Honesty...

Why can't we always speak up the truth? Atleast to the ones we love and care about? Who matter to us? Who are important to us? To cut this short, why do we lie? Or why do we hide the truth?

Actually, I was wondering that from when did I start hiding truth, or telling lies... 5 years? 8 years? 10 years? I dont remember. I also dont remeber what made me lie for the first time. But today when I look back I repent all the lies I have uttered till date - be it in school, at home, to friends, or whatever...

Fear is a big factor for which we end up telling a lie. We are afraid of the consequences. I remember, while in school once I had faired very poorly in a semester and ranked 19th! I was very scared of the consequences back home, and out of fear, I had rubbed off the "1" in the rank section and made it "9"th al by myself. Went back home, got the report card signed and before submitting it back to school, I again added the "1" thus making it 19th!!! And all this at the age of 10! Now when I look back at this incident of my life, I wonder, how as a 10year old girl, I had all the guts to take ownership of such an act (if I got caught doing that, I could have well been suspended from my school), but didnot have the courage enough to take the ownership of the bad performance of mine, and face my father. I feel ashamed of myself for that henious act of mine. Ofcourse, that time, I didnt even realise that it was a henious act on my part. I only realized it over time with more maturity.

I often had inner conflict within myself - and one day i took all the courage to go up to my father and told him what I did. Ofcourse, it was years later, Baba didnot say anything to me, for the simple reason it was not relevant at that point of time, but it helped me release my burden - the burden that I was carrying, and the burden that was getting heavier and heavier... And thats when I realised only if I could have gathered the courage and faced the consequence then - what would have happened? Baba would have scolded me...gave me punishment... more stringent study routine I had to follow... I mean only if I had spoken the truth then, it would have saved me all the sleepless nights, and inner conflicts I had for so many years, na?

We often tell lies because we fear the consequence - infact I would go to the extent of saying that we ASSUME a consequence and we fear that ASSUMPTION - because whatever the consequence would be - you can only guess, you cant be sure. And we lack the courage of facing something we are not even sure of... this is just being an escapist.

I never liked telling lies. But even then I did...many times. But now I have decided that I will minimise my lies and eventually make it zero! Yes, one day I will stop lying altogether. One thing I always tell my daughter is that do not lie ever...may be through her I want to live the ideal life I dream of - a life without any lie. She listens to me and she doesnt utter a single lie throughout the day (and yes, I can vouch for it!). Having taught her the value of truth, today I prmise myself that I will not lie as well... and if in any situation, am forced to hide a truth - I will keep shut, but not utter a lie... I hope I can live upto this promise of mine... Its important to me to have a good night's sleep.