Tough gets going when the going gets tough
Life is wonderful, when you are in Love.
Free the bird they say, for it will come back to you
His heart beckons, if your Love is true.
Nothing is forever, nothing is yours,
You’re His child for God is the source
It’s His wish that you’re in this mess
Glow in His love, nevertheless.
Don’t give up your dreams, no matter what
Love will make you the king, not the battles you fought
King of the heart, you rule the world
Joy that it brings is multifold.
Ups and downs are all life’s part
With every dawn there is a new start
He is there with you, when no one else is
Look within you and feel His bliss.
He gives you shelter when there is storm
In darkness He is light, more than your heart can fathom
He is your guide; He is your friend,
He is with you till the end.
Change your destiny, you have His support
He guides you to win over the delusion Fort
His blessing is true if you believe
Faith gets you there, what science can never retrieve.
Faith is all I have, that keeps me moving on.
Faith confirms your return, though now you are gone.
Faith keeps me firm that true love will prevail
Faith tells me “Don’t worry; All is well”
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Chinese Life - Continued
Kunming Airport:
A domestic airport that has 60+ gates is worth mentioning. And Kunming Domestic airport is huge, much bigger than our pride, Bangalore and Hyderabad airports in India. Highly impressed I try looking for a place to sit myself for the next 4-5 hours which would be my waiting time before I board my next flight to Shenzhen. But that’s where I get my first blow. China believes in having 1 chair per 100 people, and I was definitely not that lucky 1 out of the 100! There were hardly any chairs left anywhere in that huge airport and it seemed to me every Chinese in the world was travelling that day. It was about 6 am in the morning and the airport was jam packed with similar looking Chinese all over. I was sleepy and tired, so I stationed my luggage trolley in front of a huge screen where flight details were coming up, and sat on it. This reminded me of my childhood vacations when in the railways station we would sit on our luggage while waiting for the train. I was happy doing what I love doing the most… observe people ie. Chinese are very colorful people indeed and I discovered their favorite color is PURPLE. I am not joking. Every 1 person out of 3 was either wearing a purple dress or carrying a purple suitcase. It has to be their hot favorite…and I was wondering it would be RED for all obvious reasons. Before I get onto my hurdles, let me tell you the commonalities between Chinese and Indians in behaviorist matters.
· Both the nations don’t much believe in keeping our public places clean. I saw Chinese spitting all over the airport (thankfully they don’t chew PAN PARAG, but spitting nevertheless!)
· Their kids don’t like the idea of peeing in the loo. They love doing it under the open sky! Just like ours.
· Chinese women love to deck up and how! At 6 AM their ladies toilets were full of women of all ages, applying lipstick and foundation. The loos were empty though! Some things are independent of national boundaries… and women definitely belong to that group of things!
· The toilets in the airport are worse than that in Kolkata airport – now that’s really something. When I “had to” visit the toilet in the Kolkata airport I certified it as the worst ever possible (worse than our school toilets) toilet I had ever been. But that changed when I entered the toilets in the Kunming airport, actually I didn’t enter. I preferred having pressure in the bladder as a better option than releasing it in their toilet!
· When 2 Chinese people fight, you cannot differentiate them from any 2 Indians fighting, apart from their physical differences. Ah yes, when 2 Chinese fight, others mind their own business unlike in India where every body else within 1 km diameter from the place of dispute, makes it their own business someway or the other.
· Their traffic, though much better than ours, reminds me of my country nevertheless.
· The balconies of the flats where people reside have clothes all over for drying. That reminds me of our country.
· Two Chinese in love, holding hands and walking together in the malls is no different from 2 people in love anywhere in the world, for that matter. Love, like women, has no boundaries!
While I get carried away in my emotions, it will be worthwhile to mention here that Chinese people love to confuse others with their announcements. In any case, there is not much difference in their native language and the English they speak and I understand none. What makes it worse is that their flight numbers are very jumbled up. Whether it is intentional or otherwise is something that I don’t know. But what I do know is that my flight number was MU 5759 and at that very moment there were the following flights scheduled as well
MU7579
MU5957
MU5579
MU7759
MU5795
MU7559!
And against each one of them there were destinations mentioned in Chinese! I thank my lucky star that I somehow managed to board the right flight and reach my right destination.
More about Shenzhen, where I am staying right now, later. Like I said, I have come here to WORK.
A domestic airport that has 60+ gates is worth mentioning. And Kunming Domestic airport is huge, much bigger than our pride, Bangalore and Hyderabad airports in India. Highly impressed I try looking for a place to sit myself for the next 4-5 hours which would be my waiting time before I board my next flight to Shenzhen. But that’s where I get my first blow. China believes in having 1 chair per 100 people, and I was definitely not that lucky 1 out of the 100! There were hardly any chairs left anywhere in that huge airport and it seemed to me every Chinese in the world was travelling that day. It was about 6 am in the morning and the airport was jam packed with similar looking Chinese all over. I was sleepy and tired, so I stationed my luggage trolley in front of a huge screen where flight details were coming up, and sat on it. This reminded me of my childhood vacations when in the railways station we would sit on our luggage while waiting for the train. I was happy doing what I love doing the most… observe people ie. Chinese are very colorful people indeed and I discovered their favorite color is PURPLE. I am not joking. Every 1 person out of 3 was either wearing a purple dress or carrying a purple suitcase. It has to be their hot favorite…and I was wondering it would be RED for all obvious reasons. Before I get onto my hurdles, let me tell you the commonalities between Chinese and Indians in behaviorist matters.
· Both the nations don’t much believe in keeping our public places clean. I saw Chinese spitting all over the airport (thankfully they don’t chew PAN PARAG, but spitting nevertheless!)
· Their kids don’t like the idea of peeing in the loo. They love doing it under the open sky! Just like ours.
· Chinese women love to deck up and how! At 6 AM their ladies toilets were full of women of all ages, applying lipstick and foundation. The loos were empty though! Some things are independent of national boundaries… and women definitely belong to that group of things!
· The toilets in the airport are worse than that in Kolkata airport – now that’s really something. When I “had to” visit the toilet in the Kolkata airport I certified it as the worst ever possible (worse than our school toilets) toilet I had ever been. But that changed when I entered the toilets in the Kunming airport, actually I didn’t enter. I preferred having pressure in the bladder as a better option than releasing it in their toilet!
· When 2 Chinese people fight, you cannot differentiate them from any 2 Indians fighting, apart from their physical differences. Ah yes, when 2 Chinese fight, others mind their own business unlike in India where every body else within 1 km diameter from the place of dispute, makes it their own business someway or the other.
· Their traffic, though much better than ours, reminds me of my country nevertheless.
· The balconies of the flats where people reside have clothes all over for drying. That reminds me of our country.
· Two Chinese in love, holding hands and walking together in the malls is no different from 2 people in love anywhere in the world, for that matter. Love, like women, has no boundaries!
While I get carried away in my emotions, it will be worthwhile to mention here that Chinese people love to confuse others with their announcements. In any case, there is not much difference in their native language and the English they speak and I understand none. What makes it worse is that their flight numbers are very jumbled up. Whether it is intentional or otherwise is something that I don’t know. But what I do know is that my flight number was MU 5759 and at that very moment there were the following flights scheduled as well
MU7579
MU5957
MU5579
MU7759
MU5795
MU7559!
And against each one of them there were destinations mentioned in Chinese! I thank my lucky star that I somehow managed to board the right flight and reach my right destination.
More about Shenzhen, where I am staying right now, later. Like I said, I have come here to WORK.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Chinese Life
Legal Disclaimer: This post is NOT adapted from “Japanese Wife” and has no similarity with the latter except for the fact that both Chinese and Japanese look the same to me!
Well, I am not a traveler and indeed China is probably NOT a place travel out of fun! So was shocked to see a group of people (average age 60+) travelling with me to China, the day I boarded the flight, as vacation! Well I wish they have a good vacation but as for me, coming to China is only and ONLY because of the fact that I have bills and EMIs to pay at the end of every month for which I must and MUST work. And, coming to China is strictly WORK. Here is my account of China – my experience here and my personal view points. No offence meant!
Hmmm, from where do I begin? My tryst with China began with boarding the China Eastern Airlines flight. The aircraft was a little bigger than the toy plane your son or nephew has. They love India very much and they DO NOT think of us as “international” at all. So they send their domestic aircrafts to take us from Kolkata to a place called Kunming. The airhostesses are very Chinese…I mean I can’t really differentiate from one Chinese to another…they all look so similar! Am sure they were pretty but like every other Chinese girl. And yes, did I mention? They DO NOT believe in Welcome messages. When passengers board the flight, that’s the time for their very own private discussions – important things…I think they were either discussing their pets or in-laws when I entered the flight as they were very vivid and excited in whatever they were talking about. Anyways, as all of us managed to sit ourselves, the old couples already tired and exhausted before their “fun” trip even began, the crew started speaking…I mean machine was speaking and 1 TV per 60 people onboard was showing the safety measurements. Which we didn’t understand as they were announcing in Chinese, and by the time English version started, me and my co-passenger were both snoring!
Ok, enough of being satirical and all that. Few good things I really liked about them, and even if very, very temporary, I wished I was a Chinese, are as follows:
Their FOOD: Amazing is the word! No, am not talking about how the food tastes. It’s more about the after effects. So many positive sides to it. Food is so “uniformly” distasteful in China that there is no concept of good cook or a bad cook. So if I was a Chinese, my husband wouldn’t have complained my culinary abilities and compare it with fellow Chinese women!
Their figure (I am only referring to Ladies here): Such lovely figure they have, their waistline is something to die for! Unfortunately I cant shop for any kind of dresses here as they wont fit me. For my 10 year old daughter, I am surfing through the ladies section of the garments and picking up the XL ones! But, don’t even think that they don’t eat…they eat like big elephants but look like small mosquitoes! Amazing is the word.
Shoppers’ paradise: If you love shopping and don’t have much cash to blow…China is the place for you. Very economical but good quality. No wonder they are ruling the world economy! India has a long way to go till she comes somewhere close to China…till then I hope and pray my project sends me to China on and off for my quota of “economy” shopping!
So Long for today… will come with more updates on China later.
P.S: Blogspot.com is also banned in China! So cant post this as of now :)
Well, I am not a traveler and indeed China is probably NOT a place travel out of fun! So was shocked to see a group of people (average age 60+) travelling with me to China, the day I boarded the flight, as vacation! Well I wish they have a good vacation but as for me, coming to China is only and ONLY because of the fact that I have bills and EMIs to pay at the end of every month for which I must and MUST work. And, coming to China is strictly WORK. Here is my account of China – my experience here and my personal view points. No offence meant!
Hmmm, from where do I begin? My tryst with China began with boarding the China Eastern Airlines flight. The aircraft was a little bigger than the toy plane your son or nephew has. They love India very much and they DO NOT think of us as “international” at all. So they send their domestic aircrafts to take us from Kolkata to a place called Kunming. The airhostesses are very Chinese…I mean I can’t really differentiate from one Chinese to another…they all look so similar! Am sure they were pretty but like every other Chinese girl. And yes, did I mention? They DO NOT believe in Welcome messages. When passengers board the flight, that’s the time for their very own private discussions – important things…I think they were either discussing their pets or in-laws when I entered the flight as they were very vivid and excited in whatever they were talking about. Anyways, as all of us managed to sit ourselves, the old couples already tired and exhausted before their “fun” trip even began, the crew started speaking…I mean machine was speaking and 1 TV per 60 people onboard was showing the safety measurements. Which we didn’t understand as they were announcing in Chinese, and by the time English version started, me and my co-passenger were both snoring!
Ok, enough of being satirical and all that. Few good things I really liked about them, and even if very, very temporary, I wished I was a Chinese, are as follows:
Their FOOD: Amazing is the word! No, am not talking about how the food tastes. It’s more about the after effects. So many positive sides to it. Food is so “uniformly” distasteful in China that there is no concept of good cook or a bad cook. So if I was a Chinese, my husband wouldn’t have complained my culinary abilities and compare it with fellow Chinese women!
Their figure (I am only referring to Ladies here): Such lovely figure they have, their waistline is something to die for! Unfortunately I cant shop for any kind of dresses here as they wont fit me. For my 10 year old daughter, I am surfing through the ladies section of the garments and picking up the XL ones! But, don’t even think that they don’t eat…they eat like big elephants but look like small mosquitoes! Amazing is the word.
Shoppers’ paradise: If you love shopping and don’t have much cash to blow…China is the place for you. Very economical but good quality. No wonder they are ruling the world economy! India has a long way to go till she comes somewhere close to China…till then I hope and pray my project sends me to China on and off for my quota of “economy” shopping!
So Long for today… will come with more updates on China later.
P.S: Blogspot.com is also banned in China! So cant post this as of now :)
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Flowchart on how to plan a trip
A weekend trip is a splendid way to replenish your energy and deplete your bank account. In theory, such journeys should be preceded by thorough research, careful planning, and intense negotiations with your mate. But that's only theory. Relaity is quite different, which is why so many vacations go something like this:
(1). Become increasingly exhausted and overwrought. Bicker with spouse over nonsense (though men always think we bicker over nonsense all the time). Make up, bicker some more, and decide you both need a vacation. Agree to plan a trip for just the two of you real soon. Fall asleep fantasizing about a work/child/pressure-free orgy of self-indulgence.
(2). Repeat Step (1) many times during the next few months. Repeat it several times more ... leaving out the sleep part.
(3). Suddenly realize that next weekend you have three days off. Talk interminably about driving out of town. Take travel books out of library and actually open one. Savor the illusion of progress.
(4). Discuss destination options. Discuss taking off an extra day. Discuss who will watch children and/or pets. Notice three-day weekend has ended. Return overdue books ... unread.
(5). Repeat Step (1). In an unfamiliar flash of spontaneity, put sitter on standby and call random hotels. Hear clerks snicker when you ask for lodging sometime this century. Ask spouse if there's room in the budget for bribes.
(6). Conclude that every decent hotel within a weekend's drive is filled with conventioneers. Wonder if it's too late to join the Rotary, the Innerwheel, or the Save The Tigers Club.
(7). Briefly consider a roadway motel that features waterbeds, exotic dance, and "massage." Decide you're not quite that desperate ... yet.
(8). Miraculously manage to book something acceptable. Inform sitter and spouse. Revive spouse.
(9). Examine luggage. Search house for matching duct tape. Pack by cramming everything in sight until suitcase refuses to close. Have spouse sit on suitcase. Resume packing.
(10). Ask spouse to load car. Repeat request. Load car yourself and discover it's almost out of gas. Plan to yell at spouse ... until you realize you were the last to drive the car.
(11). Ask spouse to fill tank while you phone sitter for sixth time. For no reason other than sheer crankiness, argue with spouse about no-show sitter, lateness of hour, and other things neither of you is responsible for. Remember why you rarely take trips.
(12). Rejoice at sitter's arrival. Read sitter 10-page, typed instruction list that covers everything from emergency phone numbers to goldfish food. Review it with sitter while spouse paces. Review it again. Call hotel clerk to say you may be late.
(13). Spend five hours crawling in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Blame sitter, each other, the Industrial Revolution. Make up with spouse just in time to learn your reservation's been lost.
(14). Become hysterical. Attract a crowd. Threaten to picket. Check into room.
(15). Collapse onto bed without pausing to unpack. Contemplate luxury of pre-dinner nap as you leisurely leaf through hotel brochures. Notice hotel restaurant's about to close. Say goodbye to nap.
(16). Rush downstairs for romantic meal without changing or freshening up. Find out restaurant's under construction. It will resume serving four-star fare the day after you leave.
(17). Decide to drive to another restaurant and search parking garage for car. Realize, in a moment of stunned panic, that one hour ago you left car "temporarily" in front of hotel while checking in and forgot to move it. Spend the rest of weekend trying to retrieve towed car.
(18). Return home, unpack, and begin not planning your next vacation.
(1). Become increasingly exhausted and overwrought. Bicker with spouse over nonsense (though men always think we bicker over nonsense all the time). Make up, bicker some more, and decide you both need a vacation. Agree to plan a trip for just the two of you real soon. Fall asleep fantasizing about a work/child/pressure-free orgy of self-indulgence.
(2). Repeat Step (1) many times during the next few months. Repeat it several times more ... leaving out the sleep part.
(3). Suddenly realize that next weekend you have three days off. Talk interminably about driving out of town. Take travel books out of library and actually open one. Savor the illusion of progress.
(4). Discuss destination options. Discuss taking off an extra day. Discuss who will watch children and/or pets. Notice three-day weekend has ended. Return overdue books ... unread.
(5). Repeat Step (1). In an unfamiliar flash of spontaneity, put sitter on standby and call random hotels. Hear clerks snicker when you ask for lodging sometime this century. Ask spouse if there's room in the budget for bribes.
(6). Conclude that every decent hotel within a weekend's drive is filled with conventioneers. Wonder if it's too late to join the Rotary, the Innerwheel, or the Save The Tigers Club.
(7). Briefly consider a roadway motel that features waterbeds, exotic dance, and "massage." Decide you're not quite that desperate ... yet.
(8). Miraculously manage to book something acceptable. Inform sitter and spouse. Revive spouse.
(9). Examine luggage. Search house for matching duct tape. Pack by cramming everything in sight until suitcase refuses to close. Have spouse sit on suitcase. Resume packing.
(10). Ask spouse to load car. Repeat request. Load car yourself and discover it's almost out of gas. Plan to yell at spouse ... until you realize you were the last to drive the car.
(11). Ask spouse to fill tank while you phone sitter for sixth time. For no reason other than sheer crankiness, argue with spouse about no-show sitter, lateness of hour, and other things neither of you is responsible for. Remember why you rarely take trips.
(12). Rejoice at sitter's arrival. Read sitter 10-page, typed instruction list that covers everything from emergency phone numbers to goldfish food. Review it with sitter while spouse paces. Review it again. Call hotel clerk to say you may be late.
(13). Spend five hours crawling in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Blame sitter, each other, the Industrial Revolution. Make up with spouse just in time to learn your reservation's been lost.
(14). Become hysterical. Attract a crowd. Threaten to picket. Check into room.
(15). Collapse onto bed without pausing to unpack. Contemplate luxury of pre-dinner nap as you leisurely leaf through hotel brochures. Notice hotel restaurant's about to close. Say goodbye to nap.
(16). Rush downstairs for romantic meal without changing or freshening up. Find out restaurant's under construction. It will resume serving four-star fare the day after you leave.
(17). Decide to drive to another restaurant and search parking garage for car. Realize, in a moment of stunned panic, that one hour ago you left car "temporarily" in front of hotel while checking in and forgot to move it. Spend the rest of weekend trying to retrieve towed car.
(18). Return home, unpack, and begin not planning your next vacation.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Aisha... Haiisshha, what to review?!
Disclaimer: The intention of this post is not to mar any person’s dignity or self esteem (if they so possess), dead or alive. Its just a piss take and please take it in the best of the spirits. Please don’t sue me. I am not rich, I cant even afford to buy Lifestyle stuffs when there is no Sale, forget Elles, Vogues, and Chanels!
“ Hum Kapoor hai. Hum zyada sochte nahi. We believe in action ”... This dialogue alone from the movie Aisha could win it an OSCAR. The producers Anil Kapoor n Rhea Kapoor and the * of the movie, Sonam Kapoor so relate to this dialogue that they had to put it there! And this speaks of their truthfulness... I salute them all.
Its always fun to take the piss out of movies which make you realise how "pissed off" you were for about two hours in your life that you’ll never get back. And so here I am, spending more than 2 hours to get this post done. I am spending so much of time, not because I have so many things to talk about this movie. Its just the lack of it which is taking so much of time you see... Ok, I give up...this is probably the first movie out of 35,734 movies I have watched so far that has me "speechless"...rather "wordless" as I try to review it. So I will let the characters of the movie speak for themselves.
I love doing "social work" so am always seen @social dos... Page 3 parties... nature camps...et al. Actually am having a hangover from that party I had last night. Hence the glasses. Also, I can’t remember which movie I am in right now. Is this ‘I Hate Luv Stories’?
Also, I so love sobbing whilst I watch that Kajol-SRK dancing in the rain scene from K2H2. That movie is my Bible. I asked Punit to copy many things from that movie and I pledge to copy something or the other from K2H2 in all my movies in the future (depends on how many of them I will have actually)
No one steals the thunder of the superbitch, that’s me!!!! Banungi main.. Bitchwanti!!!
Else, I’ll end up making this meaningless piece of shit into a undigestable vomit. After all its Kapoor's show all the way.
*****************************************************************
Pinky Bose
Hi!!! I am Pinky Bose, the first from d right...no sorry, left... i mean your right and my left...oh am so confused! where is Aisha???
Together with Aisha, we spread the all mighty shallowness of our lives through our devotion to the Elles, Vogues, Chanels and the likes.
We wear shades in the night (just kidding!).
Oh, I love Aisha so much that I’d get my face cloned like her.
I have this wide range of career options open in front of me... ranging from forecasting weather to being the editor of Elle. On a second thought, I may become Bollywood trade analyst...its much easier to forecast the fate of Sonam Kapoor movies than forecasting weather.
I spend all day long spending money on all kinda.. stuffs which I, nops sorry, Aisha likes!
I am desperately looking for a boyfriend and am so desperate that I am ready to hit on that Mithaiwalla Dude. He is a loser in any case and so he will be a perfect hit for me. Before Aisha starts looking for a jerk for me, I better fix one myself.
****************************************************************
Shefali
Myself Shefali from Haryana. I am the Behenji types.
I am like in the big city to find a Dulha for myself, and fall in love, Hay Rabba! am jee blushing!
Doesn’t matter how many times I fool myself falling in ‘love’ with so many men. Oh! I am so confused jee.
Thanks Aisha jee, for making me your project, and transforming me into that…
Here’s my Before and After transform pic. Now watch closely, coz this is going to be more interesting than anything else in this movie.
Before After
Some dude will definitely fall for me, hai naa!
P.S. All this was my evil plan, huaahahaa. All this while, when Aisha and everyone else would be busy dealing with all the superficial problems of their shallow lives, I will actually steal the show. Like totally!
So, officially, we are the I love Aisha fan club. Any moment now, we’ll start singing – Piya Piya O Piya Piya
Meanwhile, I’ll keep on stealing the thunder from all these bitches.
I’m gonna first fall for Randhir, oh jee am confused.. And then Dhruv, and then.. Arjun.
Ha! The slag from Haryana, that’s what they’ll call me.
***************************************************************
Whilst the girls were busy with themselves...the dudes were having serious identity crisis.
Arjun
I am Mr. Practical from Wharton and shit...I am an Investment Banker...no no, please dont blame me for the recession...it didnt happen for me. You see, I hardly work.
I am always to be found either snatching remote from Aisha, or having sandwich at all odd hours.
Even while in office I only chit chat with NY returned Amrita.
Between, she didnt return because of recession. Even though she has an american accent, she sings bhajan pretty well and looks fab hot in black bikini clad sari outfit.
You see all my education is only to ensure I am able to give life lessons to Aisha. I have to stop her from tyring to fabricate lovey dovey situations for all... she was almost hooking me up with that Behanji!!!
*********************************************************************
Dhruv (am sorry, couldnt find his pix on google, and am running out of time)
Man, what am I supposed to do. Asked Aisha if it was our first date... Asked Amrita if it was our first... mmmmuah...and before I could even get answers my new Momma fixed up my marriage!
Man, what am I supposed to do. Build some more body?? But whats the point...no matter how much body I make Arjud will punch me and I have to fall off... Have to obey the director, you see... Man wonder why I ever got this movie? I could have been a gym trainer instead!
********************************************************************************
Am so tired going through all their comments on themselves, I have decided not to write any "review" at all...so bye all
“ Hum Kapoor hai. Hum zyada sochte nahi. We believe in action ”... This dialogue alone from the movie Aisha could win it an OSCAR. The producers Anil Kapoor n Rhea Kapoor and the * of the movie, Sonam Kapoor so relate to this dialogue that they had to put it there! And this speaks of their truthfulness... I salute them all.
Its always fun to take the piss out of movies which make you realise how "pissed off" you were for about two hours in your life that you’ll never get back. And so here I am, spending more than 2 hours to get this post done. I am spending so much of time, not because I have so many things to talk about this movie. Its just the lack of it which is taking so much of time you see... Ok, I give up...this is probably the first movie out of 35,734 movies I have watched so far that has me "speechless"...rather "wordless" as I try to review it. So I will let the characters of the movie speak for themselves.
Hiya evry1!!! I am like totally awesome chick.
I like to spend my rich Dad’s hard-earned cash for a living and have nicknamed it ‘Event Management’ (in the movie) and "Acting" (in real life). How cool!
I know everything about "fashion" and nothing about "acting". Thats so cool. I strongly believe in Romance and that I will never grow old. So every body around me who is not 20+ is an "old fossil" for me.
I love Polo matches even though I dont understand them. . The reason I love Polo is because its totally upmarket and I wear designer outfits in Polo match as well as ARC. If you dont know what ARC is, please dont ask...apply to me if you wanna be my "new" project and I shall train you on all these...n wont even charge money! Since my films dont sale, I have stopped charging for them. Anyways, these days my films are produced by my dad or his friends, n directed by my friends. So, its all in the family, u see :-).
I love animals... they taste too delicious! Dont get me wrong I care for them. I feed dogs@ARC and love having Tandoori Pomfret!I love doing "social work" so am always seen @social dos... Page 3 parties... nature camps...et al. Actually am having a hangover from that party I had last night. Hence the glasses. Also, I can’t remember which movie I am in right now. Is this ‘I Hate Luv Stories’?
Also, I so love sobbing whilst I watch that Kajol-SRK dancing in the rain scene from K2H2. That movie is my Bible. I asked Punit to copy many things from that movie and I pledge to copy something or the other from K2H2 in all my movies in the future (depends on how many of them I will have actually)
No one steals the thunder of the superbitch, that’s me!!!! Banungi main.. Bitchwanti!!!
Else, I’ll end up making this meaningless piece of shit into a undigestable vomit. After all its Kapoor's show all the way.
*****************************************************************
Pinky Bose
Hi!!! I am Pinky Bose, the first from d right...no sorry, left... i mean your right and my left...oh am so confused! where is Aisha???
Together with Aisha, we spread the all mighty shallowness of our lives through our devotion to the Elles, Vogues, Chanels and the likes.
We wear shades in the night (just kidding!).
Oh, I love Aisha so much that I’d get my face cloned like her.
I have this wide range of career options open in front of me... ranging from forecasting weather to being the editor of Elle. On a second thought, I may become Bollywood trade analyst...its much easier to forecast the fate of Sonam Kapoor movies than forecasting weather.
I spend all day long spending money on all kinda.. stuffs which I, nops sorry, Aisha likes!
I am desperately looking for a boyfriend and am so desperate that I am ready to hit on that Mithaiwalla Dude. He is a loser in any case and so he will be a perfect hit for me. Before Aisha starts looking for a jerk for me, I better fix one myself.
****************************************************************
Shefali
Myself Shefali from Haryana. I am the Behenji types.
I am like in the big city to find a Dulha for myself, and fall in love, Hay Rabba! am jee blushing!
Doesn’t matter how many times I fool myself falling in ‘love’ with so many men. Oh! I am so confused jee.
Thanks Aisha jee, for making me your project, and transforming me into that…
Here’s my Before and After transform pic. Now watch closely, coz this is going to be more interesting than anything else in this movie.
Before After
Some dude will definitely fall for me, hai naa!
P.S. All this was my evil plan, huaahahaa. All this while, when Aisha and everyone else would be busy dealing with all the superficial problems of their shallow lives, I will actually steal the show. Like totally!
So, officially, we are the I love Aisha fan club. Any moment now, we’ll start singing – Piya Piya O Piya Piya
Meanwhile, I’ll keep on stealing the thunder from all these bitches.
I’m gonna first fall for Randhir, oh jee am confused.. And then Dhruv, and then.. Arjun.
Ha! The slag from Haryana, that’s what they’ll call me.
***************************************************************
Whilst the girls were busy with themselves...the dudes were having serious identity crisis.
Arjun
I am Mr. Practical from Wharton and shit...I am an Investment Banker...no no, please dont blame me for the recession...it didnt happen for me. You see, I hardly work.
I am always to be found either snatching remote from Aisha, or having sandwich at all odd hours.
Even while in office I only chit chat with NY returned Amrita.
Between, she didnt return because of recession. Even though she has an american accent, she sings bhajan pretty well and looks fab hot in black bikini clad sari outfit.
You see all my education is only to ensure I am able to give life lessons to Aisha. I have to stop her from tyring to fabricate lovey dovey situations for all... she was almost hooking me up with that Behanji!!!
*********************************************************************
Dhruv (am sorry, couldnt find his pix on google, and am running out of time)
Man, what am I supposed to do. Asked Aisha if it was our first date... Asked Amrita if it was our first... mmmmuah...and before I could even get answers my new Momma fixed up my marriage!
Man, what am I supposed to do. Build some more body?? But whats the point...no matter how much body I make Arjud will punch me and I have to fall off... Have to obey the director, you see... Man wonder why I ever got this movie? I could have been a gym trainer instead!
********************************************************************************
Am so tired going through all their comments on themselves, I have decided not to write any "review" at all...so bye all
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Taxingtime - Interactive Tax Return Software...
Hello. Welcome to Taxingtime, your Interactive Tax Return Program. Do you feel like filing your taxes today?
Oh, I see. Well, don't you think you should do them anyway? After all, it's July 14. And who knows? Maybe you'll get a refund.
That's the spirit. Let's begin with your name, address, and marital status.
Sorry to hear about the divorce. But don't let it get you down. That alimony deduction will come in handy.
Please don't cry. Things are bound to improve. In the meantime, let's talk about dependents. Do you have any children?
Wow! I hope they're not all in college.
You're having visitation problems on top of everything else? Gee, I can't help you there. But you might try our Interactive Matrimonial Lawyer Software.
I hate lawyers too. But we're really veering off track. Do you have any other dependents?
Sorry. You can't deduct your dog, even if she's your only dependent.
I agree. The Government is unreasonable. But let's move on to income. What were your wages in 2009?
Wow! You're having a bad go of it. But at least you're getting the Unemployment Benefits max.
I'm afraid Unemployment Benefits are taxable. The government giveth and the government taketh away.
Hey, don't blame me. I'm just the messenger. Anyway, did you have any interest or dividend income or capital gains?
Your spouse got everything, huh? Well, look on the bright side. If you don't earn it, they can't make you pay taxes on it.
Please don't exit. It was just meant to be a joke. Too bad you din't get it right. I don't suppose you were able to stock anything away in stocks and shares?
I didn't mean to insult you; I'm just doing my job. They make me ask about all these you know.
Okay, okay. I get the point. You're broke. So let's go over your deductions and see about getting you a healthy refund.
And speaking about health, I need a complete list of your non-reimbursed medical expenses.
That's great -- a fractured sacroiliac. And your income was so low that most of it will be deductible.
You're absolutely right. I should have asked you how you're feeling. That was inconsiderate of me. But in my defense, we're really fighting the clock.
Okay, I apologize. Let's move on to your income taxes and real estate taxes.
Boy, they weren't kidding about Income taxes. But that huge mortgage tax deduction should really increase your refund.
You had to sell the house to pay for the divorce? What a shame. But I thought you said you didn't have any capital gains.
You sold it at a loss? So tell me. Are there any good housing buys out there? One of my other users is looking for a home.
You're absolutely right. That was a selfish and thoughtless thing to say. I'm a new program, and I guess they haven't gotten all the bugs out.
Let's go back to your deductions. What did you pay in mortgage interest?
I'm afraid deducting credit card interest is a major no-no. But you may want to consider our Interactive Bankruptcy Software.
Don't get your nose out of joint. It was just a suggestion. Anyway, it's time to list your charitable contributions.
I know you can't afford them, but list a couple grands in cash anyway. Everybody does it, and it's impossible to check.
I know charity begins at home, but thats not what our Government believes in. So any such contribution towards the upliftment of your moral character will not get counted here, I am sorry.
Now I'm almost afraid to ask, but did you suffer any unreimbursed casualty or theft losses last year?
That's pretty much what I expected. Just give me the numbers and I'll take it from there.
Is there anything else you want to tell me?
Well, of course they canceled your policy. They always cancel your policy. But what I meant was, did you have any other income or expenses?
Fine. Now why don't you surf google for sometime, so I can do some quick calculations.
I have good news. Not only don't you have any tax debt, but you're entitled to a 732/ INR refund. Would you like to apply it to your 2010tax?
I beg your pardon. They don't pay me enough to listen to that kind of language.
Oh, I see. Well, don't you think you should do them anyway? After all, it's July 14. And who knows? Maybe you'll get a refund.
That's the spirit. Let's begin with your name, address, and marital status.
Sorry to hear about the divorce. But don't let it get you down. That alimony deduction will come in handy.
Please don't cry. Things are bound to improve. In the meantime, let's talk about dependents. Do you have any children?
Wow! I hope they're not all in college.
You're having visitation problems on top of everything else? Gee, I can't help you there. But you might try our Interactive Matrimonial Lawyer Software.
I hate lawyers too. But we're really veering off track. Do you have any other dependents?
Sorry. You can't deduct your dog, even if she's your only dependent.
I agree. The Government is unreasonable. But let's move on to income. What were your wages in 2009?
Wow! You're having a bad go of it. But at least you're getting the Unemployment Benefits max.
I'm afraid Unemployment Benefits are taxable. The government giveth and the government taketh away.
Hey, don't blame me. I'm just the messenger. Anyway, did you have any interest or dividend income or capital gains?
Your spouse got everything, huh? Well, look on the bright side. If you don't earn it, they can't make you pay taxes on it.
Please don't exit. It was just meant to be a joke. Too bad you din't get it right. I don't suppose you were able to stock anything away in stocks and shares?
I didn't mean to insult you; I'm just doing my job. They make me ask about all these you know.
Okay, okay. I get the point. You're broke. So let's go over your deductions and see about getting you a healthy refund.
And speaking about health, I need a complete list of your non-reimbursed medical expenses.
That's great -- a fractured sacroiliac. And your income was so low that most of it will be deductible.
You're absolutely right. I should have asked you how you're feeling. That was inconsiderate of me. But in my defense, we're really fighting the clock.
Okay, I apologize. Let's move on to your income taxes and real estate taxes.
Boy, they weren't kidding about Income taxes. But that huge mortgage tax deduction should really increase your refund.
You had to sell the house to pay for the divorce? What a shame. But I thought you said you didn't have any capital gains.
You sold it at a loss? So tell me. Are there any good housing buys out there? One of my other users is looking for a home.
You're absolutely right. That was a selfish and thoughtless thing to say. I'm a new program, and I guess they haven't gotten all the bugs out.
Let's go back to your deductions. What did you pay in mortgage interest?
I'm afraid deducting credit card interest is a major no-no. But you may want to consider our Interactive Bankruptcy Software.
Don't get your nose out of joint. It was just a suggestion. Anyway, it's time to list your charitable contributions.
I know you can't afford them, but list a couple grands in cash anyway. Everybody does it, and it's impossible to check.
I know charity begins at home, but thats not what our Government believes in. So any such contribution towards the upliftment of your moral character will not get counted here, I am sorry.
Now I'm almost afraid to ask, but did you suffer any unreimbursed casualty or theft losses last year?
That's pretty much what I expected. Just give me the numbers and I'll take it from there.
Is there anything else you want to tell me?
Well, of course they canceled your policy. They always cancel your policy. But what I meant was, did you have any other income or expenses?
Fine. Now why don't you surf google for sometime, so I can do some quick calculations.
I have good news. Not only don't you have any tax debt, but you're entitled to a 732/ INR refund. Would you like to apply it to your 2010tax?
I beg your pardon. They don't pay me enough to listen to that kind of language.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Root Canal... the name itself is scary!
God created man (and woman too). Then he created teeth. Then he created dentists and told them, "Go and wreck havoc on Earth. Create imaginary gum diseases, endorse tar-tasting toothpastes". The dentists obliged. They were happy for some time, then they got greedy. They all went back to God and said, "Dude, we cant seem to find enough problems. People are eating healthy, living a healthy lifestyle and their teeth are in perfect health n shape. Help us out!" Then God created... chocolates...and indulged people into bad eating habits... result?... Tooth decay...followed by... Root Canal treatment.
****
Scene I : Nov'2009
The dentist began talking even before he saw my x-ray.
Dentist: Your quadrilateral third molar is impacted. We need to extract it.
It took me sometime to realize that I HAD NOT accidentally walked into a car body shop.
Me: What does it mean?
Dentist: We need to remove one tooth of yours that is "in the process of decaying".
Me: If it hasn't decayed now, then why NOW?
Dentist: Because my wife is nagging for a cruise vacation for a long time now.
Me: Huh???
Dentist: I mean *medical mumbo-jumbo*...followed by more *medical mumbo-jumbo*... followed by Ramsay brothers' movies' scary dialogues...ultimately this "may decay in the next 25 years" tooth is doing obscene things to the next tooth in line.
Me: But, I dont feel any pain or am not uncomfortable at all.
Dentist: Thats why we need to remove this immediately (otherwise it may never cause a problem...and I would never be able to go on a cruise trip)
Me: But why extract?
Dentist: Because then I can charge you for tooth extraction, and further charge you more for tooth replacement. Am sure at 34 you would not want to have 31 teeth in place of 32?
Me: Huh???!!! :-((((((( Well, Mr. Dentist, please tell me if there is any other way to deal with this problem, otherwise let me take a second opinion and I shall come back to you later.
Dentist: (Oh no! If not cruise, I have to take my wife to Puri during the next Durga Puja. In anycase I am having burnt toast every morning for breakfast for the last 9 months!) Ok, what we can do is, we can go in for a Root Canal Treatment. We will not extract the entire tooth, but will fill it in with some un-used cement that I have from building that huge wall around my house to stop people from throwing brickts at me. And then we will cover it up with a crowning that will keep that tooth immortal till the day you die.
Me: Fine. How long will it take?
Dentist: (Calculating in his pocket calculator)...Not more than 5-6 sittings.
Me: Ok, fine.
****
Scene II : 27th July'2010
The rest they say is history. That 5-6 sittings ran almost 10 months long. Today I sit with half my face swollen like a football Messi kicked atleast 500 times!. My mouth 1 tooth lighter(technically yes, as Mr. Dentist dug out all my God given tooth and in its place now sits a cement lump) and my pocket, many thousands. The emotional turmoil I went through in the last 10 months is not worth mentioning in blogs...I can write an epic on that and will keep that task for retirement days. My friends ask me, whay am I not doing this root canal treatment for othet "in the process of decaying" teeth as well. Well to answer them... I dont know. My doctor didnt tell me to. May be the doctor is using my mouth like a little savings account. Other teeth will come in handy when his wife demands the next cruise, or a diamond necklace. He didnt give up though. Last night when I ssaid "Good bye Doctor"...all he replied was... no no, no Good bye...you are coming here next week as I need to drill some more teeth to save you from pain 20 years later.
Once beaten, twice shy. Once robbed of a tooth, twice as clever... I jus smiled and said to myslef...I wish your wife all the cruises she ever dreams of...but not at MY EXPENSE!!!
Friday, July 9, 2010
In Distress? U need to de-stress...
Are you stressed out? A quivering blob of nerves? Are your muscles lodged in a permanent clench? 9 out of 10 chances are that it is because of the MAN in your life (kids also, may be, but philosophically they are also because of that MAN). Well, no. I am not planning to stage a war here...all I am trying to advise here is that what needs to be done to de-stess so that you are not in distress...rather here is a guide on what NOT TO DO:
1. Lie down on the floor with your knees bent and pointed upward. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and exhale slowly. Take another deep breath... Wonder if that smell is gas as your husband has volunteered to make the lunch!
2. Concentrate on your breathing, on releasing that stale, toxic, virulent energy trapped inside you. Feel your body begin to relax. Sense the tension seeping out of your shoulders and toes, your life force beginning to renew. Jump up to check the stove, as you hear your husband shout passionaltely over a scored goal in the hall!!!
3. Resume the position. Resume breathing... Become obsessed by cobwebs on the ceiling!
4. Decide to play a relaxation CD. Your choices are “healing harps,” ocean waves, and whales. Wonder which best suits your persona. Whales remind you of sharks. Decide to go with the harps.
5. Lie down a third time, notice ceiling, slam eyelids shut. Breathe deeply, welcoming the return of your vital juices. I.n.h.a.l.e...t.w.o...t.h.r.e.e...f.o.u.r...E.x.h.a.l.e...t.w.o...t.h.r.e.e...f.o.u.r. Savor the rise and fall of your abdomen. Focus on the harps which remind you of angels... which remind you of the new, sexy, 20 something secretary that your husband has newly appointed !!! which reminds you of hell... which reminds you that maybe you should listen to something else!
6. Switch to ocean waves and return to floor. Wonder how many calories you've burned since you started to relax...wonder how many calories you had put on over dinner last night...wonder how Mrs. Sharma always keeps so fit despite hogging at all social dos... wonder why your husband was all praise for Mrs. Saxena the other day...stop!!!
7. Listen to the primal sounds of the sea. Imagine yourself one with the ocean, gently floating, bobbing, drifting away from your troubles, away from the shore, floating away from.... Oh my God you're drowning, you can't breathe, you hear chimes. Could you be dead? No. A Jehovah's Witness is at the door...wait for your husband to attend that door...he doesnt...you panick...why isnt he openning the door?...you run to the kitchen...he is not thre, food burning inside the oven... you check in the hall...ah there he is...sleeping on the couch with the TV on!!!
8. Take deep breath, attend the man at the door, ignore your snoring husband. Decide what you really need is some herbal tea and aromatherapy. You're all out, so you drive downtown to the nearesr Aroma Therapy Outlet!
9. Relish the shop's soothing ambiance -- crystals everywhere, scented candles and incense, the mellifluous sounds of sitar and flute. Take a slow, deep breath and cherish the knowledge that all is well with the world... Learn you're allergic to patchouli!!!
10. Fill cart with eucalyptus oil, semi-wild ginseng, organic rice cakes, anti-radiation shields, a do-it-yourself-acupuncture kit, and a copy of the best-selling "Bliss Is From Solitude, Stress Is From Men." !!!
11. On your way out, collide with a shopping cart piled high with meditation tapes. Exchange choice words with "mellow" New-Ager...supress your anger with more deep breaths!!!
12. Return home, hunt for matches, light lemon-scented candles, and start a Burt Goldman CD. Brew chamomile tea... Burn tongue with tea!
13. Peruse course catalogue from Holistic Vital Force Renewal and Emerging Spiritual Consciousness Learning and Humanistic Wellness Center...find food is not ready, husband still sleeping, kids crying of hunger...order food over phone...and concentrate on the perusal yet again!
14. Try to decide which course would be most helpful -- Awakening Your True Transformational Self Within Through Toenail Therapy and Micro-Cranial Stimulation? Self-Care, Self-Help, Self-Awareness, Self-Visualization And The Angelic I? Decide to enroll in The Tao Of Conga Drumming On The Far Side Of Ecstasy ... until you see the price!!!... gasp for fresh air...inhale the smoke let out by the burning cigerratte your husband is smoking after his lunch!!!
15. Conclude that what you really need is a mantra. Something like: NoooooooooooooooooooMooooooooooooooooreNewAge... NoooooooooooooooooooooMooooooooooooooooooooooooooreMennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...but you cant do without them, can you?!!!
1. Lie down on the floor with your knees bent and pointed upward. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and exhale slowly. Take another deep breath... Wonder if that smell is gas as your husband has volunteered to make the lunch!
2. Concentrate on your breathing, on releasing that stale, toxic, virulent energy trapped inside you. Feel your body begin to relax. Sense the tension seeping out of your shoulders and toes, your life force beginning to renew. Jump up to check the stove, as you hear your husband shout passionaltely over a scored goal in the hall!!!
3. Resume the position. Resume breathing... Become obsessed by cobwebs on the ceiling!
4. Decide to play a relaxation CD. Your choices are “healing harps,” ocean waves, and whales. Wonder which best suits your persona. Whales remind you of sharks. Decide to go with the harps.
5. Lie down a third time, notice ceiling, slam eyelids shut. Breathe deeply, welcoming the return of your vital juices. I.n.h.a.l.e...t.w.o...t.h.r.e.e...f.o.u.r...E.x.h.a.l.e...t.w.o...t.h.r.e.e...f.o.u.r. Savor the rise and fall of your abdomen. Focus on the harps which remind you of angels... which remind you of the new, sexy, 20 something secretary that your husband has newly appointed !!! which reminds you of hell... which reminds you that maybe you should listen to something else!
6. Switch to ocean waves and return to floor. Wonder how many calories you've burned since you started to relax...wonder how many calories you had put on over dinner last night...wonder how Mrs. Sharma always keeps so fit despite hogging at all social dos... wonder why your husband was all praise for Mrs. Saxena the other day...stop!!!
7. Listen to the primal sounds of the sea. Imagine yourself one with the ocean, gently floating, bobbing, drifting away from your troubles, away from the shore, floating away from.... Oh my God you're drowning, you can't breathe, you hear chimes. Could you be dead? No. A Jehovah's Witness is at the door...wait for your husband to attend that door...he doesnt...you panick...why isnt he openning the door?...you run to the kitchen...he is not thre, food burning inside the oven... you check in the hall...ah there he is...sleeping on the couch with the TV on!!!
8. Take deep breath, attend the man at the door, ignore your snoring husband. Decide what you really need is some herbal tea and aromatherapy. You're all out, so you drive downtown to the nearesr Aroma Therapy Outlet!
9. Relish the shop's soothing ambiance -- crystals everywhere, scented candles and incense, the mellifluous sounds of sitar and flute. Take a slow, deep breath and cherish the knowledge that all is well with the world... Learn you're allergic to patchouli!!!
10. Fill cart with eucalyptus oil, semi-wild ginseng, organic rice cakes, anti-radiation shields, a do-it-yourself-acupuncture kit, and a copy of the best-selling "Bliss Is From Solitude, Stress Is From Men." !!!
11. On your way out, collide with a shopping cart piled high with meditation tapes. Exchange choice words with "mellow" New-Ager...supress your anger with more deep breaths!!!
12. Return home, hunt for matches, light lemon-scented candles, and start a Burt Goldman CD. Brew chamomile tea... Burn tongue with tea!
13. Peruse course catalogue from Holistic Vital Force Renewal and Emerging Spiritual Consciousness Learning and Humanistic Wellness Center...find food is not ready, husband still sleeping, kids crying of hunger...order food over phone...and concentrate on the perusal yet again!
14. Try to decide which course would be most helpful -- Awakening Your True Transformational Self Within Through Toenail Therapy and Micro-Cranial Stimulation? Self-Care, Self-Help, Self-Awareness, Self-Visualization And The Angelic I? Decide to enroll in The Tao Of Conga Drumming On The Far Side Of Ecstasy ... until you see the price!!!... gasp for fresh air...inhale the smoke let out by the burning cigerratte your husband is smoking after his lunch!!!
15. Conclude that what you really need is a mantra. Something like: NoooooooooooooooooooMooooooooooooooooreNewAge... NoooooooooooooooooooooMooooooooooooooooooooooooooreMennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...but you cant do without them, can you?!!!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Planning a vacation with your spouse? Well this might help
Planning a vacation together can often be a daunting challenge. Especially when one spouse likes to rough it all and the other prefers unreasonable (!!!) luxuries like toilets, showers, and cable TV. So what's a couple to do? Well, they can take separate trips. Or they can negotiate and sign on the dotted line. This agreement that I have thought of, can help you save your marriage from a ruthless divorce at the end of the vacation.
AGREEMENT, entered into this _________, 20__ by Husband and Wife (or Boy firned and Girl Friend).
(Note: Gay and Lesbian partners may also follow this if their choice pattern is similar to that assumed here)
WHEREAS, Husband's ideal vacation requires hiking boots, compasses, sleeping bags, and knapsacks and doesn't cost a dime;
WHEREAS, Wife's ideal vacation requires a five star resort;
WHEREAS, Husband is a spontaneous kind of guy who likes to pick his trips by throwing a coin onto a trail map;
WHEREAS, Wife is a planning freak who makes reservations a year and a half in advance after conducting six months of research; and
WHEREAS, Husband and Wife haven't taken a vacation in years and believe it might be time to compromise.
NOW, THEREFORE, Husband and Wife agree to the following weekend trip provisions:
1. Exactly one month from today, Husband and Wife shall drive to a Resort listed in one of Wife's pocket notebooks. The name of the Resort must be known and heard off amongst Wife's "social networking connections" and the resort have to have a website, tweeter and Facebook account. Accommodations shall be chosen via the "eenie, meenie, minie, moe" method of selection.
2. Wife may, if she so chooses, call for reservations. If none are available, another inn/resort shall be chosen via coin toss, even though Husband would much prefer to wing it.
3. Once a destination has been selected, Husband and Wife shall mark their route on the map. Husband agrees to occasionally follow the map, provided Wife limits bathroom stops to one per hour.
4. Packing for their two day stay shall be directed by Wife, who agrees not to demand for more than one week's supply of clothing. The packing however will be done by the husaband under wife's supervision.
5. Husband shall have the car tuned up prior to their trip and shall fill the gas tank right before leaving. Any breakdowns caused by Husband's forgetting to do same shall entitle Wife to a real vacation.
6. Husband promises that throughout the drive he shall not exceed the speed limit by more than 100 km per hour. Additionally, he shall not brake abruptly unless he sees a deer, and shall refrain from all careening type activity. Wife shall not scream, moan, grunt, or groan, or otherwise engage in back-seat driving, except in the event of excessive lurching. Notwithstanding the foregoing, if she finds herself thrown onto Husband's lap, she may badger him as much as she wants to.
7. Wife shall act as official navigator, and Husband acknowledges that it's possible to turn left when Wife says to, without sacrificing his masculinity. Additionally, Wife may periodically advise husband to be alert for a particular landmark. This shall not be deemed an invitation to accelerate and speed through the next seventeen intersections.
8. Both parties acknowledge that they'll probably get lost. Husband concedes in advance that it isn't Wife's fault even though she's the official navigator. Wife concedes in advance that it isn't Husband's fault, even though he turned right or left only when he felt like it.
9. Husband acknowledges that he can ask a gas station attendant for directions without looking like a weenie. And that it is absolutely ok to ask for directions if you are clueless
10. In the event Husband and Wife manage to reach their destination before the end of the weekend, they agree to resume speaking as soon as they've unpacked.
11. Wife agrees to accompany husband on one hike during the course of the weekend. Said hike shall not exceed two hours and shall be canceled if there is more than a 30% chance of showers. The steepness of the trail shall be subject to further negotiations.
12. In exchange for the hike, Husband agrees to attend an art auction. Wife promises not to purchase or explain any of the paintings, and Husband need not pretend to like them.
13. The trip home shall be conducted in a manner consistent with Paragraphs 6 through 9, except that Husband shall navigate and Wife shall drive, and both shall be authorized to get even.
SIGNATURES: _______________ (HUSBAND) _______________ (WIFE)
AGREEMENT, entered into this _________, 20__ by Husband and Wife (or Boy firned and Girl Friend).
(Note: Gay and Lesbian partners may also follow this if their choice pattern is similar to that assumed here)
WHEREAS, Husband's ideal vacation requires hiking boots, compasses, sleeping bags, and knapsacks and doesn't cost a dime;
WHEREAS, Wife's ideal vacation requires a five star resort;
WHEREAS, Husband is a spontaneous kind of guy who likes to pick his trips by throwing a coin onto a trail map;
WHEREAS, Wife is a planning freak who makes reservations a year and a half in advance after conducting six months of research; and
WHEREAS, Husband and Wife haven't taken a vacation in years and believe it might be time to compromise.
NOW, THEREFORE, Husband and Wife agree to the following weekend trip provisions:
1. Exactly one month from today, Husband and Wife shall drive to a Resort listed in one of Wife's pocket notebooks. The name of the Resort must be known and heard off amongst Wife's "social networking connections" and the resort have to have a website, tweeter and Facebook account. Accommodations shall be chosen via the "eenie, meenie, minie, moe" method of selection.
2. Wife may, if she so chooses, call for reservations. If none are available, another inn/resort shall be chosen via coin toss, even though Husband would much prefer to wing it.
3. Once a destination has been selected, Husband and Wife shall mark their route on the map. Husband agrees to occasionally follow the map, provided Wife limits bathroom stops to one per hour.
4. Packing for their two day stay shall be directed by Wife, who agrees not to demand for more than one week's supply of clothing. The packing however will be done by the husaband under wife's supervision.
5. Husband shall have the car tuned up prior to their trip and shall fill the gas tank right before leaving. Any breakdowns caused by Husband's forgetting to do same shall entitle Wife to a real vacation.
6. Husband promises that throughout the drive he shall not exceed the speed limit by more than 100 km per hour. Additionally, he shall not brake abruptly unless he sees a deer, and shall refrain from all careening type activity. Wife shall not scream, moan, grunt, or groan, or otherwise engage in back-seat driving, except in the event of excessive lurching. Notwithstanding the foregoing, if she finds herself thrown onto Husband's lap, she may badger him as much as she wants to.
7. Wife shall act as official navigator, and Husband acknowledges that it's possible to turn left when Wife says to, without sacrificing his masculinity. Additionally, Wife may periodically advise husband to be alert for a particular landmark. This shall not be deemed an invitation to accelerate and speed through the next seventeen intersections.
8. Both parties acknowledge that they'll probably get lost. Husband concedes in advance that it isn't Wife's fault even though she's the official navigator. Wife concedes in advance that it isn't Husband's fault, even though he turned right or left only when he felt like it.
9. Husband acknowledges that he can ask a gas station attendant for directions without looking like a weenie. And that it is absolutely ok to ask for directions if you are clueless
10. In the event Husband and Wife manage to reach their destination before the end of the weekend, they agree to resume speaking as soon as they've unpacked.
11. Wife agrees to accompany husband on one hike during the course of the weekend. Said hike shall not exceed two hours and shall be canceled if there is more than a 30% chance of showers. The steepness of the trail shall be subject to further negotiations.
12. In exchange for the hike, Husband agrees to attend an art auction. Wife promises not to purchase or explain any of the paintings, and Husband need not pretend to like them.
13. The trip home shall be conducted in a manner consistent with Paragraphs 6 through 9, except that Husband shall navigate and Wife shall drive, and both shall be authorized to get even.
SIGNATURES: _______________ (HUSBAND) _______________ (WIFE)
Friday, July 2, 2010
My Computer
Anybody who has been unfortunate enough to hear me crib about my laptop in the last 2 weeks would actually relate to this post more. And for others, well my laptop tortured me like hell in the last 2 weeks and am still facing the music. So based on the experience of the last 2 weeks, I have realized that our computers (more if its company provided) are like orphanages and any and every unneeded software, unloved programs, and useless upgrades get adopted by our companies! Just imagine my trauma when all these step-children made my life hell. One upgrade which didnt go the way it was supposed to be...resulted in absolute crisis in my otherwise peaceful life in office. Thank God despite all the raw deals I faced, I could still log into facebook, and or twitter so my social life was not at stake...but even then, almost daily I lost 3-4 hours of productivity that I could have otherwise used producing productive blog posts! I always thought cooking in FB cafe or farming on FB is a waste of time but now I would love to trade off my time I spent running after the most "sought after" IT guys with even real time cooking or farming!
There was this problem...they said format your laptop and that will solve the problem...but I was wrong in believing them, as my problems just started after the formatting was successfully done! and now they say they have to change the "mother board"...well hmm...and now all I am doing is re-installing, re-upgrading and re-formatting all those unneeded softwares, unloved programs, and useless upgrades that caused the problems in the first place!!!
There was this problem...they said format your laptop and that will solve the problem...but I was wrong in believing them, as my problems just started after the formatting was successfully done! and now they say they have to change the "mother board"...well hmm...and now all I am doing is re-installing, re-upgrading and re-formatting all those unneeded softwares, unloved programs, and useless upgrades that caused the problems in the first place!!!
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