I had a nightmare last night, and am scared and lonesome to face it,
It seemed so true and gave me creeps...
I was alone fighting the devils, was lacking courage and grit
Was amongst corpses and demons, my morale was losing grips
I looked for help, and I offered to God my prayers
Help there was none, and God was firm
"This is what happens when you hurt others"
He said, "Now pay for all the wrongs you have done"
I looked for you, incase you were there, my heart said you would save me
I looked around and found you atlast
You were amongst the corpse, I was shocked to see
You were lying still as dead, I was aghast!
"How can I help you, for you have killed me with your venom", you said
"Day in and day out, hurting me and crushing me too"
"I dont feel any pain for you, for now I am dead"
"Am free from all the pain and misery, caused by you"
Thats when I realized what I have done, to satisfy my fake ego
Never ever appreciating all the little things you did
In pursuit of my false pride, I let you go
Am now reaping the sour fruits of my deed
I want to apologize, my love for all the things that I have done
I want to tell you now I know for sure
What happens when all you look for, is love but get none
And get pushed away by all to a land obscure
All you wanted was a little comfort, a hand to hold you firm
And tell you, "Dont worry, I'm there"
"Fail if you may, its ok by me, there is no harm"
"Together we shall succeed for sure, even if its late and meagre"
I want to tell you how I overlooked all the small steps you took
For I was thinking big and fair
Overlooking your success, measured in your units
Pushing you hard towards despair
You must have cried, but I didnt see your tears
You did plead, but none I heard
You must have been scared, but I overlooked your fears
In order to fulfil my principles, I had your dreams all scattered.
I salute you for your courage today, though I always called you coward
For someone to bear all these and more,
You faced all condenmation and yet always showered
Your unconditional love to me galore
I woke up from my sleep and the nightmare did end
But it gave me a new start
The wrongs I did, I have to mend
Only that will purify my heart
You are gone, and I dont blame you for going away
I cant undo what has been done
Sorry is a word that we often dont get to say
To people who have left us and gone
The "sorry" stays with me like a promise to the Father
Never to hurt anyone again
We shall meet for sure, either in this world or the other
Its so long, till then....
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Twin Flame
Deep in the heart of every human being, lies the knowledge of his/her twin flame or soul mate, perhaps covered by the dust accumulated for years due to the disappointments of Earthly relationship experiences. Whether or not we agree, the awareness of this twin flame relationship becomes of primary importance to every human being. It is one of the major keys to our awakening to the heart at the micro level and to the transformation of Earth at the macro level. In the human spiritual “genome” is a code of Love, activated by opening to the soul mate that will help us to embody Love on Earth and change our world to a peaceful, loving place. Would there be strife if each one of us were truly in Love? Think about it. In today’s life, Love has more been associated with GETTING rather than GIVING. The spiritual path to Love, on the contrary, is all about selfless giving. It’s need of the time now to change our view of relationship and to begin exploring Love from giving, from the heart.
I read somewhere that we human beings are all cells in the heart of God. And each of these cells has two parts – one masculine and one feminine. This two-part cell is the original “Adam and Eve” of creation – the manifested form of God’s love. This is not about gender on Earth, but about charges of the electricity of love. As the embodiment of God's Love, as pieces of God's heart, we are not only made in the image of God and living within God's heart but we are actively creative as is God. Our thoughts are active and are creating our life at every moment. However, we can only create at our level of understanding that is formed in our MIND. The difference between living from the mind (limited) and living from the heart (unlimited) is precisely the difference between EGO (getting) and SPIRIT (giving). Thoughts in mind are always formed and accompanied by fear, lack, greed and aggression. In contrast, as we learn to shift to the level of true feeling in the heart, we begin to manifest “heart love”. We begin to experience life through the heart’s intelligence rather than through the more limited MIND or EGO. “Maya” or “Illusion” is what our mind perceives. The Real World, the God’s world can only be experienced by letting go of our ego and raising ourselves by opening our hearts. It’s only then that we will understand the concept of Twin Flame or Soul Mate.
Our Twin Flame has always been with us but until we reach a certain openness of heart, we cannot perceive him/her. When we ask God's help to open our hearts to our Soul Mate, the molecules which make up our ever moving energy field go into motion and the reflection on Earth of the Twin Flame with whom we were created actively moves toward us. We do not have to go anywhere or do anything special. As we become Love, that love will show itself in us and we will literally call and draw our Twin Flame towards us. Look with the eyes of your heart; you will recognize your soul mate. As we grow on the Soul Mate path, we understand that the person in front of us will always reflect to us perfectly the state of our Love, the state of our heart. The Law of Resonance is the most basic law of spiritual attraction -- "like attracts like." In our relationship, then, we are able to see immediately if we are living from the heart or from the ego because our partner will reflect this back to us. I have experienced this in my life. When I gave more importance to ego, I got back the same from my partner. Next time when you complain about your relationship and/or partner, close your eyes and think twice. Do you do the similar things that you are complaining about? I can assure you if you are honest to yourself, the answer will be positive. If you want more Love, what is the practical (and spiritual) thing to do? Give more Love. God asks us to look within ourselves deeply and honestly. Are we truly open to Love? It takes a strong person with a great desire for Love to admit feeling closed to Love.
As a couple in a relationship makes the decision to choose Love, to open their hearts, their relationship will transform. The decision to live from the heart, to put the other person first, must be made again and again and again, on a daily basis. As Love becomes the priority, the couple's lives will shift dramatically. Then the Soul Mate relationship is realized and Love becomes a living reality. This turns on that genetic Twin Flame code within which awakens us into our true state – the Love that brings us Home. It does not matter if someone “looks within” or “looks outside” themselves. It only matters that they are opening their heart to Love. And if they are, their Twin Flame would be there. The Soul Mate is the Heart -- The heart of Love -- The heart of life. For the Soul Mate is the truth of you, the truth of your own great heart. Twin Flames of Love creating the portal, the vessel, the Holy Grail of Love through which all things are nourished.
The first and foremost key in the awakening of humanity is the realization of Soul Mate. Do you know how you say that two people fit together like lock and key? The turning of that key in that lock becomes the opening, the cracking of the seed... It becomes the moment when what you are gives way to what you will become. I cannot tell you how profound this is, but your heart will tell you. There truly are no words for this miracle of Love. The miracle for which all of your journeys have prepared you -- all of your lives, all of your lessons, all of the things you have built and stored over the centuries in the special treasure chest of your Highest Self, awaiting the moment when all is ready. The moment when you are ready, when your Soul Mate is ready, and when humanity is ready. The longing for Love that is within most of us is not a weakness. Our longing for Love is placed in our hearts by God. It is our divine call. It is the spiritual desire for our true home, for our right and real relationship with Him and with our true Love. It’s only a matter of time that we realize this universal fact and accept it with an open heart. Sooner or later, this is the path every human being has to take. Love makes everything right in our world, not because it is a fantasy, but because it brings us back in touch with Almighty.
When you fall in Love you can see these connections. You are able to feel the life in everything. You find compassion for others because your heart is open. Love is not a fantasy. Love is what is real. Everything else is the fantasy, and not only a fantasy, it is a lie. It is a lie of the ego that leads you to believe you can live better without Love. The result is the world you see. The denial of Love in all its forms is what creates sickness and pain, despair and abuse. The more Love is denied, the "sicker" the society. Do everything in your power to contradict the lies. Do everything you can to acclaim the truth of Love. Hold on to your belief in Love, NO MATTER WHAT.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
The Sound Of Music
No, I am not to write a review on one of the Classics of Hollywood movies ever. No, I am not to tell you here that it is my most all time favorite movie ever. This post is about me; about my likes, my beliefs, my principles, in nutshell, my way of living life.
The first time I saw this movie was when I was 10 years old. Today, my daughter is 10 years old, so it’s indeed been a long, long time. And this movie still holds the most prestigious position of “My Most favorite movie of all time” in my life. And today, as I sit alone in my hotel room in Shenzhen, watching the movie for the n-th time, I still feel the same emotions that I felt years before, and everytime I watch this movie – that of Love. This movie manifests Love in all its form and Maria has always been my ideal, she being the epitome of Love. I can’t claim to be like Maria, but I did have one commonality with her, that I loved and appreciated all good things life had to offer. And probably I also shared her innocence at some point of time in my life.
But the Maria in me has grown up. This Maria went through many ups and downs in her life. But unlike Maria, she couldn’t retain her innocence, her spirit and conscience. Slowly but surely, many of her good attributes were gone. She gave up on her goodness and even started compromising on her principles. These changes were gradual, so gradual that by the time she realized, she had come a long way off. But the tragedy lies elsewhere. Even after she realized that she went wrong, even if late, she didn’t do anything about it. She just kept on going on that road of self destruction which was giving her temporary pleasure. Why I say its self destruction is that in every crossroads of life, you will get two roads. One of them would be difficult, full of roadblocks and hurdles, but that road goes towards the ultimate goal of life. This road less travelled, gives you the ultimate happiness. On the contrary, there would be another road, a short cut to all your problems and one that would give you enough temporary pleasure, and boost your ego, help you have "fun" and all that, but this road leads to your destruction. If you travel on this road, you will be destroyed for sure,sooner or later, and along with you your near and dear ones will also suffer. So out and out, it’s your loss. And this Maria has faced it. Though she realized it but she was too busy externalizing the reasons for her downfall and destruction and in doing so, instead of preventing it from happening any further, she went deep down towards destruction at an accelerated rate.
But thanks to some recent events of her life, and ofcourse, The Sound Of Music, this Maria has come out of her Satanic trance. “Goodness” always pays, even if it pays late. Life is not about doing good things and being good when the going is smooth. Our true identity is what we do and how we behave when the going gets tough. It is very easy to take the “wrong” road when the going gets tough. It is even easier to externalize everything and wash our hands off anything wrong that we have done blaming the external “tough” situations. But whether you accept or not, whether you externalize or internalize, it’s you and you alone that face the after effects.
So, as I watch this movie, the memory of who I am, and what I believe in, comes back to me. My “value” remains the same, even if I had fallen down and got dirty. A crumpled, dirty $100 is no less in value than a new note. I am in this world to learn from every success and failure of mine. I am in this world to retain my “inherent” qualities that God has given me and enhance my spirit and proceed towards Self Realization. I am in this world to love one and all. I am in this world to appreciate the goodness in everything and in everybody. This world is God’s creation, we all are God’s children then how can there be a flaw in anything or in any one of us? Temporarily I went blind to all these aspects but now when I look within me I realize it is my conscious and subconscious decision to lead my life. I am a product of my own thoughts, emotions and beliefs. I am who I want to be, and I consciously decide today that I want to be like my childhood inspiration, Maria. Maria is back with her “Favorite things” and one of her most favorite things is LOVE. Maria is back on the road of Love; Maria loves the concept of Love. And everything remotely related to Love is her Favorite Things.
The first time I saw this movie was when I was 10 years old. Today, my daughter is 10 years old, so it’s indeed been a long, long time. And this movie still holds the most prestigious position of “My Most favorite movie of all time” in my life. And today, as I sit alone in my hotel room in Shenzhen, watching the movie for the n-th time, I still feel the same emotions that I felt years before, and everytime I watch this movie – that of Love. This movie manifests Love in all its form and Maria has always been my ideal, she being the epitome of Love. I can’t claim to be like Maria, but I did have one commonality with her, that I loved and appreciated all good things life had to offer. And probably I also shared her innocence at some point of time in my life.
But the Maria in me has grown up. This Maria went through many ups and downs in her life. But unlike Maria, she couldn’t retain her innocence, her spirit and conscience. Slowly but surely, many of her good attributes were gone. She gave up on her goodness and even started compromising on her principles. These changes were gradual, so gradual that by the time she realized, she had come a long way off. But the tragedy lies elsewhere. Even after she realized that she went wrong, even if late, she didn’t do anything about it. She just kept on going on that road of self destruction which was giving her temporary pleasure. Why I say its self destruction is that in every crossroads of life, you will get two roads. One of them would be difficult, full of roadblocks and hurdles, but that road goes towards the ultimate goal of life. This road less travelled, gives you the ultimate happiness. On the contrary, there would be another road, a short cut to all your problems and one that would give you enough temporary pleasure, and boost your ego, help you have "fun" and all that, but this road leads to your destruction. If you travel on this road, you will be destroyed for sure,sooner or later, and along with you your near and dear ones will also suffer. So out and out, it’s your loss. And this Maria has faced it. Though she realized it but she was too busy externalizing the reasons for her downfall and destruction and in doing so, instead of preventing it from happening any further, she went deep down towards destruction at an accelerated rate.
But thanks to some recent events of her life, and ofcourse, The Sound Of Music, this Maria has come out of her Satanic trance. “Goodness” always pays, even if it pays late. Life is not about doing good things and being good when the going is smooth. Our true identity is what we do and how we behave when the going gets tough. It is very easy to take the “wrong” road when the going gets tough. It is even easier to externalize everything and wash our hands off anything wrong that we have done blaming the external “tough” situations. But whether you accept or not, whether you externalize or internalize, it’s you and you alone that face the after effects.
So, as I watch this movie, the memory of who I am, and what I believe in, comes back to me. My “value” remains the same, even if I had fallen down and got dirty. A crumpled, dirty $100 is no less in value than a new note. I am in this world to learn from every success and failure of mine. I am in this world to retain my “inherent” qualities that God has given me and enhance my spirit and proceed towards Self Realization. I am in this world to love one and all. I am in this world to appreciate the goodness in everything and in everybody. This world is God’s creation, we all are God’s children then how can there be a flaw in anything or in any one of us? Temporarily I went blind to all these aspects but now when I look within me I realize it is my conscious and subconscious decision to lead my life. I am a product of my own thoughts, emotions and beliefs. I am who I want to be, and I consciously decide today that I want to be like my childhood inspiration, Maria. Maria is back with her “Favorite things” and one of her most favorite things is LOVE. Maria is back on the road of Love; Maria loves the concept of Love. And everything remotely related to Love is her Favorite Things.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
No Matter What
No matter what they tell us; No matter what they do
No matter what they teach us; what we believe is true
No matter what they call us; however they attack
No matter where they take us; will find our own way back
I can't deny what I believe; I can't be what I am
I know our love is forever; I know no matter what
No matter what they teach us; what we believe is true
No matter what they call us; however they attack
No matter where they take us; will find our own way back
I can't deny what I believe; I can't be what I am
I know our love is forever; I know no matter what
I always liked the phrase "no matter what" , and believed in it. Though very rarely, but there are a few things in my life that are "no matter what". Very few, I admit. I know that if there is 1 thing that I feel "no mater what" about, thats universal, or forever for me. Its about following one' heart under all tiring circumstances. If your heart beleives in something, follow it with all your conviction even if the whole world turns against you, laughs at you or tries to manipulate you. This is my principle as well. I stand for what I believe in, irrespective of whether others agree with me. A similar thing, to quote from Tagore,
"Jodi tor daak shune keu na ashe tobe ekla cholo re"
Of course, am no expert on Tagore, but this line echoes the same sentiments and spirit that don't expect the whole world to tune in with you in every venture of yours, but nevertheless, if you believe in something then don't wait for anybody to approve of it. Move ahead with utter conviction to follow your heart.
If only tears were laughter; if only night was day
If only prayers were answered; then we would hear God say
No matter where they tell you; no matter what they do
No matter what they teach you; what you believe is true
And I will keep you safe and strong; sheltered from the storm
No matter whre its barren; a dream is being born
This again echoes something I firmly believe in... in the line of Alchemist...if you believe in something and if you are committed to it, the Universe will conspire to make that happen for you. God is with you, if you are with yourself, just lik God helps those who help themselves.
No matter who they follow; no matter where they lead
No matter how they judge us; I'll be everyone you need
No matter if the sun don't shine; Or if the skies aren't blue
No matter what the ending; my life began with you
I cant deny what I believe; I cant be what am not
I know this love's forever; thats all that matters now
NO MATTER WHAT...
This part is my personal favorite, as I relate to it moe than anything. People complain that I give too much importance to Love, much more than it's due. I accpet the first part, yes, I give, but the latter part is debatable. Anyways, coming back to this song, this part speaks my heart. No matter what ever happens, no matter if I am condemned or appreciated, no matter what the whole world thinks about us, I know what we are to each other and I believe it with utmost sincerity. I dont know what the ending will be, but I know my life began with you, and I can't deny this univerdal truth...NO MATTER WHAT.
If you ever love someone, love him/her will all your heart till the very end... NO MATTER WHAT. Otherwise, if love is NO THAT IMPORTANT, like you claim, then what is the need for claiming to love somebody in the first place? Think about it...
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Faith
Tough gets going when the going gets tough
Life is wonderful, when you are in Love.
Free the bird they say, for it will come back to you
His heart beckons, if your Love is true.
Nothing is forever, nothing is yours,
You’re His child for God is the source
It’s His wish that you’re in this mess
Glow in His love, nevertheless.
Don’t give up your dreams, no matter what
Love will make you the king, not the battles you fought
King of the heart, you rule the world
Joy that it brings is multifold.
Ups and downs are all life’s part
With every dawn there is a new start
He is there with you, when no one else is
Look within you and feel His bliss.
He gives you shelter when there is storm
In darkness He is light, more than your heart can fathom
He is your guide; He is your friend,
He is with you till the end.
Change your destiny, you have His support
He guides you to win over the delusion Fort
His blessing is true if you believe
Faith gets you there, what science can never retrieve.
Faith is all I have, that keeps me moving on.
Faith confirms your return, though now you are gone.
Faith keeps me firm that true love will prevail
Faith tells me “Don’t worry; All is well”
Life is wonderful, when you are in Love.
Free the bird they say, for it will come back to you
His heart beckons, if your Love is true.
Nothing is forever, nothing is yours,
You’re His child for God is the source
It’s His wish that you’re in this mess
Glow in His love, nevertheless.
Don’t give up your dreams, no matter what
Love will make you the king, not the battles you fought
King of the heart, you rule the world
Joy that it brings is multifold.
Ups and downs are all life’s part
With every dawn there is a new start
He is there with you, when no one else is
Look within you and feel His bliss.
He gives you shelter when there is storm
In darkness He is light, more than your heart can fathom
He is your guide; He is your friend,
He is with you till the end.
Change your destiny, you have His support
He guides you to win over the delusion Fort
His blessing is true if you believe
Faith gets you there, what science can never retrieve.
Faith is all I have, that keeps me moving on.
Faith confirms your return, though now you are gone.
Faith keeps me firm that true love will prevail
Faith tells me “Don’t worry; All is well”
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Chinese Life - Continued
Kunming Airport:
A domestic airport that has 60+ gates is worth mentioning. And Kunming Domestic airport is huge, much bigger than our pride, Bangalore and Hyderabad airports in India. Highly impressed I try looking for a place to sit myself for the next 4-5 hours which would be my waiting time before I board my next flight to Shenzhen. But that’s where I get my first blow. China believes in having 1 chair per 100 people, and I was definitely not that lucky 1 out of the 100! There were hardly any chairs left anywhere in that huge airport and it seemed to me every Chinese in the world was travelling that day. It was about 6 am in the morning and the airport was jam packed with similar looking Chinese all over. I was sleepy and tired, so I stationed my luggage trolley in front of a huge screen where flight details were coming up, and sat on it. This reminded me of my childhood vacations when in the railways station we would sit on our luggage while waiting for the train. I was happy doing what I love doing the most… observe people ie. Chinese are very colorful people indeed and I discovered their favorite color is PURPLE. I am not joking. Every 1 person out of 3 was either wearing a purple dress or carrying a purple suitcase. It has to be their hot favorite…and I was wondering it would be RED for all obvious reasons. Before I get onto my hurdles, let me tell you the commonalities between Chinese and Indians in behaviorist matters.
· Both the nations don’t much believe in keeping our public places clean. I saw Chinese spitting all over the airport (thankfully they don’t chew PAN PARAG, but spitting nevertheless!)
· Their kids don’t like the idea of peeing in the loo. They love doing it under the open sky! Just like ours.
· Chinese women love to deck up and how! At 6 AM their ladies toilets were full of women of all ages, applying lipstick and foundation. The loos were empty though! Some things are independent of national boundaries… and women definitely belong to that group of things!
· The toilets in the airport are worse than that in Kolkata airport – now that’s really something. When I “had to” visit the toilet in the Kolkata airport I certified it as the worst ever possible (worse than our school toilets) toilet I had ever been. But that changed when I entered the toilets in the Kunming airport, actually I didn’t enter. I preferred having pressure in the bladder as a better option than releasing it in their toilet!
· When 2 Chinese people fight, you cannot differentiate them from any 2 Indians fighting, apart from their physical differences. Ah yes, when 2 Chinese fight, others mind their own business unlike in India where every body else within 1 km diameter from the place of dispute, makes it their own business someway or the other.
· Their traffic, though much better than ours, reminds me of my country nevertheless.
· The balconies of the flats where people reside have clothes all over for drying. That reminds me of our country.
· Two Chinese in love, holding hands and walking together in the malls is no different from 2 people in love anywhere in the world, for that matter. Love, like women, has no boundaries!
While I get carried away in my emotions, it will be worthwhile to mention here that Chinese people love to confuse others with their announcements. In any case, there is not much difference in their native language and the English they speak and I understand none. What makes it worse is that their flight numbers are very jumbled up. Whether it is intentional or otherwise is something that I don’t know. But what I do know is that my flight number was MU 5759 and at that very moment there were the following flights scheduled as well
MU7579
MU5957
MU5579
MU7759
MU5795
MU7559!
And against each one of them there were destinations mentioned in Chinese! I thank my lucky star that I somehow managed to board the right flight and reach my right destination.
More about Shenzhen, where I am staying right now, later. Like I said, I have come here to WORK.
A domestic airport that has 60+ gates is worth mentioning. And Kunming Domestic airport is huge, much bigger than our pride, Bangalore and Hyderabad airports in India. Highly impressed I try looking for a place to sit myself for the next 4-5 hours which would be my waiting time before I board my next flight to Shenzhen. But that’s where I get my first blow. China believes in having 1 chair per 100 people, and I was definitely not that lucky 1 out of the 100! There were hardly any chairs left anywhere in that huge airport and it seemed to me every Chinese in the world was travelling that day. It was about 6 am in the morning and the airport was jam packed with similar looking Chinese all over. I was sleepy and tired, so I stationed my luggage trolley in front of a huge screen where flight details were coming up, and sat on it. This reminded me of my childhood vacations when in the railways station we would sit on our luggage while waiting for the train. I was happy doing what I love doing the most… observe people ie. Chinese are very colorful people indeed and I discovered their favorite color is PURPLE. I am not joking. Every 1 person out of 3 was either wearing a purple dress or carrying a purple suitcase. It has to be their hot favorite…and I was wondering it would be RED for all obvious reasons. Before I get onto my hurdles, let me tell you the commonalities between Chinese and Indians in behaviorist matters.
· Both the nations don’t much believe in keeping our public places clean. I saw Chinese spitting all over the airport (thankfully they don’t chew PAN PARAG, but spitting nevertheless!)
· Their kids don’t like the idea of peeing in the loo. They love doing it under the open sky! Just like ours.
· Chinese women love to deck up and how! At 6 AM their ladies toilets were full of women of all ages, applying lipstick and foundation. The loos were empty though! Some things are independent of national boundaries… and women definitely belong to that group of things!
· The toilets in the airport are worse than that in Kolkata airport – now that’s really something. When I “had to” visit the toilet in the Kolkata airport I certified it as the worst ever possible (worse than our school toilets) toilet I had ever been. But that changed when I entered the toilets in the Kunming airport, actually I didn’t enter. I preferred having pressure in the bladder as a better option than releasing it in their toilet!
· When 2 Chinese people fight, you cannot differentiate them from any 2 Indians fighting, apart from their physical differences. Ah yes, when 2 Chinese fight, others mind their own business unlike in India where every body else within 1 km diameter from the place of dispute, makes it their own business someway or the other.
· Their traffic, though much better than ours, reminds me of my country nevertheless.
· The balconies of the flats where people reside have clothes all over for drying. That reminds me of our country.
· Two Chinese in love, holding hands and walking together in the malls is no different from 2 people in love anywhere in the world, for that matter. Love, like women, has no boundaries!
While I get carried away in my emotions, it will be worthwhile to mention here that Chinese people love to confuse others with their announcements. In any case, there is not much difference in their native language and the English they speak and I understand none. What makes it worse is that their flight numbers are very jumbled up. Whether it is intentional or otherwise is something that I don’t know. But what I do know is that my flight number was MU 5759 and at that very moment there were the following flights scheduled as well
MU7579
MU5957
MU5579
MU7759
MU5795
MU7559!
And against each one of them there were destinations mentioned in Chinese! I thank my lucky star that I somehow managed to board the right flight and reach my right destination.
More about Shenzhen, where I am staying right now, later. Like I said, I have come here to WORK.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Chinese Life
Legal Disclaimer: This post is NOT adapted from “Japanese Wife” and has no similarity with the latter except for the fact that both Chinese and Japanese look the same to me!
Well, I am not a traveler and indeed China is probably NOT a place travel out of fun! So was shocked to see a group of people (average age 60+) travelling with me to China, the day I boarded the flight, as vacation! Well I wish they have a good vacation but as for me, coming to China is only and ONLY because of the fact that I have bills and EMIs to pay at the end of every month for which I must and MUST work. And, coming to China is strictly WORK. Here is my account of China – my experience here and my personal view points. No offence meant!
Hmmm, from where do I begin? My tryst with China began with boarding the China Eastern Airlines flight. The aircraft was a little bigger than the toy plane your son or nephew has. They love India very much and they DO NOT think of us as “international” at all. So they send their domestic aircrafts to take us from Kolkata to a place called Kunming. The airhostesses are very Chinese…I mean I can’t really differentiate from one Chinese to another…they all look so similar! Am sure they were pretty but like every other Chinese girl. And yes, did I mention? They DO NOT believe in Welcome messages. When passengers board the flight, that’s the time for their very own private discussions – important things…I think they were either discussing their pets or in-laws when I entered the flight as they were very vivid and excited in whatever they were talking about. Anyways, as all of us managed to sit ourselves, the old couples already tired and exhausted before their “fun” trip even began, the crew started speaking…I mean machine was speaking and 1 TV per 60 people onboard was showing the safety measurements. Which we didn’t understand as they were announcing in Chinese, and by the time English version started, me and my co-passenger were both snoring!
Ok, enough of being satirical and all that. Few good things I really liked about them, and even if very, very temporary, I wished I was a Chinese, are as follows:
Their FOOD: Amazing is the word! No, am not talking about how the food tastes. It’s more about the after effects. So many positive sides to it. Food is so “uniformly” distasteful in China that there is no concept of good cook or a bad cook. So if I was a Chinese, my husband wouldn’t have complained my culinary abilities and compare it with fellow Chinese women!
Their figure (I am only referring to Ladies here): Such lovely figure they have, their waistline is something to die for! Unfortunately I cant shop for any kind of dresses here as they wont fit me. For my 10 year old daughter, I am surfing through the ladies section of the garments and picking up the XL ones! But, don’t even think that they don’t eat…they eat like big elephants but look like small mosquitoes! Amazing is the word.
Shoppers’ paradise: If you love shopping and don’t have much cash to blow…China is the place for you. Very economical but good quality. No wonder they are ruling the world economy! India has a long way to go till she comes somewhere close to China…till then I hope and pray my project sends me to China on and off for my quota of “economy” shopping!
So Long for today… will come with more updates on China later.
P.S: Blogspot.com is also banned in China! So cant post this as of now :)
Well, I am not a traveler and indeed China is probably NOT a place travel out of fun! So was shocked to see a group of people (average age 60+) travelling with me to China, the day I boarded the flight, as vacation! Well I wish they have a good vacation but as for me, coming to China is only and ONLY because of the fact that I have bills and EMIs to pay at the end of every month for which I must and MUST work. And, coming to China is strictly WORK. Here is my account of China – my experience here and my personal view points. No offence meant!
Hmmm, from where do I begin? My tryst with China began with boarding the China Eastern Airlines flight. The aircraft was a little bigger than the toy plane your son or nephew has. They love India very much and they DO NOT think of us as “international” at all. So they send their domestic aircrafts to take us from Kolkata to a place called Kunming. The airhostesses are very Chinese…I mean I can’t really differentiate from one Chinese to another…they all look so similar! Am sure they were pretty but like every other Chinese girl. And yes, did I mention? They DO NOT believe in Welcome messages. When passengers board the flight, that’s the time for their very own private discussions – important things…I think they were either discussing their pets or in-laws when I entered the flight as they were very vivid and excited in whatever they were talking about. Anyways, as all of us managed to sit ourselves, the old couples already tired and exhausted before their “fun” trip even began, the crew started speaking…I mean machine was speaking and 1 TV per 60 people onboard was showing the safety measurements. Which we didn’t understand as they were announcing in Chinese, and by the time English version started, me and my co-passenger were both snoring!
Ok, enough of being satirical and all that. Few good things I really liked about them, and even if very, very temporary, I wished I was a Chinese, are as follows:
Their FOOD: Amazing is the word! No, am not talking about how the food tastes. It’s more about the after effects. So many positive sides to it. Food is so “uniformly” distasteful in China that there is no concept of good cook or a bad cook. So if I was a Chinese, my husband wouldn’t have complained my culinary abilities and compare it with fellow Chinese women!
Their figure (I am only referring to Ladies here): Such lovely figure they have, their waistline is something to die for! Unfortunately I cant shop for any kind of dresses here as they wont fit me. For my 10 year old daughter, I am surfing through the ladies section of the garments and picking up the XL ones! But, don’t even think that they don’t eat…they eat like big elephants but look like small mosquitoes! Amazing is the word.
Shoppers’ paradise: If you love shopping and don’t have much cash to blow…China is the place for you. Very economical but good quality. No wonder they are ruling the world economy! India has a long way to go till she comes somewhere close to China…till then I hope and pray my project sends me to China on and off for my quota of “economy” shopping!
So Long for today… will come with more updates on China later.
P.S: Blogspot.com is also banned in China! So cant post this as of now :)
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Flowchart on how to plan a trip
A weekend trip is a splendid way to replenish your energy and deplete your bank account. In theory, such journeys should be preceded by thorough research, careful planning, and intense negotiations with your mate. But that's only theory. Relaity is quite different, which is why so many vacations go something like this:
(1). Become increasingly exhausted and overwrought. Bicker with spouse over nonsense (though men always think we bicker over nonsense all the time). Make up, bicker some more, and decide you both need a vacation. Agree to plan a trip for just the two of you real soon. Fall asleep fantasizing about a work/child/pressure-free orgy of self-indulgence.
(2). Repeat Step (1) many times during the next few months. Repeat it several times more ... leaving out the sleep part.
(3). Suddenly realize that next weekend you have three days off. Talk interminably about driving out of town. Take travel books out of library and actually open one. Savor the illusion of progress.
(4). Discuss destination options. Discuss taking off an extra day. Discuss who will watch children and/or pets. Notice three-day weekend has ended. Return overdue books ... unread.
(5). Repeat Step (1). In an unfamiliar flash of spontaneity, put sitter on standby and call random hotels. Hear clerks snicker when you ask for lodging sometime this century. Ask spouse if there's room in the budget for bribes.
(6). Conclude that every decent hotel within a weekend's drive is filled with conventioneers. Wonder if it's too late to join the Rotary, the Innerwheel, or the Save The Tigers Club.
(7). Briefly consider a roadway motel that features waterbeds, exotic dance, and "massage." Decide you're not quite that desperate ... yet.
(8). Miraculously manage to book something acceptable. Inform sitter and spouse. Revive spouse.
(9). Examine luggage. Search house for matching duct tape. Pack by cramming everything in sight until suitcase refuses to close. Have spouse sit on suitcase. Resume packing.
(10). Ask spouse to load car. Repeat request. Load car yourself and discover it's almost out of gas. Plan to yell at spouse ... until you realize you were the last to drive the car.
(11). Ask spouse to fill tank while you phone sitter for sixth time. For no reason other than sheer crankiness, argue with spouse about no-show sitter, lateness of hour, and other things neither of you is responsible for. Remember why you rarely take trips.
(12). Rejoice at sitter's arrival. Read sitter 10-page, typed instruction list that covers everything from emergency phone numbers to goldfish food. Review it with sitter while spouse paces. Review it again. Call hotel clerk to say you may be late.
(13). Spend five hours crawling in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Blame sitter, each other, the Industrial Revolution. Make up with spouse just in time to learn your reservation's been lost.
(14). Become hysterical. Attract a crowd. Threaten to picket. Check into room.
(15). Collapse onto bed without pausing to unpack. Contemplate luxury of pre-dinner nap as you leisurely leaf through hotel brochures. Notice hotel restaurant's about to close. Say goodbye to nap.
(16). Rush downstairs for romantic meal without changing or freshening up. Find out restaurant's under construction. It will resume serving four-star fare the day after you leave.
(17). Decide to drive to another restaurant and search parking garage for car. Realize, in a moment of stunned panic, that one hour ago you left car "temporarily" in front of hotel while checking in and forgot to move it. Spend the rest of weekend trying to retrieve towed car.
(18). Return home, unpack, and begin not planning your next vacation.
(1). Become increasingly exhausted and overwrought. Bicker with spouse over nonsense (though men always think we bicker over nonsense all the time). Make up, bicker some more, and decide you both need a vacation. Agree to plan a trip for just the two of you real soon. Fall asleep fantasizing about a work/child/pressure-free orgy of self-indulgence.
(2). Repeat Step (1) many times during the next few months. Repeat it several times more ... leaving out the sleep part.
(3). Suddenly realize that next weekend you have three days off. Talk interminably about driving out of town. Take travel books out of library and actually open one. Savor the illusion of progress.
(4). Discuss destination options. Discuss taking off an extra day. Discuss who will watch children and/or pets. Notice three-day weekend has ended. Return overdue books ... unread.
(5). Repeat Step (1). In an unfamiliar flash of spontaneity, put sitter on standby and call random hotels. Hear clerks snicker when you ask for lodging sometime this century. Ask spouse if there's room in the budget for bribes.
(6). Conclude that every decent hotel within a weekend's drive is filled with conventioneers. Wonder if it's too late to join the Rotary, the Innerwheel, or the Save The Tigers Club.
(7). Briefly consider a roadway motel that features waterbeds, exotic dance, and "massage." Decide you're not quite that desperate ... yet.
(8). Miraculously manage to book something acceptable. Inform sitter and spouse. Revive spouse.
(9). Examine luggage. Search house for matching duct tape. Pack by cramming everything in sight until suitcase refuses to close. Have spouse sit on suitcase. Resume packing.
(10). Ask spouse to load car. Repeat request. Load car yourself and discover it's almost out of gas. Plan to yell at spouse ... until you realize you were the last to drive the car.
(11). Ask spouse to fill tank while you phone sitter for sixth time. For no reason other than sheer crankiness, argue with spouse about no-show sitter, lateness of hour, and other things neither of you is responsible for. Remember why you rarely take trips.
(12). Rejoice at sitter's arrival. Read sitter 10-page, typed instruction list that covers everything from emergency phone numbers to goldfish food. Review it with sitter while spouse paces. Review it again. Call hotel clerk to say you may be late.
(13). Spend five hours crawling in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Blame sitter, each other, the Industrial Revolution. Make up with spouse just in time to learn your reservation's been lost.
(14). Become hysterical. Attract a crowd. Threaten to picket. Check into room.
(15). Collapse onto bed without pausing to unpack. Contemplate luxury of pre-dinner nap as you leisurely leaf through hotel brochures. Notice hotel restaurant's about to close. Say goodbye to nap.
(16). Rush downstairs for romantic meal without changing or freshening up. Find out restaurant's under construction. It will resume serving four-star fare the day after you leave.
(17). Decide to drive to another restaurant and search parking garage for car. Realize, in a moment of stunned panic, that one hour ago you left car "temporarily" in front of hotel while checking in and forgot to move it. Spend the rest of weekend trying to retrieve towed car.
(18). Return home, unpack, and begin not planning your next vacation.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Aisha... Haiisshha, what to review?!
Disclaimer: The intention of this post is not to mar any person’s dignity or self esteem (if they so possess), dead or alive. Its just a piss take and please take it in the best of the spirits. Please don’t sue me. I am not rich, I cant even afford to buy Lifestyle stuffs when there is no Sale, forget Elles, Vogues, and Chanels!
“ Hum Kapoor hai. Hum zyada sochte nahi. We believe in action ”... This dialogue alone from the movie Aisha could win it an OSCAR. The producers Anil Kapoor n Rhea Kapoor and the * of the movie, Sonam Kapoor so relate to this dialogue that they had to put it there! And this speaks of their truthfulness... I salute them all.
Its always fun to take the piss out of movies which make you realise how "pissed off" you were for about two hours in your life that you’ll never get back. And so here I am, spending more than 2 hours to get this post done. I am spending so much of time, not because I have so many things to talk about this movie. Its just the lack of it which is taking so much of time you see... Ok, I give up...this is probably the first movie out of 35,734 movies I have watched so far that has me "speechless"...rather "wordless" as I try to review it. So I will let the characters of the movie speak for themselves.
I love doing "social work" so am always seen @social dos... Page 3 parties... nature camps...et al. Actually am having a hangover from that party I had last night. Hence the glasses. Also, I can’t remember which movie I am in right now. Is this ‘I Hate Luv Stories’?
Also, I so love sobbing whilst I watch that Kajol-SRK dancing in the rain scene from K2H2. That movie is my Bible. I asked Punit to copy many things from that movie and I pledge to copy something or the other from K2H2 in all my movies in the future (depends on how many of them I will have actually)
No one steals the thunder of the superbitch, that’s me!!!! Banungi main.. Bitchwanti!!!
Else, I’ll end up making this meaningless piece of shit into a undigestable vomit. After all its Kapoor's show all the way.
*****************************************************************
Pinky Bose
Hi!!! I am Pinky Bose, the first from d right...no sorry, left... i mean your right and my left...oh am so confused! where is Aisha???
Together with Aisha, we spread the all mighty shallowness of our lives through our devotion to the Elles, Vogues, Chanels and the likes.
We wear shades in the night (just kidding!).
Oh, I love Aisha so much that I’d get my face cloned like her.
I have this wide range of career options open in front of me... ranging from forecasting weather to being the editor of Elle. On a second thought, I may become Bollywood trade analyst...its much easier to forecast the fate of Sonam Kapoor movies than forecasting weather.
I spend all day long spending money on all kinda.. stuffs which I, nops sorry, Aisha likes!
I am desperately looking for a boyfriend and am so desperate that I am ready to hit on that Mithaiwalla Dude. He is a loser in any case and so he will be a perfect hit for me. Before Aisha starts looking for a jerk for me, I better fix one myself.
****************************************************************
Shefali
Myself Shefali from Haryana. I am the Behenji types.
I am like in the big city to find a Dulha for myself, and fall in love, Hay Rabba! am jee blushing!
Doesn’t matter how many times I fool myself falling in ‘love’ with so many men. Oh! I am so confused jee.
Thanks Aisha jee, for making me your project, and transforming me into that…
Here’s my Before and After transform pic. Now watch closely, coz this is going to be more interesting than anything else in this movie.
Before After
Some dude will definitely fall for me, hai naa!
P.S. All this was my evil plan, huaahahaa. All this while, when Aisha and everyone else would be busy dealing with all the superficial problems of their shallow lives, I will actually steal the show. Like totally!
So, officially, we are the I love Aisha fan club. Any moment now, we’ll start singing – Piya Piya O Piya Piya
Meanwhile, I’ll keep on stealing the thunder from all these bitches.
I’m gonna first fall for Randhir, oh jee am confused.. And then Dhruv, and then.. Arjun.
Ha! The slag from Haryana, that’s what they’ll call me.
***************************************************************
Whilst the girls were busy with themselves...the dudes were having serious identity crisis.
Arjun
I am Mr. Practical from Wharton and shit...I am an Investment Banker...no no, please dont blame me for the recession...it didnt happen for me. You see, I hardly work.
I am always to be found either snatching remote from Aisha, or having sandwich at all odd hours.
Even while in office I only chit chat with NY returned Amrita.
Between, she didnt return because of recession. Even though she has an american accent, she sings bhajan pretty well and looks fab hot in black bikini clad sari outfit.
You see all my education is only to ensure I am able to give life lessons to Aisha. I have to stop her from tyring to fabricate lovey dovey situations for all... she was almost hooking me up with that Behanji!!!
*********************************************************************
Dhruv (am sorry, couldnt find his pix on google, and am running out of time)
Man, what am I supposed to do. Asked Aisha if it was our first date... Asked Amrita if it was our first... mmmmuah...and before I could even get answers my new Momma fixed up my marriage!
Man, what am I supposed to do. Build some more body?? But whats the point...no matter how much body I make Arjud will punch me and I have to fall off... Have to obey the director, you see... Man wonder why I ever got this movie? I could have been a gym trainer instead!
********************************************************************************
Am so tired going through all their comments on themselves, I have decided not to write any "review" at all...so bye all
“ Hum Kapoor hai. Hum zyada sochte nahi. We believe in action ”... This dialogue alone from the movie Aisha could win it an OSCAR. The producers Anil Kapoor n Rhea Kapoor and the * of the movie, Sonam Kapoor so relate to this dialogue that they had to put it there! And this speaks of their truthfulness... I salute them all.
Its always fun to take the piss out of movies which make you realise how "pissed off" you were for about two hours in your life that you’ll never get back. And so here I am, spending more than 2 hours to get this post done. I am spending so much of time, not because I have so many things to talk about this movie. Its just the lack of it which is taking so much of time you see... Ok, I give up...this is probably the first movie out of 35,734 movies I have watched so far that has me "speechless"...rather "wordless" as I try to review it. So I will let the characters of the movie speak for themselves.
Hiya evry1!!! I am like totally awesome chick.
I like to spend my rich Dad’s hard-earned cash for a living and have nicknamed it ‘Event Management’ (in the movie) and "Acting" (in real life). How cool!
I know everything about "fashion" and nothing about "acting". Thats so cool. I strongly believe in Romance and that I will never grow old. So every body around me who is not 20+ is an "old fossil" for me.
I love Polo matches even though I dont understand them. . The reason I love Polo is because its totally upmarket and I wear designer outfits in Polo match as well as ARC. If you dont know what ARC is, please dont ask...apply to me if you wanna be my "new" project and I shall train you on all these...n wont even charge money! Since my films dont sale, I have stopped charging for them. Anyways, these days my films are produced by my dad or his friends, n directed by my friends. So, its all in the family, u see :-).
I love animals... they taste too delicious! Dont get me wrong I care for them. I feed dogs@ARC and love having Tandoori Pomfret!I love doing "social work" so am always seen @social dos... Page 3 parties... nature camps...et al. Actually am having a hangover from that party I had last night. Hence the glasses. Also, I can’t remember which movie I am in right now. Is this ‘I Hate Luv Stories’?
Also, I so love sobbing whilst I watch that Kajol-SRK dancing in the rain scene from K2H2. That movie is my Bible. I asked Punit to copy many things from that movie and I pledge to copy something or the other from K2H2 in all my movies in the future (depends on how many of them I will have actually)
No one steals the thunder of the superbitch, that’s me!!!! Banungi main.. Bitchwanti!!!
Else, I’ll end up making this meaningless piece of shit into a undigestable vomit. After all its Kapoor's show all the way.
*****************************************************************
Pinky Bose
Hi!!! I am Pinky Bose, the first from d right...no sorry, left... i mean your right and my left...oh am so confused! where is Aisha???
Together with Aisha, we spread the all mighty shallowness of our lives through our devotion to the Elles, Vogues, Chanels and the likes.
We wear shades in the night (just kidding!).
Oh, I love Aisha so much that I’d get my face cloned like her.
I have this wide range of career options open in front of me... ranging from forecasting weather to being the editor of Elle. On a second thought, I may become Bollywood trade analyst...its much easier to forecast the fate of Sonam Kapoor movies than forecasting weather.
I spend all day long spending money on all kinda.. stuffs which I, nops sorry, Aisha likes!
I am desperately looking for a boyfriend and am so desperate that I am ready to hit on that Mithaiwalla Dude. He is a loser in any case and so he will be a perfect hit for me. Before Aisha starts looking for a jerk for me, I better fix one myself.
****************************************************************
Shefali
Myself Shefali from Haryana. I am the Behenji types.
I am like in the big city to find a Dulha for myself, and fall in love, Hay Rabba! am jee blushing!
Doesn’t matter how many times I fool myself falling in ‘love’ with so many men. Oh! I am so confused jee.
Thanks Aisha jee, for making me your project, and transforming me into that…
Here’s my Before and After transform pic. Now watch closely, coz this is going to be more interesting than anything else in this movie.
Before After
Some dude will definitely fall for me, hai naa!
P.S. All this was my evil plan, huaahahaa. All this while, when Aisha and everyone else would be busy dealing with all the superficial problems of their shallow lives, I will actually steal the show. Like totally!
So, officially, we are the I love Aisha fan club. Any moment now, we’ll start singing – Piya Piya O Piya Piya
Meanwhile, I’ll keep on stealing the thunder from all these bitches.
I’m gonna first fall for Randhir, oh jee am confused.. And then Dhruv, and then.. Arjun.
Ha! The slag from Haryana, that’s what they’ll call me.
***************************************************************
Whilst the girls were busy with themselves...the dudes were having serious identity crisis.
Arjun
I am Mr. Practical from Wharton and shit...I am an Investment Banker...no no, please dont blame me for the recession...it didnt happen for me. You see, I hardly work.
I am always to be found either snatching remote from Aisha, or having sandwich at all odd hours.
Even while in office I only chit chat with NY returned Amrita.
Between, she didnt return because of recession. Even though she has an american accent, she sings bhajan pretty well and looks fab hot in black bikini clad sari outfit.
You see all my education is only to ensure I am able to give life lessons to Aisha. I have to stop her from tyring to fabricate lovey dovey situations for all... she was almost hooking me up with that Behanji!!!
*********************************************************************
Dhruv (am sorry, couldnt find his pix on google, and am running out of time)
Man, what am I supposed to do. Asked Aisha if it was our first date... Asked Amrita if it was our first... mmmmuah...and before I could even get answers my new Momma fixed up my marriage!
Man, what am I supposed to do. Build some more body?? But whats the point...no matter how much body I make Arjud will punch me and I have to fall off... Have to obey the director, you see... Man wonder why I ever got this movie? I could have been a gym trainer instead!
********************************************************************************
Am so tired going through all their comments on themselves, I have decided not to write any "review" at all...so bye all
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Taxingtime - Interactive Tax Return Software...
Hello. Welcome to Taxingtime, your Interactive Tax Return Program. Do you feel like filing your taxes today?
Oh, I see. Well, don't you think you should do them anyway? After all, it's July 14. And who knows? Maybe you'll get a refund.
That's the spirit. Let's begin with your name, address, and marital status.
Sorry to hear about the divorce. But don't let it get you down. That alimony deduction will come in handy.
Please don't cry. Things are bound to improve. In the meantime, let's talk about dependents. Do you have any children?
Wow! I hope they're not all in college.
You're having visitation problems on top of everything else? Gee, I can't help you there. But you might try our Interactive Matrimonial Lawyer Software.
I hate lawyers too. But we're really veering off track. Do you have any other dependents?
Sorry. You can't deduct your dog, even if she's your only dependent.
I agree. The Government is unreasonable. But let's move on to income. What were your wages in 2009?
Wow! You're having a bad go of it. But at least you're getting the Unemployment Benefits max.
I'm afraid Unemployment Benefits are taxable. The government giveth and the government taketh away.
Hey, don't blame me. I'm just the messenger. Anyway, did you have any interest or dividend income or capital gains?
Your spouse got everything, huh? Well, look on the bright side. If you don't earn it, they can't make you pay taxes on it.
Please don't exit. It was just meant to be a joke. Too bad you din't get it right. I don't suppose you were able to stock anything away in stocks and shares?
I didn't mean to insult you; I'm just doing my job. They make me ask about all these you know.
Okay, okay. I get the point. You're broke. So let's go over your deductions and see about getting you a healthy refund.
And speaking about health, I need a complete list of your non-reimbursed medical expenses.
That's great -- a fractured sacroiliac. And your income was so low that most of it will be deductible.
You're absolutely right. I should have asked you how you're feeling. That was inconsiderate of me. But in my defense, we're really fighting the clock.
Okay, I apologize. Let's move on to your income taxes and real estate taxes.
Boy, they weren't kidding about Income taxes. But that huge mortgage tax deduction should really increase your refund.
You had to sell the house to pay for the divorce? What a shame. But I thought you said you didn't have any capital gains.
You sold it at a loss? So tell me. Are there any good housing buys out there? One of my other users is looking for a home.
You're absolutely right. That was a selfish and thoughtless thing to say. I'm a new program, and I guess they haven't gotten all the bugs out.
Let's go back to your deductions. What did you pay in mortgage interest?
I'm afraid deducting credit card interest is a major no-no. But you may want to consider our Interactive Bankruptcy Software.
Don't get your nose out of joint. It was just a suggestion. Anyway, it's time to list your charitable contributions.
I know you can't afford them, but list a couple grands in cash anyway. Everybody does it, and it's impossible to check.
I know charity begins at home, but thats not what our Government believes in. So any such contribution towards the upliftment of your moral character will not get counted here, I am sorry.
Now I'm almost afraid to ask, but did you suffer any unreimbursed casualty or theft losses last year?
That's pretty much what I expected. Just give me the numbers and I'll take it from there.
Is there anything else you want to tell me?
Well, of course they canceled your policy. They always cancel your policy. But what I meant was, did you have any other income or expenses?
Fine. Now why don't you surf google for sometime, so I can do some quick calculations.
I have good news. Not only don't you have any tax debt, but you're entitled to a 732/ INR refund. Would you like to apply it to your 2010tax?
I beg your pardon. They don't pay me enough to listen to that kind of language.
Oh, I see. Well, don't you think you should do them anyway? After all, it's July 14. And who knows? Maybe you'll get a refund.
That's the spirit. Let's begin with your name, address, and marital status.
Sorry to hear about the divorce. But don't let it get you down. That alimony deduction will come in handy.
Please don't cry. Things are bound to improve. In the meantime, let's talk about dependents. Do you have any children?
Wow! I hope they're not all in college.
You're having visitation problems on top of everything else? Gee, I can't help you there. But you might try our Interactive Matrimonial Lawyer Software.
I hate lawyers too. But we're really veering off track. Do you have any other dependents?
Sorry. You can't deduct your dog, even if she's your only dependent.
I agree. The Government is unreasonable. But let's move on to income. What were your wages in 2009?
Wow! You're having a bad go of it. But at least you're getting the Unemployment Benefits max.
I'm afraid Unemployment Benefits are taxable. The government giveth and the government taketh away.
Hey, don't blame me. I'm just the messenger. Anyway, did you have any interest or dividend income or capital gains?
Your spouse got everything, huh? Well, look on the bright side. If you don't earn it, they can't make you pay taxes on it.
Please don't exit. It was just meant to be a joke. Too bad you din't get it right. I don't suppose you were able to stock anything away in stocks and shares?
I didn't mean to insult you; I'm just doing my job. They make me ask about all these you know.
Okay, okay. I get the point. You're broke. So let's go over your deductions and see about getting you a healthy refund.
And speaking about health, I need a complete list of your non-reimbursed medical expenses.
That's great -- a fractured sacroiliac. And your income was so low that most of it will be deductible.
You're absolutely right. I should have asked you how you're feeling. That was inconsiderate of me. But in my defense, we're really fighting the clock.
Okay, I apologize. Let's move on to your income taxes and real estate taxes.
Boy, they weren't kidding about Income taxes. But that huge mortgage tax deduction should really increase your refund.
You had to sell the house to pay for the divorce? What a shame. But I thought you said you didn't have any capital gains.
You sold it at a loss? So tell me. Are there any good housing buys out there? One of my other users is looking for a home.
You're absolutely right. That was a selfish and thoughtless thing to say. I'm a new program, and I guess they haven't gotten all the bugs out.
Let's go back to your deductions. What did you pay in mortgage interest?
I'm afraid deducting credit card interest is a major no-no. But you may want to consider our Interactive Bankruptcy Software.
Don't get your nose out of joint. It was just a suggestion. Anyway, it's time to list your charitable contributions.
I know you can't afford them, but list a couple grands in cash anyway. Everybody does it, and it's impossible to check.
I know charity begins at home, but thats not what our Government believes in. So any such contribution towards the upliftment of your moral character will not get counted here, I am sorry.
Now I'm almost afraid to ask, but did you suffer any unreimbursed casualty or theft losses last year?
That's pretty much what I expected. Just give me the numbers and I'll take it from there.
Is there anything else you want to tell me?
Well, of course they canceled your policy. They always cancel your policy. But what I meant was, did you have any other income or expenses?
Fine. Now why don't you surf google for sometime, so I can do some quick calculations.
I have good news. Not only don't you have any tax debt, but you're entitled to a 732/ INR refund. Would you like to apply it to your 2010tax?
I beg your pardon. They don't pay me enough to listen to that kind of language.
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