized that probably Knowledge management would be hard to define precisely and crisply. The KM gurus and experts of the industry have defined KM in a varied no. of ways. Thats not surprising. Its like, how would a VP HR define "Staffing Management", or rather is there a unique definition of "Staffing Management"? Or "Compensation Management"? Each of these domains is complex with many branches of specialization. Similarly I believe Knowledge Management is also a hell of a complex domain, which we complicate even more while attempting to simplify it. Knowledge management is managing knowledge, and when there is no simple definition of knowledge in the first place, how can we even think of simplifying the definition of Knowledge Management?!
There are many thoughful and thought provoking definition of knowledge. And there are some good specifications and types mentioned as well. Say, for eg, Explicit Knowledge and Tacit Knowledge. Now KM Gurus can write epic on each of these, but given my challenged brain (which is more challenged these days for a no. of imp and unimp reasons), I would simply refer to them as formal and informal knowledge respectively, without going into further details. Explicit or formal knowledge is something that can be articulated, transmitted and presented amongst individuals with different relevant references. On the other hand tacit or informal knowledge is basically personal and is rooted in individula beliefs, valus and perspective. They may or may not have valid references.
Before the evolution of Knowledge Management in such an organised way, as it is presently being done, the perceptions of the role of knowledge in business was that tacit knowledge was more often viewed as the real key to getting things done. Thus we often experience that conservative organizations lay more emphasis on the "learning organization" and other approaches that stress internalization of information (through experience and action) and generation of new knowledge through managed interaction. With the market place becoming more competitive than ever, reductions in staffing, time crisis, eraly retirements and increasing mobility of the work force, changes in strategic directions etc lead to loss of knowledge these days. Hence over the past decade or so, we felt an enormous ggrowth in the direction of knowledge management. Tacit knwledge solwly started getting replaced by explicit knowledge . In short, knowledge and information have become the medium in which business problems occur more. And hence the need for KNOWLEDGE MANAGEMENT.
Neoclassical Economists have also equated knowledge to a product with codified knowledge or information. Earlier, knowledge, perhaps due to its non-linear nature, has played only a minor role and has been treated as a distraction in traditional economic models. However, Austrian School Of Economics has taken a deep interest in building substantial theories towards explaining the important role of knowledge in economic life. Prof Fredrich Von Hayek observes, as early as in 1945, that for the realization of equilibrium as conceptualized in the orthodox economic theories, there must be a conicidence of the objective real facts of the economy and subjective knowledge of human subjects.
Knowledge based economy or knowledge economy mark the beginning of "new economic era". These neo economists subtly began suggesting that the missing link related to success in strategic decision making is one's hidden or tacit knowledge! Many economists gradullay began to draw a parallel between The Theory of the Firm and knowledge-based perspectives. The scholars of the knowledge based view tend to "agree" that the link between asset specificity and boundary choice has little to do with oppurtunistic behavior or failed markets. In contrast to classical economic theories, the knowledge-based view regards the specificity of assets and skills as critical to the firm;s performance.
Once economics accepted the value of knowledge in the growth of the society, how can managing knowledge be left behind the scope of performance and betterment? Kowledge was slowly gaining moreimportance than before and in 1992 some of the neo-classical economists built an arguement against the Transaction Cost View, claiming that the relative advantages of the organizations arise from the superior abilities in both creating and exploiting knowledge. In 1996, C.K.Prahalad further stressed the fact that Knowledge is "independent" from the transaction economy's opportunistic considerations. ...and the list just goes on and on.
So, the acceptance of Knowledge into the "economics" has made it an object of "management" - how "money-minded" we human beings are! :-)
Being a sutdent of economics, I could contribute this much to this "hot topic" of the season! Rest, if you are still interested about Knowledge Management - please refer to hosts of blogs and wikis on this topic...all the best!
Friday, September 4, 2009
Missing the radio of my car
Am missing my car...and particularly the radio in it - for it is undobtedly my best friend and gives me good company for minimum 2 hours everyday, 5 days a week, unless Mamata didi calls a bandh in Kolkata. I love music - the listenning side of it. Well, I also love singing but my neighbours dont entertain me, so I have restricted myself to the listenning part of it. The radio of my car is my only mode of listenning to music - yes, actually listenning to music is banned at my place - there is (un)fortunately only one home theatre system and the TV as well as Cd/dvd player and/or radio plays through that same god damn it set ( i think they call it a receiver or something like that). And that is co-owned by my daughter and her father. And they have banned all forms of only audible recreations at home .Its strictly audio-visual...and visual also is decided by them most of the time (well, I think all the time). So I am not privileged enough to listen to music at home.
I dont repent. Because my Radio takes care of this passion of music. And provides me with a great sense of achievment as well. You see, when you get something after a strenuous effort, the pleasure is always more. Likewise, when I want to listen to the music I turn the knob of my radio and it croaks out music at a pitch of its choice depending on which direction is my car moving and/or the antaenna is pointing to...and that too not instantly as i turn the knob on. Many days it takes about 2-4 minutes to get started. Out of frustation often I whack it on its head and he promptly obliges me. And then after almost 5-10 mintues of ruthna - manana my radio sings out - the satisfaction that it gives me cannot be compared with the best of music systems in the world.
My radio has a mind of its own. He decides for me which station he wants me to listen to. I am not sure about whether it has any secret tie-ups with any of these stations, or whether is it a free lance thing - but whatever it is the geast of the matter is that it decides - I dont mind because for me getting to hear whatever channel he pleases itself is a luxury beyond my dream. This absolute daily pleasure is something that i am missing here very much.
The home theatre reminds me of the complexity of life now a days. And I thought science and technology makes your life easier. Life is not at all simple with these hi-fi gadjets these days. Take the equipment called "receiver" itself. If you have a lot of audio/video players and you want them to learn sharing and caring and thus buy in the equipment called "receiver" so that they all share the same speakers, then you need a Receiver. In other words, a Receiver is a piece of equipment which accepts input from several audio/video sources and outputs nothing. It is an entertainment device though most of the entertainment is ruined while setting and conncting it up.
My daughter is better of with all these gadjets than me. I remember once I was in a guest house in Delhi and the room had a TV and a music system and had 3 remotes and some peculiar combination of switching them on in order to be able to watch TV or listen to music. It had taken me half an hour to figure out the i was holding the remotes upside down. Not that it made any sense to me the right side up, and not that I could succeed in switching the TV on. It so happened that I had stayed there for a month and every day after coming back from office I would call up room service to switch on my TV and would keep it on till the next day till the time I left for office. So you see, life is not at all simple with all these inventions. I never had any problem with the first black n white TV we had at home when I was a kid. I could easily switch it on and roll the know to get the two and a half channels that it aired! Now with 250 + channels I get thoroughly confused with TV.
So you see, what i was saying is that I miss my radio. N now am in a room all alone by myself. It has a huge tv set and fortunately only one remote to operate it. All my hurdles are overcome. No body can disturb me listenning to music and watching television...but alas, even then am unable to watch or listen...you wonder why? Because there is hardly any English channel out here, forget my good old Hindi channels...its only local channels - and I ahve no clue what they talk about.
So...am missing my radio and am missing my car...one more reason why am counting my days to go back...as if I didnt have enough!
I dont repent. Because my Radio takes care of this passion of music. And provides me with a great sense of achievment as well. You see, when you get something after a strenuous effort, the pleasure is always more. Likewise, when I want to listen to the music I turn the knob of my radio and it croaks out music at a pitch of its choice depending on which direction is my car moving and/or the antaenna is pointing to...and that too not instantly as i turn the knob on. Many days it takes about 2-4 minutes to get started. Out of frustation often I whack it on its head and he promptly obliges me. And then after almost 5-10 mintues of ruthna - manana my radio sings out - the satisfaction that it gives me cannot be compared with the best of music systems in the world.
My radio has a mind of its own. He decides for me which station he wants me to listen to. I am not sure about whether it has any secret tie-ups with any of these stations, or whether is it a free lance thing - but whatever it is the geast of the matter is that it decides - I dont mind because for me getting to hear whatever channel he pleases itself is a luxury beyond my dream. This absolute daily pleasure is something that i am missing here very much.
The home theatre reminds me of the complexity of life now a days. And I thought science and technology makes your life easier. Life is not at all simple with these hi-fi gadjets these days. Take the equipment called "receiver" itself. If you have a lot of audio/video players and you want them to learn sharing and caring and thus buy in the equipment called "receiver" so that they all share the same speakers, then you need a Receiver. In other words, a Receiver is a piece of equipment which accepts input from several audio/video sources and outputs nothing. It is an entertainment device though most of the entertainment is ruined while setting and conncting it up.
My daughter is better of with all these gadjets than me. I remember once I was in a guest house in Delhi and the room had a TV and a music system and had 3 remotes and some peculiar combination of switching them on in order to be able to watch TV or listen to music. It had taken me half an hour to figure out the i was holding the remotes upside down. Not that it made any sense to me the right side up, and not that I could succeed in switching the TV on. It so happened that I had stayed there for a month and every day after coming back from office I would call up room service to switch on my TV and would keep it on till the next day till the time I left for office. So you see, life is not at all simple with all these inventions. I never had any problem with the first black n white TV we had at home when I was a kid. I could easily switch it on and roll the know to get the two and a half channels that it aired! Now with 250 + channels I get thoroughly confused with TV.
So you see, what i was saying is that I miss my radio. N now am in a room all alone by myself. It has a huge tv set and fortunately only one remote to operate it. All my hurdles are overcome. No body can disturb me listenning to music and watching television...but alas, even then am unable to watch or listen...you wonder why? Because there is hardly any English channel out here, forget my good old Hindi channels...its only local channels - and I ahve no clue what they talk about.
So...am missing my radio and am missing my car...one more reason why am counting my days to go back...as if I didnt have enough!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Fell in love with Vienna...at last
All these days probably I was trying my level best not to fall in love with Vienna. The mother in me stopped me, the wife in me stopped me, the daughter in me stopped me. But the WOMAN in me finally won...and was touched by the beauty of this city, which is modern, yet traditional; happenning, yet calm; different, yet with a friendly touch. The good things that touched me here are (apart from the couples being more expressive :-)
- People are very friendly but from a distance. This I feel is good - Indians are known for their friendliness but I at times feel we go overboard. There is a fine boundary between friendliness and stepping the fence, and I feel we Indian do cross that boundary quite often. Here people greet you in the lift, on the lobby, on the road... even if they dont know you. They have a constant smile on their face. Its been 10 days now and I have not seen any fight anywhere.
- Trust and personal responsibility is too high amongst Europeans. And this I think, I need not elaborate.
- The city is highly planned. The traffic, though not at all light, is very organized. And I think that is because people dont break RULES here.
- Animals are taken really good care of. This is one amazing thing I have seen here. People may argue this is a rich country and that is why all these points are coming out...India being a poor country, this cannot be expected, but I would like to differ here. Its not about how much bank balance you have - its more about your nature, your thought process, your basic instincts! and India will need a 100 years to catch up to this level of honesty and trust worthiness - rich or otherwise.
- We can learn a lot of things from these people, only if we want to. We must appreciate where its due and better even if they can be adopted as well.
The free spirit that this city epitomises, am in love with that
The cleanliness of this city, am in love with that
The enormity of the palaces here, am in love with that
The beautiful weather that am enjoying here, am in love with that
The broad lanes with organized traffic, am in love with that
And all this, I think somewhere down the way, is more than compensating the lack of Indian food.
Looking forward to going back to my home to have the delicacies of India, but once I am there I will surely be missing the city, I hate to be in love with!
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