Nirvana

Scrutinising every aspect of your life, and inspecting every inch of your existence has its pitfalls. You tend to go off on tangential mood swings that defy the actual purpose of doing so. If you however eventually, like an ostrich, pick your head out of the sand, you might be able to gain some focus on whats really going on. Despite the sand in your eyes ofcourse. What is it that I want to attain in life? I figured it out. It surely isnt having an unlimited budget to buy all the material things i want for myself. Infact. It is Nirvana. Until recently the term meant little if nothing to me. But today yes. I choose nirvana. Complete total euphoric nirvana. Sounds like an oxymoron.

How does one go about finding this perfect state of existence?, I asked myself. After much searching in rabbit holes and kitchen cabinets; in office lockers and in malls; reading books and doing google search, I soon came to realise that finding marijuana was much easier. Nirvana, a state devoid of any anger, lust, jealousy, or craving, seems like the anti-thesis to my existence. I have a temper that flies faster than that of Scarlett O'Hara's (only at times I dont show it which is even more harmful, I guess). And well about my cravings for things and food, those who know me, will know better. A life devoid of any lustful thoughts is rendered irrational with the existence of Tom Cruise/ Ricky Martin/ and ofcourse, my MAN in this world. And incase people close to me think that am not jealous, let me confess today and tell the whole world - that I AM!!! I AM JEALOUS! But yet. Strangely. My obsession with my self has reached its upper limit. I realise that I no longer need a name, place, animal or a thing to support my mental existence. I can just be.

Although lets face it. I dont really speak of nirvana in terms of random monks roaming in Nepal (or the likes), just at peace immersed in a state of transdental happiness. I just really speak of myself, just existing, like a floating nymph of some sort, just passing beautifully through life in daily chores, and friends, and work. No longer scrutinising. No longer inspecting. Devoid of pitfalls. Devoid of expectations. And ofcourse, devoid of anger, lust, jealousy and craving.