Mill & Boons

Blame all my crushes on M&B. Blame all my hearbreaks on M&B. Blame my extremely filmy romanticism also on M&B. I admit that my life has been moulded (you can read "deformed" if you may) by M&B. I would like to thank all the authors of M&B (Penny Jordan, Debbie Macomber, Lynne Graham, Nora Roberts, etc) for making me this extremely stupid, emotional, sentimental, romantic fool! Thanks to you women out there, I started believing "Love" is all about candle-lit dinner, poetry, slow dancing, flowers, and chocolates. I believed my man would be this tall, dark, handsome, showstealer hunk with a very intelligent mind and romantic heart (absolutely impossible combination not matter which formula of Permutation n Combination you put in). Since I had always been a plane Jane, I believed like your books one day a Salman Khan or a Rahul Dravid will woo me and sweep me off my feet (well, I still believe it...one day this will happen).

Now why am I suddenly in a bah-you-all-authors-of M&B-stories? Well the truth is I started reading them all over again! Yes, you heard me right, I am back to reading M&B when in exactly 84 days I will be 35! And faint-if-you-may, these books are again captivating me...you know that feeling when a gust of wind catches you unawares? when it swirls round you, sucking the air from your lungs and leaving you blinking, and ruffled and invigorated?...well thats what I am feeling right now! And if you are wondering on the way I am writing this...well thanks to the new book of M&B for that as well!

Wish God was more like these authors! Wish He took help of these authors when He was writing my life story. I wonder whether in God's kingdom, M&B stories are written? Even if they are, I am unaware... I am yet to meet a TDH with a lot of sensitivity who will prepare breakfast for me and wake me up with a "Goodmorning Sunshine". I am yet to meet a man who would actually be sensible enough to ask the local confectionary to send me a "cream filled doughnut" everyday in the morning because he knows I have a "sweet tooth" and crave for something sweet everyday morning... and mind you all these activities that an M&B Hero performs are all pre-love stage...these are just the beginnings in that "world"..."I Love You" comes decades later...and here in this "world" I love you" changes to "You are ok" to "Oh you suck" to "For all I care"....but Goodmorning sunshine is a distant dream... Flowers everyday is unthinkable...and candle-lit dinner? well you may have it if there is a power cut!

Hence my plead to these great authors...please do put some sense in God's mind...so that when He writes my next life...He puts in some components from your stories... oh Life would be so much fun, if I was "Summer Cutris" of "Jennifer Ashley" or "Linda Stephens" of your "world"... infact, I am thinking of courriering all your books to Almighty, so that He has some better ideas when He writes my Love Life in my next birth!...only if I had His address!!!

The Art of Giving

The art of giving is one of the most important form of art in the world today. This is my personal opinion, but then, this is my personal blogspot! The reason why I feel that the art of giving is so important is because I feel this is the only way you get richer by making someone else better off. Being a student of Economics (though I have almost forgotten that I was), I was always taught that supply is finite and demand is infinite. And the act of balancing infinite demand vis-a-vis finite supply is what Economics is all about. Digging this subject for 7 years, I had realized that this is a fact of life, not only Economics. Life is a balancing act that you learn at the very beginning. And it is always about demand and supply... your demand for milk is supplied by your mother when you are born and thats when it begins. You demand pocket money, your father supplies, your father demands good result that you supply. Its a trade off...and it continues from childhood to adolescence, till the day you are alive...and this trade off is in every aspect of life...social, financial as well as emotional. And in this trade off, if one part is better off the other one is invariably worse off, even if temporarily. But the art of giving is only one aspect of life when you are better off and the party you are giving is also better off...you both gain...he gets a better life, and you? Well my dear friend, you get a happiness that is priceless, atleast much over priced than what you have given.

Sarah had taught me the Art of Giving... and I have come across many such Sarahs in life who have taught me this. And this post is dedicated to all of them.

1) Often, for my office work, I have to travel to Bangalore, and there I have an office cab and the person who owns the cab, is Suresh. Suresh is a very nice man and over months we have bonded really well. Suresh has 2 daughters and since both of them are younger to my daughter, I often get my daughter's old clothes and other used stuffs for them. During one such week long visit in Bangalore, I was talking to my husband over the phone and was cribbing about the food in Bangalore that i didnt like having. Suresh might have understood what I was talking and the very next day he got me a lunch pack and told me that his wife will cook meals for me till the time I am there, so that I dont have to eat outside food.

2) My friend Rajdeep with whom I studied for 5 years together would always spend his pocket money buying me chocolates...and before you get wrong ideas, no, he is or never was my boy friend. We were friends and rgender never came between our friendship. So there was no need of impressing each other or anything. But his buying me chocolates from his pocket money, since I would have already spent mine buying chocolates for myself, by then, have left a deep sense of gratitude in me. Now, I can buy and have any type of chocolates in the world but nothing tastes as good as those Ra. 5/ Cadbury's Break bar.

3) Out of all gifts I receive on my birthday the best one is the one my daughter gives me. This is not because she is my daughter and/or I love her the most and all that. This is more because she gives me a gift that costs her entire pocket money for the month. And even then she looks forward to spending that amount just to make me feel special.

4) The year of my marriage, my father had gifted me an album which had all my childhood memories. Rare photographs that I had never seen earlier. My father is not very expressive kind, I dont remember when was the last time we hugged each other. So a gift like that from my father had me speechless.

All these people actually taught me a very valuable lesson of my life...that happiness lies more in giving than in getting...

International Women's Day!

Its customary to wish all women on International Women's day. I have got many wishes from other women too...Happy International Women's Day with various inspiring, heart touching, "oh we are so great" kinda quotes. Didnt know how to react, so thought would blog about Women's Day and how I see it as.

Note: This post is dedicated to Chanakya for all his women bashing quotes. This post is also dedicated to modern day "Chanakyas" and MCPs in disguise...so called city bred, diplomatic, suave MCPs who pretend they "respect" women just like they repect their "mothers"!!!

Hi All "Chanakya"-led and "Chanakya" like men,

Like all other years I will not feel like raging a war against your tribe on International Women's day. Like all other years, I will not crib and frown on the "injustice" you have done to us over the centuries. Like all other years, I will not feel humiliated on the "insults" that you have done to women. Rather, this year, the woman in me plans to do something different. She feels the need to make peace with with, and give you credits where it is due. The woman in me feels its time I accept the things as they are...no point shouting for equality when I know WE are not equal. So this year round, on International Women's Day, I let all you men know that I admit and appreciate things that you all can really do much better than us.

1) I accept and admit with all my heart that we women can never beat you in "untidyness"!!! You guys are way ahead of us in this aspect. You have this amazing skill of "farting" with pride in public that we can never beat you at. I admit that cleaning your nose in public is an art that you have mastered and it will take us years to reach where you are (its a different thing altogether that we dont want to reach there ever). We can never claim to be "equal" in terms of being "lousy" and I, on behalf of all women declare you the WINNER in the category of "UNTIDY LOUSY BEAST". We women accept defeat with all our modesty.

2) The close second in the list is the "Art of bad Mouthing". We women have been trying to copy you getting "inspired" by your art of using abuses, left right and center. With a lot of hard work and dedication, we have been able to get somewhere closer to you when we are really pissed off or angry, but I must admit we have a long way to go before we reach the zenith you are at...its amazing how you greet each other with such decorative "Words of speech"!!! I often wonder if you are talking over the phone with your best friend or raging a war against the "Gang of Terrorist"! Its amazing to hear you use words like "mother..." "Sister..." to your best friends whose mother probably have cooked you many decent meals in the past! Also, I personally love the variety of such words that you guys possess control over, and improvisations are amazing!

3) Then ofcourse, how can I forget mentioning your "insensitiveness"... thats an attribute you are far far ahead of us. Women can never beat you in being "insenstivie" towards others feelings, others emotions and others dreams. You guys can singlehandedly manage being "insensitive" in all the departments of life. We can never even come close to you in this sphere. Your insensitivity, followed by your "huge" ego and decorated with your "Selfish" nature make you a much superior being than us...a class apart. How amazingly naturally it comes to you to take everything you get in this life, for granted. How convincingly you have "convinced" yourself that its "YOU" who deserve to get the best toys (over your sister) in your childhood, the best jobs (over other female contemporaries) when you grow up, and the "treaty" called marriage is so amazingly pro-men! Hats off to you men for pulling it off so amazingly! Women can never even dream of having secured for themselves such desirable treaties in life! We indeed have a long way to go.

4) You have mastered the art of "taking everything in life for granted" with such a master stroke. Over the centuries how have kept women supressed and now when women have started protesting bleekly, you actually attribute the increasing rate of divorce to the increasing rate of "intolerance" amongst women! Amazing insight...what you try to say is that divorce is on the rise, becasue WOMEN have become intolerant! Yeah, right, if only we accepted every injustice you did on us like your ancestors did on ours, we would have had lesser number of divorces! Amazingly, that you value "family" so much and are looking out for ways of reducing "divorces".

Well, the list can go on and on...starting from as petty stuff as your not washing your undergarments for days together! to as noble as your taking the woman in you life for granted, we are way behind you in all these and more. So on International Women's Day, I want to acknowledge all these and tell you, that we momen neither want nor can be like you. You are way ahead of us in things like above.

P.S: Heard, there is an International Men's Day as well... Don't know when, but wishing you all a Happy Men's Day full of drinks, abuses, dirty porns, stupid games, and chasing women with a draeam of enslaving them!...enjoy your life just the way you always do...after all what else can be expected from insensitive, selfish bunch of MEN!

Incredible India

During school days, we had a mandatory pledge every morning in the assembly, which goes on like this... "India is my country; All Indians are my brothers and sisters; I love my country and I am proud of its rich and varied heritage..." We grew up with this pledge and each and every day I recited this pledge, I felt proud of being an Indian. With all the innocense of a growing student I respected each and every aspect of my motherland.

I still love my country, but am not proud of Indian anymore. Am sorry to say, in my 35 years of experience, I gradually saw the ugly side of India. Now, India is made up of Indians, and am sorry to say the kind of dishonesty, corruption, narrow mindedness, and exploitation I see in India, I am really not very porud of ourselves anymore.

Consider this scenario: A highly modernised domestic airport, which is at par any international airport. "Premierre" check-in counter of one of the leading airlines of India. A lady taking her boarding pass and by mistake she leaves her mobile phone on the counter. She leaves the counter, realizes her mistake, and comes back in less than 5 minutes for her moblie phone. The phone is not there. Whats worse, when she calls up her number from a fellow passenger's mobile she finds it "switched off"! Now, who could have taken it? Either the person who checked-in after her, or the executives working at the counter? Is it a matter of pride, that a person who is checking-in at a Premierre counter of a leading airlines (which means he/she is a frequent flier with quite some points aquired on his/her membership card) or an executive working in a leading airlines actually turns out to be a thief? Is it a matter of pride that you cannot even trust a fellow Indian...a well-to-do Indian. Now this theft is definitely not for "money"? This theft is definitely not because of "poverty"? What will you call this? And how can you be proud of a country where this happens. I lost my moblie, am not sad because of that. I am sad and hurt because I lost it inside an airport where you have affluent people around you, and one of them had stolen a mere Nokia 5800 just because a forgetful fellow passenger has left it at the counter by mistake?! This is Incredible India, and this is Incredible Indians.

Scenario 2: I had applied for a voter's ID card in 2006 (actually after my marriage and a lot of initial travel after marriage, I first got the opportunity to settle down in one place where my entire family took the trouble of spending one whole day in the nidst of utter chaos and madness to get our photographs clicked for our Voter's ID card). And we were fortunate that some election was around the corner and the local political parties were very enthusiastic in getting our names in the voters' list. Anyways, as luck would have had it, though others voter ID cards reached on time, as a "special" case I did not get mine. After a lot of follow ups and a couple of rounds in local administrative office I got my name updated in the Voters' List, however even then I didnt get my Voter's ID card. Thankfully I could cast my vote by showing my Passport as Identity proof. Now when I went there to cast my vote I saw them tick my name against a photocopy of my original Voters ID Card! When I asked them where would I get the original one (obviously if they have the photocopy, the orginal one has to be existing somewhere!), my question obviously went to deaf ears. After almost 4 years, I lost the hope of getting my volters ID card and honesly, didnt mind that much. (I would probably be a very bad example of the adv campaign of Jaago India Jaago) Day before yesterday, a person came to my house all of a sudden. My father-in-law told me "he is the same gentleman who helped us in getting our Ration Cards done". I thought him to be a "social worker" initially when he came and told me that he will "help" me get my voters ID card. Only later i realized that his help is not "FREE". Anyways I didnt mind. He told me I have to pay 1200/ for the ID Card (obvisouly with my limited intelligence I coudnt understand why) and his "charge" would be 500/! I gave him 1700/ and guess what...he gave me my card the same day!!! I was "speechless", just failed to understand why I had to pay 1700/ extra to get my ID card which I should have got 4 years back! After this, I am sorry, but I cant be "incredibly" proud of "Incredible India"...no matter how much my favorite actor Aamir Khan wants me to.

These are my recent personal experiences. I can write a book if I rise beyond my personal loss and talk in general terms. The basic honesty is missing amongst us Indians. Am not saying everybody is dishonest (I know I am not, and I know there are many like me), but majority of us are...irrespective of caste, creed, and bank balance. And a Nation which is not Honest, starting from its leaders to the followers, can never be Numero Uno for me...no matter what the recent progress of our country is, I am not a very proud Indian, though I would love to be one.

Jay Hind is what I belive in, but we will WIN only if we WIN over our core dishonesty...and it is definitely a long way to go...as a NATION. Til then, Jay Hind is only in my dreams

Valentine's Day

Like every year, this year I celebrated Valentine's Day just the way I had dreamt of. Ok fine, am not honest with the statement. Actually I spent it (un)happily cooking dinner for some of my husband's side relatives who were expected home for dinner (husband's side relatives make it even more tragic). I know in most part of the world Valentine's day is spent with a lot of love, share and care. Gifts, good meal, romantic evening they are the part and parcel of this day, but not in "my world". So I thought that rather than cribbing about it, why not advise men on what they should plan for Valentine's day so that atleast some women celebrate it better than the way I do.

I would like to hope that for most men, the very mention of Valentine's Day conjures up memories (if at all) of a last minute, fruitless shopping expedition followed by a quarrel with their girlfriend or wife. Why I said "I hope" is because my man never did any of these things. Women, on the other hand, tend to think romantic thoughts: champagne, dining by candlelight, strolling violinists, and an after-dinner brandy in front of a roaring fireplace. This scenario exists only in their fantasies, mind you. After all, they are dating or married to a MAN!!!

Its time that most women should know in their Valentine's Day heart of hearts that the best they can realistically expect is convenience store fare -- a roll of adhesive tape, a pink baby shower balloon or, if they're really lucky, a jumbo bag of potato chips accompanied by a chocolate bar.

Nevertheless, females can't help hoping that someday, most preferably in this lifetime, they will indeed enjoy a romantic Valentine's Day interlude. One that doesn't end with the realization that they've been (a) dreaming; (b) watching a movie; or (c) reading a book with M&B on the cover. Atleast I belong to this group. Every year I hope I will have a Valentine's Day to remeber lifetime with all my dreams come true. But alas, my Valentine's day are just like anyother days of the year, but I never give up hoping. Some day...someday...someday...

Okay, so we've established that Valentine's Day is unlikely to involve candles, champagne, violins, soft music at the background, and slow romantic dancing. Still, it doesn't hurt to shoot for at least some of the above. Here's my guide to you men to woo your girlfriend/wife. Will your beloved appreciate your efforts? Of course she will. Females are flexible, understanding, merciful souls. You don't believe me? Then tell me what she's doing with you.

Ok guys, the key to achieving a romantic Valentine's Day ... or at least surviving it without bodily harm ... is to be aware that it is in fact Valentine's day. This is easier than it sounds; During the two weeks that precede February 14th (that's right -- every year Valentine's Day will fall on February 14th -- shocking revealation isn't it?) it will be impossible to go anywhere without tripping over heart-shaped boxes of chocolate and/or attractive women deploying perfume-spewing weaponry. From Radio, to newpaper, from the city malls to local grocery shop, every where the theme will be "Valentine's Day", so its almost impossible for you to miss it, ok?

Should you buy candy or perfume for your significant other? Good choice, but please proceed with caution. For instance, you'll probably want to avoid any chocolate marked half-off post-Christmas sale, especially if it's labeled "dietetic."

As for perfume, by now you should be very familiar with your wife's/girlfriend's taste. Does she go for spicy scents? Delicate florals? Earthy musk with just a hint of day-two boxer briefs? Hint -- don't buy any scent that reminds you of your mother.

Another tip that Valentine's Day is near is the glut of lingerie catalogues cluttering all over. Not to mention the pornographic undergarment ads scattered throughout your daily paper. Red alert: Although it's okay to stash Victoria's Secret catalogues with your Playboy back issues (assuming you don't get caught) lingerie is NOT a suitable Valentine's gift. Except, perhaps, for you.

Okay, V-Day has finally arrived. You've bought gifts for your loved one and hidden them in a safe place. You even remember where you hid them. And you've thoughtfully made dinner reservations at the Taj ... or, at least, the Chinese restaurant down the street. Now, please remember, Valentine's day is once in a year affair, please dont think too much about the expense, for God's sake. Thats such a turn-off. Its ok to go over board once a year. After all it will not cost you the whole of your annual salary, it will not leave you bankrrupt and it will definitely not take away your life times savings.

One more thing to remember. Please dont be late that evening. Dont get tricked into working late, trust me your company will survive if you leave office early on Valewntine's day. Or even worse, please dont lose track of time during one of those gripping debates about whether Sachin or Sourav is the greatest cricketer of the century, or who scored how many goals in a game that took place DECADES ago.

Instead, get yourself home as quickly as possible and into her loving arms. Who knows? After all your hard work, there may even be a payoff.

Men will be men, and women...women, ofcourse!

If your husband ever invites you to join him on one of his business trips, think twice. Or at least be sure to ask him these questions:

1. Will you ever get to see him apart from when he is…technically…sleeping?
2. What will he do, if you accidentally lock yourself out of your hotel room in the middle of the night while you are not…technically…dressed?

Unfortunately Saina neither thought twice nor asked these questions when her husband Neil invited her to join him on a week-long business trip in xxxx. Why xxxx? Because it does not matter where you are…it will just be the same. Anyways, coming back to the main point, since Saina did not ask these questions to Neil before setting out, she had to get the answers the hard way:

1. No
2. He will remain…technically…asleep.

Saina, a middle aged, happy go lucky, housewife-cum-fancying-to-be-author with acute addiction to cappuccino and the on-line life was excited to get such an invitation from her husband which was so unexpected and made her feel so special. She even did go back to her college time romancing days and winked and blushed like the stupid teenage girl she had then been. Apart from the “teen-age” part she is exactly the same even now. With lot of excitement and after packing enough gear for a year she set out brimming with joy alongside her husband with a lot of dreams and hopes for this week-long trip to xxxx.

They checked in late the first night, and the accommodations (thought paid by Neil’s client) were luxurious. But Saina, too hooked on to the net, gave no thought to the lovely hotel, or the sites and sounds around. While Neil unpacked, requested a wake-up call, and ooohed and aahed at the view, Saina was busy getting a modem connection. Only one view mattered to her…the blank screen on her laptop.

At last, she had her computer set up. Neil had already called it a day and with the sound of his snore as the background score, Saina began to relax, happy in the knowledge that any minute she’d… What’s this? An error message?! What did they mean “no dial tone”?!!!

It has to be some mistake, Saina told herself, as she tried to sign on again and again and again. After some multiple dozens of failed attempts, she even violated her “don’t crawl on a strange rug” rule. Struggling to reach the wall behind the desk and the bed, she squeezed her arm into places it didn’t belong, pulling, pushing and tugging at anything that looked relevant under the circumstance. She was desperately trying to spot a loose connection, that is apart from the one in her brain. Now, a normal person would have probably given up and gone to bed after 50, 60 or 70 failed attempts to sign on-line (Neil had been asleep nearly an hour by this time). But the more disconnects she got, the more determined she was to access her net account. So she kept on persisting, all the while cursing her computer, the hotel, her husband’s client, her husband, and her neighbor’s pet as well!

Then suddenly it hit her…kind of revelation one get only way past midnight, that she would phone the concierge, and that he would do some concierge type thing and get it fixed. So she picked up the phone, and guess what? It was as dead as her modem. As she was trying to guess whether she was personally being singled out for email deprivation or whether she was just a part of the whole lot of unfortunates in the hotel, she heard a sound in the hall!

Eager to find out if anyone else had the same problem, and forgetting that her attire (or the lack of it) would get her arrested in many countries including where she was now, she rushed out the door, wedging it open with a shoe. The sounds were coming from the next room, whose door was ajar.

“Do you have phone service?” Saina asked a female guest, who was still gripping her luggage.

She didn’t answer, instead she stared at Saina blankly. She has every reason for it, probably wondering why some barefoot, barely clad, crazy, middle-aged woman was standing in her door way at 3 a.m.

“Do you have phone service?” Saina repeated.

“No speak English,” said she, as she put down her luggage and looked around the room possibly for a weapon. Now desperate, Saina attempted to mime talking on the phone. But she apparently didn’t speak mime either.

At this point, Saina did something that can be either characterized as “Sainaistic” or “Insane”; She strode into her room, walked right past her towards the far end, and picked up the phone on the desk. It was dead. “Good,” thought Saina, for you need a phone to get someone arrested for trespass.

Saina put the receiver down and belated began to apologize. But the woman ignored her. She was embroiled some incorrigible dialogue with a man (her husband?) who had apparently been in the bathroom when Saina invaded their room and the woman walked in.

Saina quickly crossed their room, hoping in desperation that they wouldn’t try to stop her and praying that they understood the meaning of “sorry”.

Finally she made it out of there, and they slammed the door behind her. Relieved, she turned towards her own room and, after tripping over her failed wedge show, she discovered another shut door…her own!

20 minutes of door pounding and later, and she was still stranded in the hall, and Neil (who according to Saina can sleep through anything) proved her right and was still sound asleep.

She probably would have continued with the futile pounding going by her stubborn nature, but adding the crime of “destroying the peace” to “trespass” didn’t seem quite wise to her. She reasoned, after all, getting thrown out of the hotel probably wouldn’t go too well with Neil’s client and wouldn’t help his consultant/client relations.

Weighing the other option of taking the elevator downstairs and begging the concierge for a key dressed the way she was, she started down the hall way, moving as quickly as she could manage, and praying she wouldn’t meet anyone en’ route. Fortunately every reasonable sane person was asleep by then. So the halls and the elevator were empty. She was so relieved that she actually didn’t mind the strange looks from the couple getting on as she was getting off the elevator; or, for that matter, the amused grin from the concierge when she told him that she needed help.

“Phone problems?” he asked, looking her up and down.

“For starters” she answered.

"Sorry, everything's down at least until late morning. Anything else I can do for you?"

"Yes, I locked myself out of my room. Could you...?"

"Yes, I can see you did. Hold on and I'll get my keys."

"This is very embarrassing."

He took another look and grinned again. "No problem. I've seen a lot worse."

Throughout the journey to her room, the guy regaled Saina with the tales of locked-out guests stranded in garb that made her appear ready for a full dress ball. Then he placed his key in the door and said, "Do you have any ID?"

“What?” she said, panicking? “Where would I…”

"Just kidding," he said as he unlocked the door.

Safely back in her room, she found Neil sound asleep. Exhausted and angry, she stared at him, willing him awake.

Suddenly Neil sat up! “What is it?” he asked.

“Didn’t you notice I was gone?!!!”

"What are you talking about? One sec. I have to go to the bathroom."

"What were you saying?" Neil said as he climbed back into bed.

"Never mind. But you should set your alarm. The phones are broken, and you probably won't get that wake-up call."

"Thanks," he said as he fiddled with the clock and lay back down to sleep. "What did you do to their phones?" he added just before he began to snore.

Now, where have I read this before???

Before blogging about how I lost my mobile, let me mention this article that I came across in one of these women mags in the flight. The article was about "Spring: Clean your winter blues"...aha! Spring has ultimately arrived. Now Spring, in our part of the world is very short lived indeed, and so is the guilt of "not" cleaning up. Do you feel guilty yet, with the arrival of spring that is? If not, you apparently dont read women's magazines. Every Feb-Mar editions of these magazines are packed with "clean up and organize your life" articles. Stories with catchy titles like "Spring Into Action -- Tidy Up Your House". Or "Wash Away Winter Blues". In short what it means is ... Banish Clutter Now; Otherwise We'll Keep Torturing You With Articles Meant to Make you Feel Like A Slothful Bum.

Personally, I'd rather love to read something on the line of... Why Clean In The First Place? It Will Only Get Dirty Again Tomorrow. Alas, these women mags are just not my taste!

While reading the article trying to supress my yawn, I wondered why do magazines publish such articles? Because every spring zillions of women have the same response: Guilt. Guilt quickly followed by a spending spree on periodicals and cleaning supplies. They grab every magazine in the town and, in a fit of post-New Year's resolution fervor, vow to give a make-over to their homes in Twinkle Khanna style! But do these articles help? Hahahaha. Pardon me -- I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were serious. All these stories share one fatal flaw ... apart from the fact that they relate to boring housework. The problem is, they are all the same article. It's hard to believe, but true. While our film directors are expected to vary their offerinngs atleast slightly from one movie to another, authors specializing in the spring cleaning genre recycle the same 100 or so tips year after year after year!!! Injustice, I say!

Just a month ago archaeologists, who were excavating a cave somewhere in Europe, discovered a minute remnant of what they believe to be the world's first spring cleaning advise. The very few words they managed to unearth are as vital today as they were way back in those Era: "Hose down dinosaur dung." In fact, those exact words appeared in several magazines sold this very year. Sadly, though, the original author had a lousy lawyer and never got a penny in royalties. Moreover, Biblical historians are convinced that the Old Testament contained at least two chapters filled with spring cleaning counsel. Alas, only a small fragment remains today: "Slaughter Red Sea stains with..." If only we knew what came next.

Over the years women have dominated the spring cleaning literature, and men didnt get a slightest chance of breaking in. Now, feminists have something in their kitty to feel proud of. I have heard that even Shakespearre is said to have never recovered from the rejection of his "To Clean Or Not To Clean. That is the Question" syndromme. Out of sheer frustation he came up with "To Be Or Not To Be. That is the Question" edition. So you see, while Shakespeare was forced to explore other writing avenues, women's writing has always bloomed with the cleaning rites of spring. Who can forget Louisa May Alcott's charming novel which begins "Springtime won't be springtime without cleaning supplies."

Just once I would like to see a spring cleaning article in a men's magazine. Until I do, I refuse to let a magazine article induce me to scrub, mop, or sweep.

Absolute Pampering!

I actually have to blog about how I lost my mobile at the Bangalore Airport. But that can wait as I found a better topic to blog about. This time in Bangalore am staying at ITC Windsor, an absolute delight and am enjoying every moment of it (even though they believe in "apeing the west" when it comes to their bathrooms). The entire ambience is so wonderful that I am ready to compromise on the bathroom part without cribbing. I am bowled over by ITC yet again, this time even more, as I am staying here alone and they have given me a room in an all-women-floor with the room being epitome of a woman's paradise. Each and every need of a woman has been delicately taken care of. And I felt wonderful entering the room. This goes without saying that the general amenities or the common luxuries remain much the same. Am not getting into the details of their lobby, or reception area or the main dinning place. But what am really impressed about is the minute details they have taken care of in this room specially for women. Like the floor has a check point in the entrance which means no body apart from the guests occupying the rooms can enter the floor as you have to swipe in your card there. Not that I am threatened to stay in hotels but I might add here, I felt safe and secure and special as well. Then the room has a screen which tells you who has knocked on your door everytime you have a visitor (not that you have much). Mostly female attandants come to serve you, but if at all a male attendant comes (for eg the porter), he is always accompanied by a female staff. These are small things, it doesnt matter if you dont get these services, but it matters a lot if you do, you feel very special indeed.

Apart from these, the room is full of these small necessities that a woman would have, and things that only a woman can appreciate and yes, am all praise for ITC. Their marketting strategy is going quite well with me atleast, and I plan to visit them again and again.

Ah, did I mention that they have these amazing soothing oils that puts you off to sleep instantaneously? Not that I need them to sleep anyways, but I must admit I had a different experience of sleeping here.

Now the most important thing...the food! They have an amazing spread of breakfast and I indluged myself completely without worrying about my health or weight. Today I had Upma and the moment I opened the lid of the container I gould smell pure ghee in abundance! I had veg cutlet which was so so. I had chicken dumplings and am still craving for them and eagerly waiting for tomorrow morning. The french toast was soft and just perfect. The juice was fresh and whats more they also served sweet lassi which I just couldnt resist. I was very tempted to order for an omlette from the live counter but thought of pending the idea for 24 hours. I must have added 2 kgs already but they are well deserved.

So what am trying to say here is, I am loving every moment of my stay in ITC Windsor, wish my daughter was here with me.

Money=Monkey if you mis use it

How much is 4 lakh out of 500 crore? Right at the moment am not too sure how many 0's are there in 500 crore though, but my common sense tells me it would not be more than 0.05%. So for someone who has 500 crore, what is 4 lakhs for him? I have 4 lakhs rupees as my asset so probably what 200/ is to me is what 4 lakh rs is to the great Haldiram co-owner Prabhu Shankar Agarwal!

If I want a plot of land where someone else is already having a set up that earns him livelihood, will I offer him 200/??? and then if he refuses I will arrange for his murder?! Unbelievable!!!

But such are the rich people of our country! Want to ask great Mr Agarwal, if he really wanted that place to increase his income atleast 40-60 times, why could he not offer Pramod Sharma Thakur something around 4 crore? I dont know whether the latter would have agreed or not, but that is beyond the scope of discussion right now. All I am asking is the great Mr. Agarwal could only think of letting go of 0.05% of his asset to acquire someone else' s land where he planned to set up a multistoreyed food mall. Does he think "money" could buy him everything? May be he thought "money" could save him from getting punished as well? Well am glad that he has been sentenced for life-time! he deserves every bit of it and more.

This incident makes me wonder...does money make us "inhuman". How much more is just "enough" for us. Do we have this beastly attitude in each one of us? Tell me for instance, dont you bargain for 20/ with your vegetable vendor? Why do you do that? What is 20/ ruppes for you, who probably earns minimum 50,000/ a month? but still most of us will think twice before raising our maid's salary, or bargain our heart out for reducing 50/ in grocery? We go out over a weekend and spend 1000/ just like that watching movie and munching popcorn in the multiplex, but...we hate it when our driver asks for a 500/ raise after working for you for 1 year may be. If at night an auto driver asks for double the rate you preach him on 'honesty" etal...have we ever wondered how much of honesty do we have? If you have to have your passport renewed and the official asks for bribe, you give... you give because passport is required. Where does your "honesty" go when you bribe someone, or manipulate something.

Dear firends, I think we all have more than enough resources at our disposal. We dont need more, definitely not at the cost of supressing, exploiting others. So next time when you go buy vegetable from your local vendor pay him 50/ more, he will bless you. That 50/ may not mean much to you but for him it may be one square meal for his family. Give 20/ extra to an auto driver without being asked, common you spend much more on your luxuries! Dont let money make you a monkey. Be thankful for what you have and try to make atleast one person who is worse off than you happy everyday. There is more happiness in giving than in getting, or owrse, in snatching. Go enjoy that real happiness

Western Ape

Hotels like The Park, Ista impress me a lot. For that matter any 4-5 star hotels in our country do. Courtesy IBM, I get to stay in a lot of these hotels. Infact if I were my friend or neighbour instead of being ME then probably I would have been envious. After a second thought, let go of "probably". But because I am ME and not my neighbour or friend, I feel pathetic! Why? Let me explain.
Imagine a grand 5-star hotel reception. You are in awe of the place as you enter, probably miss a step or two as well. A polite well-dressed receptionist with a plastic smile greets you with a "Namaskar" and you feel proud to be an Indian. You feel proud that your country has such magnificient monuments, oops, I mean hotels. And brimming with this sense of pride you follow your personal floor manager to your room. Ah the room is just made up of your dream...yes dream, more so, if you are born and brought up in a middle class family. You eagerly wait for the manager to leave you alone with your dream, and he does giving another plastic smile.

The scene so far is nice. But the misery comes when you enter the bathroom. Bathroom is again made up of dreams, and the only thing that you can do comfortably in there, is probably sleeping, and...dreaming. I mean what else? It has a marble flooring expensive bath tub where u can lie down, sleep and dream, but unfortunately it doesn't have a toilet with proper amenities so that you can wash yourself...again the kind of practise you have followed ever since your childhood!

Now if I am abroad I know I cant expect such a toilet because people there are not used to the same. But in my own country?!!! And that too after shelling out around 8k per night?! I mean why? I dread staying in a 5 star only because of this. I would not be jealous of myself if I were not ME only because of this.

My question to all these 5 star hotels...why being in India are you aping West? Why cant we have the right to "wash" ourselves after toilet like most Indians do? Why are we "forced" to use the "Toilet Papers" instead? I appreciate the fact that probably most of their business come from the foreigners who visit India, but can't they have both the facilities (if at all having toilet rolls can be termed a "facility") simultaneously? Why deprive us Indians our small n big habits for your foreign earnings?