The Business of IPL T20

If anybody is wondering as to why I am writing a post on T20 after its over and almost forgotten, well here are my reasons

# I have nothing else to do
#I have run out of "topics"
# I came across this site, quite accidentally (http://www.petitiononline.com/savecric/petition.html)

In Hyderabad, there is a legendary restaurant called Paradise and they serve what is arguably one of the best Biriyanis in the whole world. Now what does that have to do with the Indian Premier League T20 tournament? Actually, nothing.

Also, in Kolkata, there is a Chinese restaurant named Mainland China where you can choose vegetables of your choice from a bar and the chef will, in one quick burst of flame, burn your pickings into a homogeneous, gelatinous goo and with a beaming grin say “Have a nice day“, and serve it to you with a bowl of rice . And what does this have to do with T20 cricket? Actually, nothing either. But you see, the delicate taste of a Biriyani comes from slow cooking and a careful selection of spices, unlike Wok-fried Vegetable Goo of mainland China, which tastes exactly like Wok-Fried Vegetable Goo from Denver, or for that matter, any other place, because as the saying goes, “Contempt (for patient cooking) breeds Familiarity (of taste)”. It is very hard to achieve subtlety of taste in Chinese fast food. And what does that have to do with T20?

Nothing, actually.

You see, I find it hard to write authoritative, hard-hitting, thought-provoking essays on the fine game of cricket because of the minor matter of qualifications. So instead, I will write about the BUSINESS of cricket. Many years ago, it used to be the business of CRICKET, and Kerry Packer made it the BUSINESS of CRICKET, but with the IPL, cricket has simply lost its uppercase. Not that I don’t enjoy T20. I do like Wok-fried vegetable goo once in a while, actually make that Wok-fried chicken goo for me please.

Back to the subject at hand, there are 3 stages in sports-capitalism

1. Exponentia, where a sudden surge in popularity of a particular sport makes hay for a lot of people
2. After a while, the big boys take over and pull no stops to squeeze money out of everywhere, such as from unearthly ticket prices, pay-per-view TV channels, advertising and merchandizing. Robber Baronia.
3. Once, all the cash cows have been milked, there is no choice but to sedate the cow and milk harder. We then have IPL T20. Adbominalia

Since we are talking strictly about T20, we shall restrict our discussion to Adbominalia.

The Laws of Adbominalia

• Ads start once the 6th ball of an over (even if it is a no-ball) has been delivered.
• Ads finish only when the bowler has started his run up for the first ball of the subsequent over.
• Upwards of 50% of the screen is frequently taken over by animated ads. With sound. Louder than the commentators’ voices.
• There are animated, hyponosis-inducing ads on the boundary signboards.
• While there is a replay of a good shot, there will actually be an advertisement which will stop us from seeing the "replay" and it will say -"what a shot!" (Hello! thanks to your advertisement, I just missed the replay, so will accept what you have to say about the shot)
• Cricketers will soon resemble Formula One drivers in terms of being high-density real-estate for brand names .

But then hey, what gives me solace is the fact that I can still take refuge in the ad-less world of cricket commentary. I can still relax in the familiar cliches of Ravi Shastri, the soul-deadening boredom of Arun Lal or the sweet Carribean twang of Ian Bishop. Right? Right?

No.

Robin Jackman cannot say “Success” any more. It has to be “Citi Moment of success“

Ranjit Fernando cannot say “Six” any more. It is “DLF Super Six“.

Holy Arranged Matrimony! it’s now brand names embedded into commentary. So what else is possible now?

He gave it the Parryware Kitchen sink

He is an MDH Masala seasoned campaigner

India are Daewoo Motoring along now.

He has smashed that past LIC Extra Cover

Gilette Razor edged, and taken

That was a Sri Krishna sweetly timed shot.

But it does open up interesting possibilities. For one, I would like our commentators to start getting cheeky and say things like

Ganguly’s batting has been Citi sub-prime. Wink wink.

Rahul’s technique is completely bug free. Must be all the Pepsi. Wink wink.

Update: If you also are suppressing an irresistable desire to strangle me after reading this post, I sincerely suggest, you sign up for what actually prompted me to write this post and that is

http://www.petitiononline.com/savecric/petition.html