Last Saturday I saw this Benglish movie starring Jaya Bacchan, Om Puri, Mallika Sarabhai amongst others. A crisp well- made, well-edited and well-directed movie depicting human relationships, celebrating Love in all its shades.
Love is a sweet "sad-song"
The story revolves around Mridula Chatterjee, now in her sixties, leading a successful and independent life, having an NGO of her own which "fights" for the "challenged" children. Her grandson Rohan, whom she has brought up single-handedly comes home for his vacations from law school in Bangalore. Rohan's natural curiosity about his grandmother's life compels her to walk down the memory lane and dig out her memories of the past that had for long being confined within her heart.
Hers is a life with many ups and downs - one that forms a good story line for a novel. Memories of her University days; turbulence heralding the Nexalite era of poetry, idealism and uproar; her one and only love Aftab Jaffrey lost in the wake of communal prejudices; her hurriedly arranged marriage and the untimely death of her husband while she was five month pregnant; memories of her posthumus daughter, Palaash, who is always troubled, always tempestuous, and always insecured in her life, and blamed everything to her mother. As Mridula narrated her past to Rohan and his friend Tara, they begin to understand the choicesshe had to make - for herself and for Rohan. They realise why Mridula was forced to reveal a strictly guarded secret to Palaash (that she was Aftab's daughter) which resulted her untimely death, and then why she decided to move on alone despite her daughter's death and a possibility of a second chance with Sftaab, with whom she had an encounter again in the rural areas of Birbhum, many years later.
Direction wise, I felt only two hitches - The director could hve done without the english version of the Rabindra Sangeet - "Jodi tor daak shune keu na ashe tobe ekla cholo re" - the original version would have been more welcome. I personally have problem with the term "challenged" used for people with disablities - arent we all challenged? I think we are more challenged than them. But otherwise, its a treat for all Kolkata lovers to watch this movie. College Street, Coffee House, Park Street, Victorial Memorial, i mean, u just name it. Kolkata is very well shot in the movie.
This movie is of the genre which provokes thoughts within you - this movie forces you to think - think about life, about love, about relationships. This is an evocative story of how ordinary lives suddenly change due to extraordinary circumstances and how the fragnance of love moves gently from dark past towards fresh present, to give a new hope and the possibility of a glorious tomorrow. Life is all about decisions - deciding and standing by your decisions. Love is the most precious gift you get from God, and those who stick by their love, no matter what, end up being happy and content. And those who give up to the pressures of the society, and the oppositions of the family, end up being incomplete. Aftaab had given up to the pressure of his family and society, moved to England abandonning Mridula, and the result? He messed up his life getting married to an alcoholic and living the marriage life-long just for the sake of convenience, hurting himself, Mridula and Rebea (his wife). Mridula, had a life of turbulence with a forced marriage and spent her lifetime alone, loving only Aftaab throughout her entire life, only waiting for him, and struggling to get a firm foot in order to establish herself so that she could sustain herself and her daughter. Only, only, if both of them could fight the initial oppostions and stayed together - probably the movie wouldnt have been made! but then their life would have been probably much better, and much complete! Palaash would have got her father, and that would have made her a more confident and a more secured person. Next time, any lovers decided to call it quits due to external pressure - think about it.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Love Hurts
Love hurts - it tears you apart - it makes you feel cheated - it breaks your heart
But probably you overcome, you rise up from the ashes, and you say to yourself, its him who has hurt me, not love; its him who tore me apart, not love; its him who has cheated on me, not love; its him who has broken my heart, not not love.
With a heart thats broken into pieces, with eyes thats full of tears, with a life thats shattered, you start afresh. You start assembling the pieces of your heart and try joning them. You wipe off your tears and put in kohl there and get ready for your office, you clean the mess of your life and try to organize it. You move on, with a hope that hope you form new hopes in your heart. Hope you can erase the scars of your heart completely.
But the scars remain. They remind you of him - he who had hold your hands and promised to be there forever. He who had told you that his love for you is ultimate. he who had told you that you mean the world to him. he who had told you that he is only and only yours. And he who abandoned you when you needed him the most. he who lied to you all these while. he who just played with your emotions, a game that you were not even aware of. The scars remain - they will always be there forever, in stead of him.
You have had some lovely memories together. The time that you spent with him, uttering sweet nothings, holding his hand amidst a rainy afternoon. Reading together, watching movies together, fighting together and making up together. Those times remain, they remain forever. Those parks that you visited, those lanes that you passed by, those joints where you had your cosy meals, and delicious breakfasts. They remain and they remind you of the Love, thats there, and always will be.
Today you look around, you pass by the same lanes, you pause before the same park, you peep into the same joints, you walk by your memory lane, with a scarred heart, you look for him, but he is not there - probably he never was? Probably it was your illusion? Probably you were dreaming? Probably it was a hallucination? You look above and ask your God, "is this what You call Love? is that what You had in store for me?"
God smiles at you and blesses you, like He always does, but you dont realise. You are angry, you are upset. You blame God, you blame Love - but you dont blame him - may be thats why they say, Love is Blind? You tell God, "I am angry with You. I dont trust you anymore, I have no faith in Love that You propagate so much - I hate the whle sick world"
But do you realise, Hatred is Love upside down? Do you realise you still wait for him? You still hope he will be back someday? You still expect his call, his sms, his mails? You still dream of him, holding you hands and promising you to be there forever. Telling you that his love for you is forever. His words echo in your heart, his actions perform repeat telecast on the screen of your mind. You want to forget him, but you cant. You want to move ahead but you cant. You want to let go off him, but you cant. And then you say, "God, I dont believe in Love anymore!"
He has moved on - left you alone. He is more of a practical sort. he has his comfort zone where you donot belong. He had to choose either you or his comfort zone, and he chose the later. He had to choose either you or his society, and he chose the later. He had to choose either you or his career, and he chose the later. He had to choose either you or his material growth, and he chose the later. He chose what he wanted in his life. he exerted his free-will. You love him truely, so you are happy for him - happy that he is growing in his career, happy that he is accepted in his society, happy that he is comfortable within his comfort zone, happy that he is happy with his family, happy that he is happy attending seminars... you love him so you are happy for him.
So stop crying, you are happy. So stop cribbing, for your dream has come true. You wanted him to be happy, didnt you? Yes, you did. And now he is happy. So let him enjoy his life. As for you, God is there, and so is Love. God will mend your scars someday. Hope lives on.
Wish him all the best in his life. May he have no regrets and may every moment bring him loads of happiness and prosperity. and may he get his true love someday, so what if you didnt?
Love hurts, but hope does not. Long live the hope.
But probably you overcome, you rise up from the ashes, and you say to yourself, its him who has hurt me, not love; its him who tore me apart, not love; its him who has cheated on me, not love; its him who has broken my heart, not not love.
With a heart thats broken into pieces, with eyes thats full of tears, with a life thats shattered, you start afresh. You start assembling the pieces of your heart and try joning them. You wipe off your tears and put in kohl there and get ready for your office, you clean the mess of your life and try to organize it. You move on, with a hope that hope you form new hopes in your heart. Hope you can erase the scars of your heart completely.
But the scars remain. They remind you of him - he who had hold your hands and promised to be there forever. He who had told you that his love for you is ultimate. he who had told you that you mean the world to him. he who had told you that he is only and only yours. And he who abandoned you when you needed him the most. he who lied to you all these while. he who just played with your emotions, a game that you were not even aware of. The scars remain - they will always be there forever, in stead of him.
You have had some lovely memories together. The time that you spent with him, uttering sweet nothings, holding his hand amidst a rainy afternoon. Reading together, watching movies together, fighting together and making up together. Those times remain, they remain forever. Those parks that you visited, those lanes that you passed by, those joints where you had your cosy meals, and delicious breakfasts. They remain and they remind you of the Love, thats there, and always will be.
Today you look around, you pass by the same lanes, you pause before the same park, you peep into the same joints, you walk by your memory lane, with a scarred heart, you look for him, but he is not there - probably he never was? Probably it was your illusion? Probably you were dreaming? Probably it was a hallucination? You look above and ask your God, "is this what You call Love? is that what You had in store for me?"
God smiles at you and blesses you, like He always does, but you dont realise. You are angry, you are upset. You blame God, you blame Love - but you dont blame him - may be thats why they say, Love is Blind? You tell God, "I am angry with You. I dont trust you anymore, I have no faith in Love that You propagate so much - I hate the whle sick world"
But do you realise, Hatred is Love upside down? Do you realise you still wait for him? You still hope he will be back someday? You still expect his call, his sms, his mails? You still dream of him, holding you hands and promising you to be there forever. Telling you that his love for you is forever. His words echo in your heart, his actions perform repeat telecast on the screen of your mind. You want to forget him, but you cant. You want to move ahead but you cant. You want to let go off him, but you cant. And then you say, "God, I dont believe in Love anymore!"
He has moved on - left you alone. He is more of a practical sort. he has his comfort zone where you donot belong. He had to choose either you or his comfort zone, and he chose the later. He had to choose either you or his society, and he chose the later. He had to choose either you or his career, and he chose the later. He had to choose either you or his material growth, and he chose the later. He chose what he wanted in his life. he exerted his free-will. You love him truely, so you are happy for him - happy that he is growing in his career, happy that he is accepted in his society, happy that he is comfortable within his comfort zone, happy that he is happy with his family, happy that he is happy attending seminars... you love him so you are happy for him.
So stop crying, you are happy. So stop cribbing, for your dream has come true. You wanted him to be happy, didnt you? Yes, you did. And now he is happy. So let him enjoy his life. As for you, God is there, and so is Love. God will mend your scars someday. Hope lives on.
Wish him all the best in his life. May he have no regrets and may every moment bring him loads of happiness and prosperity. and may he get his true love someday, so what if you didnt?
Love hurts, but hope does not. Long live the hope.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
These are a few of my favorite books
Category1 : ONE BOOK THAT CHANGED YOUR LIFE
World Atlas: When I was 9, my geography teacher hit me with a hard-bound world atlas so hard that till now I am afraid of Geography in general and Atlas in particular. I am sure her action resulted from the fact that she couldnot understand my heightened knowledge on the subject. But whatever it is, that day and today, I have always run away from Geography, and the in between years have some wonderful memories of record breaking marks in Geography exams for me.
On a serious note :
The Secret by Rhonda Bryne: After reading this book, I started looking at situations more positively than before.
Category2: ONE BOOK THAT YOU HAVE READ MORE THAN ONCE
The manual for my Microwave oven: I read it more than 50 times and still I cant figure out how to set the time on it!
On a serious note:
If Tomorrow Comes by Sidney Sheldon: This is my all time favorite novel and I have read it more than 50 time literally. I kind of associate myself with the main character of the book, Tracy Whitney!
Category3: ONE BOOK THAT YOU WOULD WANT ON A DESERT ISLAND
Survive on a Desert Island: Ofcourse :-) what else did you think?
On a serious note: The same as above, for God's sake be serious at times!
Category4: ONE BOOK THAT MADE YOU LAUGH
Playboy Magazine (I had the privilege of going through one of the edition in my entire life): Not only do you find pseudo-intellectual interviews of women with enough silicone in them to be qualified by FAA as a flotation device but you also find ironic quizzes such as “Are you completely truthful in your relationship” knowing every bit that half the demographic that reads Playboy never admits to reading it even!
On a serious note:
The Code of Woosters by P.G.Woodhouse: It not only made me laugh uncontrollably until tears trickled down my cheeks but also amused people around me immensely because I was reading the book during one of the very effective "soft skill" training I attended in my office.
Category5: ONE BOOK THAT MADE YOU CRY
My Bank Pass Book, everytime I come back from shopping.
On a serious note: The same, what else?
Category6: ONE BOOK YOU WISH YOU HAD WRITTEN
The Constitution of India: I would have made it unconstitutional for anybody of Manmohan Singh's guts to be the Prime Minister and P Chidamburam's IQ ito be the Finance Minister!
On a serious note:
I wish I could write like Charles Dickens and Paulo Coelho.
Category7: ONE BOOK THAT YOU WISH HAD NEVER BEEN WRITTEN
KAMA SUTRA: Because of that incoherent book, now every time I meet a dimwit who goes, “Ohhh India, the land of Kama Sutra” I have to explain that Kama Sutra is a piece of junk with laughable content. India produced much better things than that. 90% of Indians never read Kama Sutra. The only interesting things in the book are the photographs of the white people doing it circus-style.
Category8: ONE BOOK YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING
Chilren's Story Books: What else would any parent of a young kid read everyday?
On a serious note: Same Soul, Many Bodies by Dr. Brial L Wiess. A must read for anyone remotely interested in reincarnation and spiritualism.
World Atlas: When I was 9, my geography teacher hit me with a hard-bound world atlas so hard that till now I am afraid of Geography in general and Atlas in particular. I am sure her action resulted from the fact that she couldnot understand my heightened knowledge on the subject. But whatever it is, that day and today, I have always run away from Geography, and the in between years have some wonderful memories of record breaking marks in Geography exams for me.
On a serious note :
The Secret by Rhonda Bryne: After reading this book, I started looking at situations more positively than before.
Category2: ONE BOOK THAT YOU HAVE READ MORE THAN ONCE
The manual for my Microwave oven: I read it more than 50 times and still I cant figure out how to set the time on it!
On a serious note:
If Tomorrow Comes by Sidney Sheldon: This is my all time favorite novel and I have read it more than 50 time literally. I kind of associate myself with the main character of the book, Tracy Whitney!
Category3: ONE BOOK THAT YOU WOULD WANT ON A DESERT ISLAND
Survive on a Desert Island: Ofcourse :-) what else did you think?
On a serious note: The same as above, for God's sake be serious at times!
Category4: ONE BOOK THAT MADE YOU LAUGH
Playboy Magazine (I had the privilege of going through one of the edition in my entire life): Not only do you find pseudo-intellectual interviews of women with enough silicone in them to be qualified by FAA as a flotation device but you also find ironic quizzes such as “Are you completely truthful in your relationship” knowing every bit that half the demographic that reads Playboy never admits to reading it even!
On a serious note:
The Code of Woosters by P.G.Woodhouse: It not only made me laugh uncontrollably until tears trickled down my cheeks but also amused people around me immensely because I was reading the book during one of the very effective "soft skill" training I attended in my office.
Category5: ONE BOOK THAT MADE YOU CRY
My Bank Pass Book, everytime I come back from shopping.
On a serious note: The same, what else?
Category6: ONE BOOK YOU WISH YOU HAD WRITTEN
The Constitution of India: I would have made it unconstitutional for anybody of Manmohan Singh's guts to be the Prime Minister and P Chidamburam's IQ ito be the Finance Minister!
On a serious note:
I wish I could write like Charles Dickens and Paulo Coelho.
Category7: ONE BOOK THAT YOU WISH HAD NEVER BEEN WRITTEN
KAMA SUTRA: Because of that incoherent book, now every time I meet a dimwit who goes, “Ohhh India, the land of Kama Sutra” I have to explain that Kama Sutra is a piece of junk with laughable content. India produced much better things than that. 90% of Indians never read Kama Sutra. The only interesting things in the book are the photographs of the white people doing it circus-style.
Category8: ONE BOOK YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING
Chilren's Story Books: What else would any parent of a young kid read everyday?
On a serious note: Same Soul, Many Bodies by Dr. Brial L Wiess. A must read for anyone remotely interested in reincarnation and spiritualism.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Trapped
I am trapped. Nothing seems to suggest so though, this room is a patchy hue in the dying light that unerringly filters through that window openning to a lake outside, the other window showing you the glimpse of the busy afternoon city outside, brimmimg with activity but deaf and dumb due to the heavy glasses on the windows, our laptops scattered on the bed, some CDs lying here and there on the ceased bed sheet, photographs stand neatly framed on the walls, and I am sitting carelessly on the bed, legs sticking out at widen angles, everything as usual.
I am laughing happily without any apparent reason, singing a song in my sweetest voice, just for him. He and only he thinks that i am a reasonably good singer. The rest of the owrld cant associate me as a singer, in the first place - good or bad comes much later. He is smiling back at me and telling me I am the most beautiful woman he has ever met. The light is falling softly on my face and a few wisps of hair dangle carelessly on my face. My eyes glow like a million bulbs just lit them. I am ordinary, but in this moment I am the most beautiful woman in the world.
Then suddenly the songs stop and the words come, they flow from me like a burst dam, my face is contorted with endless tears and he is standing by the window. The evening shadows make him look dark, sinister and uncaring. I am frightened. By this stranger, by my words. They are awkward and foreign; they seem to resonate through the room as if carried over a great distance from beyond the old ragged curtain that has magically emerged from nowhere. I don't question its sudden appearance, I am dazzled by too many things I never noticed before. This is not me, shrieking, hurling malicious words at him with the melodrama of a tragic heroine. I am a simple person. I am otherwise rational, thinking; I usually say things straight and walk away with dignity.
But I am confused now. Every thing is so unreal, yet I cannot wish it away. I am sad, I don't remember being this sad or clingy ever. Am I really crying so much, I look ugly and botched with red eyes as he stands away like stone may be a marble statue from a museum? I am suffocated; this well loved room is terrifying. It is mocking me and the illusion between the real and imaginary is rapidly vanishing. May be I am hallucinating. I run towards the door, I must get out. But the door disappears behind that indecipherable black curtain that grows bigger and threatens to engulf me. And him.
That’s when I knew I was trapped. Trapped in his room of memories for eternity.
I am laughing happily without any apparent reason, singing a song in my sweetest voice, just for him. He and only he thinks that i am a reasonably good singer. The rest of the owrld cant associate me as a singer, in the first place - good or bad comes much later. He is smiling back at me and telling me I am the most beautiful woman he has ever met. The light is falling softly on my face and a few wisps of hair dangle carelessly on my face. My eyes glow like a million bulbs just lit them. I am ordinary, but in this moment I am the most beautiful woman in the world.
Then suddenly the songs stop and the words come, they flow from me like a burst dam, my face is contorted with endless tears and he is standing by the window. The evening shadows make him look dark, sinister and uncaring. I am frightened. By this stranger, by my words. They are awkward and foreign; they seem to resonate through the room as if carried over a great distance from beyond the old ragged curtain that has magically emerged from nowhere. I don't question its sudden appearance, I am dazzled by too many things I never noticed before. This is not me, shrieking, hurling malicious words at him with the melodrama of a tragic heroine. I am a simple person. I am otherwise rational, thinking; I usually say things straight and walk away with dignity.
But I am confused now. Every thing is so unreal, yet I cannot wish it away. I am sad, I don't remember being this sad or clingy ever. Am I really crying so much, I look ugly and botched with red eyes as he stands away like stone may be a marble statue from a museum? I am suffocated; this well loved room is terrifying. It is mocking me and the illusion between the real and imaginary is rapidly vanishing. May be I am hallucinating. I run towards the door, I must get out. But the door disappears behind that indecipherable black curtain that grows bigger and threatens to engulf me. And him.
That’s when I knew I was trapped. Trapped in his room of memories for eternity.
Never Say Die
Ok here's my blog on EURO CUP :-) Don't panic, it has reached its knock out stage, so not much of it is left anyways. And here, i am not going to give gyaan on types of fouls (have i spelt it correctly?) and free kicks (are there various types of these at all?). I still maintain that I have absolutely no idea why the hell 22 grown up pig like men (when they are playing football, i cant think of better description - i am sorry, Pigs, oops, i mean, guys) keep chasing a ball from one goal post to the other, when each one of them has ... no sorry, I cant be this obscene while writing a blog. But what to do, i just cant control my emotions when it comes to football. Anyways, here I am going to talk about two matches, namely, the one between Croatia and Turkey, and then the other one between Russia and Holland. No, I didnt watch any of the two mentioned matches - I was happily snoring away to glory then, but I heard about them.
Croatia and Turkey - everyone expected Croatia to win. They were the hot favorite, top of the chart team, played brilliantly throughout the series. And Turkey was the underdog team. The match went on for 90 minutes. None of the teams could score a goal, which prompted them to play extra time. During the first minute of the extra time Croatia hit a goal - everyone went crazy and it was taken for granted that they are going to the semifinal beating Turkey. But then, as they say, there is many a slip, between the cup and the lip - when only 45 seconds were left of that extra time, Turkey scored a goal, which made the scores equal! Unbelievable! I have heard, the Croatian coach even went on to the record saying that the refree gave more time, and that the Turkish goal should be disqualified?! Anyways, then both the team headed for penalty shootout. In which Turkey defeated Croatia!
I have nothing against both the teams, any team could have won for all i care, but then, i liked the way the Turkish have won. Only because they were almost written off. Nobody expected them to win. And in such a situation they bounced back. They proved all of them wrong. They made it to the semifinals. I dont know whether they will win the final or not, but am sure, this particular match will always be one of their best and most memorable one. Heard a similar kinda thing happened in the match between Russia and Holland where Holland was the hot favorite team and Russia was almost written off, and in the end Russia bounced back and defeated Holland 3-1.
No sitaution in life is such that you cant bounce back. Nothing is impossible. And if you truely believe this, you will always make it and achieve what you want in life, no matter how tough the situation is for you. Never say die, miracles do happen, and no one else but YOU are the one who can make miracles happen in your life.
Croatia and Turkey - everyone expected Croatia to win. They were the hot favorite, top of the chart team, played brilliantly throughout the series. And Turkey was the underdog team. The match went on for 90 minutes. None of the teams could score a goal, which prompted them to play extra time. During the first minute of the extra time Croatia hit a goal - everyone went crazy and it was taken for granted that they are going to the semifinal beating Turkey. But then, as they say, there is many a slip, between the cup and the lip - when only 45 seconds were left of that extra time, Turkey scored a goal, which made the scores equal! Unbelievable! I have heard, the Croatian coach even went on to the record saying that the refree gave more time, and that the Turkish goal should be disqualified?! Anyways, then both the team headed for penalty shootout. In which Turkey defeated Croatia!
I have nothing against both the teams, any team could have won for all i care, but then, i liked the way the Turkish have won. Only because they were almost written off. Nobody expected them to win. And in such a situation they bounced back. They proved all of them wrong. They made it to the semifinals. I dont know whether they will win the final or not, but am sure, this particular match will always be one of their best and most memorable one. Heard a similar kinda thing happened in the match between Russia and Holland where Holland was the hot favorite team and Russia was almost written off, and in the end Russia bounced back and defeated Holland 3-1.
No sitaution in life is such that you cant bounce back. Nothing is impossible. And if you truely believe this, you will always make it and achieve what you want in life, no matter how tough the situation is for you. Never say die, miracles do happen, and no one else but YOU are the one who can make miracles happen in your life.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Empathy - A rare trait
Many times we come across situations in life which are tough, and we struggle hard to come out of them. Sometimes we do, sometimes we dont, and whether successful or otherwise, such situations and experiences leave us with a heavy heart. Time heals all wounds, or atleast reduces the pain, but probably the scar always remains.
And then we come across other people passing through the same situations, facing the same difficulties, struggling the same way if not more. Do we empathasize with them, then? Do we understand their pain, their miseries then? Do we feel for them, then? Do we go out of our way to help them come out of those miseries with whatever we could do for them, then? Most of the times we dont. And thats kinda strange.
Now, i am not generalizing here. And this is a highly individualistic trait as well, it cannot be generalized. But though the degree with which we emphathize, vary, I have observed, with my little experience of life so far, that most of us lack this trait, though this seems only the most natural thing to do. I mean if you see someone suffering, and can relate to him, then you should do something to ease his pain, if you can, isnt it?
Some of the obvious examples of relating to similar situations of life and acting differently to ensure someone else doesnt go through the same pain you went through in a similar situations are many. Classic examples would be the ever eternal mom-in-law/daughter-in-law conflict.
Every married woman becomes a daughter in law and goes through some unwanted miseries of life and faces some challenges from her mother-in-law. Yet this eternal conflict continues because when the same woman becomes a mom-in-law herself, she ends up repeating the same conflicts with her daughter-in-law. Result?... And the war still goes on.
Only if the present day moms-in-law could emphathize with their daughters-in-law and tried to adjust a bit, this conflict could be put to an end. Now, before you think, i am staging a saas-bahu war zone here, let me tell you, that the opposite is equally true. Only if the present day daughters-in-law could emphathize with their moms-in-law and tried to place themselves in their position. Now tomorrow, they will also become moms-in-law. What kind of behavior would they expect from their son and his wife? If only they could repeat the same behavior that they would expect in the future, in their present with thier present moms-in-law? The conflict could end na? But no, its not going to be. Because most of the times, we fail to emphathize.
When the "Father's Day" happened last week, most of the present day parents (the modern Papas and Mummas) were busy making the day special for their kids in the best way possible. But how many of us remembered our parents, and their contribution in our lives on that day? Or even if we did, how many of us looked back and analysed our rudeness towards our parents after we have grown up, and went back to them and told them, "Baba/Maa, I am sorry for not giving enough time to you lately. I seem to be doing everything from watching T.V., to attending seminars, to enjoying with my "family" (which doesnt seem to include you anymore) but when it comes to meeting you or spending some quality time with you, i just realise how busy i am, what deadlines I have to meet the coming weekend, and so on." - Those of you who did, my hats off to you and I respect you for the same. And those of you who didnt, dont you think, its a great idea? When you celebrated this Father's Day with your kids, I am sure you didnt expect him/her to behave the same way with you 20 years down the line, the way you behave with your parents now? I think its time, we think about this.
This happens everywhere, the work place, amongst friends, in relationships, i mean, you just name it. We have a list of expectations from everybody around us - this is how my parents should be, this is how my boss should be, this is how my colleagues should behave with me, this is what my spouse should do to keep me happy, my son should behave properly in front of strangers and so on. But what about us? Do we ever bother to find out how they would like us to be? what behavior others would prefer from us? Are we even bothered about it? - Again, if you are, then hats off to you, but incase you are not, dont you think its time we concentrate on our behavior with others rather than their behaviour with us?
According to me, problems with relationships (any type of relationships) happen because we expect more that what we can give. This is what i have realised
what you get from others < or = what you give them
Your expectation > what you give them.
So the gap between what you receive and what you expect widens which widens the gap in your relationship. The only place where this equation is not valid is probably the parent-child relationship, but unfortunately, its one way, not the other way round.
Coming back to the main point of empathy, i think its one trait which can change all human equations drastically. In todays complicated world, where every relationship is getting complex day by day, a simple act of empathy, a genuine concern for a fellow human being can make a huge difference in everybody's life, including yours.
And then we come across other people passing through the same situations, facing the same difficulties, struggling the same way if not more. Do we empathasize with them, then? Do we understand their pain, their miseries then? Do we feel for them, then? Do we go out of our way to help them come out of those miseries with whatever we could do for them, then? Most of the times we dont. And thats kinda strange.
Now, i am not generalizing here. And this is a highly individualistic trait as well, it cannot be generalized. But though the degree with which we emphathize, vary, I have observed, with my little experience of life so far, that most of us lack this trait, though this seems only the most natural thing to do. I mean if you see someone suffering, and can relate to him, then you should do something to ease his pain, if you can, isnt it?
Some of the obvious examples of relating to similar situations of life and acting differently to ensure someone else doesnt go through the same pain you went through in a similar situations are many. Classic examples would be the ever eternal mom-in-law/daughter-in-law conflict.
Every married woman becomes a daughter in law and goes through some unwanted miseries of life and faces some challenges from her mother-in-law. Yet this eternal conflict continues because when the same woman becomes a mom-in-law herself, she ends up repeating the same conflicts with her daughter-in-law. Result?... And the war still goes on.
Only if the present day moms-in-law could emphathize with their daughters-in-law and tried to adjust a bit, this conflict could be put to an end. Now, before you think, i am staging a saas-bahu war zone here, let me tell you, that the opposite is equally true. Only if the present day daughters-in-law could emphathize with their moms-in-law and tried to place themselves in their position. Now tomorrow, they will also become moms-in-law. What kind of behavior would they expect from their son and his wife? If only they could repeat the same behavior that they would expect in the future, in their present with thier present moms-in-law? The conflict could end na? But no, its not going to be. Because most of the times, we fail to emphathize.
When the "Father's Day" happened last week, most of the present day parents (the modern Papas and Mummas) were busy making the day special for their kids in the best way possible. But how many of us remembered our parents, and their contribution in our lives on that day? Or even if we did, how many of us looked back and analysed our rudeness towards our parents after we have grown up, and went back to them and told them, "Baba/Maa, I am sorry for not giving enough time to you lately. I seem to be doing everything from watching T.V., to attending seminars, to enjoying with my "family" (which doesnt seem to include you anymore) but when it comes to meeting you or spending some quality time with you, i just realise how busy i am, what deadlines I have to meet the coming weekend, and so on." - Those of you who did, my hats off to you and I respect you for the same. And those of you who didnt, dont you think, its a great idea? When you celebrated this Father's Day with your kids, I am sure you didnt expect him/her to behave the same way with you 20 years down the line, the way you behave with your parents now? I think its time, we think about this.
This happens everywhere, the work place, amongst friends, in relationships, i mean, you just name it. We have a list of expectations from everybody around us - this is how my parents should be, this is how my boss should be, this is how my colleagues should behave with me, this is what my spouse should do to keep me happy, my son should behave properly in front of strangers and so on. But what about us? Do we ever bother to find out how they would like us to be? what behavior others would prefer from us? Are we even bothered about it? - Again, if you are, then hats off to you, but incase you are not, dont you think its time we concentrate on our behavior with others rather than their behaviour with us?
According to me, problems with relationships (any type of relationships) happen because we expect more that what we can give. This is what i have realised
what you get from others < or = what you give them
Your expectation > what you give them.
So the gap between what you receive and what you expect widens which widens the gap in your relationship. The only place where this equation is not valid is probably the parent-child relationship, but unfortunately, its one way, not the other way round.
Coming back to the main point of empathy, i think its one trait which can change all human equations drastically. In todays complicated world, where every relationship is getting complex day by day, a simple act of empathy, a genuine concern for a fellow human being can make a huge difference in everybody's life, including yours.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Happy Father's Day
Yesterday was Father's day. My daughter wished her father and gave him a card. Last year I remember, she even got him a gift from her own pocket money. I think this year, she didnt get the time. But whatever it is, she did remember to wish him and make a card for him. Seeing her, i also felt like calling my father to wish him a Happy Father's Day... but i just couldnt. Yes, you got me right, i just couldnt pick up the phone, call him up, and tell him, "Baba, Happy Father's Day to you!" - This just seemed so superficial. I felt, he would probably not even know about this "special" day, or even if he did (thanks to the media), he would not be able to emote on this particularly "special" day, as the Best Dad around. And even i could not pretend to be a dutiful daughter (no offense meant to all who did) by calling him up and wishing him yesterday.
Baba - the first man I ever came in interaction with, ever since I was a child. Baba and I share a relationship which is much deeper than wishing him or gifting him on "Father's Day". You see, i have nothing against these "special" days. Its just that I am not accustomed to celebrating these kind of days. Ever since our childhood, the only "special" day we used to look forward to, was "Jamai Shashti" - the day of the "son-in-law" and the only reason i used to look forward to this day was for the ultimate satisfaction of my taste buds - i dont know about the others. We never had these "Father's Day", "Mother's Day", "Women's Day", "pet's Day" etc. So please excuse my ignorance and rudeness (in case you think I am), I am yet to get used to celebrating these days from my side.
Baba - even if I dont call you up on "Father's day" to wish you, even if I dont gift you anything special on this day, even if I dont express in words or through cards, I love you.
I love you for being there for me whenever i needed you.
I love you for going out of your way to fulfill all my wishes and desires, without even mentioning once, how difficult it must have been for you.
I love you for making my birthdays special by ordering those highly expensive flury's cakes just because I loved them so much, even if that meant putting up fights with Maa.
I love you for gifting me my first ever tri-cycle. I may not have told you then, or ever, but i was absolutely thrilled when I got that red cycle - it will always be very very special to me.
I love you for taking me for haircuts with you - I used to be absolutely thrilled to sit on those wooden planks placed on the handle of the chairs - i used to look so tall on them, and Baba, I loved to go to the gents saloon, rather than those petite ladies parlours.
I love you for playing "do you see what i see" with me, sitting on our balcony in a summer evening, when there would be loadshedding (which meant everyday). Today i realise, you used to voluntarily lose and let me win! That makes those victories i had on you, even more special today.
I love you for taking me to the new market - my first shopping experience - to buy a new birthday dress for me. I will never forget my first lunch outside - Chicken Friedrice@KARCO.
I love you for taking me to watch "The Jaws" - my first movie in "Sonali" theatre - with popcorn and chips - oh Baba, it was so special - I will never forget that evening.
I love you for always taking my side whenever Maa and I would have a fight. Today, I realise, how tough it must have been for you :-)
I love you for all those extra pocket money you used to give me without Maa's knowledge. They really helped me a lot in my college days.
I love you for trusting me and giving me the permission to stay out till 11pm one weekend. Baba, I had lied to you that it was a friend's birthday party - actually we went to a DISCO that night - my first DISCO experience, and it was only possible because of you.
Baba, I thank you for all this and more - this list can go on and on. You have been always a "special" father to me. I know, we dont express our feelings to each other much, but we are special to each other, and will always remain so - everyday, every moment.
I know You are not the strongest; or the most powerful; or the fittest; or the more successful; or the richest; or the most efficient person on this earth. But YOU are the BEST father for ME!!! No matter what the world says, I am proud of you and I know you are proud of me too.
So here's one imperfect daughter wishing her imperfect father a very happy "Father's Day" - today and always.
Love you.
Baba - the first man I ever came in interaction with, ever since I was a child. Baba and I share a relationship which is much deeper than wishing him or gifting him on "Father's Day". You see, i have nothing against these "special" days. Its just that I am not accustomed to celebrating these kind of days. Ever since our childhood, the only "special" day we used to look forward to, was "Jamai Shashti" - the day of the "son-in-law" and the only reason i used to look forward to this day was for the ultimate satisfaction of my taste buds - i dont know about the others. We never had these "Father's Day", "Mother's Day", "Women's Day", "pet's Day" etc. So please excuse my ignorance and rudeness (in case you think I am), I am yet to get used to celebrating these days from my side.
Baba - even if I dont call you up on "Father's day" to wish you, even if I dont gift you anything special on this day, even if I dont express in words or through cards, I love you.
I love you for being there for me whenever i needed you.
I love you for going out of your way to fulfill all my wishes and desires, without even mentioning once, how difficult it must have been for you.
I love you for making my birthdays special by ordering those highly expensive flury's cakes just because I loved them so much, even if that meant putting up fights with Maa.
I love you for gifting me my first ever tri-cycle. I may not have told you then, or ever, but i was absolutely thrilled when I got that red cycle - it will always be very very special to me.
I love you for taking me for haircuts with you - I used to be absolutely thrilled to sit on those wooden planks placed on the handle of the chairs - i used to look so tall on them, and Baba, I loved to go to the gents saloon, rather than those petite ladies parlours.
I love you for playing "do you see what i see" with me, sitting on our balcony in a summer evening, when there would be loadshedding (which meant everyday). Today i realise, you used to voluntarily lose and let me win! That makes those victories i had on you, even more special today.
I love you for taking me to the new market - my first shopping experience - to buy a new birthday dress for me. I will never forget my first lunch outside - Chicken Friedrice@KARCO.
I love you for taking me to watch "The Jaws" - my first movie in "Sonali" theatre - with popcorn and chips - oh Baba, it was so special - I will never forget that evening.
I love you for always taking my side whenever Maa and I would have a fight. Today, I realise, how tough it must have been for you :-)
I love you for all those extra pocket money you used to give me without Maa's knowledge. They really helped me a lot in my college days.
I love you for trusting me and giving me the permission to stay out till 11pm one weekend. Baba, I had lied to you that it was a friend's birthday party - actually we went to a DISCO that night - my first DISCO experience, and it was only possible because of you.
Baba, I thank you for all this and more - this list can go on and on. You have been always a "special" father to me. I know, we dont express our feelings to each other much, but we are special to each other, and will always remain so - everyday, every moment.
I know You are not the strongest; or the most powerful; or the fittest; or the more successful; or the richest; or the most efficient person on this earth. But YOU are the BEST father for ME!!! No matter what the world says, I am proud of you and I know you are proud of me too.
So here's one imperfect daughter wishing her imperfect father a very happy "Father's Day" - today and always.
Love you.
Gifts - A token of Love
With my 33rd birthday round the corner, I feel nostalgic as I look back at those fond memories of my life. I am thankful to God, for giving me such wonderful moments in my life to look back at, and cherish. I am grateful to Almighty for giving me so much of love and affection from people around me. People who care for me, who have made me what I am and who will always be with me no matter where i am.
I always looked forward to my birthdays, ever since i remember. Birthdays were special, they still are. And one of the reasons were the gifts i would get on my birthdays. I believe in "age is just a number" theorem, but as this number increased, the number of gifts i received on my birthday, drastically decreased. But whatever it is, gifts are, and will always be special to me. I love to give and receive gifts. For me, gifts are token of love. They are special. They remind you that the person thought about you when he/she got the gift for you. For me, giving gifts, is showing that you care. You hae thought about that person, when you decided to give him the gift. You have spent time deciding what to give according to his likes/dislikes. In short, this activity is done with utmost care, passion, and pure love for the person concerned.
Each and every gift that i receive from people around are special. No matter what it is. No matter whether they serve me any purpose, no matter whether i like or dislike the material, they are special. I mean, when it is a gift it doesnt matter what it is, or how it is. It is special, because of the thought behind it; it is special because it is a token of love.
Here is a list of all those gifts which have been very very special to me. Though i still maintain, all gifts are special (this punch line is to draw more and more gifts towards me on this birthday :-))
1. My first red tri-cycle given to me by my Baba when I was 3 years old. I still remember i was absolutely thrilled and would go round and round our small flat on it. - Thank you Baba for that wonderful gift.
2. Dadu (our neighbor, actually, but he is one person responsible for whatever i am today. I dont miss not having my own grand fathers around as a child, as God compensated their loss with this man, who loved me more than anyone else and took care of me just as my own grandfathers would have done. God, bless his soul, I miss you Dadu) would give me candys every evening, and he would hide them all over their flat. And my evening exercise would be to look for those candys. Oh Dadu, I never even bothered to thank you those days, as for me it was my birthright to get those candys. If you are listening, I will never forget those candys ever in my life. thank you so much, you used to make my evenings special.
3. Dida (Dadu's wife, and my "souten" as Dadu used to call me "choto bou" :-)) would make the best "loochie and aloobhaja" and treat me on special days like when i behaved myself and didnt cause much nuisance around (and believe me, they were indeed special and rare days). I shall never forget "Dida r haather loochie aloobhaja" ever in my life. Dida, I miss that more than ever, and you are always in my thought. Your memories always bring a smile on my face, though I love Dadu more :-). Thank you for those wonderful "pet poojo" as Dadu used to call them.
4. Thank you Maa for my first gala birthday celebration on my 5th birthday. Am thanking you because now i realise how tough it had been for you to cook all those delicacies for atleast 60 kids I invited without even letting you know. I dont know how you managed, but I know it was tough for you. I remember when you had asked me how many guests would be there, i had told you about 10-15. But actually i invited everybody i came across. And i know many more than 15-20 guests had turned out that evening. Thank you Maa, for making that evening special for me by going through all the trouble of managing the back-end!
5. Thank you Sejo jethu for my first scooter ride. Oh i was so thrilled standing in the front while you were driving - it felt as if i owned the road. It was special Sejo jethu, and i amy not have thanked you then, but i thank you now. i miss u.
6. I dont remember who all, but thanks to all of you who gifted me chocolates now and then, more so, who did when I was a kid. Because those days, getting a bar of Diary Milk, was a luxury. So Baba, Boro Jethu, Noa jethu (these people I remember) and all other jethus and kaku s, thank you so much for gifting me chocolates. I relished having them.
7. Thank you Didibhaimashi, for gifting me the best dress every Durga Puja. You probably have no idea, but i used to wait the enitre year for that day when you and i would either go to Gariahat or new market to buy my Puja Dress, and the dress you would give me, would always be the best of the lot. I love you for pampering me so much and thank you for all the lovely stitched cardigans and pull overs and sweaters that you would give to to wear and flaunt them. They made me look so good, and feel so proud.
8. One of my favorite teachers of my school, Anupama Ma'am, used to give me a card and chocolates on Teacher's Day. Ma'am, wherever you are, today I want to thank you for those lovely gifts every year. I used to feel so special that on Teacher's day when we students used to give you all cards and gifts, you used to return mine with so much of love and affection. I still have your cards (chocolates ofcourse, i ate them) and they are indeed very special and will always be.
9. All the guys of our class would give us Pen on Rakshabandhan day, when we would tie them rakhis and have feast (ofcourse our mothers would take all the trouble) during the recess. I shall never forget those Rakshabandhans of my life, and the fun we used to have. And those Pens, guys - they are very very special.
10. I thank Enasree, Rajdeep, Udayan and Ayan for always pampering me with chocolates. They being my friend, and same age as i am, always spent their pocket money on my chocolates, whenever I would be having cash crunch. I remember Enasree buying Cadbury's Crunch for me, when she didnt like it, which meant i didnt even have to give her any share. I remember Rajdeep buying me Cadbury's break on our way to John Sir's coaching almost every day. I thank you all, for your love and affection towards me and those lovely gifts you have given me over the years.
11. I thank Udayan for gifting me a purse which I had seen in a particular shop that i took an immediate liking to. As usual, I couldnt afford it then, and the next day he gave me that - it was such a wonderful surprise, Udayan. Thank you so much for that purse. You probably may not even remember this, but i do, and I thank God for giving me such wonderful friends like you. Please get well soon.
12. Thanks to Piktu for gifting me "Coco Chanel" perfume which was my first international perfume that i owned. It really made me feel special though you still keep on asking me how i could finish it within 3 months, let me confess honestly, I had no idea then, that the perfume was so expensive. If i knew, i wouldnt have used it also. But whatever it is, thanks to you, I got the privilege of using "Coco Chanel" for the first time in my life.
13. Thanks to the one who has gifted me some really nice books, books that i shall treasure forever.
Last but not the least, all the gifts i have received, and will ever receive from the two person I love the most, I thank them for just being there in my life. Thanks to God, for my daughter, without whom i am nothing, and the man i love, with whom I am everything that i am. My daughter's kisses are special, the cards she makes me are special, the chocolates she sacrifices for me are special, the shares of her ice creams are special.
Like i said, gifts are always special. More so, if you get them from the ones you love.
I always looked forward to my birthdays, ever since i remember. Birthdays were special, they still are. And one of the reasons were the gifts i would get on my birthdays. I believe in "age is just a number" theorem, but as this number increased, the number of gifts i received on my birthday, drastically decreased. But whatever it is, gifts are, and will always be special to me. I love to give and receive gifts. For me, gifts are token of love. They are special. They remind you that the person thought about you when he/she got the gift for you. For me, giving gifts, is showing that you care. You hae thought about that person, when you decided to give him the gift. You have spent time deciding what to give according to his likes/dislikes. In short, this activity is done with utmost care, passion, and pure love for the person concerned.
Each and every gift that i receive from people around are special. No matter what it is. No matter whether they serve me any purpose, no matter whether i like or dislike the material, they are special. I mean, when it is a gift it doesnt matter what it is, or how it is. It is special, because of the thought behind it; it is special because it is a token of love.
Here is a list of all those gifts which have been very very special to me. Though i still maintain, all gifts are special (this punch line is to draw more and more gifts towards me on this birthday :-))
1. My first red tri-cycle given to me by my Baba when I was 3 years old. I still remember i was absolutely thrilled and would go round and round our small flat on it. - Thank you Baba for that wonderful gift.
2. Dadu (our neighbor, actually, but he is one person responsible for whatever i am today. I dont miss not having my own grand fathers around as a child, as God compensated their loss with this man, who loved me more than anyone else and took care of me just as my own grandfathers would have done. God, bless his soul, I miss you Dadu) would give me candys every evening, and he would hide them all over their flat. And my evening exercise would be to look for those candys. Oh Dadu, I never even bothered to thank you those days, as for me it was my birthright to get those candys. If you are listening, I will never forget those candys ever in my life. thank you so much, you used to make my evenings special.
3. Dida (Dadu's wife, and my "souten" as Dadu used to call me "choto bou" :-)) would make the best "loochie and aloobhaja" and treat me on special days like when i behaved myself and didnt cause much nuisance around (and believe me, they were indeed special and rare days). I shall never forget "Dida r haather loochie aloobhaja" ever in my life. Dida, I miss that more than ever, and you are always in my thought. Your memories always bring a smile on my face, though I love Dadu more :-). Thank you for those wonderful "pet poojo" as Dadu used to call them.
4. Thank you Maa for my first gala birthday celebration on my 5th birthday. Am thanking you because now i realise how tough it had been for you to cook all those delicacies for atleast 60 kids I invited without even letting you know. I dont know how you managed, but I know it was tough for you. I remember when you had asked me how many guests would be there, i had told you about 10-15. But actually i invited everybody i came across. And i know many more than 15-20 guests had turned out that evening. Thank you Maa, for making that evening special for me by going through all the trouble of managing the back-end!
5. Thank you Sejo jethu for my first scooter ride. Oh i was so thrilled standing in the front while you were driving - it felt as if i owned the road. It was special Sejo jethu, and i amy not have thanked you then, but i thank you now. i miss u.
6. I dont remember who all, but thanks to all of you who gifted me chocolates now and then, more so, who did when I was a kid. Because those days, getting a bar of Diary Milk, was a luxury. So Baba, Boro Jethu, Noa jethu (these people I remember) and all other jethus and kaku s, thank you so much for gifting me chocolates. I relished having them.
7. Thank you Didibhaimashi, for gifting me the best dress every Durga Puja. You probably have no idea, but i used to wait the enitre year for that day when you and i would either go to Gariahat or new market to buy my Puja Dress, and the dress you would give me, would always be the best of the lot. I love you for pampering me so much and thank you for all the lovely stitched cardigans and pull overs and sweaters that you would give to to wear and flaunt them. They made me look so good, and feel so proud.
8. One of my favorite teachers of my school, Anupama Ma'am, used to give me a card and chocolates on Teacher's Day. Ma'am, wherever you are, today I want to thank you for those lovely gifts every year. I used to feel so special that on Teacher's day when we students used to give you all cards and gifts, you used to return mine with so much of love and affection. I still have your cards (chocolates ofcourse, i ate them) and they are indeed very special and will always be.
9. All the guys of our class would give us Pen on Rakshabandhan day, when we would tie them rakhis and have feast (ofcourse our mothers would take all the trouble) during the recess. I shall never forget those Rakshabandhans of my life, and the fun we used to have. And those Pens, guys - they are very very special.
10. I thank Enasree, Rajdeep, Udayan and Ayan for always pampering me with chocolates. They being my friend, and same age as i am, always spent their pocket money on my chocolates, whenever I would be having cash crunch. I remember Enasree buying Cadbury's Crunch for me, when she didnt like it, which meant i didnt even have to give her any share. I remember Rajdeep buying me Cadbury's break on our way to John Sir's coaching almost every day. I thank you all, for your love and affection towards me and those lovely gifts you have given me over the years.
11. I thank Udayan for gifting me a purse which I had seen in a particular shop that i took an immediate liking to. As usual, I couldnt afford it then, and the next day he gave me that - it was such a wonderful surprise, Udayan. Thank you so much for that purse. You probably may not even remember this, but i do, and I thank God for giving me such wonderful friends like you. Please get well soon.
12. Thanks to Piktu for gifting me "Coco Chanel" perfume which was my first international perfume that i owned. It really made me feel special though you still keep on asking me how i could finish it within 3 months, let me confess honestly, I had no idea then, that the perfume was so expensive. If i knew, i wouldnt have used it also. But whatever it is, thanks to you, I got the privilege of using "Coco Chanel" for the first time in my life.
13. Thanks to the one who has gifted me some really nice books, books that i shall treasure forever.
Last but not the least, all the gifts i have received, and will ever receive from the two person I love the most, I thank them for just being there in my life. Thanks to God, for my daughter, without whom i am nothing, and the man i love, with whom I am everything that i am. My daughter's kisses are special, the cards she makes me are special, the chocolates she sacrifices for me are special, the shares of her ice creams are special.
Like i said, gifts are always special. More so, if you get them from the ones you love.
Monday, June 9, 2008
A LESSON FOR TOM
This is my daughter's second attempt.
Once there was a boy called Tom. He was friendly with everybody. That is why he had many friends. But Tom had a peculiar problem, that he was always afraid that all his nightmares would come true some day. One night Tom saw a dream in which he saw that all his friends overlooked him and told him, "We will not make friendship with you anymore, We know that you are very friendly with us but still we will not talk to you anymore."
The next day Tom was very angry. He went to school and during the recess he went to his friends and told them angrily, "I will not make frienship with you all anymore. If you all can tell me like this in my dream, then I can also say this to you. Even if I say sorry to you, I know you all will not talk to me." And Tom went back to the class. Tom's friends were very sad listening to his words.
The next day Tom realized that he was very rude with his friends. So he decided to say sorry to them and make friendship with them again. but he forgot what he had told them at the last moment, that even if he would say sorry to his friends, they would not talk to him. So Tom went to the school and during the recess he went to his friends and told, "Sorry". But his friends avoided him. Then Tom became a little bit angry and said, "Why are you all doing like this? I am saying sorry to you, then why are you all not talking to me?" Then his friends said, "Tom, we think you forgot that you had told us that even if you said sorry to us, still we will not talk to you. But we are forgiving you because we are true friends, but if you do this again, then we will not talk to you ever again".
In this way, Tom learnt his lesson that he sould not believe in his nightmares. This way Tom got his true friends back, and they lived very peacefully there after.
Once there was a boy called Tom. He was friendly with everybody. That is why he had many friends. But Tom had a peculiar problem, that he was always afraid that all his nightmares would come true some day. One night Tom saw a dream in which he saw that all his friends overlooked him and told him, "We will not make friendship with you anymore, We know that you are very friendly with us but still we will not talk to you anymore."
The next day Tom was very angry. He went to school and during the recess he went to his friends and told them angrily, "I will not make frienship with you all anymore. If you all can tell me like this in my dream, then I can also say this to you. Even if I say sorry to you, I know you all will not talk to me." And Tom went back to the class. Tom's friends were very sad listening to his words.
The next day Tom realized that he was very rude with his friends. So he decided to say sorry to them and make friendship with them again. but he forgot what he had told them at the last moment, that even if he would say sorry to his friends, they would not talk to him. So Tom went to the school and during the recess he went to his friends and told, "Sorry". But his friends avoided him. Then Tom became a little bit angry and said, "Why are you all doing like this? I am saying sorry to you, then why are you all not talking to me?" Then his friends said, "Tom, we think you forgot that you had told us that even if you said sorry to us, still we will not talk to you. But we are forgiving you because we are true friends, but if you do this again, then we will not talk to you ever again".
In this way, Tom learnt his lesson that he sould not believe in his nightmares. This way Tom got his true friends back, and they lived very peacefully there after.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Your Garden and Our Love
"I love you", you would say,
And yet slowly walk away;
The darkness around scares me a lot,
Am all alone in the pitch dark pathway.
"I'll ne'er let you go", you would say,
No matter what lies ahead in our way;
Your soothing words comfort me a lot,
N my might heart scares the "fear" away.
"There's no goodbye", you would say,
"Protect our eternal love", to you I pray;
Yet you choose your "garden" over our love,
And leave me and our love alone, in the mid way.
Let your "garden" bloom with beautiful flowers, I pray,
I long to be a tiny rose in your garden, some day;
I wish to be rain ; to water your garden,
And protect it from all odds, till that day.
And yet slowly walk away;
The darkness around scares me a lot,
Am all alone in the pitch dark pathway.
"I'll ne'er let you go", you would say,
No matter what lies ahead in our way;
Your soothing words comfort me a lot,
N my might heart scares the "fear" away.
"There's no goodbye", you would say,
"Protect our eternal love", to you I pray;
Yet you choose your "garden" over our love,
And leave me and our love alone, in the mid way.
Let your "garden" bloom with beautiful flowers, I pray,
I long to be a tiny rose in your garden, some day;
I wish to be rain ; to water your garden,
And protect it from all odds, till that day.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
The Curse - First attempt of my Daughter as a writer!!!
As a proud mother, I feel absolutely delighted to post the first ever story written by my 8 year old daughter, Millie. Here it goes:
Once upon a time, there lived a cute princess called Ashley. She loved playing a particular tune on her flute. Every morning she played the same sweet tune on her flute. Listening to that tune, all the birds started to dance. And the kingdom of Ashley was very near to a forest. In the forest there lived a little wicked dwarf who hated the tune of the princess. He wanted to kill Ashley. So one day, the dwarf came to the kingdom. After Ashley played the tune the dwarf entered her room and made Ashley senseless. And he gave her a big sand timer of one hour. By that way, a prince called Hans was passing the kingdom on his horse. When Hans was passing the kingdom, he saw Ashley who was senseless. He also knew the same tune and he had a flute too on which he played the tune and he also saw the dwarf. So Hans went to the room of Ashley and played the tune before the dwarf. Listening to that tune Ashley woke up and the prince killed the dwarf. And then Ashley and Hans got married and lived happily ever after.
Once upon a time, there lived a cute princess called Ashley. She loved playing a particular tune on her flute. Every morning she played the same sweet tune on her flute. Listening to that tune, all the birds started to dance. And the kingdom of Ashley was very near to a forest. In the forest there lived a little wicked dwarf who hated the tune of the princess. He wanted to kill Ashley. So one day, the dwarf came to the kingdom. After Ashley played the tune the dwarf entered her room and made Ashley senseless. And he gave her a big sand timer of one hour. By that way, a prince called Hans was passing the kingdom on his horse. When Hans was passing the kingdom, he saw Ashley who was senseless. He also knew the same tune and he had a flute too on which he played the tune and he also saw the dwarf. So Hans went to the room of Ashley and played the tune before the dwarf. Listening to that tune Ashley woke up and the prince killed the dwarf. And then Ashley and Hans got married and lived happily ever after.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
A few fears and dilemnas from my closet
I have this weird connection with my brain cells-I think too much. I am constantly thinking about something, even when I am quietest or the loudest I am having this constant conversation with my mind.
For this reason alone I find it difficult to comprehend how some of my friends (especially guys) claim to have those moments of “blankness” when the mind is like a blank canvas. Often when asked the question “So, what are you thinking?” people tend to say “Nothing” (Even I do this all the time). But I think this is a gross understatement of facts.
To me, my brain is the most unaccountable machinery. The data it processes can range from trivial, crude, stumbling meanderings, stupid, naive to the occasional (read, seldom or rarely) creative and inspirational insights. It is a scientifically proven fact that a person’s brain is active all the time, waking and sleeping, producing and shifting between what scientists call “distinct brain wave forms”.
So with such an active brain such as ours it just cannot be possible to have a moment of nothingness.
Thoughts come unbridled always buzzing, humming, soaring, roaring, diving, driving me crazy and then buried in mud. If nothing else I find myself wondering why?
Sometimes I wish I could stop that “lil’ voice” , sometimes I wish I could have those moments of blankness within myself...I want to experience it.! May be that is what people call having peace?? ……. Hmmmmm, That’s something new to think about now! That's something alien to me. When I started meditating some months back, even during meditation my thoughts would drift and I would see things (may be in my imagination, or whatever) which I dont want to talk about.
The other day while I was trying to sort my CD drawer, I came across an audion CD of my daughter's school, which has collection of pretty old English classics we grew up with! Excited to get hold of the CD, I played it and came across one of my most favorite but long forgotten number, "Que Serra Serra". I grew up hearing this song and it gives a close competition to my most favorite number, "Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music. The lyric of Que Serra Serra is wonderful... whatever will be will be; the future s not ours to see... Wow!!!
“FUTURE”… this one word holds so much power over all of us. Who hasn’t at some point in their lives wondered about what future holds for them? Being humans we spend most of our present, worrying and thinking about our future. We always have and will nurture a fear for unknown, and what is a bigger unknown than one’s own future? I remember once having read a talk by C.F. Kettering and thinking how true he was about man’s fascination by future when he said "My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there”. This of course strikes a chord within me more now as I often catch myself pondering about how my future is going to be. I have tried to stop this of course with rather unsuccessful attempts.
Looking back into my life, I have discovered that at every crossroad of life, at every juncture, I have always worried about my future. Everytime I stumbled taking a decision, I now realise, there was a guardain angel up there somewhere who helped me with the right kind of choice. I worried about me getting the right kind of education, and I did, though there were many sleepless nights spent on deciding the right course for me. The most obvious stream after Xth was Science ofcourse, but there came the first dilemna of my life. I have always been passionate about doing things only that like doing, and I never liked Physics, Chemistry and Biology! When I took the decision of studying Economics, against family and teachers' wishes, I took my first major decision of life, entirely on my own. But was i alone? Now I realise I wasnt alone then - my guardain angel was with me.
Then it was my marriage versus my higher studies and I chose the former. There was confusion and chaos and if I could keep my cool then, it was only because of my guardain angel. He helped me realise that when your parents commit to another family about your marriage, you should stick to it even if you seem to get an option which is more lucrative. I dont know where I would have been now careerwise, if I didnt stick to my decision of marriage then, but I know my darling daughter would not have been today with me, and I thank my guardain angel for that.
The next crossroad was my daughter and career and I chose the former. And my guardain angel ensured that I get the right kind of job at the right point of time. And things just worked out for me. I worried about me getting a job that i like. I would hate to make a compromise where my work is concerned (always wanted to be good at what I do but I do lose track as everyone else...only more often than others), I had always prided myself (may be falsely so at times) at doing what I have wanted to do, so when i was looking for a job i was petrified. Ph. D was an option but I knew I could never do that because I cant imagine doing something so huge without a real passion for it. Amidst all these dilemna things just fell into place perfectly. He ensured only the best for me. So far, so good.
But the fear of unknown still persists. I know I worry unnecessarily but well, who can have a hold on "Mr. Worry" who goes and comes as and when he wants!!! And my biggest all time fear which eats me daily is the fear of falling short of the expectations of people who matter to me, whom I love. I feel like being in an emotional roller coaster ride. I know I am emotional, and at times (well ok, most of the times) I carry my emotions too far, rubbing small, inconsequential matters in a relationship which probably hurts my loved one more than myself. The guilt of making my loved one go through the emotional turmoil tears me apart. Somewhere down the lane, I have started to feel sad about my relationship with the guilt of making other's life miserable with my emotional outbursts. Make no mistake here... I love him too much and I know he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. When I imagine myself 40 years from now I see an old lady with wrinkles running hither-thither but I also him by my side, looking at me in the same way he looks at me now... i know this is no imagination, I know this is true 'cos I feel it in my heart. I know I over-react perhaps but in my heart it just aches more and more daily. It may be my insecurity, or lack of patience, or whatever it is, and I wish I was smart enough to sort these feelings by myself and I wish I could be brave enough to face and fight this alone but i am unable to do so. Whenever I suffer these emotional pangs, I fight with him and make his life miserable though I know in doing so I am hurting him deeply. This is my present dilemna, the present crossroad of my life, I am uncertain, I am confused as ever, but this time I know He is there to guide me and show me the right way. All I have to do is listen to Him, my guardain angel. A voice from within is telling me something. It says, I love him too deeply and too much to do anything which woud make him sad. My guardain angel will take care of everything. So all I can do now is sit back and let the things go the way they are right now. I am ashamed that I am not brave enough to voice my feelings to the one I love the most in this world in the most appropriate way, but I just can’t bring myself to hurt him, its better that I hurt myself than hurt anyone who matters to me !!!!
For this reason alone I find it difficult to comprehend how some of my friends (especially guys) claim to have those moments of “blankness” when the mind is like a blank canvas. Often when asked the question “So, what are you thinking?” people tend to say “Nothing” (Even I do this all the time). But I think this is a gross understatement of facts.
To me, my brain is the most unaccountable machinery. The data it processes can range from trivial, crude, stumbling meanderings, stupid, naive to the occasional (read, seldom or rarely) creative and inspirational insights. It is a scientifically proven fact that a person’s brain is active all the time, waking and sleeping, producing and shifting between what scientists call “distinct brain wave forms”.
So with such an active brain such as ours it just cannot be possible to have a moment of nothingness.
Thoughts come unbridled always buzzing, humming, soaring, roaring, diving, driving me crazy and then buried in mud. If nothing else I find myself wondering why?
Sometimes I wish I could stop that “lil’ voice” , sometimes I wish I could have those moments of blankness within myself...I want to experience it.! May be that is what people call having peace?? ……. Hmmmmm, That’s something new to think about now! That's something alien to me. When I started meditating some months back, even during meditation my thoughts would drift and I would see things (may be in my imagination, or whatever) which I dont want to talk about.
The other day while I was trying to sort my CD drawer, I came across an audion CD of my daughter's school, which has collection of pretty old English classics we grew up with! Excited to get hold of the CD, I played it and came across one of my most favorite but long forgotten number, "Que Serra Serra". I grew up hearing this song and it gives a close competition to my most favorite number, "Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music. The lyric of Que Serra Serra is wonderful... whatever will be will be; the future s not ours to see... Wow!!!
“FUTURE”… this one word holds so much power over all of us. Who hasn’t at some point in their lives wondered about what future holds for them? Being humans we spend most of our present, worrying and thinking about our future. We always have and will nurture a fear for unknown, and what is a bigger unknown than one’s own future? I remember once having read a talk by C.F. Kettering and thinking how true he was about man’s fascination by future when he said "My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there”. This of course strikes a chord within me more now as I often catch myself pondering about how my future is going to be. I have tried to stop this of course with rather unsuccessful attempts.
Looking back into my life, I have discovered that at every crossroad of life, at every juncture, I have always worried about my future. Everytime I stumbled taking a decision, I now realise, there was a guardain angel up there somewhere who helped me with the right kind of choice. I worried about me getting the right kind of education, and I did, though there were many sleepless nights spent on deciding the right course for me. The most obvious stream after Xth was Science ofcourse, but there came the first dilemna of my life. I have always been passionate about doing things only that like doing, and I never liked Physics, Chemistry and Biology! When I took the decision of studying Economics, against family and teachers' wishes, I took my first major decision of life, entirely on my own. But was i alone? Now I realise I wasnt alone then - my guardain angel was with me.
Then it was my marriage versus my higher studies and I chose the former. There was confusion and chaos and if I could keep my cool then, it was only because of my guardain angel. He helped me realise that when your parents commit to another family about your marriage, you should stick to it even if you seem to get an option which is more lucrative. I dont know where I would have been now careerwise, if I didnt stick to my decision of marriage then, but I know my darling daughter would not have been today with me, and I thank my guardain angel for that.
The next crossroad was my daughter and career and I chose the former. And my guardain angel ensured that I get the right kind of job at the right point of time. And things just worked out for me. I worried about me getting a job that i like. I would hate to make a compromise where my work is concerned (always wanted to be good at what I do but I do lose track as everyone else...only more often than others), I had always prided myself (may be falsely so at times) at doing what I have wanted to do, so when i was looking for a job i was petrified. Ph. D was an option but I knew I could never do that because I cant imagine doing something so huge without a real passion for it. Amidst all these dilemna things just fell into place perfectly. He ensured only the best for me. So far, so good.
But the fear of unknown still persists. I know I worry unnecessarily but well, who can have a hold on "Mr. Worry" who goes and comes as and when he wants!!! And my biggest all time fear which eats me daily is the fear of falling short of the expectations of people who matter to me, whom I love. I feel like being in an emotional roller coaster ride. I know I am emotional, and at times (well ok, most of the times) I carry my emotions too far, rubbing small, inconsequential matters in a relationship which probably hurts my loved one more than myself. The guilt of making my loved one go through the emotional turmoil tears me apart. Somewhere down the lane, I have started to feel sad about my relationship with the guilt of making other's life miserable with my emotional outbursts. Make no mistake here... I love him too much and I know he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. When I imagine myself 40 years from now I see an old lady with wrinkles running hither-thither but I also him by my side, looking at me in the same way he looks at me now... i know this is no imagination, I know this is true 'cos I feel it in my heart. I know I over-react perhaps but in my heart it just aches more and more daily. It may be my insecurity, or lack of patience, or whatever it is, and I wish I was smart enough to sort these feelings by myself and I wish I could be brave enough to face and fight this alone but i am unable to do so. Whenever I suffer these emotional pangs, I fight with him and make his life miserable though I know in doing so I am hurting him deeply. This is my present dilemna, the present crossroad of my life, I am uncertain, I am confused as ever, but this time I know He is there to guide me and show me the right way. All I have to do is listen to Him, my guardain angel. A voice from within is telling me something. It says, I love him too deeply and too much to do anything which woud make him sad. My guardain angel will take care of everything. So all I can do now is sit back and let the things go the way they are right now. I am ashamed that I am not brave enough to voice my feelings to the one I love the most in this world in the most appropriate way, but I just can’t bring myself to hurt him, its better that I hurt myself than hurt anyone who matters to me !!!!
For God's Sake
Last night I saw a movie - "Khudaa kay Liye - In the name of God". A very hard hitting movie with well sketched plot and almost real life characters. Loved the intensity of the movie. Liked the message of the movie. Well, talking about message, many a times it so happens that the person who is the creative head of a particular article/movie/song/advertisement etc may have a particular message in his mind which he wants to convey but different people perceive his product differently. Which is absolutely normal, I guess, for the best thing about human beings is that we all are different, unique individual. And this movie has hit me in a particular way which may or may not be the same as you perceive it, but nevertheless to celebrate the uniqueness of individual characters, I shall share my observation.
The movie revolves around certain characters, mostly Muslims, Britts and Americans. The movie celebrates human relationships, interaction of one individual with another in the socio-politico-religious backdrop prevailing in Pakistan, UK, and America immediately before and after 9/11. Initially i thought this movie is anti-muslim, then I thought probably this movie is anti-american, but by the end of the movie I realised that the movie is neither of the two. This movie condemns human ego, selfishness, hatred, and how these negative traits when not curbed, destroy love, life of people and society at large. Whether the character is a Muslim or a Christian, whether the character is residing in Lahore or UK or America, is immaterial. The movie is beyond the petty human made boundaries and defferences based on Religion, Caste, Creed etc. Actually as an afterthought, I realised that the negative, destructive traits of human beings can be seen everywhere, in every corner of the world, amongst the followers of every religion, amongst the believers of every faith. Likewise, virtues are not confined to any particular religion or belief or society at large.
A father (a Pakistani residing in UK for years), who cheats his own daughter and brings her to Pakistan and forcibly gets her married against her wish to her cousin, so that she does not marry outside her religion, is to be condemned irrespective of his religion! But having seeing this movie, I know people will generalise, "Ah Muslims are like that! Ah Muslims treat their women in a pathetic way!" and so on... nobody will talk about the individual, and no body will bother about the girl who is unfortunate to have a father like him. But exploitation of women is something which is found all over the world, from remote villages in 3rd world countires, to metropolitan and cosmopolitan cities to even developed countries like USA and other European countries. May be the ways get subtler as you move from villages to cities, from developing countries to developed ones, but lets accept the fact it is still there, and probably will remain in the years to come as well, though the degree may vary and so vary the ways. So why single out a particular religion or a community?
A young boy is convinced to be a Jihaadi, he is brain-washed into believing that religious belief is reflected in one's dress and beard. That singing is a vice. His life gets almost ruined, but do you find this only amongst Muslims? Think again. The real life stories of dooming intelligent youngster's career by brain-washing them into joining the dirty politics by giving their patriotism a wrong boost - you see this in every society across all the times. Naxalites movement ruined so many lives of young, bright college-goers! DId the movement bring about any change towards betterment of the society? No it didnot. It just catered to the selfish interest of handfull of our eminent political leaders. But the ideology of those lost youngsters were not vague. They were genuine, only that they were being manipulated by crooked politicians. This once again proves the point. Its explotation of some form or the other to cater to the self interest of handful of people. Wonder why we never take lessons from history? Wonder why we spend our liftime in hatred and vengenance? Wonder why we are anti-Islamic, or anti- American, or anti-this and anti-that? We should actually be anti-exploitation, and take an oath to fight this terrible disease of human kind.
If you really want to fight terrorism,then fight hatred! Spread love, in your way, no matter how small it is. And the first step you can take towards this, is stop having inhibition or pre-conceived notion about any group, caste, creed, religion, or society. Open your mind and follow your heart. Your God is inside you. And He only wants you to love. Love unconditionally, and love all - Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, Christian, Atheist. If you have to condemn someone for his act, condemn him, not his religion; not his country; not his province. It is he, who has let the negativity affect him, no religion teaches you violence and hatred, only corrupt people do.
Follow the path of ultimate truth and unconditional love. You may not go to temple or mosque, but if you are honest, and have a heart to love all unconditionally and move ahead in life, you are the best Muslim, or Hindu, or Christian, or Sikh, that your God can be proud of, and you can make this world a much better place. Let og of vices like hatred and vengenance and make this earth a better place to live in. For God's sake, our kids deserve a better place to live than what we are leaving for them.
The movie revolves around certain characters, mostly Muslims, Britts and Americans. The movie celebrates human relationships, interaction of one individual with another in the socio-politico-religious backdrop prevailing in Pakistan, UK, and America immediately before and after 9/11. Initially i thought this movie is anti-muslim, then I thought probably this movie is anti-american, but by the end of the movie I realised that the movie is neither of the two. This movie condemns human ego, selfishness, hatred, and how these negative traits when not curbed, destroy love, life of people and society at large. Whether the character is a Muslim or a Christian, whether the character is residing in Lahore or UK or America, is immaterial. The movie is beyond the petty human made boundaries and defferences based on Religion, Caste, Creed etc. Actually as an afterthought, I realised that the negative, destructive traits of human beings can be seen everywhere, in every corner of the world, amongst the followers of every religion, amongst the believers of every faith. Likewise, virtues are not confined to any particular religion or belief or society at large.
A father (a Pakistani residing in UK for years), who cheats his own daughter and brings her to Pakistan and forcibly gets her married against her wish to her cousin, so that she does not marry outside her religion, is to be condemned irrespective of his religion! But having seeing this movie, I know people will generalise, "Ah Muslims are like that! Ah Muslims treat their women in a pathetic way!" and so on... nobody will talk about the individual, and no body will bother about the girl who is unfortunate to have a father like him. But exploitation of women is something which is found all over the world, from remote villages in 3rd world countires, to metropolitan and cosmopolitan cities to even developed countries like USA and other European countries. May be the ways get subtler as you move from villages to cities, from developing countries to developed ones, but lets accept the fact it is still there, and probably will remain in the years to come as well, though the degree may vary and so vary the ways. So why single out a particular religion or a community?
A young boy is convinced to be a Jihaadi, he is brain-washed into believing that religious belief is reflected in one's dress and beard. That singing is a vice. His life gets almost ruined, but do you find this only amongst Muslims? Think again. The real life stories of dooming intelligent youngster's career by brain-washing them into joining the dirty politics by giving their patriotism a wrong boost - you see this in every society across all the times. Naxalites movement ruined so many lives of young, bright college-goers! DId the movement bring about any change towards betterment of the society? No it didnot. It just catered to the selfish interest of handfull of our eminent political leaders. But the ideology of those lost youngsters were not vague. They were genuine, only that they were being manipulated by crooked politicians. This once again proves the point. Its explotation of some form or the other to cater to the self interest of handful of people. Wonder why we never take lessons from history? Wonder why we spend our liftime in hatred and vengenance? Wonder why we are anti-Islamic, or anti- American, or anti-this and anti-that? We should actually be anti-exploitation, and take an oath to fight this terrible disease of human kind.
If you really want to fight terrorism,then fight hatred! Spread love, in your way, no matter how small it is. And the first step you can take towards this, is stop having inhibition or pre-conceived notion about any group, caste, creed, religion, or society. Open your mind and follow your heart. Your God is inside you. And He only wants you to love. Love unconditionally, and love all - Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, Christian, Atheist. If you have to condemn someone for his act, condemn him, not his religion; not his country; not his province. It is he, who has let the negativity affect him, no religion teaches you violence and hatred, only corrupt people do.
Follow the path of ultimate truth and unconditional love. You may not go to temple or mosque, but if you are honest, and have a heart to love all unconditionally and move ahead in life, you are the best Muslim, or Hindu, or Christian, or Sikh, that your God can be proud of, and you can make this world a much better place. Let og of vices like hatred and vengenance and make this earth a better place to live in. For God's sake, our kids deserve a better place to live than what we are leaving for them.
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