I Hate You!!!

We all hate somebody. It’s in our blood. We can’t help but hate a few people, and in certain special circumstances, we hate someone so much that we are prepared to do anything to make their lives miserable. Irrespective of our religious beliefs, line of work, nationality or faith, we hate people.

We hate a few because of the way they talk. We hate a few more because of the way they laugh. Sometimes, their reactions to a few situations make our blood boil. Some people’s tastes in music makes us want to tear our hair out in frustration. We don’t like the way some people dress. We hate it when some people crowd around us, invading our personal space. We hate some people for the kind of emails they send. We hate some people because they say, “Reeeealy??” in a very very irritating manner for every little statement we make. We hate some people who lie. We hate a few for being mean and heartless. We hate people who make false promises. Sometimes, very rarely, we hate someone just because they exist.

What can we do when we bump into such people? I’d suggest the straight-forward means of screaming into their faces, “I hate you!” but this may not go down well with most people. The other, subtle non-violent way of pissing them off is to write them a Hate Mail. Something like "You Suck!!!" But nowadays, the same two words have a very erotic implication, and isn’t used much often. Anyways...

Instead, you can resort to a more flowery longhand version - the email. If you are brave enough, you can send the mail from your own email ID, otherwise you could take the trouble to create a new email ID called something like ihateyourballs@gmail.com or something more subtle like a.hole@gmail.com. and send out Hate Mails to the objects of your hatred.

I don’t really suggest you do this, because such incriminating emails have a very strong possibility of being mistaken for the work of a terrorist or worse, the HR Managers. So, I suggest you send Hate Mails from your own email ID, because as they say in Hindi, “Nafrat kiya toh darna kya?” (Why fear if you hate?)

Be your flowery best, use words like fornication and obfuscation and make them believe that you’re praising them. For example, “Your ability to obfuscate others is awe-inspiringly fornicative!” will actually make him/her feel proud. Only when the person refers to a dictionary will he/she get your drift.

The best Hate Mails are written as part of the final goodbye emails that you write while leaving an organization. People are expecting the usual sentimental shit and you give them that: “My time here in this great organization was an anachronism - a testament to my patience.”

So, let’s be prepared to send out those email that you’ve always saved in drafts and never had the guts to send. And let the man/woman know how much you love to hate him/her!