Flowchart on how to plan a trip

A weekend trip is a splendid way to replenish your energy and deplete your bank account. In theory, such journeys should be preceded by thorough research, careful planning, and intense negotiations with your mate. But that's only theory. Relaity is quite different, which is why so many vacations go something like this:

(1). Become increasingly exhausted and overwrought. Bicker with spouse over nonsense (though men always think we bicker over nonsense all the time). Make up, bicker some more, and decide you both need a vacation. Agree to plan a trip for just the two of you real soon. Fall asleep fantasizing about a work/child/pressure-free orgy of self-indulgence.

(2). Repeat Step (1) many times during the next few months. Repeat it several times more ... leaving out the sleep part.

(3). Suddenly realize that next weekend you have three days off. Talk interminably about driving out of town. Take travel books out of library and actually open one. Savor the illusion of progress.

(4). Discuss destination options. Discuss taking off an extra day. Discuss who will watch children and/or pets. Notice three-day weekend has ended. Return overdue books ... unread.

(5). Repeat Step (1). In an unfamiliar flash of spontaneity, put sitter on standby and call random hotels. Hear clerks snicker when you ask for lodging sometime this century. Ask spouse if there's room in the budget for bribes.

(6). Conclude that every decent hotel within a weekend's drive is filled with conventioneers. Wonder if it's too late to join the Rotary, the Innerwheel, or the Save The Tigers Club.

(7). Briefly consider a roadway motel that features waterbeds, exotic dance, and "massage." Decide you're not quite that desperate ... yet.

(8). Miraculously manage to book something acceptable. Inform sitter and spouse. Revive spouse.

(9). Examine luggage. Search house for matching duct tape. Pack by cramming everything in sight until suitcase refuses to close. Have spouse sit on suitcase. Resume packing.

(10). Ask spouse to load car. Repeat request. Load car yourself and discover it's almost out of gas. Plan to yell at spouse ... until you realize you were the last to drive the car.

(11). Ask spouse to fill tank while you phone sitter for sixth time. For no reason other than sheer crankiness, argue with spouse about no-show sitter, lateness of hour, and other things neither of you is responsible for. Remember why you rarely take trips.

(12). Rejoice at sitter's arrival. Read sitter 10-page, typed instruction list that covers everything from emergency phone numbers to goldfish food. Review it with sitter while spouse paces. Review it again. Call hotel clerk to say you may be late.

(13). Spend five hours crawling in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Blame sitter, each other, the Industrial Revolution. Make up with spouse just in time to learn your reservation's been lost.

(14). Become hysterical. Attract a crowd. Threaten to picket. Check into room.

(15). Collapse onto bed without pausing to unpack. Contemplate luxury of pre-dinner nap as you leisurely leaf through hotel brochures. Notice hotel restaurant's about to close. Say goodbye to nap.

(16). Rush downstairs for romantic meal without changing or freshening up. Find out restaurant's under construction. It will resume serving four-star fare the day after you leave.

(17). Decide to drive to another restaurant and search parking garage for car. Realize, in a moment of stunned panic, that one hour ago you left car "temporarily" in front of hotel while checking in and forgot to move it. Spend the rest of weekend trying to retrieve towed car.

(18). Return home, unpack, and begin not planning your next vacation.

Aisha... Haiisshha, what to review?!

Disclaimer: The intention of this post is not to mar any person’s dignity or self esteem (if they so possess), dead or alive. Its just a piss take and please take it in the best of the spirits. Please don’t sue me. I am not rich, I cant even afford to buy Lifestyle stuffs when there is no Sale, forget Elles, Vogues, and Chanels!


“ Hum Kapoor hai. Hum zyada sochte nahi. We believe in action ”... This dialogue alone from the movie Aisha could win it an OSCAR. The producers Anil Kapoor n Rhea Kapoor and the * of the movie, Sonam Kapoor so relate to this dialogue that they had to put it there! And this speaks of their truthfulness... I salute them all.
Its always fun to take the piss out of movies which make you realise how "pissed off" you were for about two hours in your life that you’ll never get back. And so here I am, spending more than 2 hours to get this post done. I am spending so much of time, not because I have so many things to talk about this movie. Its just the lack of it which is taking so much of time you see... Ok, I give up...this is probably the first movie out of 35,734 movies I have watched so far that has me "speechless"...rather "wordless" as I try to review it. So I will let the characters of the movie speak for themselves.

Aisha

Hiya evry1!!! I am like totally awesome chick.

I like to spend my rich Dad’s hard-earned cash for a living and have nicknamed it ‘Event Management’ (in the movie) and "Acting" (in real life). How cool!

I know everything about "fashion" and nothing about "acting". Thats so cool. I strongly believe in Romance and that I will never grow old. So every body around me who is not 20+ is an "old fossil" for me.

I love Polo matches even though I dont understand them. . The reason I love Polo is because its totally upmarket and I wear designer outfits in Polo match as well as ARC. If you dont know what ARC is, please dont ask...apply to me if you wanna be my "new" project and I shall train you on all these...n wont even charge money! Since my films dont sale, I have stopped charging for them. Anyways, these days my films are produced by my dad or his friends, n directed by my friends. So, its all in the family, u see :-).

I love animals... they taste too delicious! Dont get me wrong I care for them. I feed dogs@ARC and love having Tandoori Pomfret!

I love doing "social work" so am always seen @social dos... Page 3 parties... nature camps...et al. Actually am having a hangover from that party I had last night. Hence the glasses. Also, I can’t remember which movie I am in right now. Is this ‘I Hate Luv Stories’?

Also, I so love sobbing whilst I watch that Kajol-SRK dancing in the rain scene from K2H2. That movie is my Bible. I asked Punit to copy many things from that movie and I pledge to copy something or the other from K2H2 in all my movies in the future (depends on how many of them I will have actually)

No one steals the thunder of the superbitch, that’s me!!!! Banungi main.. Bitchwanti!!!

Else, I’ll end up making this meaningless piece of shit into a undigestable vomit. After all its Kapoor's show all the way.
*****************************************************************

Pinky Bose

Hi!!! I am Pinky Bose, the first from d right...no sorry, left... i mean your right and my left...oh am so confused! where is Aisha???

Together with Aisha, we spread the all mighty shallowness of our lives through our devotion to the Elles, Vogues, Chanels and the likes.

We wear shades in the night (just kidding!).

Oh, I love Aisha so much that I’d get my face cloned like her.

I have this wide range of career options open in front of me... ranging from forecasting weather to being the editor of Elle. On a second thought, I may become Bollywood trade analyst...its much easier to forecast the fate of Sonam Kapoor movies than forecasting weather.

I spend all day long spending money on all kinda.. stuffs which I, nops sorry, Aisha likes!

I am desperately looking for a boyfriend and am so desperate that I am ready to hit on that Mithaiwalla Dude. He is a loser in any case and so he will be a perfect hit for me. Before Aisha starts looking for a jerk for me, I better fix one myself.
****************************************************************
Shefali

Myself Shefali from Haryana. I am the Behenji types.
I am like in the big city to find a Dulha for myself, and fall in love, Hay Rabba! am jee blushing!
Doesn’t matter how many times I fool myself falling in ‘love’ with so many men. Oh! I am so confused jee.
Thanks Aisha jee, for making me your project, and transforming me into that…
Here’s my Before and After transform pic. Now watch closely, coz this is going to be more interesting than anything else in this movie.
Before After

Some dude will definitely fall for me, hai naa!

P.S. All this was my evil plan, huaahahaa. All this while, when Aisha and everyone else would be busy dealing with all the superficial problems of their shallow lives, I will actually steal the show. Like totally!

So, officially, we are the I love Aisha fan club. Any moment now, we’ll start singing – Piya Piya O Piya Piya

Meanwhile, I’ll keep on stealing the thunder from all these bitches.

I’m gonna first fall for Randhir, oh jee am confused.. And then Dhruv, and then.. Arjun.

Ha! The slag from Haryana, that’s what they’ll call me.
***************************************************************


Whilst the girls were busy with themselves...the dudes were having serious identity crisis.

Arjun

I am Mr. Practical from Wharton and shit...I am an Investment Banker...no no, please dont blame me for the recession...it didnt happen for me. You see, I hardly work.

I am always to be found either snatching remote from Aisha, or having sandwich at all odd hours.

Even while in office I only chit chat with NY returned Amrita.

Between, she didnt return because of recession. Even though she has an american accent, she sings bhajan pretty well and looks fab hot in black bikini clad sari outfit.

You see all my education is only to ensure I am able to give life lessons to Aisha. I have to stop her from tyring to fabricate lovey dovey situations for all... she was almost hooking me up with that Behanji!!!
*********************************************************************
Dhruv (am sorry, couldnt find his pix on google, and am running out of time)

Man, what am I supposed to do. Asked Aisha if it was our first date... Asked Amrita if it was our first... mmmmuah...and before I could even get answers my new Momma fixed up my marriage!

Man, what am I supposed to do. Build some more body?? But whats the point...no matter how much body I make Arjud will punch me and I have to fall off... Have to obey the director, you see... Man wonder why I ever got this movie? I could have been a gym trainer instead!
********************************************************************************

Am so tired going through all their comments on themselves, I have decided not to write any "review" at all...so bye all

Taxingtime - Interactive Tax Return Software...

Hello. Welcome to Taxingtime, your Interactive Tax Return Program. Do you feel like filing your taxes today?
Oh, I see. Well, don't you think you should do them anyway? After all, it's July 14. And who knows? Maybe you'll get a refund.
That's the spirit. Let's begin with your name, address, and marital status.
Sorry to hear about the divorce. But don't let it get you down. That alimony deduction will come in handy.
Please don't cry. Things are bound to improve. In the meantime, let's talk about dependents. Do you have any children?
Wow! I hope they're not all in college.
You're having visitation problems on top of everything else? Gee, I can't help you there. But you might try our Interactive Matrimonial Lawyer Software.
I hate lawyers too. But we're really veering off track. Do you have any other dependents?
Sorry. You can't deduct your dog, even if she's your only dependent.
I agree. The Government is unreasonable. But let's move on to income. What were your wages in 2009?
Wow! You're having a bad go of it. But at least you're getting the Unemployment Benefits max.
I'm afraid Unemployment Benefits are taxable. The government giveth and the government taketh away.
Hey, don't blame me. I'm just the messenger. Anyway, did you have any interest or dividend income or capital gains?
Your spouse got everything, huh? Well, look on the bright side. If you don't earn it, they can't make you pay taxes on it.
Please don't exit. It was just meant to be a joke. Too bad you din't get it right. I don't suppose you were able to stock anything away in stocks and shares?
I didn't mean to insult you; I'm just doing my job. They make me ask about all these you know.
Okay, okay. I get the point. You're broke. So let's go over your deductions and see about getting you a healthy refund.
And speaking about health, I need a complete list of your non-reimbursed medical expenses.
That's great -- a fractured sacroiliac. And your income was so low that most of it will be deductible.
You're absolutely right. I should have asked you how you're feeling. That was inconsiderate of me. But in my defense, we're really fighting the clock.
Okay, I apologize. Let's move on to your income taxes and real estate taxes.
Boy, they weren't kidding about Income taxes. But that huge mortgage tax deduction should really increase your refund.
You had to sell the house to pay for the divorce? What a shame. But I thought you said you didn't have any capital gains.
You sold it at a loss? So tell me. Are there any good housing buys out there? One of my other users is looking for a home.
You're absolutely right. That was a selfish and thoughtless thing to say. I'm a new program, and I guess they haven't gotten all the bugs out.
Let's go back to your deductions. What did you pay in mortgage interest?
I'm afraid deducting credit card interest is a major no-no. But you may want to consider our Interactive Bankruptcy Software.
Don't get your nose out of joint. It was just a suggestion. Anyway, it's time to list your charitable contributions.
I know you can't afford them, but list a couple grands in cash anyway. Everybody does it, and it's impossible to check.
I know charity begins at home, but thats not what our Government believes in. So any such contribution towards the upliftment of your moral character will not get counted here, I am sorry.
Now I'm almost afraid to ask, but did you suffer any unreimbursed casualty or theft losses last year?
That's pretty much what I expected. Just give me the numbers and I'll take it from there.
Is there anything else you want to tell me?
Well, of course they canceled your policy. They always cancel your policy. But what I meant was, did you have any other income or expenses?
Fine. Now why don't you surf google for sometime, so I can do some quick calculations.
I have good news. Not only don't you have any tax debt, but you're entitled to a 732/ INR refund. Would you like to apply it to your 2010tax?
I beg your pardon. They don't pay me enough to listen to that kind of language.

Root Canal... the name itself is scary!

God created man (and woman too). Then he created teeth. Then he created dentists and told them, "Go and wreck havoc on Earth. Create imaginary gum diseases, endorse tar-tasting toothpastes". The dentists obliged. They were happy for some time, then they got greedy. They all went back to God and said, "Dude, we cant seem to find enough problems. People are eating healthy, living a healthy lifestyle and their teeth are in perfect health n shape. Help us out!" Then God created... chocolates...and indulged people into bad eating habits... result?... Tooth decay...followed by... Root Canal treatment.

****

Scene I : Nov'2009

The dentist began talking even before he saw my x-ray.

Dentist: Your quadrilateral third molar is impacted. We need to extract it.

It took me sometime to realize that I HAD NOT accidentally walked into a car body shop.

Me: What does it mean?

Dentist: We need to remove one tooth of yours that is "in the process of decaying".

Me: If it hasn't decayed now, then why NOW?

Dentist: Because my wife is nagging for a cruise vacation for a long time now.

Me: Huh???

Dentist: I mean *medical mumbo-jumbo*...followed by more *medical mumbo-jumbo*... followed by Ramsay brothers' movies' scary dialogues...ultimately this "may decay in the next 25 years" tooth is doing obscene things to the next tooth in line.

Me: But, I dont feel any pain or am not uncomfortable at all.

Dentist: Thats why we need to remove this immediately (otherwise it may never cause a problem...and I would never be able to go on a cruise trip)

Me: But why extract?

Dentist: Because then I can charge you for tooth extraction, and further charge you more for tooth replacement. Am sure at 34 you would not want to have 31 teeth in place of 32?

Me: Huh???!!! :-((((((( Well, Mr. Dentist, please tell me if there is any other way to deal with this problem, otherwise let me take a second opinion and I shall come back to you later.

Dentist: (Oh no! If not cruise, I have to take my wife to Puri during the next Durga Puja. In anycase I am having burnt toast every morning for breakfast for the last 9 months!) Ok, what we can do is, we can go in for a Root Canal Treatment. We will not extract the entire tooth, but will fill it in with some un-used cement that I have from building that huge wall around my house to stop people from throwing brickts at me. And then we will cover it up with a crowning that will keep that tooth immortal till the day you die.

Me: Fine. How long will it take?

Dentist: (Calculating in his pocket calculator)...Not more than 5-6 sittings.

Me: Ok, fine.

****

Scene II : 27th July'2010

The rest they say is history. That 5-6 sittings ran almost 10 months long. Today I sit with half my face swollen like a football Messi kicked atleast 500 times!. My mouth 1 tooth lighter(technically yes, as Mr. Dentist dug out all my God given tooth and in its place now sits a cement lump) and my pocket, many thousands. The emotional turmoil I went through in the last 10 months is not worth mentioning in blogs...I can write an epic on that and will keep that task for retirement days. My friends ask me, whay am I not doing this root canal treatment for othet "in the process of decaying" teeth as well. Well to answer them... I dont know. My doctor didnt tell me to. May be the doctor is using my mouth like a little savings account. Other teeth will come in handy when his wife demands the next cruise, or a diamond necklace. He didnt give up though. Last night when I ssaid "Good bye Doctor"...all he replied was... no no, no Good bye...you are coming here next week as I need to drill some more teeth to save you from pain 20 years later.

Once beaten, twice shy. Once robbed of a tooth, twice as clever... I jus smiled and said to myslef...I wish your wife all the cruises she ever dreams of...but not at MY EXPENSE!!!

In Distress? U need to de-stress...

Are you stressed out? A quivering blob of nerves? Are your muscles lodged in a permanent clench? 9 out of 10 chances are that it is because of the MAN in your life (kids also, may be, but philosophically they are also because of that MAN). Well, no. I am not planning to stage a war here...all I am trying to advise here is that what needs to be done to de-stess so that you are not in distress...rather here is a guide on what NOT TO DO:

1. Lie down on the floor with your knees bent and pointed upward. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and exhale slowly. Take another deep breath... Wonder if that smell is gas as your husband has volunteered to make the lunch!

2. Concentrate on your breathing, on releasing that stale, toxic, virulent energy trapped inside you. Feel your body begin to relax. Sense the tension seeping out of your shoulders and toes, your life force beginning to renew. Jump up to check the stove, as you hear your husband shout passionaltely over a scored goal in the hall!!!

3. Resume the position. Resume breathing... Become obsessed by cobwebs on the ceiling!

4. Decide to play a relaxation CD. Your choices are “healing harps,” ocean waves, and whales. Wonder which best suits your persona. Whales remind you of sharks. Decide to go with the harps.

5. Lie down a third time, notice ceiling, slam eyelids shut. Breathe deeply, welcoming the return of your vital juices. I.n.h.a.l.e...t.w.o...t.h.r.e.e...f.o.u.r...E.x.h.a.l.e...t.w.o...t.h.r.e.e...f.o.u.r. Savor the rise and fall of your abdomen. Focus on the harps which remind you of angels... which remind you of the new, sexy, 20 something secretary that your husband has newly appointed !!! which reminds you of hell... which reminds you that maybe you should listen to something else!

6. Switch to ocean waves and return to floor. Wonder how many calories you've burned since you started to relax...wonder how many calories you had put on over dinner last night...wonder how Mrs. Sharma always keeps so fit despite hogging at all social dos... wonder why your husband was all praise for Mrs. Saxena the other day...stop!!!

7. Listen to the primal sounds of the sea. Imagine yourself one with the ocean, gently floating, bobbing, drifting away from your troubles, away from the shore, floating away from.... Oh my God you're drowning, you can't breathe, you hear chimes. Could you be dead? No. A Jehovah's Witness is at the door...wait for your husband to attend that door...he doesnt...you panick...why isnt he openning the door?...you run to the kitchen...he is not thre, food burning inside the oven... you check in the hall...ah there he is...sleeping on the couch with the TV on!!!

8. Take deep breath, attend the man at the door, ignore your snoring husband. Decide what you really need is some herbal tea and aromatherapy. You're all out, so you drive downtown to the nearesr Aroma Therapy Outlet!

9. Relish the shop's soothing ambiance -- crystals everywhere, scented candles and incense, the mellifluous sounds of sitar and flute. Take a slow, deep breath and cherish the knowledge that all is well with the world... Learn you're allergic to patchouli!!!

10. Fill cart with eucalyptus oil, semi-wild ginseng, organic rice cakes, anti-radiation shields, a do-it-yourself-acupuncture kit, and a copy of the best-selling "Bliss Is From Solitude, Stress Is From Men." !!!

11. On your way out, collide with a shopping cart piled high with meditation tapes. Exchange choice words with "mellow" New-Ager...supress your anger with more deep breaths!!!

12. Return home, hunt for matches, light lemon-scented candles, and start a Burt Goldman CD. Brew chamomile tea... Burn tongue with tea!

13. Peruse course catalogue from Holistic Vital Force Renewal and Emerging Spiritual Consciousness Learning and Humanistic Wellness Center...find food is not ready, husband still sleeping, kids crying of hunger...order food over phone...and concentrate on the perusal yet again!

14. Try to decide which course would be most helpful -- Awakening Your True Transformational Self Within Through Toenail Therapy and Micro-Cranial Stimulation? Self-Care, Self-Help, Self-Awareness, Self-Visualization And The Angelic I? Decide to enroll in The Tao Of Conga Drumming On The Far Side Of Ecstasy ... until you see the price!!!... gasp for fresh air...inhale the smoke let out by the burning cigerratte your husband is smoking after his lunch!!!

15. Conclude that what you really need is a mantra. Something like: NoooooooooooooooooooMooooooooooooooooreNewAge... NoooooooooooooooooooooMooooooooooooooooooooooooooreMennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...but you cant do without them, can you?!!!

Planning a vacation with your spouse? Well this might help

Planning a vacation together can often be a daunting challenge. Especially when one spouse likes to rough it all and the other prefers unreasonable (!!!) luxuries like toilets, showers, and cable TV. So what's a couple to do? Well, they can take separate trips. Or they can negotiate and sign on the dotted line. This agreement that I have thought of, can help you save your marriage from a ruthless divorce at the end of the vacation.

AGREEMENT, entered into this _________, 20__ by Husband and Wife (or Boy firned and Girl Friend).

(Note: Gay and Lesbian partners may also follow this if their choice pattern is similar to that assumed here)

WHEREAS, Husband's ideal vacation requires hiking boots, compasses, sleeping bags, and knapsacks and doesn't cost a dime;
WHEREAS, Wife's ideal vacation requires a five star resort;
WHEREAS, Husband is a spontaneous kind of guy who likes to pick his trips by throwing a coin onto a trail map;
WHEREAS, Wife is a planning freak who makes reservations a year and a half in advance after conducting six months of research; and
WHEREAS, Husband and Wife haven't taken a vacation in years and believe it might be time to compromise.
NOW, THEREFORE, Husband and Wife agree to the following weekend trip provisions:

1. Exactly one month from today, Husband and Wife shall drive to a Resort listed in one of Wife's pocket notebooks. The name of the Resort must be known and heard off amongst Wife's "social networking connections" and the resort have to have a website, tweeter and Facebook account. Accommodations shall be chosen via the "eenie, meenie, minie, moe" method of selection.
2. Wife may, if she so chooses, call for reservations. If none are available, another inn/resort shall be chosen via coin toss, even though Husband would much prefer to wing it.
3. Once a destination has been selected, Husband and Wife shall mark their route on the map. Husband agrees to occasionally follow the map, provided Wife limits bathroom stops to one per hour.
4. Packing for their two day stay shall be directed by Wife, who agrees not to demand for more than one week's supply of clothing. The packing however will be done by the husaband under wife's supervision.
5. Husband shall have the car tuned up prior to their trip and shall fill the gas tank right before leaving. Any breakdowns caused by Husband's forgetting to do same shall entitle Wife to a real vacation.
6. Husband promises that throughout the drive he shall not exceed the speed limit by more than 100 km per hour. Additionally, he shall not brake abruptly unless he sees a deer, and shall refrain from all careening type activity. Wife shall not scream, moan, grunt, or groan, or otherwise engage in back-seat driving, except in the event of excessive lurching. Notwithstanding the foregoing, if she finds herself thrown onto Husband's lap, she may badger him as much as she wants to.
7. Wife shall act as official navigator, and Husband acknowledges that it's possible to turn left when Wife says to, without sacrificing his masculinity. Additionally, Wife may periodically advise husband to be alert for a particular landmark. This shall not be deemed an invitation to accelerate and speed through the next seventeen intersections.
8. Both parties acknowledge that they'll probably get lost. Husband concedes in advance that it isn't Wife's fault even though she's the official navigator. Wife concedes in advance that it isn't Husband's fault, even though he turned right or left only when he felt like it.
9. Husband acknowledges that he can ask a gas station attendant for directions without looking like a weenie. And that it is absolutely ok to ask for directions if you are clueless
10. In the event Husband and Wife manage to reach their destination before the end of the weekend, they agree to resume speaking as soon as they've unpacked.
11. Wife agrees to accompany husband on one hike during the course of the weekend. Said hike shall not exceed two hours and shall be canceled if there is more than a 30% chance of showers. The steepness of the trail shall be subject to further negotiations.
12. In exchange for the hike, Husband agrees to attend an art auction. Wife promises not to purchase or explain any of the paintings, and Husband need not pretend to like them.
13. The trip home shall be conducted in a manner consistent with Paragraphs 6 through 9, except that Husband shall navigate and Wife shall drive, and both shall be authorized to get even.

SIGNATURES: _______________ (HUSBAND) _______________ (WIFE)

My Computer

Anybody who has been unfortunate enough to hear me crib about my laptop in the last 2 weeks would actually relate to this post more. And for others, well my laptop tortured me like hell in the last 2 weeks and am still facing the music. So based on the experience of the last 2 weeks, I have realized that our computers (more if its company provided) are like orphanages and any and every unneeded software, unloved programs, and useless upgrades get adopted by our companies! Just imagine my trauma when all these step-children made my life hell. One upgrade which didnt go the way it was supposed to be...resulted in absolute crisis in my otherwise peaceful life in office. Thank God despite all the raw deals I faced, I could still log into facebook, and or twitter so my social life was not at stake...but even then, almost daily I lost 3-4 hours of productivity that I could have otherwise used producing productive blog posts! I always thought cooking in FB cafe or farming on FB is a waste of time but now I would love to trade off my time I spent running after the most "sought after" IT guys with even real time cooking or farming!

There was this problem...they said format your laptop and that will solve the problem...but I was wrong in believing them, as my problems just started after the formatting was successfully done! and now they say they have to change the "mother board"...well hmm...and now all I am doing is re-installing, re-upgrading and re-formatting all those unneeded softwares, unloved programs, and useless upgrades that caused the problems in the first place!!!

Tips to save time... We all are busy after all!!!

Unless you live on another planet, or are lucky enough not to be married and/or not having to do a job that pays you peanuts but makes you work like crazy, there are never enough hours in the day. But if you use these efficiency techniques, you can win that battle with time:

1. Always do at least two things at once. While showering, do your daughter's homework. While chatting on the phone with a dull acquaintance, take a nap. While attending a meeting at office, plan your menu for dinner.
2. Buy a speaker-phone for your kitchen. You'll be able to cook, vacuum, and knit dog-hair booties while you talk on the phone.
3. Group chores alphabetically. If you have to go to the pharmacy, combine your trip with errands beginning with the letter "P."
4. Except for items with heavy late fees, pay bills no more than four times a year. Think of all the writing-stuffing-licking time you'll save. Not to mention your savings on stamps. And don't worry about forgetting a bill. They'll remind you soon enough.
5. Reduce the frequency of house-cleaning chores. Why vacuum twice a week, when you can do it once a month? Ditto for dusting. And if you wait long enough, your spouse may break down and grab a mop.
6. Cut down on other time-wasting tasks. Delete half your emails unread. And must you really bathe every day?
7. Streamline chores by eliminating non-essentials. If you never touch that crystal vase except to dust it, it's time to throw it out.
8. Speaking of non-essentials, get rid of your iron. If you don't, you'll be tempted to use it.
9. Unless you're expecting guests, forget about making that bed. It'll only get messy again. Besides, who's to know?
10. Disregard the concept of separating coloreds from whites. Proudly clothe yourself in pink.
11. Assign chores to family members, keeping their ages in mind. Ask "Is my spouse mature enough to take out the garbage?"
12. If you're sick of picking up after your family, keep a large trunk near the center of your home. It's a handy place to throw abandoned toys, dirty dishes, and smelly socks. And it can also double as an end table.
13. Do you waste time waking family members up? Hide their alarm clocks, forcing them to dive under the bed to quell the racket. This will also reduce dust-bunny build-up.
14. Capture small molecules of down time and do something useful. Those seconds in the elevator provide just enough time to read the paper, clip your toenails, or polish your shoes.
15. Car trips furnish a fine opportunity to catch up on chores. Crochet a sweater. Sew runaway buttons onto shirts. Polish your silver. Just be sure to keep your eyes on the road.
16. Anticipate long waits and bring something to do. Let's say you're going to the doctor. Cut meal preparation time in half by taking along a knife, cutting board, and lots of veggies. Not only is this a good use of time, but it may hasten your appointment ... Just don't forget the onions and garlic.
17. Never pay attention to terms like "relax"; "meditate"; "introspect"...they only sound good in talk-shows.
18. Dont waste time sorting things out with your spouse... whether you will crib, shout or sulk...he will remain just the same.
19. Blog when you are in office (that saves time when you are at home). Only make sure your boss dont vist your blog too often
20. Well...I'd give you more pointers, but I wouldn't want to waste your time.

The Contract that can save your marriage

Do you and your spouse argue about how to spend your spare time? Togetherness can be tough to achieve when a couple's interests just don't jibe. But this contract may be just the cure for your spare time blues.

AGREEMENT entered into on _____, 20__ between movie-buff Wife and sports-fan Husband.
WHEREAS, Husband has been badgering Wife to attend a cricket match for as long as they've been married, and he has never managed to reach the stadium;
WHEREAS, Wife has been pressuring Husband to go for a movie together for years, and Husband is running out of excuses; and
WHEREAS, Husband and Wife know that if they don't resolve this soon, each will be attending all functions solo.

NOW, THEREFORE, the parties hereby agree to the following spare time terms:

1. Wife will attend one ball-type game, the selection of which shall be in Husband's sole discretion, and Husband will attend one movie once a month, the selection of which shall be in Wife's sole discretion. In exercising such discretion, both spouses will keep in mind that divorce lawyers are really expensive.
2. The parties agree to dress appropriately for each event.
a. Husband shall attend the movie wearing something casual (not the same shirt he wore thrice that week), but shall not be too casusal to wear shorts that keep coming off and t-shirts worn otherwise at night during sleeping.
b. Wife acknowledges that stiletto heels and bleachers don't mix, and promises to don mustard-friendly clothing.
3. If the movie is romantic, Wife promises not to explain it. Additionally, Wife agrees that Husband need not swim in the emotional waves alongwith the Wife.
4. Husband agrees not to conduct a pre-game lecture or to furnish play-by-play explanations. He shall, however, nudge Wife gently when cheering is about to occur, so she may properly protect her eardrums.
5. Wife shall not be required to ingest franks, fries, or beer during the game, and won't keep track of those eaten by Husband.
6. Husband shall not ingest franks, fries, or beer at the movie, and promises not to snore during the romantic songs.
7. Each party must stay for the entire length of his/her respective ordeal. However, excessive beer spillage shall entitle Wife to spend the entire game in the bathroom.
8. If the game goes into overtime, Wife shall refrain from complaining, pouting, and/or dirty looks.
9. If the movie is too long, Husband shall refrain from griping, sulking, and/or listenning to some stupid game commentory in his mobile
10. The following shall not be uttered during the game:
a. "What's going on?"
b. "Is it almost over?"
c. Cheering type sounds when the wrong team scores.
11. The following shall not be uttered during the movie:
a. "What's going on?"
b. "Is it almost over?"
c. Bravo type sounds when the villain hits the hero.
12. This is a once a month deal, and Husband and Wife will never, ever do it again. Unless, of course, they enjoy it.

SIGNATURES: ________________________ _________________________

Power

Power is a wonderful thing to possess...and execute. I always dream of having the POWER to rule the world, change it for betterment and make a difference...the dream started when I was a 5 yr old and continues till date. The reasons why I want POWER changed from innocent ones to the more complicated ones, but nevertheless, the dream continues...

Power is a good thing to have, its how we use it makes all the difference. For eg, Both soldiers and terrorist have POWER of weapons...one uses them for the benefit of mankind and the other uses them for its destruction. POWER in itself is neutral. Over the years as I grew up, my conception of POWER changed. While in school I used to idolise my teachers, and the POWER they had in teaching us. I wanted to be a teacher. I would also idolise my doctor who had the POWER to relieve me from any physical illness, and i wanted to be a doctor. This continued and I wanted to be almost everything and everybody because of the POWER they had of something or the other. Its only when I grew up and looked back I realized, we all have POWER...something or the other. And I realized, with great POWER, comes greater RESPONSIBILITY...responsibility of executing the power in a better way, right way. "Right" again is a very relative word...what is right for me may not be right for you and vice versa. But then thats where we have our "education" and "value" system to help us, right?

With all the IPL mudslinging thats happenning, I am sure almost all of us have some opinion or the other about the whole issue. Our Nation deals with so many problems everyday...like only a couple of months back there was an issue of Shiney Ahuja, and now am not sure if there is any follow up or where he stands today...media, and people at large have forgotten about him because there were so many other "attractions" after him, from Sania-Shoiab wedding to the latest being the IPL Blunder. These issues keep us "entertained" in our otherwise dull life. We really dont bother much about the consistent and steep price rise, or increasing power failure...these are things which we are used to. We worry more about Sania's wedding masalas, and Aamir's pet's name.

Coming back to IPL, and why am I mentioning this with POWER... well what Lalit Modi did, what Mr. Tharoor did, I think we should look beyond...much beyond. Out of sheer curiosity, I googled on Lalit Modi and found his biography in wikipedia. Amazing "POWERFUL" life he had ever since his birth. Born in a wealthy and successful business family, having a Rs. 40 billion business empire, and having some great achievement early in life that included getting arrested on charges of conspiracy to traffic coccaine and assault with deadly weapon with an intent to kill, to indiction on second-degree kidnapping etc...what more do you expect from a personality like his? Do you expect him not to cheat? not to lie? ...Now, he always possessed POWER...and he used them against humankind...he had attended the best of schools and colleges...so education was also there...but what lacked is a "VALUE SYSTEM"...a value system that would have stopped him from doing what he did. And that stops him from doing what he is doing now... and mark my words, he will do similar things again in his life...he has POWER and his CONSCIENCE chooses to misuse it.

Why single out Lalit Modi...what about our great politicians, our leaders, our Statesmen...they all misuse their POWER dont they? Big cricketers, big filmstars, big authors, you just name them, and you will see 99.99% of them misuse the power they have. They all have had the best of education but what they didnot have was a "value system" that stopped their conscience from doing what they did. Open lies, denynig their acts, bribing, malpractising, corruption...these things are accepted by their conscience. So many times we have seen these minirters denynig things till the time they are porved... am sure when they were kid, they were not taught by their parents... "Satyameva Jayate"

And why single out them...what about you and me? Are we not all similar? We lie, dont we? we cheat, dont we? we bribe, dont we? We support corruption, dont we? and above all we also misuse our POWER, dont we? ...Common, dont deny... tell me do you give your maid and driver their due? always? You bargain with the poor vegetable vendor in your local market for Re. 5, but you accept steep price rise and dont raise a voice...why? with the vegetable vendor you have POWER, with your Government you have no POWER till the next election, so you shut your mouth, close your eyes, and kill your conscience there...so you see? We all do this...and if we are busy doing this, how will we teach out kidds not to lie, not to support corruption etc? What "value" are we passing them to? Tomorrow my son can be a Lalit Modi, who knows?

So you see, we all have Lalit Modi within us. We are not much different from him. But may be, just may be your and my conscience is still alive...thats why we are condemning him...may be by doing so, we are actually condemning ourselves? Think about it...and dont let your conscience sleep forever...wake up and be a "true" human being, before being a "successful" human being... Your honesty would be your biggest "success", "achievement" and "triumph"...go for it...and stop giving this society more of Lalit Modis....