Call me weird, but not a Lesbian

Dr. Kalyani Sutradhar (henceforth addressed ad KS), the psychiatrist, seated herself across from Shopno. After a quick hello, she came straight to the point. Looking at Shopno intensely, she asked, “Why are you here?”

“They think I am weird,” said Shopno, “and I want to find out…” She didn’t let her finish the sentence. “Who are they?” she interrupted.

“I should have chosen a male psychiatrist” Shopno muttered to herself.

“My blog readers, friends, and above all, my husband” said Shopno.

“You have a blog?! A real one with real readers?! Not imaginary?!” She inquired. KS seemed convinced that Shopno was off the rocker from the get go.

“It’s a real one! I am not that nuts yet. You can check it out at mitraditi.blogspot.com”

KS opened the blog. She asked..."Shopno? Why do you choose that name"

"Because I prefer that name"

“You prefer to call yourself Shopno?”

She scribbled in her pad, in plain view. “Likes to be identified as imaginery,” she wrote.

“It would help me understand you better if I saw your blog.” She opened the blog and she immediately was taken aback.

"Post on pregnant woman?! On gynaechological details?!"

“No, no. It is just a humorous article on how to have fun at a gynaecologists office”

She paid no attention and scrolled down quickly glancing through the articles. “Another article on pregnancy.. hmm... pregnancy pondering?! how many times did you write about pregnant woman in the recent past?”

"A couple of times", Shopno said meekly.

“Man having fun at gynaecologist. Dirty mental images of pregnant women. Sexual harassment in office...hmmm. Let me ask you, do women in the gynecologists room turn you on?”

“WHAT? What the …”

“Are pregnant woman your fetish?

Shopno sat upright, horrified. “NO!” she shouted, “how the hell did you make that inference?”

KS said nothing but scribbled on her pad again: “Pregnant women is an emotional subject for patient; patient bashes men at every instant; even talks about ways of wearing sarees!!!” Without lifting her eyes from the pad, she spoke sternly, “Please don’t read my notes.” She put a hand on the notes to hide them.

She continued the interview. “So your readers, and err... friends, do they have similar interests?” she asked, carefully selecting the word “interests”.

Irritated, Shopno lashed out, “Don’t insult my readers. Most of them are women with children.”

KS said nonchalantly, “Are you saying they were all pregnant at one time?”

Shopno found no words to respond. She buried her face in her hands and stared at KS vacantly.

She continued, “Are you attracted to your readers?”

Waving her hands frantically, Shopno shouted, “NO NO! Most of them are my childhood friends”

It was as if those words never reached Dr. Smith. She continued, “It seems their accusation of your being is weird may not be completely groundless. But I think there is something more to it”

She scribbled something in the pad. As she put the pen back, she dropped it on the floor. It presented a good opportunity for Shopno to read the notes when Dr. KS bent down to retrieve the pen. As she stood up to read the notes, Dr. KS suddenly looked up. Her face turned red. She clutched her blouse closer and shouted, “Are you checking out my maternity bra?”

Shopno dropped on her knees and begged. “Dr. KS, I don’t know how to convince you. My writing about pregnancy means nothing. It’s just an easy topic to write humorously. At least read rest of the blog. I agree I make fun of men, but all thats done with plain and simple humor, honestly no offense meant. Its just that I work in a reputed MNC where I hardly have anything to do, so to kill my time, I blog. Often I run out of topics, and then, just for the sake of fun i keep on writing funny things - even the labels read as Nonsense-Funny”

She seemed a little convinced. She let go of the paperweight she was holding and proceeded to read the rest of the blog. She read for a few minutes, her face very serious, which in itself was an insult for what was purported to be a humor blog. To add injury she asked, “Do you use any illegal drugs?”

“No,” answered Shopno.

“So you produced all this while you were completely conscious.”
“Yes”
“All those 10 ways of wearing saree, Indian-Spider man, Pregnancy advice, and rest of the, um.. humor, you wrote consciously and willingly?”
"yes"
"And you say you are working lady, but with no work - so you have written all this during your office time - in full consciousness?"
"Yes"

Dr. KS spoke with a surprised look on her face, “I have seen so many people in my career. But, you are the weirdest!”

Shopno sighed in relief. "Weird" is so much better than "Lesbian/pervert". She asked, “All I want to know is, if I will ever be normal”

She said, with a sympathy filled tone, “Mrs. Shopno. Looking at your work so far, I am sorry to say there is no hope for you. You will be weird for the rest of your life.”

Shopno beamed with delight. “Thank you! that’s all I wanted to know. Now I can blog forever.” She walked out a relieved person.