Bored with BOARD EXAM Marks!

At the onset, let me just clarify, that my daughter will appear for the first BOARD Exam of her life next year, and like a true-blue Bengali middle class family, we all are super excited about it! I have already thought of the Face Book update that I will provide post her result; I clearly remember the number of likes and comments similar posts have received in the last couple of years; And I certainly intend to modestly brag about my daughter's performance to any and every Tom Dick and Harry I meet and interact, but while I anticipate all of that and more, let me fondly remember "our times"... we, the student of 90s, who went through our share of BOARD EXAMS and all the before and after effects of them.

Anyone who went to school/high school in the early and mid 90s would relate to me for sure.

Ok, how many of us remember our Higher Secondary days? Two papers of the same subject, syllabus was standard XI and XII combined. We had our shares of fun, didn't we? Suicides were common, and so were nervous breakdowns. If you thought teachers were strict, then you obviously were one of the rarest few who had sane parents (like mine). But most of the parents I knew back then, give me nightmares even today, when I compare my mild involvement in my daughter's studies compared to their aggressive ones. The 30 minute break between papers 1&2, would mean for them to act like the coaches of the heavyweight boxers in their corners after a bruising fight, planning strategically, one parent stuffing some morsels of food down a barely moving mouth while the other, giving last minute valuable advice, like, “Answer the objective type first”. As if this was not enough, within that short span of time, they also managed to collect data on who answered what, and already mentally tabulated the probable scores of all the competitors, like, Mr. Das's daughter and Mr. Ghosh's son. And if by chance, your probable score failed to match theirs, then you have had it! I remember till date, every time, I came out of Exam Hall, I was surrounded by numerous parents, some asking me questions about the questions, others snatching away the question paper, even though their wards would probably come out in the next 5 minutes. But no, why waste those 5 minutes, eh? These exams were invariably held in hot, sultry, summer, afternoons, and I quite hated the sight of the aunties in sleeveless blouses, hounding me with earnest queries like, "Which coaching do you go to? Who teaches you Maths at home? etc." These same parents, when their own kids come out of the hall, swoop down from all sides grabbing them by the forearms and bombarding them with "questions about questions"...one exam ends and the other one starts for the unfortunate kids...

Cut to 2015, and I see similar trends amongst Bong parents. Most of us, who were students in 90s, are parents now...and many of us who hated the torture we were succumbed to, are doing exactly the same thing to their wards now. For us if "STAR" and "LETTER" were the targets, now, its 95%-96%...anything less than that is an insult to the entire race of humanity! We have moved from B/W TV to LCD, from Dooradarshan to DTH, from those big fat black telephones to the era of Facebook, twitter, and whats app...but the intention of the parents' to reach newer heights of achievement at the cost of creating undue pressure on the children still continues. If anything, things have worsened, competition is even more fierce now. Planning is even more strategic, focus is even more grave. Akash Institute, and FITJEE s are minting money, and why not? Now kids "prepare" themselves for IIT from Class - VII or VIII. I feel extremely sorry for them when I happen to cross by one such institute at 8-30 PM every Monday. Some of the students still wearing their school uniforms, which clearly means they probably hop from one tuition to another after the school hour ends and don't even get time to freshen up. There is this concept of multiple tuitions for a single subject, lest you miss the "notes" of X if you only go to Y! For 1 mark the students and the parents can lay their lives and take a few as well, if the need be.

So for all the aspiring IITians and their parents, here is one piece of advice. None of this would matter in the Long run. Yeah!

When I look around and see my batch mates from school, I see, more or less, all of us have reached somewhere or the other. Even if we failed to reach where we wanted to, we are still doing pretty well for ourselves. 100/100 in Maths, or 80/100 in Maths, both the types of students are probably earning the same pay package...in fact, probably the guy who failed in Mathematics is more successful because he is doing what he was good at. Scores and Ranks lead us nowhere, our knowledge does, our passion does. It hardly matters if you got 96% or 69%, probably you will end up in the same place, as Marks have no direct correlation to "success". So stop screwing up your kids' childhood. Let them enjoy this wonderful phase of life which will never come back. Yes, focus is important, but draw a line. Don't over do... Celebrate their uniqueness...not all are supposed to be scoring 100/100 in Maths. If your ward is the one who can and do, then congratulations! But if he is not the one, its ABSOLUTELY FINE! Enjoy life nevertheless, and let him follow his dreams... You please support your kids in following their dreams rather than forcing them to chase yours... Come on, we owe this to our children, don't we?

Parents have a right to know!

"Tell me what exactly your job is. Go slowly, I have to write it down."

Declared my mom, on my recent visit to her place last weekend.

I hadn't switched employers or secured a promotion; I've been doing essentially the same work for five years. So why the sudden curiosity? Because my mom recently attended a wedding packed with inquisitive relatives. Relatives who appeared to be more interested in my career than they were in the bride and groom!

"Rontu/Rana/Pinky is doing great. He/she is a COO/PHD/VPP," they proudly declared. "So, how is Munai (my nick name)?. What did you say she does?", asked my mom's aunt's brother-in-law's neice at the wedding!

"Something with the computers," my mom answered at first stammering at every possible word and the gaps as well. "And HR, I think"

"That sounds nice," was a chorus, "but what exactly does she do?"

"Well, I am not too sure, but I know it is very important, she keeps travelling a lot due to her work. So, doesn't Shelly make a lovely bride?", said my mom hoping desperately that her conscious change of topic would go unnoticed.

"How could you not know what your own daughter does for a living?" they prodded, refusing to be distracted by something as inconsequential as the bride's appearance. "What is she -- some kind of spy -- that even her mother doesn't know what she is upto?"

... so, as a result of this conversation at the wedding where I was thankfully missing, I got confronted with the following on my visit to her...

"Everyone thinks you're with the CBI," my mom complained the moment I entered her place. "They kept me so busy with their questions, I almost missed my dessert (now, that is simply not done...how can they keep my 110kg mom away from dessert???). The only way I got to the hot gulab jamuns, was to promise to write and explain precisely what you do. So what do you do?"

For the next one hour I tried to describe my job and my mom grew more and more confused. Do other people have this problem, I wondered. So I decided to ask some friends.
"I just tell my folks I work with numbers," an econometrics expert told me. "It doesn't really satisfy them, but it's the best I can do."

"All my parents know is I work with lab rats," said a scientist friend whose job even I can't begin to describe.

"I do junk bond work," replied a securities attorney. "How would you like to explain that to your parents?"

The solution to this job generation gap came to me as I listened to the tenth description of an indescribable job. From now on, at least once a year, we should take our parents to work with us. After all, there's already an annual Take Our Kids To Work Day. But, shockingly, nobody has protested the exclusion of parents. Such blatant discrimination goes to the very essence of parenting -- parents' inalienable right to brag about their kids. And this I can vouch for. My mom also does a little, I accept, but only a little though. I have seen such brat parents in my lifetime (please excuse my slang for seniors, but I couldn't help it) who would just go on and on about how well their kids performed right from nursery to board meetings! irrespective of whether you lend them your ears or just snore away to glory. But nevertheless, I think, our parents deserve a day at our office, to find out what exactly we do. Its much better for us kids to give them demo rather than spend a futile hour trying to explain what the hell you really do! IBM, the company where i work for, has the concept of "Take Your Parents to Work" day, and very cleverly I had avoided pariticipating in such event every year. But this year I solemnly promise to take my mom so that she can explain, in her own words, to her ever inquisitive clan of relatives, what exactly do I do!

Imagine the educational benefit of parents sitting with their children at the conference table/laboratory/computer room. Witnessing their daughters' demos and their sons' presentations. Watching their offspring interact with bosses, clients, co-workers (both enemies and friends). Gazing as their progeny dodge phone calls, pound keyboards, glare at computer screens, and curse the invention of the fax machine.

There are risks, of course. Dad may cross-examine the boss about health insurance and the company's retirement plan. Mom may whip out a tape measure and compare office footage on her hands and knees. Both will conclude you're smarter than your boss and make sure to let him know it. And you can be sure that one of them will demand to know when you're getting a promotion.


But despite the risks, we owe it to our parents to expose them to our work environments. Besides, a discreetly whispered warning is usually all it takes to get parents to behave. The warning? ... well, here it goes...

"Mom, behave yourself in my office, because if you get me fired, I'll move back home."

Truth v/s Peace

There is this one conflict which probably all of us have experienced at some point of time or the other. My English teacher used to say (and probably, everybody has heard similar things from some senior or the other) that at every crossroad of life, you will get two roads. One of them would be the easy way out to all your problems that you might be facing at that particular time. This road will give you probably all the comforts that you are looking out for, it will give you pleasures unlimited and soo you will feel that you have taken the right road and be happy about it. The other road will be the difficult one - where you will face lot of difficulties and hard times. This road leads to the truth. Every step you take on that road, you will have to fight your way out, and its going to be tough... but in the long run you will emerge a winner if you can stick on to that road.

Each one of us have some golden words deep rooted in our hearts which we regard as THE PRINCIPLE of our lives. For me, my English Teacher's words were like that. She taught me the importance of honesty and truthfulness. She taught me the value of being an honest person. As I grew up and faced tougher situations in life that attaining surprise class tests, I realised that she was indeed right in what she said. At every crossroad of my life, I did get two roads. Like during exam times, if I had not prepared well, the easy way out would have been cheating from my friend's copy. And I did that in life once, and got very good marks. So apparently, I should have been happy...not studying and even getting good marks is cool!!! But that day, when I went back home, showed my copy to my father and uncles, and got a lot of appreciation from them, I felt so cheap. They were praising me for something that is not mine - the score of that exam was definitely not mine - it was my friend's score they were praising - I felt so hollow. Today I thank my English teacher (and indirectly God) for giving me that maturity to realise that this praise, and all the good thingsa that were happenning to me because of my chetaing, were not good at all. I realised, if I had not cheated, then my score would have been less, probably I would have got a bashing from my father for that low a score, probably some form of punishment as well like, no chocolates for the next one week or whatever...but atleast I would have been at peace... and today, I thnak God for making me realise that when I was 14 years old.

What is peace - is peace all about not facing the truth? is peace all about running away from the truth? is peace all about not standing by what you believe? - why? just because if you face the truth, or stand by it, you may face a lot of hardships? This lead me to a question I often ask myself and others as well... why do we lie? I have got many answers to this question of mine:

a) We lie in order to save someone else - perfect
b) We lie to avoid violence - why?
c) We lie because thats the ony resort - who said so?
d) We lie because we are afraid of speaking the truth - what is "fear"?

I know, there cannot be generalisations in life - each and every one of us is different, we face unique circumstances, and even if we face similar circumstances, we definitely react uniquely to them. So probably, each one of us have our own unique reasonning for our lies. But I still cannot understand why we have to lie...why we have to deviate from the truth. Take my example. Was I really happy to get all the adulation and appreciation for getting high score in exam? No, I was not...simply becuase I didnt deserve them. I realised that I would have been better off if I didnt cheat, and got less marks instead. But at that point of time, when I decided to cheat, probably I took that decision because:

a) I thought that would "save" me from getting less marks
b) I thought that would help me "avoid" my father's punishments
c) I thought that the "only resort" to save myself from the fact that I didnt do my studies which I should have
d) I was "afraid" of facing the consequences

But the fact remains that by "cheating", I was no better-off... even though apparently everything turned out to be just perfect for me. Then the question arises, even though everything was the best that could have happened under the given circumstance - why did I feel bad about it? - the reason is - my CONSCIENCE... yes, our conscience tells us what is right and what is wrong. My conscience told me not to cheat ever, and never in my life I cheated during exam...

So may be, people who continues to lie in their lives, their conscience doesnt stop them from doing so... this led me to another question, which I am still looking out for an answer...

Why are there people who conscinece doesnt tell them that TRUTH is the ultimate... you should always strive to speak the truth, stand by the truth and face the truth... because good, or bad; peaceful or violent; acceptable or not-acceptable; TRUTH is the ultimate, u cannot change it...so why cover it up with LIES??? Just for a temporary relief? Just for a temporary peaceful ambience? Just for a little bit of more comfort?

Am still looking out for answers - please do let me know your views...why do we LIE, and can LIES actually cover up the TRUTH? Can the tower of PEACE be built on the pillar of LIES? Can such TOWER suvive for long? Can you actually be at peace by covering up TRUTH? Can you have a peaceful night's dream, when you know you are lieing, or hiding truth? Can we look into our eyes in the mirror, when we have done something our CONSCIENCE doesnt approve of?

I have these questions am seeking out answers for... If I lie, can I teach my children the value of truth? Or is it not important at all to teach our children the value of honesty - simply because if am not honest, I dont value it myself... what values are we planning to give to our next generation? I remember a quote, once a friend of mine used as his signature

"Is the child you were, proud of the man you are?"

And if not...can you really pass on the qualities of your chilhood to your next generation?...You cannot, simply because you do not possess them anymore...so my dear grown ups, next time you do anything, that your childhood would not approve of...stop right then, not for you, but for your child...because WHAT YOU ARE TODAY, YOUR CHILD WILL BECOME TOMORROW...stop that from happenning...its better late than never.