Loved And Lost

People say, "Its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"

But I have not come across any learned person who can preach/teach/advise on the experience of "Losing in Love". You love someone, truely, very truely; that someone also loves you, truely, very truely...or so he claims. And time rolls by... over the time, your relationship matures... and then? then he starts taking you for granted, and you get used to it. He starts losing interest in you, and you get used to it. He lies to you, and you get used to it. Initially it starts as compromise and adjustment, then you rrealize things have gone too far out of control. He lies are regular, his ignoring you is more evident than ever... and then, then what? Like two educated, matured individual, you seem to be realizing the existance of a potential threat...a problem...a disease...yes, your relationship is ill now... you two "talk it out" in order to sort out...now, how do you do that? Again, call it modernization, or the power of education, or whatever you feel like...you analyze, you two look back, list the problems and try to find out solutions to them... but yes, thats where I guess you two are wrong...you look for problems, but not their root cause.... however, since you two dont relaise that, you concentrate on finding solutions to your problems. Now lets say, you figured out the following problems in your relationship:
a)
b)
c)
d)
To these problems, you map some solutions, which are:
A)
B)
C)
D)
And both of you genuinely work on them... the solutions, ie,... one day, two days, a week, two weeks...perfect... just when you feel a sense of achievement that you have saved your relation... things go wrong again... you again realize, he is again hiding truths, he is again not paying you enough attention, he is again.... (ok, this is applicable both ways, I mean please dont think of me as a pucca feminist here, though that I am, but here, its not about that, so please...just for my convenience am writing "him" here, it can be "her" or "both" as well)...so coming back to the main point, yes the symptoms appear again... your relationship is again ill.... again the process continues... now my question, HOW LONG?

If you are patient, you will give this many more shots... but soon you will notice, that the solution that you guys work out are all temporary... symptoms re-appear...may be their forms differ...but if you analyze you will find familiar traits in them... have you ever realized, that if you are hit by viral every month, then what happens to you? you become weak, right? in a similar way, your relationship also becomes weaker and weaker with this continuous illness, which keeps appearing almost every 2-3 weeks...

Pathetic situation, isnt it...but look into your life... you will find it similar, and if you dont, you are really lucky, my friend.

You are still in love, for sure, but you are not sure if the other person is...you care for the "relationship" - but the other person? does he? you keep banging your head on everything, and keep on asking everything you come across with... WHAT WENT WRONG??? but do you always get the answer?

Thats when... You are in Love, but you have lost it... thats where I am now...am in love...but I have lost it.

Truth v/s Peace

There is this one conflict which probably all of us have experienced at some point of time or the other. My English teacher used to say (and probably, everybody has heard similar things from some senior or the other) that at every crossroad of life, you will get two roads. One of them would be the easy way out to all your problems that you might be facing at that particular time. This road will give you probably all the comforts that you are looking out for, it will give you pleasures unlimited and soo you will feel that you have taken the right road and be happy about it. The other road will be the difficult one - where you will face lot of difficulties and hard times. This road leads to the truth. Every step you take on that road, you will have to fight your way out, and its going to be tough... but in the long run you will emerge a winner if you can stick on to that road.

Each one of us have some golden words deep rooted in our hearts which we regard as THE PRINCIPLE of our lives. For me, my English Teacher's words were like that. She taught me the importance of honesty and truthfulness. She taught me the value of being an honest person. As I grew up and faced tougher situations in life that attaining surprise class tests, I realised that she was indeed right in what she said. At every crossroad of my life, I did get two roads. Like during exam times, if I had not prepared well, the easy way out would have been cheating from my friend's copy. And I did that in life once, and got very good marks. So apparently, I should have been happy...not studying and even getting good marks is cool!!! But that day, when I went back home, showed my copy to my father and uncles, and got a lot of appreciation from them, I felt so cheap. They were praising me for something that is not mine - the score of that exam was definitely not mine - it was my friend's score they were praising - I felt so hollow. Today I thank my English teacher (and indirectly God) for giving me that maturity to realise that this praise, and all the good thingsa that were happenning to me because of my chetaing, were not good at all. I realised, if I had not cheated, then my score would have been less, probably I would have got a bashing from my father for that low a score, probably some form of punishment as well like, no chocolates for the next one week or whatever...but atleast I would have been at peace... and today, I thnak God for making me realise that when I was 14 years old.

What is peace - is peace all about not facing the truth? is peace all about running away from the truth? is peace all about not standing by what you believe? - why? just because if you face the truth, or stand by it, you may face a lot of hardships? This lead me to a question I often ask myself and others as well... why do we lie? I have got many answers to this question of mine:

a) We lie in order to save someone else - perfect
b) We lie to avoid violence - why?
c) We lie because thats the ony resort - who said so?
d) We lie because we are afraid of speaking the truth - what is "fear"?

I know, there cannot be generalisations in life - each and every one of us is different, we face unique circumstances, and even if we face similar circumstances, we definitely react uniquely to them. So probably, each one of us have our own unique reasonning for our lies. But I still cannot understand why we have to lie...why we have to deviate from the truth. Take my example. Was I really happy to get all the adulation and appreciation for getting high score in exam? No, I was not...simply becuase I didnt deserve them. I realised that I would have been better off if I didnt cheat, and got less marks instead. But at that point of time, when I decided to cheat, probably I took that decision because:

a) I thought that would "save" me from getting less marks
b) I thought that would help me "avoid" my father's punishments
c) I thought that the "only resort" to save myself from the fact that I didnt do my studies which I should have
d) I was "afraid" of facing the consequences

But the fact remains that by "cheating", I was no better-off... even though apparently everything turned out to be just perfect for me. Then the question arises, even though everything was the best that could have happened under the given circumstance - why did I feel bad about it? - the reason is - my CONSCIENCE... yes, our conscience tells us what is right and what is wrong. My conscience told me not to cheat ever, and never in my life I cheated during exam...

So may be, people who continues to lie in their lives, their conscience doesnt stop them from doing so... this led me to another question, which I am still looking out for an answer...

Why are there people who conscinece doesnt tell them that TRUTH is the ultimate... you should always strive to speak the truth, stand by the truth and face the truth... because good, or bad; peaceful or violent; acceptable or not-acceptable; TRUTH is the ultimate, u cannot change it...so why cover it up with LIES??? Just for a temporary relief? Just for a temporary peaceful ambience? Just for a little bit of more comfort?

Am still looking out for answers - please do let me know your views...why do we LIE, and can LIES actually cover up the TRUTH? Can the tower of PEACE be built on the pillar of LIES? Can such TOWER suvive for long? Can you actually be at peace by covering up TRUTH? Can you have a peaceful night's dream, when you know you are lieing, or hiding truth? Can we look into our eyes in the mirror, when we have done something our CONSCIENCE doesnt approve of?

I have these questions am seeking out answers for... If I lie, can I teach my children the value of truth? Or is it not important at all to teach our children the value of honesty - simply because if am not honest, I dont value it myself... what values are we planning to give to our next generation? I remember a quote, once a friend of mine used as his signature

"Is the child you were, proud of the man you are?"

And if not...can you really pass on the qualities of your chilhood to your next generation?...You cannot, simply because you do not possess them anymore...so my dear grown ups, next time you do anything, that your childhood would not approve of...stop right then, not for you, but for your child...because WHAT YOU ARE TODAY, YOUR CHILD WILL BECOME TOMORROW...stop that from happenning...its better late than never.

I Hate You!!!

We all hate somebody. It’s in our blood. We can’t help but hate a few people, and in certain special circumstances, we hate someone so much that we are prepared to do anything to make their lives miserable. Irrespective of our religious beliefs, line of work, nationality or faith, we hate people.

We hate a few because of the way they talk. We hate a few more because of the way they laugh. Sometimes, their reactions to a few situations make our blood boil. Some people’s tastes in music makes us want to tear our hair out in frustration. We don’t like the way some people dress. We hate it when some people crowd around us, invading our personal space. We hate some people for the kind of emails they send. We hate some people because they say, “Reeeealy??” in a very very irritating manner for every little statement we make. We hate some people who lie. We hate a few for being mean and heartless. We hate people who make false promises. Sometimes, very rarely, we hate someone just because they exist.

What can we do when we bump into such people? I’d suggest the straight-forward means of screaming into their faces, “I hate you!” but this may not go down well with most people. The other, subtle non-violent way of pissing them off is to write them a Hate Mail. Something like "You Suck!!!" But nowadays, the same two words have a very erotic implication, and isn’t used much often. Anyways...

Instead, you can resort to a more flowery longhand version - the email. If you are brave enough, you can send the mail from your own email ID, otherwise you could take the trouble to create a new email ID called something like ihateyourballs@gmail.com or something more subtle like a.hole@gmail.com. and send out Hate Mails to the objects of your hatred.

I don’t really suggest you do this, because such incriminating emails have a very strong possibility of being mistaken for the work of a terrorist or worse, the HR Managers. So, I suggest you send Hate Mails from your own email ID, because as they say in Hindi, “Nafrat kiya toh darna kya?” (Why fear if you hate?)

Be your flowery best, use words like fornication and obfuscation and make them believe that you’re praising them. For example, “Your ability to obfuscate others is awe-inspiringly fornicative!” will actually make him/her feel proud. Only when the person refers to a dictionary will he/she get your drift.

The best Hate Mails are written as part of the final goodbye emails that you write while leaving an organization. People are expecting the usual sentimental shit and you give them that: “My time here in this great organization was an anachronism - a testament to my patience.”

So, let’s be prepared to send out those email that you’ve always saved in drafts and never had the guts to send. And let the man/woman know how much you love to hate him/her!

Resolution for 2009

• I want to smile more this year, irrespective of the situation. I want to be able to convince myself that punching myself in the face while asleep is not worth losing a smile.
• I want to make sure that I think seriously about making a resolution to consider the possibility of a faint chance of quitting fighting with my loved ones more often than ever.
• I wish this year has some surprises in store for me, because all 2008 had to offer was one heartbreak after another.
• In the same vein, I hope to find true love, clichéd as it may sound.
• I want to go to Austria (Vienna)
• I want to feel like God - I want to buy a new car and/or a property!
• I wish I can convince myself to start working out again - atleast a routine walk everyday.
• I wish I could sleep for 16 hours a day and laze around in bed for the other 8.
• I wish I could wish for more wishes.
• I wish I could make others feel better.
• I wish people can live in peace without having to kill for it.
• I wish I could make at least one person happy per day.
• I wish I can grow a year old and look back at myself with pride for having accomplished at least one of the above.

Stranger, once again

Stranger, stranger, knock on the door...
You look familiar, so tell me more.
Rainbows bright, raindrops pure...
We have met before, for sure.
Laughter and fun, pain there was none,
For all my miseries, you were the cure.

Stranger, stranger, what happened then...
Why there is sadness, so much of pain.
Things changed, memories did fade...
Hurting words, we both said.
Stranger we are now, stranger we were then...
Could we be back, to being friends again?

Look Beyond Actions

Anybody who has a husband or a boyfriend or some other form of commitment-phobic, responsibility-fearing human partner, knows that anything he does to whatever you say has no distant connection with emotions and/or feelings. Every woman is born with a natural ability see through his actions but chooses to be patient and forgiving for the sake of peace and sanity. Here are some examples.

Men Psychology and their general understanding of "Women": They think that anything a woman utters has a "hidden" meaning which the male species has not evolved with enough sensory perceptions to understand (the latter part is ofcourse, true).

No matter what you say, your counter part (yes, that commitment-phobic, responsibility-fearing human partner) will not go by your face value, but rather try to find the "hidden" motive and act such stupidly that he will screw your happiness as well as his, in the process. Some such common scenarios are

When you say: How was your day honey?
What he thinks you mean: You want *him* to ask *you* how your day was?
How he handles it: Assuming, he is one of the 99% of men who neither wants to talk about his day nor wants to listen about his wife’s day, he switches to “rant mode”. The moment you ask the question, he starts off “It was the most godawful day anybody can ever have. I mean, I was trying to tweak the CPU frequency but the audio keeps crapping out”.

If you are one of 99% of normal human beings, you would have slept half way through.

When you say: Hey, you want to watch a movie tonight? Something light?
What he thinks you mean: You want to watch some tear-jerker chickflick
How he handles it: According to him, everything you say or do, is a "test". He uses his "brain" and thinks, if he whines about the movie, it will be paid back in kind when he wants to watch “Star Wars :The Clone Wars.” So he decides that the best way to handle it is to agree cheerfully to watch any movie you want. In fact, he offers to drive to the nearest DVD shop to get the movie. And on the way back, he sticks a scotch tape to the underside of the DVD and then he would get a chance to feign regret for a damaged DVD. (and you actually believe him and end up watching "Star Wars: The Clone Wars" together.

When you say: What should I wear for tonight’s party? The blue dress I wore last Sunday or the red dress the Sunday before?
What he thinks you mean: Nothing, now he is screwed. He thinks he is in a minefield. First of all he has no clue if you really have those dresses. And his corrupt mind thinks may be you are just "testing" his memory. Moreover, he has no clue what you wore last Sunday or the Sunday before. He thinks, if he makes one mistake then you are going to screw his evening with a "Do you even notice me any more” discussion.
How he handles it: The best way to handle it is by concentrating and remembering at least one dress you own. If he can think of one,he will just say, “Why not that long yellow number?” Adding “You look really good in that” will seal the deal for him. But what if he can’t absolutely remember at least one of the dresses you have? Then, he will simply excuse himself and run to your closet and find out!

When you say: Hey, I am going to the mall. Do you want me to you get you a shirt or something?
What he thinks you mean: He thinks he got a tough problem in his hands. If he said "yes" then obviously he is not going to like what you bought (wonder why we ever try). He can neither wear it nor return it (and stay married). At the same time he cant say "no" because he thinks then you will follow it up with a “What, you don’t like my taste?” discussion.
How he handles it: The best way to handle it is by saying, “Sure. The plain blue shirt I wear to work is pretty ruined anyway. Can you get me the exact same shirt?”

When you say: Oh, I LOVE these shoes! But they are just above our price range. *sigh*
What he thinks you mean: You want him to say, “Oh, you deserve them honey”
How he handles it: He can’t just give away an expensive pair of shoes without a good business proposition. So the way to counter it is by saying, “Oh, it’s not that expensive honey. That’s how much the Prince of Persia IV for PS3 costs!”

Look beyond the Words

Anybody who has a husband or a boyfriend or some other form of commitment-phobic, responsibility-fearing human partner, knows that anything he says has an ulterior motive. Every women is born with a natural ability see through the intentions but chooses to be patient and forgiving for the sake of peace and sanity . Just in case of doubt, here are some common scenarios and how to handle them.

When he says: Hey we should cook more balanced meals, with more vegetables and Omega3s
What it means: In a rare fit of inquisitiveness, he read a health article on CNN
How to handle it: Just ignore. It will pass in a few days.

When he says: I think the leaky faucet points to a deep rooted problem with how our plumbing is laid out and the net pressure of the water in the pipes.
What it means: He has no idea how to replace the faucet and is too proud to admit it.
How to handle it: Call a plumber and get it fixed. Search on Amazon for books with topic, “How not to turn every small thing in life into a macho pride thing”.

When he says: The engine is making rattling noises, let me see what’s going on under the hood
What it means: He wants you to believe that he knows what the hell is under the hood, even though the only thing he can name there is the dipstick.
How to handle it: Have pity and pretend to believe him. Just gently request him not to actually try to repair anything in there.

When he says: I prefer to watch unrated versions of movies because they show the true vision of the director
What it means: He knows unrated versions have more nudity
How to deal with it: Because he is not particularly interested in the nudity anyway, use the nude scenes as an opportunity to discuss the true vision of the director in the movie.

When he says: How does my shirt look?
What it means: Shirt is just a decoy to take your attention off the fact that he is wearing a jeans that has not been washed for two weeks!
How to handle it: Tell him he looks completely out of shape in what he is wearing. He will change the whole wardrobe immediately. In fact, he will do anything to look toned other than exercising.

When he says: This year, for anniversary gifts, let’s give each other something we both can use
What it means: He wants to give *you* the Play Station Personal *he* always wanted to buy
How to handle it: In the same spirit, gift him a nice pair of Gili Earrings

When he says: OH MY GOD! I can’t find anything in the house. My life is ruined. Why me? Why now?
What it means: He can’t find his towel
How to handle it: Remind him it’s exactly where he left it. On the carpet, next to his closet. Ask him if he knows what “Drama Queen” means.

When he says: Honey, I created a directory called, “Work Files” on the computer. Please don’t touch it. It has important information.
What it means: “C:\Work Files\January 2006\Sources\Examples\Documents\Junk” is where he stores the porn
How to deal with it: Being the software chick yourself, it’s not hard to write a program that replaces the contents of the directory with pictures of naked dudes every night. And if you dont wanna do that, replace it with pictures of anything you husband would loathe looking at.

Dont Waste Paper

This is what I keep telling my daughter. Don't Waste Paper. After all if we dont teach the next generation, then who will? But I was wrong... I was so wrong. Yesterday my daughter taught me, and not only me, her message should go everywhere - across the nation, across the world. And what better way than to BLOG about it?

Being a Sunday yesterday, we woke up late - well late by our standards, and pretty late by our elders' standards. Yes, we woke up at around 10 in the morning, and immediately we started fighting with the morning newspaper. We all had our agenda - my husband wanted to know about the nation and the owrld at large, my daughter has a "current affair" exam on Tuesday for which she had to keep her updated with the currents news, and I, well, err... actually, nothing specific - just the usual bollywoood gossip, fortune and the supplementary stuffs. But whatever, we started our fights and as is expected, my daughter won. So newspaper must go to her first. And the moment she took it in her hand, she came and told me, "Mumma, you keep telling me not to waster papre, but look here, Tropicana Juice has put an advertisement and wasted one and a half page of this newspaper"

Yes, she was right and I was shocked. Tropicana wasted one and a half page of The Sunday Times, 21st Dec'08 trying to stress the importance of having 100% of... whatever, thats not important. What is important is that the CORPORATE citizens of this nation and the owrld should realse the importance. Our kids learn from the elders - from the media and from everything around them, and if this is what they see, what will they learn (tried to find the image on line, but couldn't, but am sure many of you must have seen it).

So, M/s Tropicana, we know you guys provide us 100% juice and we are quite fond of you. Your advertisement of hald a page could not have demeaned you or your product by any amount. If you have lot of year-end budget for advertisement still unused, why dont you guys use them in some more meaningful ways than this?

Rules of Road Rage

Now this is what I experienced today while coming down to office - am one of those few fortunate people on Bangalore Road, who dont have to drive while commuting to office - so I have the privilege of observing the drivers on drive on the road. And based on my 3 and a 1/2 months thesis, I have formulated this Rule Book of Road Rage. Enjoy, and feel free to add anything I might have missed out (those this has been developed on the basis of Bangalore roads, am sure, every city in India will get benefitted by this - as we believe in Unity in Diversity)

1. Weave through the traffic like an accomplished bra-tailor and shout obscenities at everyone else in the morning. It gets your system all fired up, adrenaline and testosterone flowing out through your nostrils along with all the phlegm thanks to the pollution. Remember , expressing and venting your anger out on strangers on the road is great. It will help you be more calm with the people you know at work and home.

2.Try not to break the rules on the road. But don’t ever EVER spare the ones who do. Remind them of the rules as you drive by, cutting on the other side of the road. Show them the 2 handed birdie, the middle finger as you past them, with both your hands off the wheel. Don’t worry about the safety of others. They should know how to get out of your way. After all, you’re just reprimanding an evil-doer.

3. Pull alongside the offenders and start laughing hysterically at them. Ask them if they must be really proud of themselves for breaking the rule. Remember, laughter is good, especially when you’re laughing at someone else’s face. Start farting at will and follow them up with loud sounds and sighs of relief. Tell them how happy you feel to have shared that rather private moment with someone as incredible as him. However, if the driver has a chick next to him, look horrified and tell him how senseless and utterly disgusting he is. If the chick is hot and remotely sensible, she will not want to be with farty-two-shoes and she might get into your vehicle. Keep your options open.

4. If the driver is a guy and he has his wife/ gf with him, you’ve got him at a perfect time. Tell him how terrible he is at driving and that he learns the rules and how to drive first. Tell him it makes him look really dumb and silly. Guy would get so friggin embarrassed in front of his chick that he’d never do it again. If she’s hot and remotely sensible, there’s even a slight chance that she might walk out of his car and get into yours. Keep your options open.

5. If the driver is a girl/woman and has her bf sitting with her, express surprise at her bf’s ineptitude at not being able to teach her. Sympathize with her situation and tell her its really not her fault , and it’s that cave-dweller’s fault that she’s so fucked up. If she’s hot and remotely sensible, she might kick the guy out of the car and follow you. Keep your options open.

6. Night-time offense- To annoy the driver behind you, start pressing and releasing your brakes to the beat of a timbaland song blaring loud from your system. The brake lights will provide a psychedelic effect like a 70s abba song on the sorry-assed driver’s face behind you. There is a possibility that there might be a hot chick in that car. If she’s hot and remotely sensible, she will actually realize that you are uber-cool and walk out that car and get into yours. Keep your options open.

7. Those Cell-crazy bikers : These guys appear so because of their tendency to drive and magically fit the cellphone between their shoulder and ear as they drive by. They think they have supreme control of their two-wheelers,where as they are actually scaring the shit out with their curvacious projectile on the road. Don’t they just PISS YOU OFF?!?! Pretend that you are Count Dracula himself and stick your head out as you drive along side him and try to take a bite from your his exposed neck. There could be a chick who’s sitting behind him. If she’s hot and remotely sensible, she might feel simultaneously charmed, mystified, scared and shocked by your act- most of which is enough to get drive them crazy. She may get out of the cell-obsessed jerk’s bike and ride with you. Keep your options open.

Hope my husband doesnt get any idea from all this and starts keeping his options open every time he is driving on the road!!!

Blind Love

I can hear what you say
I sense we’re in a bind
I can touch what you say
So what if I’m blind?

I understand you
Better than most others
Engulfed in your hair
Smelling the flowers

The perfume of your hair
Lifts me out of despair
The darkness everywhere
Asks me, do I dare?

Am I fit to be your lover?
Blind, willing to bend lower
This is what tears me apart
Our love, will it have a start?

In pursuit of a dream
Hoping you will understand
About to spill over the brim
My shaky conscience; it can’t stand