My sin

You came upto me. And smiled coyly, the first time I saw you. I didnt think much of it then. Life is a dizzy blur between then and now. Candy, flowers, n agenda-less conversations on the phone. I spent days thinking about an endless list of favorites. Favorite car. Favorite color. Favorite ice cream. Favorite movie. Favorite book. Yours. Not mine.

What happened between yesterday and today? Your eternal promises shattered in less than a day.

I wait for you in the rain. I can feel the cold wind chilling my spine through my drenched clothes. My mind turns away in aversion. This disgusting sight of me disintegrating like a mudslide in rain. Each cold painful drop hits my body. Each thud tries to bring me down physically. I simply stand and I watch you. And they stab slowly painfully, like knives, kissing my back.

You spot me. Panic drives my mind. I want to move. But I cant. I m paralyzed. I am slowly dying in the rain.
Please don't turn away.
I know you will. My mind my heart my soul pleads again and again.
Please dont turn way.
Yet they cannot make me speak. The words will not come out. Yours wont either. Your eyes simply ask n appeal.
"Don't You get it? Its over. I m sorry."
Just like that. Oh the physical agony as my chest ties into a knot. I gasp for air. You are sucking my life away.

I wanted to shed all dignity and fall on my knees and plead you for your mercy. Please let me stay. With you. And my lips don't part. And they wont speak. I stand there, contemplating my dreadful fate. If my life, is to live to my heart's content. I will never have a life, for what my heart wants I'll never know. You stand there and dig your fingers in to my chest, you grab it like it was a decaying bug and rip it apart. There is no surgical precision. There are no stitches. Just an open bleeding wound. You take my heart away with you. Thats... mine. But probably you think is it yours that you had given me to keep? ... Or is it the same thing?

I ask for no apology. I m not even here to judge. I simply watch you in the rain. Walking away. The world is washing away. Not yours. Mine.