Power is a wonderful thing to possess...and execute. I always dream of having the POWER to rule the world, change it for betterment and make a difference...the dream started when I was a 5 yr old and continues till date. The reasons why I want POWER changed from innocent ones to the more complicated ones, but nevertheless, the dream continues...
Power is a good thing to have, its how we use it makes all the difference. For eg, Both soldiers and terrorist have POWER of weapons...one uses them for the benefit of mankind and the other uses them for its destruction. POWER in itself is neutral. Over the years as I grew up, my conception of POWER changed. While in school I used to idolise my teachers, and the POWER they had in teaching us. I wanted to be a teacher. I would also idolise my doctor who had the POWER to relieve me from any physical illness, and i wanted to be a doctor. This continued and I wanted to be almost everything and everybody because of the POWER they had of something or the other. Its only when I grew up and looked back I realized, we all have POWER...something or the other. And I realized, with great POWER, comes greater RESPONSIBILITY...responsibility of executing the power in a better way, right way. "Right" again is a very relative word...what is right for me may not be right for you and vice versa. But then thats where we have our "education" and "value" system to help us, right?
With all the IPL mudslinging thats happenning, I am sure almost all of us have some opinion or the other about the whole issue. Our Nation deals with so many problems everyday...like only a couple of months back there was an issue of Shiney Ahuja, and now am not sure if there is any follow up or where he stands today...media, and people at large have forgotten about him because there were so many other "attractions" after him, from Sania-Shoiab wedding to the latest being the IPL Blunder. These issues keep us "entertained" in our otherwise dull life. We really dont bother much about the consistent and steep price rise, or increasing power failure...these are things which we are used to. We worry more about Sania's wedding masalas, and Aamir's pet's name.
Coming back to IPL, and why am I mentioning this with POWER... well what Lalit Modi did, what Mr. Tharoor did, I think we should look beyond...much beyond. Out of sheer curiosity, I googled on Lalit Modi and found his biography in wikipedia. Amazing "POWERFUL" life he had ever since his birth. Born in a wealthy and successful business family, having a Rs. 40 billion business empire, and having some great achievement early in life that included getting arrested on charges of conspiracy to traffic coccaine and assault with deadly weapon with an intent to kill, to indiction on second-degree kidnapping etc...what more do you expect from a personality like his? Do you expect him not to cheat? not to lie? ...Now, he always possessed POWER...and he used them against humankind...he had attended the best of schools and colleges...so education was also there...but what lacked is a "VALUE SYSTEM"...a value system that would have stopped him from doing what he did. And that stops him from doing what he is doing now... and mark my words, he will do similar things again in his life...he has POWER and his CONSCIENCE chooses to misuse it.
Why single out Lalit Modi...what about our great politicians, our leaders, our Statesmen...they all misuse their POWER dont they? Big cricketers, big filmstars, big authors, you just name them, and you will see 99.99% of them misuse the power they have. They all have had the best of education but what they didnot have was a "value system" that stopped their conscience from doing what they did. Open lies, denynig their acts, bribing, malpractising, corruption...these things are accepted by their conscience. So many times we have seen these minirters denynig things till the time they are porved... am sure when they were kid, they were not taught by their parents... "Satyameva Jayate"
And why single out them...what about you and me? Are we not all similar? We lie, dont we? we cheat, dont we? we bribe, dont we? We support corruption, dont we? and above all we also misuse our POWER, dont we? ...Common, dont deny... tell me do you give your maid and driver their due? always? You bargain with the poor vegetable vendor in your local market for Re. 5, but you accept steep price rise and dont raise a voice...why? with the vegetable vendor you have POWER, with your Government you have no POWER till the next election, so you shut your mouth, close your eyes, and kill your conscience there...so you see? We all do this...and if we are busy doing this, how will we teach out kidds not to lie, not to support corruption etc? What "value" are we passing them to? Tomorrow my son can be a Lalit Modi, who knows?
So you see, we all have Lalit Modi within us. We are not much different from him. But may be, just may be your and my conscience is still alive...thats why we are condemning him...may be by doing so, we are actually condemning ourselves? Think about it...and dont let your conscience sleep forever...wake up and be a "true" human being, before being a "successful" human being... Your honesty would be your biggest "success", "achievement" and "triumph"...go for it...and stop giving this society more of Lalit Modis....
Monday, April 26, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Ladies n (Not so) Gentlemen...
Do men and women communicate differently at work? Yes, according to the proponents of "Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars" school of thought. In the corporate culture and in an organization where we spend more time in meetings (calls conferences) than the combined time spent in the loo, cafeteria, and smoking zones...I have found women mostly to be self-effacing and apologetic, whereas men are convincingly confident...even when they dont have the slightest idea of what they are talking about.
Before you rule me out as a nut feminist, consider this...a real life situation I expreinced in a call about a week back. It was a call chaired by my project manager(male)... its a different thing altogether that apart from scheduling the call he did nothing...some would say its his job to "delegate" jobs to others, to which I would say "no comments". Anyways, so the situation is...he called for the meeting (virtual as participants are spread across the globe)...he asked me to send him the probable agenda of "his" call which he copy-pasted and sent to all 30 minutes before the call (Delegation, if you may). Now, he and I are in the different location as well...and amongst innumerable worthless gifts we human beings have received from technology, like mobile phones, t.v remote (worthless if you have a husband at home) etc, one such gift used at offices is "instant messenger"... your constant enemy invading whatever little personal moments you have in the office. So here we were, all joining the call over phone...now the minimum I would expect from my project manager to do is have a attendees list ready - as he sent out the invitation he would know who all are joining, right? Wrong...because he is a MAN. Now the attendees were as follows (names changed to the extent possible):
Jeerav Kumar (Project Manager - Male)
Lifebeyonddreams (Me-female)
Mad-hobby (Female)
Mega (Female)
Brain Bloody Witch (Male)
Steep Macaroon (Male)
Lusan S Michael (Female)
Lead Burner
Now all these peole are known to each other, we work in a Global Project...
Now the call began...Jeerav initiated the call with attendence...everybody said their respective name and he reciprocated with a "Hi X, how r you doing?" in his desperately-trying-to-acquire-an-American accent. So far so good... Lusan introduced herself as "Hi this is Lusan S Michael"...to which our great Project Manager said... "Hi Michael, how r you doin' man?"... And this moment ladies and gentle men, I fell off my chair and did all I could to stop me from LOLF loud and clear through the call! How can a "female" voice be Michael? How can someone named "Michael" join our call when we dont have any member by that name. And Lusan, who is called Lue...how can "she" be "man"???!!! But then these obvious things didnot occur to our great project manager (may be he should have delegated the job of taking attendence to somebody else)
Communication differences can be especially pronounced during business meetings. Especially those mind-numbingly "important" meetings where a gaggle of men and women perch and/or slouch around a conference table and/or shout over the phone and discuss critical project issues like project scope, project budgets, project picnics, and football scores. And play BuzzwordBingo in a laudable effort to remain semiconscious.
Unfortunately, how far you move up the corporate ladder often depends on your conference table talk. Why? Because your boss doesn't have time to check out your work. (S)he's much too busy sleeping through meetings.
So you can see how important it is to learn to communicate like a ma... I mean ... boost your communication skills.
But help is at hand. Simply assess your abilities with this MCQ (Meeting Communication Quotient) Quiz:
1) When you have an important point to make you:
a. Jump in the instant somebody stops to breathe.
b. Politely wait until every male in the room has spoken ...including the CEO's cute three-year-old.
c. Wave a white flag in the air and hope someone notices.
2) When somebody uses an unfamiliar term you:
a. Figure if you don't understand it, it isn't important.
b. Hope someone else asks what the @#$%$#@$ the speaker is talking about.
c. Say, "I apologize for my stupidity, but would you please, if it isn't too much trouble, explain X?"
3) If you don't have any original ideas to contribute you:
a. Wait until you hear someone say something brilliant and rephrase it, pretending it's your own.
b. Sit quietly, absorbing what everyone else has to say.
c. Beg for forgiveness.
4) When someone's secretary asks for beverage orders you:
a. Request exactly what you want.
b. Say, "anything will be fine."
c. Head for the coffee machine.
5) If the CEO directly solicits your opinion you:
a. Say what you think he wants you to say.
b. Say what you think your boss wants you to say.
c. Look behind you to see who the CEO is speaking to.
All done with the quiz? Good. Now it's time to check your responses ... and to hire a communication coach if you answered "c" even once.
Whom should you hire? Any male can help settle ... I mean "improve" ... your score.
Before you rule me out as a nut feminist, consider this...a real life situation I expreinced in a call about a week back. It was a call chaired by my project manager(male)... its a different thing altogether that apart from scheduling the call he did nothing...some would say its his job to "delegate" jobs to others, to which I would say "no comments". Anyways, so the situation is...he called for the meeting (virtual as participants are spread across the globe)...he asked me to send him the probable agenda of "his" call which he copy-pasted and sent to all 30 minutes before the call (Delegation, if you may). Now, he and I are in the different location as well...and amongst innumerable worthless gifts we human beings have received from technology, like mobile phones, t.v remote (worthless if you have a husband at home) etc, one such gift used at offices is "instant messenger"... your constant enemy invading whatever little personal moments you have in the office. So here we were, all joining the call over phone...now the minimum I would expect from my project manager to do is have a attendees list ready - as he sent out the invitation he would know who all are joining, right? Wrong...because he is a MAN. Now the attendees were as follows (names changed to the extent possible):
Jeerav Kumar (Project Manager - Male)
Lifebeyonddreams (Me-female)
Mad-hobby (Female)
Mega (Female)
Brain Bloody Witch (Male)
Steep Macaroon (Male)
Lusan S Michael (Female)
Lead Burner
Now all these peole are known to each other, we work in a Global Project...
Now the call began...Jeerav initiated the call with attendence...everybody said their respective name and he reciprocated with a "Hi X, how r you doing?" in his desperately-trying-to-acquire-an-American accent. So far so good... Lusan introduced herself as "Hi this is Lusan S Michael"...to which our great Project Manager said... "Hi Michael, how r you doin' man?"... And this moment ladies and gentle men, I fell off my chair and did all I could to stop me from LOLF loud and clear through the call! How can a "female" voice be Michael? How can someone named "Michael" join our call when we dont have any member by that name. And Lusan, who is called Lue...how can "she" be "man"???!!! But then these obvious things didnot occur to our great project manager (may be he should have delegated the job of taking attendence to somebody else)
Communication differences can be especially pronounced during business meetings. Especially those mind-numbingly "important" meetings where a gaggle of men and women perch and/or slouch around a conference table and/or shout over the phone and discuss critical project issues like project scope, project budgets, project picnics, and football scores. And play BuzzwordBingo in a laudable effort to remain semiconscious.
Unfortunately, how far you move up the corporate ladder often depends on your conference table talk. Why? Because your boss doesn't have time to check out your work. (S)he's much too busy sleeping through meetings.
So you can see how important it is to learn to communicate like a ma... I mean ... boost your communication skills.
But help is at hand. Simply assess your abilities with this MCQ (Meeting Communication Quotient) Quiz:
1) When you have an important point to make you:
a. Jump in the instant somebody stops to breathe.
b. Politely wait until every male in the room has spoken ...including the CEO's cute three-year-old.
c. Wave a white flag in the air and hope someone notices.
2) When somebody uses an unfamiliar term you:
a. Figure if you don't understand it, it isn't important.
b. Hope someone else asks what the @#$%$#@$ the speaker is talking about.
c. Say, "I apologize for my stupidity, but would you please, if it isn't too much trouble, explain X?"
3) If you don't have any original ideas to contribute you:
a. Wait until you hear someone say something brilliant and rephrase it, pretending it's your own.
b. Sit quietly, absorbing what everyone else has to say.
c. Beg for forgiveness.
4) When someone's secretary asks for beverage orders you:
a. Request exactly what you want.
b. Say, "anything will be fine."
c. Head for the coffee machine.
5) If the CEO directly solicits your opinion you:
a. Say what you think he wants you to say.
b. Say what you think your boss wants you to say.
c. Look behind you to see who the CEO is speaking to.
All done with the quiz? Good. Now it's time to check your responses ... and to hire a communication coach if you answered "c" even once.
Whom should you hire? Any male can help settle ... I mean "improve" ... your score.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Youngistan Ka Wow!
One challenege I would like to throw at Ranbir is place the Pepsi bottle in a room and have Deepika Padukone and Katrina Kaif sitting in the same room. And if you wanna add more thrill to it, you can also invite Salman Khan over...now ask Ranbir to go get his Pepsi from there...
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Mothers!
Mothers are very rare species...they are available in Human History from the time immortal. My tribute here is to the "human" mothers though mothers are available in every living species on earth, but my believe is that amongst all other species, "human mothers" are the most advanced. They vary in shape, size, color, and nature but more or less there are certain "general" characteristics that they abide by. But this post is not about those general characteristics... because that would be a waste of time, as even general characteristics are given "individualistic" touch by these species worldwide. Say for eg, "Mothers are caring"...its a general trait...but the "care" shown by "Indian" mothers are much different that that shown by "American" mothers. Even within India, you will find characteristic differences amongst different provinces. My blog here is mostly for "Bong Mothers"...and am inspired to write this because of a particular incident that I witnessed today.
I consider myself to be one of the "lower rankers" when it comes to the characteristic of "dedication towards your child's education" amongst the mothers. Though my daughter is pretty chilled out about the same, and though according to her I am a "cool mom"...but "coolness" is not supposed to be a "good mom's" characteristic,atleast not in this part of the world...at times I suffer from accute"inferiority complex" particularly when I am amongst other "not-so-cool moms" in birthday parties. Needless to say, they are the superior varieties amongst Bong Moms... its like the last girl in the class sitiing with the toppers. They have every detailed knowledge of the school, starting from the teachers (I know thats obvious) to the color of the bathroom tiles. They know which teacher is what "type" (dont ask me how many "types" of teachers are there) and they fight with them for 0.5 marks deduction in their ward's tests. I vaguely try to remember the subject on which my daughter has a test on any particular day. Dont blame me as these days kids have tests almost everyday under different categories...class test, block test, weekly test, and hold your breadth...surprise test. I think both me and may daughter deserve kudos for going through the pain of all these tests (well daughter goes through them, and I take the pain to remember the tests). By now, am sure, you are well aware of the rank of my "motherhood" interms of "dedication towards your child's education". I get nervous in birthday parties when I sit with all other moms (by the way I get to meet them only in such parties as otherwise I hardly go to school to fight with the teachers for marks).
Birthday parties are fun...I love to see these dolls all decked up and ofcourse having cake when you are putting on weight even drinking water, gives me a high. But my "fun" gets all ruined up when am sitting amongst all other "mothers"...their topic of discussion starts with..."You know Sushmita Ma'am deducted half a mark of my daughter in the Eng Lit test last week, only because she forgot to put a fullstop!!!...how could she? I went and told her, Sushmita Ma'am, my daughter didnt forget to put the fullstop there its just that it was not put with force and so blame it on the Link gel pen that she was using, that went missing...see here Ma'am, her next word there started with a Capital Letter...if she had not put the fullstop then why would she begin the next word with a Capital Letter?"...Amazing! am not too sure what Sushmita Ma'am said to that, but am sure if I was Sushmita Ma'am I would have fainted right there...or maybe quit! Half a mark deduction is such a big sin, am sure Sushmita Ma'am did never think of! Poor her.
All other mothers by now would agree to this mother who is a "victim" of Sushmita Ma'am crule nature of deducting marks! Other mothers would provide their sympathy and support and start recollecting their horrible experiences right from the days of Nursery I (our kids are in Std V now). This would go on and I would be looking at all mothers feeling highly guilty. Topic them moves to the pattern of questions that might come this year and in the next 5-6 years...all these mothers have done serious researches by borrowing test copies and books and other reference materials from the "senior mothers" (I mean mothers whose kids are senior to our kids). Then they start repenting how their sons/daughters dont study beyond 4 hours in the evening! Now this is precisely the time when I fall off the chair...4 hours at a strech?!!! I dont remeber when I sutdied that long, how can i even think of forcing my daughter to that...infact I feel very happy the day she crosses the 1 hour mark! We celebrate that evening with special dinner at home. But then, am low ranker so this should not be mentioned here in the first place. I look at the kids around and somehow feel sorry for them...with so much of pressure right from their childhood, will they be able to "love" studies ever? Anyways, my thoughts dont matter...now not all mothers can be wrong...
I accept my "inability" to be a good mom no matter how "cool" my daughter thinks I am...but today my inferiority complex took multiple heaps! Today, I went to pick up my daughter from her school...thought of giving her a surprise amodst all her "surprise tests". There is very narrow lane besides the main building where all the cars are parked and kids come in long spiral queues holding their guardains' hands, all tired and exhausted. Now this lane at this point of time is more crowded than the busiest and busient of streets during office hours. On the side of the lane there is a narrow sewage canal passing through, that is where these small kids relieve themselves. Now, I dont like the idea of kids relieving themselves on the street like this, but cant blame them when even at this age, there fathers also do the same, but today lets not talk about it. So what I was saying is here I saw a small boy (my guess is that he would be in Std I) relieving him...and guess what? His mother was standing behind him and reading out a poem to him which he is repeating (like a "badhyo chele") after her! I couldnt take it any more...I mean a 6 year old boy, slogging in school for 4.30 hours and then coming out with an urgency to relieve himself is not even getting spared for 2 mins till he is done with! I couldnot imagine what urgency lied there for the mother who had to teach her the poem when he was reliving himself under a scorching sun at 12 noon!...This mother should get the mother of the decade...only if I knew her too well I would have advised her to teach me "motherhood"... but since I didnt, I dint dare to.
So here I am, highly frustrated with myself, writing a blog on "Mothers"...
I consider myself to be one of the "lower rankers" when it comes to the characteristic of "dedication towards your child's education" amongst the mothers. Though my daughter is pretty chilled out about the same, and though according to her I am a "cool mom"...but "coolness" is not supposed to be a "good mom's" characteristic,atleast not in this part of the world...at times I suffer from accute"inferiority complex" particularly when I am amongst other "not-so-cool moms" in birthday parties. Needless to say, they are the superior varieties amongst Bong Moms... its like the last girl in the class sitiing with the toppers. They have every detailed knowledge of the school, starting from the teachers (I know thats obvious) to the color of the bathroom tiles. They know which teacher is what "type" (dont ask me how many "types" of teachers are there) and they fight with them for 0.5 marks deduction in their ward's tests. I vaguely try to remember the subject on which my daughter has a test on any particular day. Dont blame me as these days kids have tests almost everyday under different categories...class test, block test, weekly test, and hold your breadth...surprise test. I think both me and may daughter deserve kudos for going through the pain of all these tests (well daughter goes through them, and I take the pain to remember the tests). By now, am sure, you are well aware of the rank of my "motherhood" interms of "dedication towards your child's education". I get nervous in birthday parties when I sit with all other moms (by the way I get to meet them only in such parties as otherwise I hardly go to school to fight with the teachers for marks).
Birthday parties are fun...I love to see these dolls all decked up and ofcourse having cake when you are putting on weight even drinking water, gives me a high. But my "fun" gets all ruined up when am sitting amongst all other "mothers"...their topic of discussion starts with..."You know Sushmita Ma'am deducted half a mark of my daughter in the Eng Lit test last week, only because she forgot to put a fullstop!!!...how could she? I went and told her, Sushmita Ma'am, my daughter didnt forget to put the fullstop there its just that it was not put with force and so blame it on the Link gel pen that she was using, that went missing...see here Ma'am, her next word there started with a Capital Letter...if she had not put the fullstop then why would she begin the next word with a Capital Letter?"...Amazing! am not too sure what Sushmita Ma'am said to that, but am sure if I was Sushmita Ma'am I would have fainted right there...or maybe quit! Half a mark deduction is such a big sin, am sure Sushmita Ma'am did never think of! Poor her.
All other mothers by now would agree to this mother who is a "victim" of Sushmita Ma'am crule nature of deducting marks! Other mothers would provide their sympathy and support and start recollecting their horrible experiences right from the days of Nursery I (our kids are in Std V now). This would go on and I would be looking at all mothers feeling highly guilty. Topic them moves to the pattern of questions that might come this year and in the next 5-6 years...all these mothers have done serious researches by borrowing test copies and books and other reference materials from the "senior mothers" (I mean mothers whose kids are senior to our kids). Then they start repenting how their sons/daughters dont study beyond 4 hours in the evening! Now this is precisely the time when I fall off the chair...4 hours at a strech?!!! I dont remeber when I sutdied that long, how can i even think of forcing my daughter to that...infact I feel very happy the day she crosses the 1 hour mark! We celebrate that evening with special dinner at home. But then, am low ranker so this should not be mentioned here in the first place. I look at the kids around and somehow feel sorry for them...with so much of pressure right from their childhood, will they be able to "love" studies ever? Anyways, my thoughts dont matter...now not all mothers can be wrong...
I accept my "inability" to be a good mom no matter how "cool" my daughter thinks I am...but today my inferiority complex took multiple heaps! Today, I went to pick up my daughter from her school...thought of giving her a surprise amodst all her "surprise tests". There is very narrow lane besides the main building where all the cars are parked and kids come in long spiral queues holding their guardains' hands, all tired and exhausted. Now this lane at this point of time is more crowded than the busiest and busient of streets during office hours. On the side of the lane there is a narrow sewage canal passing through, that is where these small kids relieve themselves. Now, I dont like the idea of kids relieving themselves on the street like this, but cant blame them when even at this age, there fathers also do the same, but today lets not talk about it. So what I was saying is here I saw a small boy (my guess is that he would be in Std I) relieving him...and guess what? His mother was standing behind him and reading out a poem to him which he is repeating (like a "badhyo chele") after her! I couldnt take it any more...I mean a 6 year old boy, slogging in school for 4.30 hours and then coming out with an urgency to relieve himself is not even getting spared for 2 mins till he is done with! I couldnot imagine what urgency lied there for the mother who had to teach her the poem when he was reliving himself under a scorching sun at 12 noon!...This mother should get the mother of the decade...only if I knew her too well I would have advised her to teach me "motherhood"... but since I didnt, I dint dare to.
So here I am, highly frustrated with myself, writing a blog on "Mothers"...
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Mill & Boons
Blame all my crushes on M&B. Blame all my hearbreaks on M&B. Blame my extremely filmy romanticism also on M&B. I admit that my life has been moulded (you can read "deformed" if you may) by M&B. I would like to thank all the authors of M&B (Penny Jordan, Debbie Macomber, Lynne Graham, Nora Roberts, etc) for making me this extremely stupid, emotional, sentimental, romantic fool! Thanks to you women out there, I started believing "Love" is all about candle-lit dinner, poetry, slow dancing, flowers, and chocolates. I believed my man would be this tall, dark, handsome, showstealer hunk with a very intelligent mind and romantic heart (absolutely impossible combination not matter which formula of Permutation n Combination you put in). Since I had always been a plane Jane, I believed like your books one day a Salman Khan or a Rahul Dravid will woo me and sweep me off my feet (well, I still believe it...one day this will happen).
Now why am I suddenly in a bah-you-all-authors-of M&B-stories? Well the truth is I started reading them all over again! Yes, you heard me right, I am back to reading M&B when in exactly 84 days I will be 35! And faint-if-you-may, these books are again captivating me...you know that feeling when a gust of wind catches you unawares? when it swirls round you, sucking the air from your lungs and leaving you blinking, and ruffled and invigorated?...well thats what I am feeling right now! And if you are wondering on the way I am writing this...well thanks to the new book of M&B for that as well!
Wish God was more like these authors! Wish He took help of these authors when He was writing my life story. I wonder whether in God's kingdom, M&B stories are written? Even if they are, I am unaware... I am yet to meet a TDH with a lot of sensitivity who will prepare breakfast for me and wake me up with a "Goodmorning Sunshine". I am yet to meet a man who would actually be sensible enough to ask the local confectionary to send me a "cream filled doughnut" everyday in the morning because he knows I have a "sweet tooth" and crave for something sweet everyday morning... and mind you all these activities that an M&B Hero performs are all pre-love stage...these are just the beginnings in that "world"..."I Love You" comes decades later...and here in this "world" I love you" changes to "You are ok" to "Oh you suck" to "For all I care"....but Goodmorning sunshine is a distant dream... Flowers everyday is unthinkable...and candle-lit dinner? well you may have it if there is a power cut!
Hence my plead to these great authors...please do put some sense in God's mind...so that when He writes my next life...He puts in some components from your stories... oh Life would be so much fun, if I was "Summer Cutris" of "Jennifer Ashley" or "Linda Stephens" of your "world"... infact, I am thinking of courriering all your books to Almighty, so that He has some better ideas when He writes my Love Life in my next birth!...only if I had His address!!!
Now why am I suddenly in a bah-you-all-authors-of M&B-stories? Well the truth is I started reading them all over again! Yes, you heard me right, I am back to reading M&B when in exactly 84 days I will be 35! And faint-if-you-may, these books are again captivating me...you know that feeling when a gust of wind catches you unawares? when it swirls round you, sucking the air from your lungs and leaving you blinking, and ruffled and invigorated?...well thats what I am feeling right now! And if you are wondering on the way I am writing this...well thanks to the new book of M&B for that as well!
Wish God was more like these authors! Wish He took help of these authors when He was writing my life story. I wonder whether in God's kingdom, M&B stories are written? Even if they are, I am unaware... I am yet to meet a TDH with a lot of sensitivity who will prepare breakfast for me and wake me up with a "Goodmorning Sunshine". I am yet to meet a man who would actually be sensible enough to ask the local confectionary to send me a "cream filled doughnut" everyday in the morning because he knows I have a "sweet tooth" and crave for something sweet everyday morning... and mind you all these activities that an M&B Hero performs are all pre-love stage...these are just the beginnings in that "world"..."I Love You" comes decades later...and here in this "world" I love you" changes to "You are ok" to "Oh you suck" to "For all I care"....but Goodmorning sunshine is a distant dream... Flowers everyday is unthinkable...and candle-lit dinner? well you may have it if there is a power cut!
Hence my plead to these great authors...please do put some sense in God's mind...so that when He writes my next life...He puts in some components from your stories... oh Life would be so much fun, if I was "Summer Cutris" of "Jennifer Ashley" or "Linda Stephens" of your "world"... infact, I am thinking of courriering all your books to Almighty, so that He has some better ideas when He writes my Love Life in my next birth!...only if I had His address!!!
Friday, March 12, 2010
The Art of Giving
The art of giving is one of the most important form of art in the world today. This is my personal opinion, but then, this is my personal blogspot! The reason why I feel that the art of giving is so important is because I feel this is the only way you get richer by making someone else better off. Being a student of Economics (though I have almost forgotten that I was), I was always taught that supply is finite and demand is infinite. And the act of balancing infinite demand vis-a-vis finite supply is what Economics is all about. Digging this subject for 7 years, I had realized that this is a fact of life, not only Economics. Life is a balancing act that you learn at the very beginning. And it is always about demand and supply... your demand for milk is supplied by your mother when you are born and thats when it begins. You demand pocket money, your father supplies, your father demands good result that you supply. Its a trade off...and it continues from childhood to adolescence, till the day you are alive...and this trade off is in every aspect of life...social, financial as well as emotional. And in this trade off, if one part is better off the other one is invariably worse off, even if temporarily. But the art of giving is only one aspect of life when you are better off and the party you are giving is also better off...you both gain...he gets a better life, and you? Well my dear friend, you get a happiness that is priceless, atleast much over priced than what you have given.
Sarah had taught me the Art of Giving... and I have come across many such Sarahs in life who have taught me this. And this post is dedicated to all of them.
1) Often, for my office work, I have to travel to Bangalore, and there I have an office cab and the person who owns the cab, is Suresh. Suresh is a very nice man and over months we have bonded really well. Suresh has 2 daughters and since both of them are younger to my daughter, I often get my daughter's old clothes and other used stuffs for them. During one such week long visit in Bangalore, I was talking to my husband over the phone and was cribbing about the food in Bangalore that i didnt like having. Suresh might have understood what I was talking and the very next day he got me a lunch pack and told me that his wife will cook meals for me till the time I am there, so that I dont have to eat outside food.
2) My friend Rajdeep with whom I studied for 5 years together would always spend his pocket money buying me chocolates...and before you get wrong ideas, no, he is or never was my boy friend. We were friends and rgender never came between our friendship. So there was no need of impressing each other or anything. But his buying me chocolates from his pocket money, since I would have already spent mine buying chocolates for myself, by then, have left a deep sense of gratitude in me. Now, I can buy and have any type of chocolates in the world but nothing tastes as good as those Ra. 5/ Cadbury's Break bar.
3) Out of all gifts I receive on my birthday the best one is the one my daughter gives me. This is not because she is my daughter and/or I love her the most and all that. This is more because she gives me a gift that costs her entire pocket money for the month. And even then she looks forward to spending that amount just to make me feel special.
4) The year of my marriage, my father had gifted me an album which had all my childhood memories. Rare photographs that I had never seen earlier. My father is not very expressive kind, I dont remember when was the last time we hugged each other. So a gift like that from my father had me speechless.
All these people actually taught me a very valuable lesson of my life...that happiness lies more in giving than in getting...
Monday, March 8, 2010
International Women's Day!
Its customary to wish all women on International Women's day. I have got many wishes from other women too...Happy International Women's Day with various inspiring, heart touching, "oh we are so great" kinda quotes. Didnt know how to react, so thought would blog about Women's Day and how I see it as.
Note: This post is dedicated to Chanakya for all his women bashing quotes. This post is also dedicated to modern day "Chanakyas" and MCPs in disguise...so called city bred, diplomatic, suave MCPs who pretend they "respect" women just like they repect their "mothers"!!!
Hi All "Chanakya"-led and "Chanakya" like men,
Like all other years I will not feel like raging a war against your tribe on International Women's day. Like all other years, I will not crib and frown on the "injustice" you have done to us over the centuries. Like all other years, I will not feel humiliated on the "insults" that you have done to women. Rather, this year, the woman in me plans to do something different. She feels the need to make peace with with, and give you credits where it is due. The woman in me feels its time I accept the things as they are...no point shouting for equality when I know WE are not equal. So this year round, on International Women's Day, I let all you men know that I admit and appreciate things that you all can really do much better than us.
1) I accept and admit with all my heart that we women can never beat you in "untidyness"!!! You guys are way ahead of us in this aspect. You have this amazing skill of "farting" with pride in public that we can never beat you at. I admit that cleaning your nose in public is an art that you have mastered and it will take us years to reach where you are (its a different thing altogether that we dont want to reach there ever). We can never claim to be "equal" in terms of being "lousy" and I, on behalf of all women declare you the WINNER in the category of "UNTIDY LOUSY BEAST". We women accept defeat with all our modesty.
2) The close second in the list is the "Art of bad Mouthing". We women have been trying to copy you getting "inspired" by your art of using abuses, left right and center. With a lot of hard work and dedication, we have been able to get somewhere closer to you when we are really pissed off or angry, but I must admit we have a long way to go before we reach the zenith you are at...its amazing how you greet each other with such decorative "Words of speech"!!! I often wonder if you are talking over the phone with your best friend or raging a war against the "Gang of Terrorist"! Its amazing to hear you use words like "mother..." "Sister..." to your best friends whose mother probably have cooked you many decent meals in the past! Also, I personally love the variety of such words that you guys possess control over, and improvisations are amazing!
3) Then ofcourse, how can I forget mentioning your "insensitiveness"... thats an attribute you are far far ahead of us. Women can never beat you in being "insenstivie" towards others feelings, others emotions and others dreams. You guys can singlehandedly manage being "insensitive" in all the departments of life. We can never even come close to you in this sphere. Your insensitivity, followed by your "huge" ego and decorated with your "Selfish" nature make you a much superior being than us...a class apart. How amazingly naturally it comes to you to take everything you get in this life, for granted. How convincingly you have "convinced" yourself that its "YOU" who deserve to get the best toys (over your sister) in your childhood, the best jobs (over other female contemporaries) when you grow up, and the "treaty" called marriage is so amazingly pro-men! Hats off to you men for pulling it off so amazingly! Women can never even dream of having secured for themselves such desirable treaties in life! We indeed have a long way to go.
4) You have mastered the art of "taking everything in life for granted" with such a master stroke. Over the centuries how have kept women supressed and now when women have started protesting bleekly, you actually attribute the increasing rate of divorce to the increasing rate of "intolerance" amongst women! Amazing insight...what you try to say is that divorce is on the rise, becasue WOMEN have become intolerant! Yeah, right, if only we accepted every injustice you did on us like your ancestors did on ours, we would have had lesser number of divorces! Amazingly, that you value "family" so much and are looking out for ways of reducing "divorces".
Well, the list can go on and on...starting from as petty stuff as your not washing your undergarments for days together! to as noble as your taking the woman in you life for granted, we are way behind you in all these and more. So on International Women's Day, I want to acknowledge all these and tell you, that we momen neither want nor can be like you. You are way ahead of us in things like above.
P.S: Heard, there is an International Men's Day as well... Don't know when, but wishing you all a Happy Men's Day full of drinks, abuses, dirty porns, stupid games, and chasing women with a draeam of enslaving them!...enjoy your life just the way you always do...after all what else can be expected from insensitive, selfish bunch of MEN!
Note: This post is dedicated to Chanakya for all his women bashing quotes. This post is also dedicated to modern day "Chanakyas" and MCPs in disguise...so called city bred, diplomatic, suave MCPs who pretend they "respect" women just like they repect their "mothers"!!!
Hi All "Chanakya"-led and "Chanakya" like men,
Like all other years I will not feel like raging a war against your tribe on International Women's day. Like all other years, I will not crib and frown on the "injustice" you have done to us over the centuries. Like all other years, I will not feel humiliated on the "insults" that you have done to women. Rather, this year, the woman in me plans to do something different. She feels the need to make peace with with, and give you credits where it is due. The woman in me feels its time I accept the things as they are...no point shouting for equality when I know WE are not equal. So this year round, on International Women's Day, I let all you men know that I admit and appreciate things that you all can really do much better than us.
1) I accept and admit with all my heart that we women can never beat you in "untidyness"!!! You guys are way ahead of us in this aspect. You have this amazing skill of "farting" with pride in public that we can never beat you at. I admit that cleaning your nose in public is an art that you have mastered and it will take us years to reach where you are (its a different thing altogether that we dont want to reach there ever). We can never claim to be "equal" in terms of being "lousy" and I, on behalf of all women declare you the WINNER in the category of "UNTIDY LOUSY BEAST". We women accept defeat with all our modesty.
2) The close second in the list is the "Art of bad Mouthing". We women have been trying to copy you getting "inspired" by your art of using abuses, left right and center. With a lot of hard work and dedication, we have been able to get somewhere closer to you when we are really pissed off or angry, but I must admit we have a long way to go before we reach the zenith you are at...its amazing how you greet each other with such decorative "Words of speech"!!! I often wonder if you are talking over the phone with your best friend or raging a war against the "Gang of Terrorist"! Its amazing to hear you use words like "mother..." "Sister..." to your best friends whose mother probably have cooked you many decent meals in the past! Also, I personally love the variety of such words that you guys possess control over, and improvisations are amazing!
3) Then ofcourse, how can I forget mentioning your "insensitiveness"... thats an attribute you are far far ahead of us. Women can never beat you in being "insenstivie" towards others feelings, others emotions and others dreams. You guys can singlehandedly manage being "insensitive" in all the departments of life. We can never even come close to you in this sphere. Your insensitivity, followed by your "huge" ego and decorated with your "Selfish" nature make you a much superior being than us...a class apart. How amazingly naturally it comes to you to take everything you get in this life, for granted. How convincingly you have "convinced" yourself that its "YOU" who deserve to get the best toys (over your sister) in your childhood, the best jobs (over other female contemporaries) when you grow up, and the "treaty" called marriage is so amazingly pro-men! Hats off to you men for pulling it off so amazingly! Women can never even dream of having secured for themselves such desirable treaties in life! We indeed have a long way to go.
4) You have mastered the art of "taking everything in life for granted" with such a master stroke. Over the centuries how have kept women supressed and now when women have started protesting bleekly, you actually attribute the increasing rate of divorce to the increasing rate of "intolerance" amongst women! Amazing insight...what you try to say is that divorce is on the rise, becasue WOMEN have become intolerant! Yeah, right, if only we accepted every injustice you did on us like your ancestors did on ours, we would have had lesser number of divorces! Amazingly, that you value "family" so much and are looking out for ways of reducing "divorces".
Well, the list can go on and on...starting from as petty stuff as your not washing your undergarments for days together! to as noble as your taking the woman in you life for granted, we are way behind you in all these and more. So on International Women's Day, I want to acknowledge all these and tell you, that we momen neither want nor can be like you. You are way ahead of us in things like above.
P.S: Heard, there is an International Men's Day as well... Don't know when, but wishing you all a Happy Men's Day full of drinks, abuses, dirty porns, stupid games, and chasing women with a draeam of enslaving them!...enjoy your life just the way you always do...after all what else can be expected from insensitive, selfish bunch of MEN!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Incredible India
During school days, we had a mandatory pledge every morning in the assembly, which goes on like this... "India is my country; All Indians are my brothers and sisters; I love my country and I am proud of its rich and varied heritage..." We grew up with this pledge and each and every day I recited this pledge, I felt proud of being an Indian. With all the innocense of a growing student I respected each and every aspect of my motherland.
I still love my country, but am not proud of Indian anymore. Am sorry to say, in my 35 years of experience, I gradually saw the ugly side of India. Now, India is made up of Indians, and am sorry to say the kind of dishonesty, corruption, narrow mindedness, and exploitation I see in India, I am really not very porud of ourselves anymore.
Consider this scenario: A highly modernised domestic airport, which is at par any international airport. "Premierre" check-in counter of one of the leading airlines of India. A lady taking her boarding pass and by mistake she leaves her mobile phone on the counter. She leaves the counter, realizes her mistake, and comes back in less than 5 minutes for her moblie phone. The phone is not there. Whats worse, when she calls up her number from a fellow passenger's mobile she finds it "switched off"! Now, who could have taken it? Either the person who checked-in after her, or the executives working at the counter? Is it a matter of pride, that a person who is checking-in at a Premierre counter of a leading airlines (which means he/she is a frequent flier with quite some points aquired on his/her membership card) or an executive working in a leading airlines actually turns out to be a thief? Is it a matter of pride that you cannot even trust a fellow Indian...a well-to-do Indian. Now this theft is definitely not for "money"? This theft is definitely not because of "poverty"? What will you call this? And how can you be proud of a country where this happens. I lost my moblie, am not sad because of that. I am sad and hurt because I lost it inside an airport where you have affluent people around you, and one of them had stolen a mere Nokia 5800 just because a forgetful fellow passenger has left it at the counter by mistake?! This is Incredible India, and this is Incredible Indians.
Scenario 2: I had applied for a voter's ID card in 2006 (actually after my marriage and a lot of initial travel after marriage, I first got the opportunity to settle down in one place where my entire family took the trouble of spending one whole day in the nidst of utter chaos and madness to get our photographs clicked for our Voter's ID card). And we were fortunate that some election was around the corner and the local political parties were very enthusiastic in getting our names in the voters' list. Anyways, as luck would have had it, though others voter ID cards reached on time, as a "special" case I did not get mine. After a lot of follow ups and a couple of rounds in local administrative office I got my name updated in the Voters' List, however even then I didnt get my Voter's ID card. Thankfully I could cast my vote by showing my Passport as Identity proof. Now when I went there to cast my vote I saw them tick my name against a photocopy of my original Voters ID Card! When I asked them where would I get the original one (obviously if they have the photocopy, the orginal one has to be existing somewhere!), my question obviously went to deaf ears. After almost 4 years, I lost the hope of getting my volters ID card and honesly, didnt mind that much. (I would probably be a very bad example of the adv campaign of Jaago India Jaago) Day before yesterday, a person came to my house all of a sudden. My father-in-law told me "he is the same gentleman who helped us in getting our Ration Cards done". I thought him to be a "social worker" initially when he came and told me that he will "help" me get my voters ID card. Only later i realized that his help is not "FREE". Anyways I didnt mind. He told me I have to pay 1200/ for the ID Card (obvisouly with my limited intelligence I coudnt understand why) and his "charge" would be 500/! I gave him 1700/ and guess what...he gave me my card the same day!!! I was "speechless", just failed to understand why I had to pay 1700/ extra to get my ID card which I should have got 4 years back! After this, I am sorry, but I cant be "incredibly" proud of "Incredible India"...no matter how much my favorite actor Aamir Khan wants me to.
These are my recent personal experiences. I can write a book if I rise beyond my personal loss and talk in general terms. The basic honesty is missing amongst us Indians. Am not saying everybody is dishonest (I know I am not, and I know there are many like me), but majority of us are...irrespective of caste, creed, and bank balance. And a Nation which is not Honest, starting from its leaders to the followers, can never be Numero Uno for me...no matter what the recent progress of our country is, I am not a very proud Indian, though I would love to be one.
Jay Hind is what I belive in, but we will WIN only if we WIN over our core dishonesty...and it is definitely a long way to go...as a NATION. Til then, Jay Hind is only in my dreams
I still love my country, but am not proud of Indian anymore. Am sorry to say, in my 35 years of experience, I gradually saw the ugly side of India. Now, India is made up of Indians, and am sorry to say the kind of dishonesty, corruption, narrow mindedness, and exploitation I see in India, I am really not very porud of ourselves anymore.
Consider this scenario: A highly modernised domestic airport, which is at par any international airport. "Premierre" check-in counter of one of the leading airlines of India. A lady taking her boarding pass and by mistake she leaves her mobile phone on the counter. She leaves the counter, realizes her mistake, and comes back in less than 5 minutes for her moblie phone. The phone is not there. Whats worse, when she calls up her number from a fellow passenger's mobile she finds it "switched off"! Now, who could have taken it? Either the person who checked-in after her, or the executives working at the counter? Is it a matter of pride, that a person who is checking-in at a Premierre counter of a leading airlines (which means he/she is a frequent flier with quite some points aquired on his/her membership card) or an executive working in a leading airlines actually turns out to be a thief? Is it a matter of pride that you cannot even trust a fellow Indian...a well-to-do Indian. Now this theft is definitely not for "money"? This theft is definitely not because of "poverty"? What will you call this? And how can you be proud of a country where this happens. I lost my moblie, am not sad because of that. I am sad and hurt because I lost it inside an airport where you have affluent people around you, and one of them had stolen a mere Nokia 5800 just because a forgetful fellow passenger has left it at the counter by mistake?! This is Incredible India, and this is Incredible Indians.
Scenario 2: I had applied for a voter's ID card in 2006 (actually after my marriage and a lot of initial travel after marriage, I first got the opportunity to settle down in one place where my entire family took the trouble of spending one whole day in the nidst of utter chaos and madness to get our photographs clicked for our Voter's ID card). And we were fortunate that some election was around the corner and the local political parties were very enthusiastic in getting our names in the voters' list. Anyways, as luck would have had it, though others voter ID cards reached on time, as a "special" case I did not get mine. After a lot of follow ups and a couple of rounds in local administrative office I got my name updated in the Voters' List, however even then I didnt get my Voter's ID card. Thankfully I could cast my vote by showing my Passport as Identity proof. Now when I went there to cast my vote I saw them tick my name against a photocopy of my original Voters ID Card! When I asked them where would I get the original one (obviously if they have the photocopy, the orginal one has to be existing somewhere!), my question obviously went to deaf ears. After almost 4 years, I lost the hope of getting my volters ID card and honesly, didnt mind that much. (I would probably be a very bad example of the adv campaign of Jaago India Jaago) Day before yesterday, a person came to my house all of a sudden. My father-in-law told me "he is the same gentleman who helped us in getting our Ration Cards done". I thought him to be a "social worker" initially when he came and told me that he will "help" me get my voters ID card. Only later i realized that his help is not "FREE". Anyways I didnt mind. He told me I have to pay 1200/ for the ID Card (obvisouly with my limited intelligence I coudnt understand why) and his "charge" would be 500/! I gave him 1700/ and guess what...he gave me my card the same day!!! I was "speechless", just failed to understand why I had to pay 1700/ extra to get my ID card which I should have got 4 years back! After this, I am sorry, but I cant be "incredibly" proud of "Incredible India"...no matter how much my favorite actor Aamir Khan wants me to.
These are my recent personal experiences. I can write a book if I rise beyond my personal loss and talk in general terms. The basic honesty is missing amongst us Indians. Am not saying everybody is dishonest (I know I am not, and I know there are many like me), but majority of us are...irrespective of caste, creed, and bank balance. And a Nation which is not Honest, starting from its leaders to the followers, can never be Numero Uno for me...no matter what the recent progress of our country is, I am not a very proud Indian, though I would love to be one.
Jay Hind is what I belive in, but we will WIN only if we WIN over our core dishonesty...and it is definitely a long way to go...as a NATION. Til then, Jay Hind is only in my dreams
Friday, February 19, 2010
Valentine's Day
Like every year, this year I celebrated Valentine's Day just the way I had dreamt of. Ok fine, am not honest with the statement. Actually I spent it (un)happily cooking dinner for some of my husband's side relatives who were expected home for dinner (husband's side relatives make it even more tragic). I know in most part of the world Valentine's day is spent with a lot of love, share and care. Gifts, good meal, romantic evening they are the part and parcel of this day, but not in "my world". So I thought that rather than cribbing about it, why not advise men on what they should plan for Valentine's day so that atleast some women celebrate it better than the way I do.
I would like to hope that for most men, the very mention of Valentine's Day conjures up memories (if at all) of a last minute, fruitless shopping expedition followed by a quarrel with their girlfriend or wife. Why I said "I hope" is because my man never did any of these things. Women, on the other hand, tend to think romantic thoughts: champagne, dining by candlelight, strolling violinists, and an after-dinner brandy in front of a roaring fireplace. This scenario exists only in their fantasies, mind you. After all, they are dating or married to a MAN!!!
Its time that most women should know in their Valentine's Day heart of hearts that the best they can realistically expect is convenience store fare -- a roll of adhesive tape, a pink baby shower balloon or, if they're really lucky, a jumbo bag of potato chips accompanied by a chocolate bar.
Nevertheless, females can't help hoping that someday, most preferably in this lifetime, they will indeed enjoy a romantic Valentine's Day interlude. One that doesn't end with the realization that they've been (a) dreaming; (b) watching a movie; or (c) reading a book with M&B on the cover. Atleast I belong to this group. Every year I hope I will have a Valentine's Day to remeber lifetime with all my dreams come true. But alas, my Valentine's day are just like anyother days of the year, but I never give up hoping. Some day...someday...someday...
Okay, so we've established that Valentine's Day is unlikely to involve candles, champagne, violins, soft music at the background, and slow romantic dancing. Still, it doesn't hurt to shoot for at least some of the above. Here's my guide to you men to woo your girlfriend/wife. Will your beloved appreciate your efforts? Of course she will. Females are flexible, understanding, merciful souls. You don't believe me? Then tell me what she's doing with you.
Ok guys, the key to achieving a romantic Valentine's Day ... or at least surviving it without bodily harm ... is to be aware that it is in fact Valentine's day. This is easier than it sounds; During the two weeks that precede February 14th (that's right -- every year Valentine's Day will fall on February 14th -- shocking revealation isn't it?) it will be impossible to go anywhere without tripping over heart-shaped boxes of chocolate and/or attractive women deploying perfume-spewing weaponry. From Radio, to newpaper, from the city malls to local grocery shop, every where the theme will be "Valentine's Day", so its almost impossible for you to miss it, ok?
Should you buy candy or perfume for your significant other? Good choice, but please proceed with caution. For instance, you'll probably want to avoid any chocolate marked half-off post-Christmas sale, especially if it's labeled "dietetic."
As for perfume, by now you should be very familiar with your wife's/girlfriend's taste. Does she go for spicy scents? Delicate florals? Earthy musk with just a hint of day-two boxer briefs? Hint -- don't buy any scent that reminds you of your mother.
Another tip that Valentine's Day is near is the glut of lingerie catalogues cluttering all over. Not to mention the pornographic undergarment ads scattered throughout your daily paper. Red alert: Although it's okay to stash Victoria's Secret catalogues with your Playboy back issues (assuming you don't get caught) lingerie is NOT a suitable Valentine's gift. Except, perhaps, for you.
Okay, V-Day has finally arrived. You've bought gifts for your loved one and hidden them in a safe place. You even remember where you hid them. And you've thoughtfully made dinner reservations at the Taj ... or, at least, the Chinese restaurant down the street. Now, please remember, Valentine's day is once in a year affair, please dont think too much about the expense, for God's sake. Thats such a turn-off. Its ok to go over board once a year. After all it will not cost you the whole of your annual salary, it will not leave you bankrrupt and it will definitely not take away your life times savings.
One more thing to remember. Please dont be late that evening. Dont get tricked into working late, trust me your company will survive if you leave office early on Valewntine's day. Or even worse, please dont lose track of time during one of those gripping debates about whether Sachin or Sourav is the greatest cricketer of the century, or who scored how many goals in a game that took place DECADES ago.
Instead, get yourself home as quickly as possible and into her loving arms. Who knows? After all your hard work, there may even be a payoff.
I would like to hope that for most men, the very mention of Valentine's Day conjures up memories (if at all) of a last minute, fruitless shopping expedition followed by a quarrel with their girlfriend or wife. Why I said "I hope" is because my man never did any of these things. Women, on the other hand, tend to think romantic thoughts: champagne, dining by candlelight, strolling violinists, and an after-dinner brandy in front of a roaring fireplace. This scenario exists only in their fantasies, mind you. After all, they are dating or married to a MAN!!!
Its time that most women should know in their Valentine's Day heart of hearts that the best they can realistically expect is convenience store fare -- a roll of adhesive tape, a pink baby shower balloon or, if they're really lucky, a jumbo bag of potato chips accompanied by a chocolate bar.
Nevertheless, females can't help hoping that someday, most preferably in this lifetime, they will indeed enjoy a romantic Valentine's Day interlude. One that doesn't end with the realization that they've been (a) dreaming; (b) watching a movie; or (c) reading a book with M&B on the cover. Atleast I belong to this group. Every year I hope I will have a Valentine's Day to remeber lifetime with all my dreams come true. But alas, my Valentine's day are just like anyother days of the year, but I never give up hoping. Some day...someday...someday...
Okay, so we've established that Valentine's Day is unlikely to involve candles, champagne, violins, soft music at the background, and slow romantic dancing. Still, it doesn't hurt to shoot for at least some of the above. Here's my guide to you men to woo your girlfriend/wife. Will your beloved appreciate your efforts? Of course she will. Females are flexible, understanding, merciful souls. You don't believe me? Then tell me what she's doing with you.
Ok guys, the key to achieving a romantic Valentine's Day ... or at least surviving it without bodily harm ... is to be aware that it is in fact Valentine's day. This is easier than it sounds; During the two weeks that precede February 14th (that's right -- every year Valentine's Day will fall on February 14th -- shocking revealation isn't it?) it will be impossible to go anywhere without tripping over heart-shaped boxes of chocolate and/or attractive women deploying perfume-spewing weaponry. From Radio, to newpaper, from the city malls to local grocery shop, every where the theme will be "Valentine's Day", so its almost impossible for you to miss it, ok?
Should you buy candy or perfume for your significant other? Good choice, but please proceed with caution. For instance, you'll probably want to avoid any chocolate marked half-off post-Christmas sale, especially if it's labeled "dietetic."
As for perfume, by now you should be very familiar with your wife's/girlfriend's taste. Does she go for spicy scents? Delicate florals? Earthy musk with just a hint of day-two boxer briefs? Hint -- don't buy any scent that reminds you of your mother.
Another tip that Valentine's Day is near is the glut of lingerie catalogues cluttering all over. Not to mention the pornographic undergarment ads scattered throughout your daily paper. Red alert: Although it's okay to stash Victoria's Secret catalogues with your Playboy back issues (assuming you don't get caught) lingerie is NOT a suitable Valentine's gift. Except, perhaps, for you.
Okay, V-Day has finally arrived. You've bought gifts for your loved one and hidden them in a safe place. You even remember where you hid them. And you've thoughtfully made dinner reservations at the Taj ... or, at least, the Chinese restaurant down the street. Now, please remember, Valentine's day is once in a year affair, please dont think too much about the expense, for God's sake. Thats such a turn-off. Its ok to go over board once a year. After all it will not cost you the whole of your annual salary, it will not leave you bankrrupt and it will definitely not take away your life times savings.
One more thing to remember. Please dont be late that evening. Dont get tricked into working late, trust me your company will survive if you leave office early on Valewntine's day. Or even worse, please dont lose track of time during one of those gripping debates about whether Sachin or Sourav is the greatest cricketer of the century, or who scored how many goals in a game that took place DECADES ago.
Instead, get yourself home as quickly as possible and into her loving arms. Who knows? After all your hard work, there may even be a payoff.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Men will be men, and women...women, ofcourse!
If your husband ever invites you to join him on one of his business trips, think twice. Or at least be sure to ask him these questions:
1. Will you ever get to see him apart from when he is…technically…sleeping?
2. What will he do, if you accidentally lock yourself out of your hotel room in the middle of the night while you are not…technically…dressed?
Unfortunately Saina neither thought twice nor asked these questions when her husband Neil invited her to join him on a week-long business trip in xxxx. Why xxxx? Because it does not matter where you are…it will just be the same. Anyways, coming back to the main point, since Saina did not ask these questions to Neil before setting out, she had to get the answers the hard way:
1. No
2. He will remain…technically…asleep.
Saina, a middle aged, happy go lucky, housewife-cum-fancying-to-be-author with acute addiction to cappuccino and the on-line life was excited to get such an invitation from her husband which was so unexpected and made her feel so special. She even did go back to her college time romancing days and winked and blushed like the stupid teenage girl she had then been. Apart from the “teen-age” part she is exactly the same even now. With lot of excitement and after packing enough gear for a year she set out brimming with joy alongside her husband with a lot of dreams and hopes for this week-long trip to xxxx.
They checked in late the first night, and the accommodations (thought paid by Neil’s client) were luxurious. But Saina, too hooked on to the net, gave no thought to the lovely hotel, or the sites and sounds around. While Neil unpacked, requested a wake-up call, and ooohed and aahed at the view, Saina was busy getting a modem connection. Only one view mattered to her…the blank screen on her laptop.
At last, she had her computer set up. Neil had already called it a day and with the sound of his snore as the background score, Saina began to relax, happy in the knowledge that any minute she’d… What’s this? An error message?! What did they mean “no dial tone”?!!!
It has to be some mistake, Saina told herself, as she tried to sign on again and again and again. After some multiple dozens of failed attempts, she even violated her “don’t crawl on a strange rug” rule. Struggling to reach the wall behind the desk and the bed, she squeezed her arm into places it didn’t belong, pulling, pushing and tugging at anything that looked relevant under the circumstance. She was desperately trying to spot a loose connection, that is apart from the one in her brain. Now, a normal person would have probably given up and gone to bed after 50, 60 or 70 failed attempts to sign on-line (Neil had been asleep nearly an hour by this time). But the more disconnects she got, the more determined she was to access her net account. So she kept on persisting, all the while cursing her computer, the hotel, her husband’s client, her husband, and her neighbor’s pet as well!
Then suddenly it hit her…kind of revelation one get only way past midnight, that she would phone the concierge, and that he would do some concierge type thing and get it fixed. So she picked up the phone, and guess what? It was as dead as her modem. As she was trying to guess whether she was personally being singled out for email deprivation or whether she was just a part of the whole lot of unfortunates in the hotel, she heard a sound in the hall!
Eager to find out if anyone else had the same problem, and forgetting that her attire (or the lack of it) would get her arrested in many countries including where she was now, she rushed out the door, wedging it open with a shoe. The sounds were coming from the next room, whose door was ajar.
“Do you have phone service?” Saina asked a female guest, who was still gripping her luggage.
She didn’t answer, instead she stared at Saina blankly. She has every reason for it, probably wondering why some barefoot, barely clad, crazy, middle-aged woman was standing in her door way at 3 a.m.
“Do you have phone service?” Saina repeated.
“No speak English,” said she, as she put down her luggage and looked around the room possibly for a weapon. Now desperate, Saina attempted to mime talking on the phone. But she apparently didn’t speak mime either.
At this point, Saina did something that can be either characterized as “Sainaistic” or “Insane”; She strode into her room, walked right past her towards the far end, and picked up the phone on the desk. It was dead. “Good,” thought Saina, for you need a phone to get someone arrested for trespass.
Saina put the receiver down and belated began to apologize. But the woman ignored her. She was embroiled some incorrigible dialogue with a man (her husband?) who had apparently been in the bathroom when Saina invaded their room and the woman walked in.
Saina quickly crossed their room, hoping in desperation that they wouldn’t try to stop her and praying that they understood the meaning of “sorry”.
Finally she made it out of there, and they slammed the door behind her. Relieved, she turned towards her own room and, after tripping over her failed wedge show, she discovered another shut door…her own!
20 minutes of door pounding and later, and she was still stranded in the hall, and Neil (who according to Saina can sleep through anything) proved her right and was still sound asleep.
She probably would have continued with the futile pounding going by her stubborn nature, but adding the crime of “destroying the peace” to “trespass” didn’t seem quite wise to her. She reasoned, after all, getting thrown out of the hotel probably wouldn’t go too well with Neil’s client and wouldn’t help his consultant/client relations.
Weighing the other option of taking the elevator downstairs and begging the concierge for a key dressed the way she was, she started down the hall way, moving as quickly as she could manage, and praying she wouldn’t meet anyone en’ route. Fortunately every reasonable sane person was asleep by then. So the halls and the elevator were empty. She was so relieved that she actually didn’t mind the strange looks from the couple getting on as she was getting off the elevator; or, for that matter, the amused grin from the concierge when she told him that she needed help.
“Phone problems?” he asked, looking her up and down.
“For starters” she answered.
"Sorry, everything's down at least until late morning. Anything else I can do for you?"
"Yes, I locked myself out of my room. Could you...?"
"Yes, I can see you did. Hold on and I'll get my keys."
"This is very embarrassing."
He took another look and grinned again. "No problem. I've seen a lot worse."
Throughout the journey to her room, the guy regaled Saina with the tales of locked-out guests stranded in garb that made her appear ready for a full dress ball. Then he placed his key in the door and said, "Do you have any ID?"
“What?” she said, panicking? “Where would I…”
"Just kidding," he said as he unlocked the door.
Safely back in her room, she found Neil sound asleep. Exhausted and angry, she stared at him, willing him awake.
Suddenly Neil sat up! “What is it?” he asked.
“Didn’t you notice I was gone?!!!”
"What are you talking about? One sec. I have to go to the bathroom."
"What were you saying?" Neil said as he climbed back into bed.
"Never mind. But you should set your alarm. The phones are broken, and you probably won't get that wake-up call."
"Thanks," he said as he fiddled with the clock and lay back down to sleep. "What did you do to their phones?" he added just before he began to snore.
1. Will you ever get to see him apart from when he is…technically…sleeping?
2. What will he do, if you accidentally lock yourself out of your hotel room in the middle of the night while you are not…technically…dressed?
Unfortunately Saina neither thought twice nor asked these questions when her husband Neil invited her to join him on a week-long business trip in xxxx. Why xxxx? Because it does not matter where you are…it will just be the same. Anyways, coming back to the main point, since Saina did not ask these questions to Neil before setting out, she had to get the answers the hard way:
1. No
2. He will remain…technically…asleep.
Saina, a middle aged, happy go lucky, housewife-cum-fancying-to-be-author with acute addiction to cappuccino and the on-line life was excited to get such an invitation from her husband which was so unexpected and made her feel so special. She even did go back to her college time romancing days and winked and blushed like the stupid teenage girl she had then been. Apart from the “teen-age” part she is exactly the same even now. With lot of excitement and after packing enough gear for a year she set out brimming with joy alongside her husband with a lot of dreams and hopes for this week-long trip to xxxx.
They checked in late the first night, and the accommodations (thought paid by Neil’s client) were luxurious. But Saina, too hooked on to the net, gave no thought to the lovely hotel, or the sites and sounds around. While Neil unpacked, requested a wake-up call, and ooohed and aahed at the view, Saina was busy getting a modem connection. Only one view mattered to her…the blank screen on her laptop.
At last, she had her computer set up. Neil had already called it a day and with the sound of his snore as the background score, Saina began to relax, happy in the knowledge that any minute she’d… What’s this? An error message?! What did they mean “no dial tone”?!!!
It has to be some mistake, Saina told herself, as she tried to sign on again and again and again. After some multiple dozens of failed attempts, she even violated her “don’t crawl on a strange rug” rule. Struggling to reach the wall behind the desk and the bed, she squeezed her arm into places it didn’t belong, pulling, pushing and tugging at anything that looked relevant under the circumstance. She was desperately trying to spot a loose connection, that is apart from the one in her brain. Now, a normal person would have probably given up and gone to bed after 50, 60 or 70 failed attempts to sign on-line (Neil had been asleep nearly an hour by this time). But the more disconnects she got, the more determined she was to access her net account. So she kept on persisting, all the while cursing her computer, the hotel, her husband’s client, her husband, and her neighbor’s pet as well!
Then suddenly it hit her…kind of revelation one get only way past midnight, that she would phone the concierge, and that he would do some concierge type thing and get it fixed. So she picked up the phone, and guess what? It was as dead as her modem. As she was trying to guess whether she was personally being singled out for email deprivation or whether she was just a part of the whole lot of unfortunates in the hotel, she heard a sound in the hall!
Eager to find out if anyone else had the same problem, and forgetting that her attire (or the lack of it) would get her arrested in many countries including where she was now, she rushed out the door, wedging it open with a shoe. The sounds were coming from the next room, whose door was ajar.
“Do you have phone service?” Saina asked a female guest, who was still gripping her luggage.
She didn’t answer, instead she stared at Saina blankly. She has every reason for it, probably wondering why some barefoot, barely clad, crazy, middle-aged woman was standing in her door way at 3 a.m.
“Do you have phone service?” Saina repeated.
“No speak English,” said she, as she put down her luggage and looked around the room possibly for a weapon. Now desperate, Saina attempted to mime talking on the phone. But she apparently didn’t speak mime either.
At this point, Saina did something that can be either characterized as “Sainaistic” or “Insane”; She strode into her room, walked right past her towards the far end, and picked up the phone on the desk. It was dead. “Good,” thought Saina, for you need a phone to get someone arrested for trespass.
Saina put the receiver down and belated began to apologize. But the woman ignored her. She was embroiled some incorrigible dialogue with a man (her husband?) who had apparently been in the bathroom when Saina invaded their room and the woman walked in.
Saina quickly crossed their room, hoping in desperation that they wouldn’t try to stop her and praying that they understood the meaning of “sorry”.
Finally she made it out of there, and they slammed the door behind her. Relieved, she turned towards her own room and, after tripping over her failed wedge show, she discovered another shut door…her own!
20 minutes of door pounding and later, and she was still stranded in the hall, and Neil (who according to Saina can sleep through anything) proved her right and was still sound asleep.
She probably would have continued with the futile pounding going by her stubborn nature, but adding the crime of “destroying the peace” to “trespass” didn’t seem quite wise to her. She reasoned, after all, getting thrown out of the hotel probably wouldn’t go too well with Neil’s client and wouldn’t help his consultant/client relations.
Weighing the other option of taking the elevator downstairs and begging the concierge for a key dressed the way she was, she started down the hall way, moving as quickly as she could manage, and praying she wouldn’t meet anyone en’ route. Fortunately every reasonable sane person was asleep by then. So the halls and the elevator were empty. She was so relieved that she actually didn’t mind the strange looks from the couple getting on as she was getting off the elevator; or, for that matter, the amused grin from the concierge when she told him that she needed help.
“Phone problems?” he asked, looking her up and down.
“For starters” she answered.
"Sorry, everything's down at least until late morning. Anything else I can do for you?"
"Yes, I locked myself out of my room. Could you...?"
"Yes, I can see you did. Hold on and I'll get my keys."
"This is very embarrassing."
He took another look and grinned again. "No problem. I've seen a lot worse."
Throughout the journey to her room, the guy regaled Saina with the tales of locked-out guests stranded in garb that made her appear ready for a full dress ball. Then he placed his key in the door and said, "Do you have any ID?"
“What?” she said, panicking? “Where would I…”
"Just kidding," he said as he unlocked the door.
Safely back in her room, she found Neil sound asleep. Exhausted and angry, she stared at him, willing him awake.
Suddenly Neil sat up! “What is it?” he asked.
“Didn’t you notice I was gone?!!!”
"What are you talking about? One sec. I have to go to the bathroom."
"What were you saying?" Neil said as he climbed back into bed.
"Never mind. But you should set your alarm. The phones are broken, and you probably won't get that wake-up call."
"Thanks," he said as he fiddled with the clock and lay back down to sleep. "What did you do to their phones?" he added just before he began to snore.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
