Emotions

I have always been accused of being "extremely emotional" by different kinds of people, starting from my friends, wellwishers, my manager, to even the closest ones. In college, my friends used to call me an "emotional fool" - but for me it was always a compliment. I knew i could emote more than any of my friends at any given point of time, and that made me feel good about myself, regardless of what others said. I mean, you change yourself only if you think a particular trait of yours is not good or can be replaced by a better alternative. But for me, being emotional always was, and still is, the best attribute of mine. Emotions come with a parcel of so many attributes - kindness, empathy, understanding, passion, love , i mean, you just name it! So I never thought of letting go of this trait ever.

I give more importance to relationships than anything else in life. I value human bonds more than anything else in life. If am a fool to think that way, so be it. Sentimental movies bring tears to my eyes, even if I am watching it for the 100th time! If am a fool to do so, then be it. Children bring smile on my face, even if they are strangers to me. If I am fool because of this, so be it. Unknowingly, I bless every couple I see on roads. Romantic cards, mushy romantic songs boost my spirits up. I believe in fairy tales, I beilieve in angels, I believe in wishes. I believe people who live us for the greater journey beyond life, become stars and watch us from the sky above. I believe Santa is there (my daughter doesnt). I remember, in my college, when I would passionately discuss "love" and ideals of love, my friends would laugh at me. That never stopped me from beilieving in my dreams.

Why am I even talking about all these? Because, when friends called me "emotional fools" I took it by my stride and paid not much attention to it. When my manager, once told me to overcome my emotions in corporate world, I didnt pay much heed to his advise. But when, that one special person accused me of being emotional and one who hypes on "Self pity" to get others' attention, I just coudnot take it... at times you are so deeply hurt, that you forget to cry... you forget to complain... u just accept it and take that lump inside you. Its like a tumor, which gives you pain, but you hide it from everybody, because you are afraid of the diagnosis.

Am living with that lump, a lump thats growing bigger every moment. I will live with this permanent lump forever, and probably not even talk about it, because the moment I share this lump with my friends, they will laugh at me and call me an "emotional fool". Since this is personal, I will not discuss this with my manager for sure, and if with all my heart I go to that special person and tell him how am feeling, I will be diagnosed once again as one who has this "accuse syndrome of creating self pity to attract attention" - dont know much about the disease, but the diagnosis itself is too much to bear.

Will leave you all with a quote that I once came across

"Don't cry in any relationship, cos the person who loves you will never let you cry, and the person who you cry for, is not worth your love"

I understand this - but my tears dont... they are more emotional than I am.