My Husband's a genius!

The shower at our house has two settings - scalding hot or freezing cold. After getting burnt, frozen, burnt and frozen in the span of two seconds, I decided to bring this to my efficient husband's notice last Saturday. Two reasons for me being too optimistic about him being the best handyman around to help me out in a situation like this. 1) Wanted to ensure that he "does" something meaninigful in the house other than lazing around. 2) Wanted to find out whether he is even aware of this terrible problem that I am facing for the last so many days!

Surprisingly enough, he seemed to be pretty excited to be able to help me in this matter!!! And this is what happened for the rest of our Saturday...

Here is the chronology of events:

10:00 AM:
Face the problem and rush to my husband and inform him, who was very busily surfing the net.

10:02AM to 10:29AM:
Massive lecture from him on why I did the right thing by informing him and not calling the "callous" handymen around. They are good for nothing, and he is the fittest person fix this problem. Amen!

10:30 AM:
He decides to fix the problem

10:45 AM:
He reads from the “Do It Yourself Home Repair” book that the problem is easily fixed by changing the shower stem.

10:46 AM:
He goes back to his laptop! and hits Google to find out what the hell a shower stem is

10:57 AM:
He groans realizing that the “Do It Yourself Home Repair” and he has disagreement on the definition of “easy.”

11:20 AM: these events are as reported by my husband as I was not there, hence the authenticity of these events is highly suspicible (believe it at your own risk)
At the nearby Supermarket (My husband)

11:40 AM:
Still cruising Supermarket to find faucet stem. Ok, take a deep breath and ask for help (My husband)

11:55 AM:
After the numbnut associate took me on the exact same route I traversed to find the stem, look for somebody who has a clue and ask for help (My husband)

12:30 PM:
Back home with the stem (My husband)

12:40 PM:
He shuts off the water (not only of the bathroom but kitchen and other outlets as well! The lunch is still not ready!!!)

12:41 PM:
Thirsty. He curses loudly remembering that he had just turned off the water. he thinks he deserves a coke anyway. Shouts and commands for a coke, I oblige as I was still optimistic about his efficiency.

12:50 PM:
He takes off the shower knob (WoW!!!). Home repair isn’t that hard after all - I am impressed

12:51 PM:
He realizes that he doesn’t have Pipe wrench to remove the existing stem. Panic. He curses the Supermarket. He curses neighbor’s dog, for no specific reason (when did his curses ever have a reason, anyway?)

12:52 PM:
A victorious smile on his face, am excited. He says, "Oh wait, the new stem came with a stem wrench"

01:00 PM:
OK, he got the stem out. Am impressed. He says, "All I have to do is put the new stem in". Wow! Now all I have to do is call my friends and brag about my husband's efficiency!!!

01:01 PM:
Hold on! He says, "Funny optical illusions. The new stem in my hand looks considerably larger than the opening it needs to go into"

01:02 PM:
Holy crap. It’s the wrong size and dumbo that he is, he doesn't even realise that!

02:00 PM:
He is back from Supermarket armed with right sized stem (one mistake is always forgotten and forgiven! My poor husband, am still optimistic about his efficiency)

02:30 PM:
Stem firmly in place, We are minutes away from a lazy afternoon

02:40 PM:
*&*%%! now he says the knob doesn’t fit. This white threaded thing the knob has to slide onto, is too short. What the hell is this white tube thing called anyway?

02:45 PM:
He looks up his trusted “Do It Yourself Home Repair” and figures out it’s called a nipple. He giggles like a school girl. Come on, grow up, stop giggling and fix the damn problem. (Hold on, am I losing my cool? No way, I am looking forward to a fantastic weekend ahead)

02:46 PM:
He needs to figure out the size of the *giggle,giggle* nipple. (Wonder why the hell is he giggling and blushing? I shall definitely sort this out with him later)

02:50 PM:
Oh he is having fun looking up for “nipple” on google, with such a straight face, all men are &%*@%^*, but will deal with that later.

03:30 PM:
We both go to the Supermarket (Only fools let their husbands commit the same mistake twice and i am no fool). He needs to explain to the lady associate, who jumped in front of him (they never want to help me ever!) asking “May I help you”, what he is looking for in phrases that do not include any human body parts (this is fun!)

03:45 PM:
15 minutes of searching and the only nipples he found were of the red-necks walking around without shirts. With a sudden surge in gray matter activity, he realizes if the nipple doesn’t fit the knob, buy a new knob. Oh my husband's a genius! Am still impressed!

04:00 PM:

Back home. Everything fits! Whoohoo. He declares.
But then, why is the water coming out of the wall though? I ask innocently.

04:01 PM:
Goddamnit, he realises he didn’t tighten the stem enough.

04:10 PM:
Aha! All done now. All's well that ends well. All I have to do now is brag about it, carefully skipping over the part where my husband dropped the wrench on his toe.

And what better way it is to brag about the event than to blog about it so that the whole world gets to know.!!!

We did have a nice and lazy weekend after that. So what if we missed our lunch.